Negative self talk + past of irresponsible 'dieting' + ludicrous expectations = horribly down

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Livgetfit
Livgetfit Posts: 352 Member
edited November 2016 in Health and Weight Loss
Hi there! So I don't know quite where to begin but I am really struggling.

I just feel so awful about my body. I am currently about 165lbs. My highest weight was in 2009 where I came in at 213lbs. I am 5'3 so I was pretty much as wide as I was tall. I am very proud of myself for getting here but lately it has been creeping back on and I am so down as a result.

This time last year I put myself on a dangerous, self crafted 'diet' where I hardly ate over 500 calories per day and I finally reached a weight I was happy with; 145lb.

I lost it in such an extreme and ridiculous way that of course it came back on. I was in denial for a while but recently acknowledged how big I have gotten again. I hate to look in the mirror, none of my clothes fit me, I constantly think about nothing but how unattractive I am, I hear my mother telling me to 'never gain that weight again' this time last year over and over in my head and I obsess about my boyfriend being repulsed by me (he's not, he loves me, he is nothing but supportive and this is all me).

I react by wanting to do the same as last year but I know how wrong that is. I know that it will mean this lose-regain-lose-regain cycle will continue. I know how badly I am treating my body. I know how much it affects my mental well-being.

But when I think abut how I lost the weight before in a healthy way, all I seem to focus on is the fact that it took SO long and I never even reached my goal.

My question to those of you who are doing this responsibly is how do you cope with how slow this process it?

If you are someone who family & friends describe as being 'hard on yourself' (I get this constantly), how have/are you overcoming this?

How do you avoid the traps of falling back into negative destructive behaviour?

The reality of this being a long road and one which will be bumpy is clear to me. I know that CICO is the only thing which makes sense. I'd just love help with the motivational/willpower/mental-battle 'Hows' because right now I feel so unhappy and trapped in this cycle....I just want out
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Replies

  • trigden1991
    trigden1991 Posts: 4,658 Member
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    The best diet is the one that you are able to be consistent with. Use MFP to lose weight at a sensible rate then when you hit your goal weight you can increase your calories to maintain.

    As you have found, crash diets work but are not sustainable and take an incredible amount of willpower not to gain afterwards.
  • kenyonhaff
    kenyonhaff Posts: 1,377 Member
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    Well, here's some stuff that works for me:
    *The weight did not go on quickly, and so it won't go off any quicker.
    *The slower the weight comes off, the more likely it actually is to stay off. (To a great extent, anyway. It doesn't have to be at a glacial pace, but the point is very quick weight loss backfires more often than not.)
    *Don't let your self-worth be determined by BMI, for better or worse. Yeah, it feels good to be at a good weight and that's important. But one can also have good self-image and self-confidence when heavier, too.
  • eIIekay
    eIIekay Posts: 164 Member
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    hi liv...nothing makes me want to eat more than feeling bad about myself. I feel good when i stick to my calorie goal, even though i am so far from my weight goal right now. CICO works...even though sometimes it seems way too slow (it's not, it just feels that way). Exercise also makes me feel good about myself. Then, there's the added bonus of having more calories to play with. Try to remember the good feeling you had when you dipped below 200. You are not even close to that now! You can do it!
  • angelexperiment
    angelexperiment Posts: 1,917 Member
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    It can be slow, but as you lose you readjust your calories needs for that magic number you lose at. And your body may not lose for awhile as it adjusts to the new weight. But you keep doing what your doing and it will come off eventually though it's frustrating! But be kind to yourself, eat in a healthy way that you can keep doing ( eating 500 is not sustainable and you need more just to live) also you do not want to burn out your adrenal glands eating like that.

    So my suggestion is to put away the clothes that don't fit in a container and go get some clothes that do fit and make u feel awesome. And as you lose weight try on the old clothes in 10 lb loss increments ( this was always helpful to me to see how close I am).


    Find some positive in what you are doing and instead of negativity replace with positive things like I like how I look today, I am worth eating healthy today, etc.

    Get your mom out of your head, and just know her intentions are good but words are not. I had to do this with my mom too as her words would stick with me too and had to do a lot of emotional inside cleaning with her to fix that.

    Find someone you admire and look up to in their journey and do as they do. I look for someone who's been around awhile who logs on constantly and is good tracking foods etc things you may need help doing and talk to them.
  • CattOfTheGarage
    CattOfTheGarage Posts: 2,750 Member
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    For me it was a matter of accepting the end of my old way of living, and accepting that this new lifestyle - tracking my food and exercise - is for ever.

    I came to realise that the way I was living left me at very real risk of diabetes, and so if nothing changed, I would end up having to manage that condition, which would mean tracking my food, so there was no way out of it - I could choose to track voluntarily and start on a road to being healthy, mobile and longer lived, or I could refuse and end up in pain, with less mobility, health problems, and then be forced to track everything anyway, with the extra bonus of injections.

