Should I wait until I've lost weight to tell him how I feel?
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May33338
Posts: 300 Member
I've always been short and petite at a weight of 94 to 96 pounds and barely 5 feet tall.
This year has been the hardest one I've ever had to deal with, filled with a lot of loss and failure, and because I didn't know how to cope, I turned to food for comfort (I know I was wrong to do that). I'm now currently 121 pounds.
I've had feelings for a guy I know for a about half a year now, but every time I look at him, I feel like I need to be my best before I can reveal how I feel to him. I feel like I'm not good enough to even have feelings for him and feel like I have no right to have them in the first place. He's extremely popular and good looking, which makes me feel like I should improve even more.
Recently I was diagnosed with heart problems that I won't go into detail about, but I was told to take it easy with exercise, and to lose weight slow and steady. It will probably take me around 7-9 months to get rid of the excess weight since I won't be able to exercise much.
I know of course that I may be rejected regardless when or at what weight I tell him, but I just don't know if I should wait.
He's the kindest, warmest, most loving person I've ever met in my life, with an incredible sense of humor. I don't mind if I get rejected, but I would mind if I never revealed how I felt to him.
I'm sorry if I'm rambling, but I'd really like some advice from anyone.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for whatever advice you can give me.
This year has been the hardest one I've ever had to deal with, filled with a lot of loss and failure, and because I didn't know how to cope, I turned to food for comfort (I know I was wrong to do that). I'm now currently 121 pounds.
I've had feelings for a guy I know for a about half a year now, but every time I look at him, I feel like I need to be my best before I can reveal how I feel to him. I feel like I'm not good enough to even have feelings for him and feel like I have no right to have them in the first place. He's extremely popular and good looking, which makes me feel like I should improve even more.
Recently I was diagnosed with heart problems that I won't go into detail about, but I was told to take it easy with exercise, and to lose weight slow and steady. It will probably take me around 7-9 months to get rid of the excess weight since I won't be able to exercise much.
I know of course that I may be rejected regardless when or at what weight I tell him, but I just don't know if I should wait.
He's the kindest, warmest, most loving person I've ever met in my life, with an incredible sense of humor. I don't mind if I get rejected, but I would mind if I never revealed how I felt to him.
I'm sorry if I'm rambling, but I'd really like some advice from anyone.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for whatever advice you can give me.
1
Replies
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I think you answered your own question ,,
Good luck6 -
If you think it'll take you 7 to 9 months to lose weight, then I wouldn't suggest waiting to tell him. There's no telling who will pop in and out of his life in that time. If you don't mind getting rejected, which you may not because I'm sure he would like you the way you are, then go ahead and tell him. Be confident no matter what. He may even be able to help you with little things like going for walks with you as exercise. You never know!
4 -
If he is the kindest warmest person than he will like people for more than their appearance. If he would only return your feelings if you lose 30 lbs that is not an awesome person.
Tell him how you feel and see what happens. It is scary no matter what you weigh but you have to take a chance at some point.12 -
Quote: He's the kindest, warmest, most loving person I've ever met in my life, end Quote
Someone that meets these qualifications will not care about your weight, your appearance, etc in the least.10 -
If he cares about your weight, then he is not the one, so you really have nothing to lose by telling him how you feel.5
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If you're both available right now, go for it.
Things could change by the time you lose weight, or you could push yourself to lose weight in an unhealthy manner to speed things up - not a great idea since your medical team has already given you guidance. Also, at 5 feet and 120 pounds, you're still in a healthy weight range . . .
Good luck!2 -
How old are you OP?7
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I'm telling you wholeheartedly to go for it! If he's as amazing as you say he is, he won't reject you for a few extra pounds.
Not that I can follow that advice myself, but I can push you to do it.
3 -
Tell him now. Extra weight or not, you're still you. If you wait, you may be blowing your chance - he sounds like a great catch lots of women would appreciate.
I feel like I'm not good enough to even have feelings for him and feel like I have no right to have them in the first place.
If you are to be in a healthy relationship, this thinking needs to change. You're a human being, part of that is having feelings - you have the right to feel for another person, regardless. He may be wonderful, but he's also just a human being.
He's extremely popular and good looking, which makes me feel like I should improve even more.
That's just your opinion of what you think is important to him, you don't know for sure what he would want.
Turn it around. If someone was interested in you, would you rather they try to be who they think you want them to be or simply be themselves?7 -
I met my boyfriend when I was three stone heavier. Currently lost almost 4 stone in total. I am proud to know that he loves me for who I am and not because of how I look. As guys who turned me down when I was bigger seemingly want to be in my life now. I would tell him now.3
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I think I would not tell him, "I have feelings for you." I would ask him to go out with me to some place like a concert or a comedy show or on a hike. Let him get to know you slowly. Guys sometimes freak out when you tell them straight-up that you have feelings for them. He probably already has some idea. It will be easier on you if you don't put your heart on your sleeve too early, too.
