How to deal with unsupportive people?

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  • beachgal0626
    beachgal0626 Posts: 1,910 Member
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    mph323 wrote: »
    In my mind there's a line between eating whatever one chooses around a person on a diet and being actively unsupportive (and disrespectful ) of those choices. Eating snack food around the person trying to lose weight falls into the first category. People need to learn how to co-exist side by side with loved ones who don't share the same eating plan. Sitting next to them making yummy noises falls into the second.

    I agree. The second category comes across as "taunting". Best thing to do when he makes the yummy noises (very immature, by the way) is to totally ignore it, since he seems to be wanting a reaction.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    mph323 wrote: »
    In my mind there's a line between eating whatever one chooses around a person on a diet and being actively unsupportive (and disrespectful ) of those choices. Eating snack food around the person trying to lose weight falls into the first category. People need to learn how to co-exist side by side with loved ones who don't share the same eating plan. Sitting next to them making yummy noises falls into the second.

    Sooo.....they can eat the food, they're just not allowed to enjoy it?
  • Gaygirl2120
    Gaygirl2120 Posts: 541 Member
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    Ignore them & just turn your frustration into motivation. Think about how amazing you will feel & look.
  • melaniedscott
    melaniedscott Posts: 1,319 Member
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    jennifer_417 wrote: »
    mph323 wrote: »
    In my mind there's a line between eating whatever one chooses around a person on a diet and being actively unsupportive (and disrespectful ) of those choices. Eating snack food around the person trying to lose weight falls into the first category. People need to learn how to co-exist side by side with loved ones who don't share the same eating plan. Sitting next to them making yummy noises falls into the second.

    Sooo.....they can eat the food, they're just not allowed to enjoy it?

    This isn't about not wanting someone to enjoy what they're eating. It is wanting them to behave like the adult they are. No one is ougasmic over a potato chip...a really awesome dessert, maybe...but if it happens all the time only about things he knows are not on her list, that's taunting and deliberate. Rude.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    edited October 2016
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    melaniedscott wrote: »
    jennifer_417 wrote: »
    mph323 wrote: »
    In my mind there's a line between eating whatever one chooses around a person on a diet and being actively unsupportive (and disrespectful ) of those choices. Eating snack food around the person trying to lose weight falls into the first category. People need to learn how to co-exist side by side with loved ones who don't share the same eating plan. Sitting next to them making yummy noises falls into the second.

    Sooo.....they can eat the food, they're just not allowed to enjoy it?

    This isn't about not wanting someone to enjoy what they're eating. It is wanting them to behave like the adult they are. No one is ougasmic over a potato chip...a really awesome dessert, maybe...but if it happens all the time only about things he knows are not on her list, that's taunting and deliberate. Rude.


    The fact is, we don't really know how the husband really said it, or if he was deliberately taunting his wife. She may have felt that way, but maybe he just really liked whatever he was eating. That is a thing that people do.
  • PennWalker
    PennWalker Posts: 554 Member
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    JennyJen82 wrote: »
    Anybody have expierence with these types of people? I can't just get rid of my husband lol. He eats junk around me and does that whole "mmm it's so good" thing when I'm sitting right there. I get it he can eat whatever, but come on. I don't have friends around where I live to workout with so I ask him to go and he never does.

    He's laughing at you or taunting you.

    I agree with the post that said to tell him your boyfriend is much more supportive.
  • JennyJen82
    JennyJen82 Posts: 14 Member
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    Sorry I should have clarified that he does this ALL the time. It's in a passive aggressive joking way, but there comes a time when it gets annoying. He calls me up and asks if I want him to pick me up something to eat and I naturally say no thank you yet he still brings food home (junk) that I wouldn't even feed my dog. He has expressed he doesn't want me to change which I can't understand.
  • JennyJen82
    JennyJen82 Posts: 14 Member
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    It's the point he does it all the time. Yea I get it from some of the responses I don't need a cheerleader, I shouldn't be bothered by it and so on, but I am bothered by it...it does hurt my feelings that he can't support me by simply not waving stuff in my face or when I'm ready to go out for a walk he tells me to stay home and spend time with him. It would be nice to have someone understand this journey is a struggle for me and I'm doing my best. I thought that's what this site was for inspiration, motivation and people who understand the struggles.
  • JennyJen82
    JennyJen82 Posts: 14 Member
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    I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me. I don't feel sorry for me. That's why I came to this site because other people understand the struggle whereas my husband who doesn't have or has never had a problem with weight therefor he could never really understand the struggle.
  • PennWalker
    PennWalker Posts: 554 Member
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    JennyJen82 wrote: »
    It's the point he does it all the time. Yea I get it from some of the responses I don't need a cheerleader, I shouldn't be bothered by it and so on, but I am bothered by it...it does hurt my feelings that he can't support me by simply not waving stuff in my face or when I'm ready to go out for a walk he tells me to stay home and spend time with him. It would be nice to have someone understand this journey is a struggle for me and I'm doing my best. I thought that's what this site was for inspiration, motivation and people who understand the struggles.

    I'm sorry this is happening. He sounds controlling. Have you thought about counseling for the both of you or even just for yourself?