    I realised that it didn't matter how long it took, or even if I never lost weight at all, because maintaining at my current weight is way, way better than getting heavier every year, as I would if nothing changed.

    I realised that even if I reached my goal weight, there would be no going back - even if I found a way to eat right without tracking calories, I could never go back to acting like it was Christmas every day. Never.

    And I realised, eventually, that I didn't want to. That Christmas is better when it's only once a year. That chocolate tastes better as a treat. That I feel better when I eat better. That I'm actually happier now, still obese but tracking and slowly losing weight, than I was when I was obese and eating whatever I wanted. So if I never reach my goal, I still know I can live like this, and I'm so much better off than I ever was before.
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
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    I am 5'3 and went from over 200 to 125, so can speak to the "slow" worry. I think you will find -- especially since you are only 20 lbs over a weight you are happy with -- that just feeling in control again and seeing the scale go down will make you feel better and more confident, that slow will work fine. I also think it helps to have perspective -- at 1 lb/week, you will be at goal in less than half a year, and if you are like me (although I suppose this is less so when younger), just think of how quick a year passes. More significant still, if you do it in a painless, sustainable for a long time, don't feel like I'm dieting kind of way, doing it for a long time doesn't seem so burdensome, and then you can transition more easily to maintenance.

    Another thing I find helps is to focus (especially at the beginning) on changes that relate to overall fitness and health (eating well, exercise, maybe a fitness goal like running a race or doing a bike ride or whatever it is you enjoy), as that is another way to see the achievements that is in addition to seeing the number on the scale, and being able to say "I ran X miles!" or "I worked out 5 days this week!" or "I did a proper deadlift or squatted X lbs!" or whatever your goal is, again, can help with confidence and feeling good about what your body can do on the way to the goal.
  • daz2270
    daz2270 Posts: 73 Member
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    Focus on the process not some end destination. It's not a race. It's taken me 18 months to lose 60lbs, which is less than 1lb a week on average. I've had some set backs along the way but having a long term view has helped me put such set backs in perspective and not "lose the plot". Be patient and go easy on yourself.
  • courtneyfabulous
    courtneyfabulous Posts: 1,863 Member
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    Watch/listen to this:

    https://youtu.be/Xb3HSHDGJPs

    It's tips about how to have a positive relationship with food, not letting your weight define your self worth, etc.
  • courtneyfabulous
    courtneyfabulous Posts: 1,863 Member
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    Also watch/listen to this:

    https://youtu.be/qWcExpVN8eY

    It's about habits and mindsets for SUCCESSFUL weight loss
  • courtneyfabulous
    courtneyfabulous Posts: 1,863 Member
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    Try to focus on the small goals and doing what you have to do every day, not the final weight you want to be. If you can get through today eating within your (healthy) calorie goal and do some form of exercise then you have won today. Try to win each day, and if you don't win try to do your best at least. Or if you fail miserably try to learn from it and pick yourself up and win tomorrow.

    If you are doing the right things most days the weight loss will happen. Don't try to rush, don't even try to give yourself a time limit or a weight goal. Just learn to make doing the things that get you there part of your normal habits & lifestyle and rejoice in the small accomplishments you achieve every day.
  • jnlamppert
    jnlamppert Posts: 27 Member
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    Take pictures every week. If you look hard enough at them you'll find improvements. Another way to help your motivation is to start lifting weights or doing some sort of strength training. Find something you enjoy. You will see your body start to change within the first few weeks and that may be the motivation you need to keep going.

    It's a slow process but it's also a lifestyle. Figure out ways to be happy and you won't feel like it's so hard. Eat the things you like to eat. If they're high-calorie, high-carb foods, eat them in moderation and eat some veggies on the side. You don't have to give up anything.

    Also, the scale is not the be-all-end-all. Keep a journal and every day write down how you are feeling and what you're eating. You'll find certain foods that work well with your body, that give you energy, and make you feel better than others. If you mess up or eat too much, don't worry! Blow it off. We are all human, we all do it. Get back on track the next day and let it go. Unless you're messing up your eating habits on a weekly basis, continually, it won't make a huge difference in your overall goals.

    You can do it!
  • courtneyfabulous
    courtneyfabulous Posts: 1,863 Member
    edited November 2016
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    Also try to get exercise and eat enough protein. If you lost weight in the past with extremely low calories it's likely that you lost a lot of muscle. You want to prioritize losing fat and not muscle, not the opposite. Most weight loss techniques women commonly employ (extremely low calories, quick weight loss, lots of cardio, no weight lifting, eating a lot of carbs but low fat and too little protein) just result in muscle loss and a "skinny fat" look by the end of it. And this isn't a problem just aesthetically- it's actually bad for your health. Low lean muscle mass and high body fat percentage (even if you LOOK like you're at a normal or thin weight) is not good for overall health.

    Watch this video too:

    https://youtu.be/cZLwZRD7BWc

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