From depression,addiction and extra weight to signing a modeling contract+real talk

HungryasFuark wrote: »

Heyy everyone thanks for taking some of your time to check my post ! this is going to be a really open talk post from me I really hope that my story inspires you or shows you that you are not alone). I post my transformation pics here often as I make progress but yeah I just post a fitness transformation...I never really talked about my real struggles and why I decided to change but today I'm taking this step just to maybe spark something good or inspire if by any chance anyone that is going through something like I have been through cause I know how hard it really is .this is going to be a long post ( if u made it till the end then you are awesome ! If not then u are ....1% less awesome :P ) here it goes I battled depression at a young age (16) (not because of my weight) because of other things in my life( including drugs) I would like to keep the other things private but I will talk openly about my substance use . my depression was strong enough to make me think about seriously ending it at 16 ..I read on the Internet join this medicate this medicate that and I was thinking that I'm smarter by self medicating my self with illegal substance mostly things that release serotonin and endorphins ( u can figure ) I can't say what exactly because of the forum policy I guess lol ..so did it work ? Well it worked for a while changed my mood and a lot of my perspectives till this day and made me more open minded about many many things so It did help..but till just I'm off them it got worse as I came back and slipped into the trap of upping what i take and that's when I found my self going in the direction of addiction. Things were getting out my hand and I was really scared about what I'm walking into at a very young age so I told my close friends ( thanks god I have them ) but I didn't tell my family because at 16, 17, 18 they would be devistated it's like all there years of putting work into raising me went for nothing..dunno if that was a wrong or right decision back then but all I know is it was better to tell someone than to keep it to my self . I did tell them later thought when I was older just last year oh i am 22 now if u are wondering lol..well i think u can guess how my family felt ..they couldn't believe me when I told them they were really shocked and just pale faces from hearing my story but I I showed them that it's really ok now and that I am over all these nightmares and this made them feel better about the situation not completely of course but enough to make them forget a bit about it . Now I won't go in details of my substance use days and depression coz it will take pages more than this ( plus probably u are already really bored from reading till this word . Almost done ! ) My weight gain started when I confronted my friends , I was abroad studying with them at the time in a different country so they did what really friends should do and I'm really grateful that God gave me true friends like them they made sure that I never touched anything and supported me in every way possible but they didn't push me into going out etc because I was really really depressed when I stopped taking the substance I was completely refusing the idea of going out and I took 1 semester off but I stayed abroad because I didn't want to go back home either and that's when I found food as a alternative I started eating and eating then ballooned to 98 kg almost 100 kg at just 176 cm it was a lot of weight on my chest and mind and it made my depression 10 x worse and in a foreign country away from home u can imagine how I felt , it is like I don't want to go back because I'm really in a bad state and I don't want my family to c me like this like I wrote earlier but also can't stand staying away from home...before I gained weight I always had this passion for running it was the really only natural thing that kept me away from committing suicide . one day ( call it what u want to call it , God power , the universe ) I just looked in the mirror and finally for the first time I really saw how weak , pathetic , lifeless , sluggish , cowardly etcc i really am . I painfully started going out and it is really one of the hardest things in life for someone with extreme depression and addiction to decide to start to live like a normal human again then slowly stared running again and dieting then I went to the weight room then I combined the 3 and man it was hell to wake up every morning and do those 3 but I really wanted change .. Slowly I saw progress but still I thought about giving up countless times but fought my way into defeating this thought and stuck to it and then i slowly started to feel better not just because of fitness but also because of my friends great support step by step as time passed I loved how fitness was changing me inside out and it became a hobby not a hellish thing to do lol then I finally took the ballsy move of seeking therapy ( real therapy I was willing to really talk and express not just to be on a med ) and that's when things started to get really better . I know I'm still a baby experience on this planet but I can say with all confidence that the only way anyone can really start to manage and control depression and addiction is by speaking and expressing and when I say speaking and expressing I don't mean the doctor appointment nor ur close friend chat or loved one . I mean speaking to ur self and being brave enough to express all the things that are kept hidden from ur self , I mean genuinely going to that deepest point of ur mind ,body and soul that people that are depressed and/or addicted in most cases know it's there but don't have the courage to confront and bring it up to the light and deal with it and I'm not saying defeat it ( u can't defeat depression and addiction ) sad but true but one can learn how to control both to the point of knowing that both are there but not feeling any of them anymore or not affecting him/her anymore. This happens by the speaking and expressing and the continuous effort ( sports , work,therapy , mindfulness , friends etcc) that should one do everyday to keep that change of living without both .IT IS NOT EASY & WAS NOT EASY but The more I started to feel the free of depression and addiction life the more I fought and stuck to everything that I needed to do in order to change and because I wanted to fully experience the positive energy of the free recovered life. As the title says I was just asked to model by a local supplement company for their youth natural products etc not something huge ( it's not my main career. I have another business career that I also love and grateful for )but to go from where I was physically and mentally to where I am now and getting the chance to have a job in my passion that had helped in freeing me from my worst night mares is a blessing and is something that depressed addicted me would have never ever ever ever even thought about...So if u are reading this and can relate to any of the things I said in my story i'm here to tell u that it is really possible to defeat or control whatever is stopping you from fully living ur life and it is not easy to change it is hard really hard but to make it short and simple the beauty of the real life u experience while changing ( this is the term " high on life " in my perspective ) and after changing is really really worth it . Here is my before and after pics the out of shape pic is the only pic I could find when I was depressed ( I got much much fatter than this but didn't take photos ) The rest is how l look now and my shape that gave me the opportunity to model . If u really stuck through all the post I thank you very much for your time and I hope this sparked something positive inside you or inspired you in any way . Please if anyone want to ask anything regarding my depression or addiction , fitness anything feel free I will be more than happy to answer Thank you again !

tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »

Well done on what you have achieved!

Sorry I didn't read your post, the big wall of text without paragraphs is difficult to read.