    As far as the other comments here, sure, it would be great to be strong inside and not let anything ever bother you that other people do, but most of us aren't that perfect. Good luck.
  • n1terunner
    n1terunner Posts: 76 Member
    edited October 2016
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    This sounds to me like you're changing, he's not, he's not interested and may feel threatened. I'm not a relationship expert (flew the last one into the ground hard), but I read Men Are From Mars and being a man I can tell you that it would be best if you laid it out in plain English. "Hey, I love you and I'm doing this, I know you think you're funny with getting in my face but I don't appreciate it. You don't have to exercise with me or eat my food choices, though I would really love that, but please stop antagonizing what I'm doing."

    Him going halfway is not taunting you (probably insecurity being expressed as humor), you going halfway is realizing he may choose to not be your exercise partner.

    I wanted that so bad out of the last relationship I was in. It's going to be a big deal for me next time to find someone who I can workout and enjoy running with. Best of luck.
  • annie63301
    annie63301 Posts: 3 Member
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    I will say my husband has been the most supportive but I find other people I know have questioned the reason Im doing this and it is very frustrating!!! Someone went as far to say am I doing this for myself or my husband. It is sad when you are trying to better yourself and health and because people are unhappy within they cant acknowledge the good you are trying to do for yourself!!!
  • MelodyandBarbells
    MelodyandBarbells Posts: 7,725 Member
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    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    I don't understand. Would wives appreciate if the husbands ask to diet together? There will be a nuclear war.

    Hahaha. "I'm fat and I think you're fat, too. Let's do this, honey!!" ;)

    Heh. I think they just want a buddy in the process. But I'll stick to my initial comments. If that's important, then focus on finding the buddies at your destination, not necessarily at home. This site is full of people who will never ever shut up about various forms of eating, and the gym is literally full of people who workout regularly. If a buddy is what you want, I'm sure one can be found.
  • annie63301
    annie63301 Posts: 3 Member
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    You can do it!!!!!!
  • Missy_Lifts
    Missy_Lifts Posts: 9 Member
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    jvcjcooper wrote: »
    punch to the throat, taser, ax through the head, multiple gunshots.... repeat as necessary or until the police drop by. :)

    I love this technique!
    :D

  • vikinglander
    vikinglander Posts: 1,547 Member
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    FOCUS ON YOU
  • Gaygirl2120
    Gaygirl2120 Posts: 541 Member
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    newmeadow wrote: »
    JennyJen82 wrote: »
    It's the point he does it all the time. Yea I get it from some of the responses I don't need a cheerleader, I shouldn't be bothered by it and so on, but I am bothered by it...it does hurt my feelings that he can't support me by simply not waving stuff in my face or when I'm ready to go out for a walk he tells me to stay home and spend time with him. It would be nice to have someone understand this journey is a struggle for me and I'm doing my best. I thought that's what this site was for inspiration, motivation and people who understand the struggles.

    I don't feel sorry for you. I struggle with my weight and I'm 245 pounds and have been overweight for 21 years. I've been on this site for 2+ years and I'm 49 years old. Struggle? Yeah, a lot of people know what real struggle is on this site.

    You're young, pretty and your husband loves you exactly how you are and has assured you of that. He does not criticize your appearance. He approves of it and enjoys it. And you can't understand how he would possibly feel that way. He must be wrong or really stupid or just callously unsupportive.

    I never tire of reading posts like this. It seems the best relationships are wasted on the ones who don't appreciate them. As are youth, health and good looks.


    That was unnecessarily harsh & I don't believe she was asking for sympathy.
  • n1terunner
    n1terunner Posts: 76 Member
    edited October 2016
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    Jax2120 wrote: »
    newmeadow wrote: »
    JennyJen82 wrote: »
    It's the point he does it all the time. Yea I get it from some of the responses I don't need a cheerleader, I shouldn't be bothered by it and so on, but I am bothered by it...it does hurt my feelings that he can't support me by simply not waving stuff in my face or when I'm ready to go out for a walk he tells me to stay home and spend time with him. It would be nice to have someone understand this journey is a struggle for me and I'm doing my best. I thought that's what this site was for inspiration, motivation and people who understand the struggles.

    I don't feel sorry for you. I struggle with my weight and I'm 245 pounds and have been overweight for 21 years. I've been on this site for 2+ years and I'm 49 years old. Struggle? Yeah, a lot of people know what real struggle is on this site.

    You're young, pretty and your husband loves you exactly how you are and has assured you of that. He does not criticize your appearance. He approves of it and enjoys it. And you can't understand how he would possibly feel that way. He must be wrong or really stupid or just callously unsupportive.

    I never tire of reading posts like this. It seems the best relationships are wasted on the ones who don't appreciate them. As are youth, health and good looks.


    That was unnecessarily harsh & I don't believe she was asking for sympathy.

    Have to agree with Jax. Also, I don't think the husband supports it at all. One time is playing, sounds like he is doing this often. This is a threat to his comfort and probably plays on his fears that her desired attractiveness will cause him problems - may not be consciously thinking it, but it's sitting somewhere in there. Still think direct talking about it with him would help.

    Look at the actions, not the words.

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