After weightloss emotional effects? Help

misssmadalyn
misssmadalyn Posts: 360 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am 21 years old. I lost 100 pounds in 13 months.. I was very proud at first but now that I notice the difference in the way both men & women treat me I am having a lot of sadness and questioning about my own self .. if anyone has any experience or is going through this, your words will be helpful

Replies

  • STLBADGIRL
    STLBADGIRL Posts: 1,693 Member
    maddywarden wrote: »
    I am 21 years old. I lost 100 pounds in 13 months.. I was very proud at first but now that I notice the difference in the way both men & women treat me I am having a lot of sadness and questioning about my own self .. if anyone has any experience or is going through this, your words will be helpful

    How are they treating you? Do you believe being overweight kept the attention off of you?
  • stm712015
    stm712015 Posts: 138 Member
    I have been very heavy and very thin a few times in my life and there's no doubt people treated me differently. How much of it stems from the confidence I show outwardly, I don't know. But it's sad that I'm generally treated better the thinner I am, so I know what you mean. I try to treat people with kindness and respect regardless of size, but I also know that not everyone in society does this.
    What is causing you to feel sad and how are you questioning yourself? Is it that you used to feel invisible and now you're getting attention? Are you uncomfortable with how others are treating you now?
  • tmoneyag99
    tmoneyag99 Posts: 480 Member
    maddywarden wrote: »
    I am 21 years old. I lost 100 pounds in 13 months.. I was very proud at first but now that I notice the difference in the way both men & women treat me I am having a lot of sadness and questioning about my own self .. if anyone has any experience or is going through this, your words will be helpful

    On the flip side, I used to be thin and gained 80lbs. People treat me worse now, but I have more confidence. It's kind of funny. People assume that because you are fat you are inherently lazy.
  • tmoneyag99
    tmoneyag99 Posts: 480 Member
    PS congratulations. No body shame.
  • NewGemini130
    NewGemini130 Posts: 219 Member
    It will take your mind a while to catch up to your physical changes. It may be that your perception changed and you are tuning in to things you previously ignored or tuned out also. Try and keep those positive thoughts about your successes and remind yourself the mental and emotional journey may be a bit behind. They will come into harmony!
  • misssmadalyn
    misssmadalyn Posts: 360 Member
    stm712015 wrote: »
    I have been very heavy and very thin a few times in my life and there's no doubt people treated me differently. How much of it stems from the confidence I show outwardly, I don't know. But it's sad that I'm generally treated better the thinner I am, so I know what you mean. I try to treat people with kindness and respect regardless of size, but I also know that not everyone in society does this.
    What is causing you to feel sad and how are you questioning yourself? Is it that you used to feel invisible and now you're getting attention? Are you uncomfortable with how others are treating you now?

    I question myself because it makes me feel like my personality doesn't even matter to people, like my inner beauty doesn't mean anything since no one payed attention to it before. I do get very uncomfortable especially when a guy that I liked before payed no attention to me before but now wants to go on dates.


    Thanks for your reply!
  • misssmadalyn
    misssmadalyn Posts: 360 Member
    NewGemini130 wrote: »
    It will take your mind a while to catch up to your physical changes. It may be that your perception changed and you are tuning in to things you previously ignored or tuned out also. Try and keep those positive thoughts about your successes and remind yourself the mental and emotional journey may be a bit behind. They will come into harmony!

    Thank you so much. I will keep this in mind. I had no idea losing the weight would be so emotional.
  • fiddletime
    fiddletime Posts: 1,868 Member
    I think that people also , often unknowingly and sometimes intentionally, make gross generalizations about people based on looks. You're finding this out. Don't let it affect you. The people who take the time to go beneath the surface are the people that you should spend your time and energy on. I'm a tomboy. I've always been one. Many guys ignore me. But many treat me as they would treat any other person. It's taken me many years to grow to accept this and sometimes it still hurts my feelings a little. Big congratulations on your weight loss. You've accomplished what most will never do. Hold your head up high!!
  • Colt1835
    Colt1835 Posts: 447 Member
    maddywarden wrote: »
    stm712015 wrote: »
    I have been very heavy and very thin a few times in my life and there's no doubt people treated me differently. How much of it stems from the confidence I show outwardly, I don't know. But it's sad that I'm generally treated better the thinner I am, so I know what you mean. I try to treat people with kindness and respect regardless of size, but I also know that not everyone in society does this.
    What is causing you to feel sad and how are you questioning yourself? Is it that you used to feel invisible and now you're getting attention? Are you uncomfortable with how others are treating you now?

    I question myself because it makes me feel like my personality doesn't even matter to people, like my inner beauty doesn't mean anything since no one payed attention to it before. I do get very uncomfortable especially when a guy that I liked before payed no attention to me before but now wants to go on dates.


    Thanks for your reply!
    You can't blame a person for what they are attracted to. You also don't know what has caused him to show interest in you now, unless you ask. It could be that he's impressed with the dedication and commitment that it takes to do what you did or it could be that you are showing more self confidence. It could also mean he wasn't attracted to you before you lost the weight and he is now that you have lost it. There's nothing wrong with him feeling that way.

    That doesn't mean the emotions you are feeling are wrong. I think it's normal for you to feel the way you do. If it's really weighing heavily on your mind, it might be a good idea to have a calm talk with him to try to get his perspective.
  • LAMCDylan
    LAMCDylan Posts: 1,218 Member
    I am having the same experience. I used to be invisible to women now women show interest in me all the time. Makes me sad to think how appearance means so much to people. Most of these women are only admiring me from what they see on the outside. I wonder if I gained weight would they still like me. I also notice a lot more men being "jealous" of me. It shocks me how people attach their self-esteem and worth to their appearance and how they constantly get jealous of you if they think you are better. I notice most men cannot handle seeing a man who may be muscular or masculine. You immediately become the center of envy. And if they are with a woman it is even worse. I find these guys to use women as their emotional center and in their eyes I am a threat to that. I sometimes avoid excelling in things or being noticed just to stay out of the spotlight. I hate when I think people are having certain expectations of me. I am sometimes having anxiety going some places now because I know what to expect from people. I am beginning to think that most of society is unhealthy and sick (both body and mind).

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