We broke up because...

I hate to be superficial, but he had a huge pan shaped dent in the middle of his face!

Boring

didn't like looking at my face

He accused me of not letting him sleep

He kept daydreaming about Tom Brady

She took my requests too literal. When I asked her to hit me she socked me in the jaw! We were playing Blackjack for goodness sake!

She wouldn't say anything

she took a vow celibacy

I always thought we were racing.