Take it slow, it's always better that way.
Good luck!5 -
I've had feelings for a guy I know for a about half a year now, but every time I look at him, I feel like I need to be my best before I can reveal how I feel to him. I feel like I'm not good enough to even have feelings for him and feel like I have no right to have them in the first place. He's extremely popular and good looking, which makes me feel like I should improve even more.
If he's the kindest person you've ever met, and if he feels the same way, he's going to have feelings for you regardless of how you look. Think of how you feel now...would you care if he was 20 pounds heavier? When I was dating my ex, he gained and lost weight, and I barely noticed. It wasn't importantin the grand scheme of things.
One thing that attracts both women and men is confidence. There are much heavier women with great looking men, and visa versa, because they had confidence. You ARE good enough, you have every right to have feelings, and you deserve to have someone who sees and brings out the best in you. If he doesn't see your value, or thinks he is above you, then he's not going to be a partner you'd want, anyway. That's not a dynamic for a healthy relationship. Receiving love starts by loving yourself, regardless of your weight.3 -
As you get older, you will regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did. Also remember, rejecting you as a "girlfriend" doesn't at all mean he rejects your weight. Could be that he just doesn't feel that way about you. If he is a great guy and truly interested in the dating possibility, your weight wont matter. Be confident in yourself and don't make one event the controlling factor of your happiness. ;-)4
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My experience with men is that they don't like "big talks" and "big feeling reveals" it something women romanticize, but men don't get at all.
Why not continue your friendship.. and look for true signs of his interest. Do some old fashioned flirting.. send him clear signals that your interested.. How about ask him over for dinner. He'll respond if he's interested . But don't do some big talk that to him will seem out of the blue.
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I'm 4'11" and weigh 131 and don't look bad or "fat" and until a couple years ago I had never been over 120 (I was in the army and was incredibly toned) I went up to 145 and panicked. I think that when we are small all our lives even 20lbs can seem horrible. I gained 25lbs and everyone tells me I look great but I think I look horrible. You are beautiful, you are amazing, we all are. Tell him because you both deserve to know what is happening and do it now because tomorrow is not guaranteed. Good luck and do what the doctor says.1
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When it comes to relationships your weight isn't as important as your self esteem (which seems to have taken a hit). You need to be in a good place emotionally to start a healthy relationship. If you don't think you're good enough for him you will unconsciously telegraph that during your interactions & you won't get the results you want: a date with him. Don't put it off too long, certainly not while you're losing 20+ pounds but do approach him from the idea that you're a catch & he'd be lucky to have you
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I agree that making an announcement is NOT the way to go.
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elisa123gal wrote: »My experience with men is that they don't like "big talks" and "big feeling reveals" it something women romanticize, but men don't get at all.
Why not continue your friendship.. and look for true signs of his interest. Do some old fashioned flirting.. send him clear signals that your interested.. How about ask him over for dinner. He'll respond if he's interested . But don't do some big talk that to him will seem out of the blue.
I agree with this, too. A big reveal might be uncomfortable for him and put him on the spot. Besides, flirting is fun. Dress nicely around him. Show genuine interest in what he's doing. Make his favorite dessert, whatever it takes to show interest, and see how he responds. 4 -
cmriverside wrote: »I think I would not tell him, "I have feelings for you." I would ask him to go out with me to some place like a concert or a comedy show or on a hike. Let him get to know you slowly. Guys sometimes freak out when you tell them straight-up that you have feelings for them. He probably already has some idea. It will be easier on you if you don't put your heart on your sleeve too early, too.
Take it slow, it's always better that way.
Good luck!
I didn't envension the OP professing her undying love but saying Hey, I think you are great, I'd like to get to know you better, want to go on a date?4 -
cmriverside wrote: »I think I would not tell him, "I have feelings for you." I would ask him to go out with me to some place like a concert or a comedy show or on a hike. Let him get to know you slowly. Guys sometimes freak out when you tell them straight-up that you have feelings for them. He probably already has some idea. It will be easier on you if you don't put your heart on your sleeve too early, too.
Take it slow, it's always better that way.
Good luck!
I didn't envension the OP professing her undying love but saying Hey, I think you are great, I'd like to get to know you better, want to go on a date?
OP says in the OP:I've had feelings for a guy I know for a about half a year now, but every time I look at him, I feel like I need to be my best before I can reveal how I feel to him.
"I have feelings for him." "I have feelings for you." Explain how I misinterpreted.0
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