Thanksgiving drama. Sigh.
Replies
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tjones0411 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
I don't give a *kitten* because thanksgiving is not part of my tradition.... but Christmas is and my family won't be here because I know there will be drama. Frankly, I think all wives are like this. They are selfish women and I say this in a nice, non-miso way.... they just up their b mode ten notches when husband's family enters the picture. So I guess this is normal and I have resolved not to piss myself off about it.... I try to focus my enjoyment on my bespoke clothes and upcoming bonus. My mother has everything she needs in her own house and I siphon enough funds so she is not left out there unattended... so even though I am apeshit about not spending Christmas with my mother in the house... I know she is well.
OP, you do whatever you want but know that you are building a tree of grievances inside your husband which will last for a long time and will manifest in other ways.
I'm sorry...what?? All wives are like this? That's not a stupid, over-generalized statement at all, is it? I can assure you all wives are not like this. I am surrounded by my husband's family - all year, whereas mine are more than 1,000 miles away. And I make sure to make the effort to be welcome and pleasant. Partially because they are now my family too...and also because that's just what you do!
OP - I think your husband was wrong to place the blame on you (even if you did say it) because I think spouses should have each other's backs and cover in situations like this. But in that same vein, you and he are partners...and if seeing his family is important to him, you should try to make the effort. You don't have to go and be all hugs and kisses, but you should be there for him and try to be pleasant. It's two days out of the entire year. And it's the holidays. Try not to be miserable about it.
It's every Holiday, not just 2 days out of the year. Just not sure what's so wrong about not wanting to see them twice in one week end.
And yeah, I'm not happy with him putting the blame on me. But again, our relationship has sucked lately.0 -
tjones0411 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
I don't give a *kitten* because thanksgiving is not part of my tradition.... but Christmas is and my family won't be here because I know there will be drama. Frankly, I think all wives are like this. They are selfish women and I say this in a nice, non-miso way.... they just up their b mode ten notches when husband's family enters the picture. So I guess this is normal and I have resolved not to piss myself off about it.... I try to focus my enjoyment on my bespoke clothes and upcoming bonus. My mother has everything she needs in her own house and I siphon enough funds so she is not left out there unattended... so even though I am apeshit about not spending Christmas with my mother in the house... I know she is well.
OP, you do whatever you want but know that you are building a tree of grievances inside your husband which will last for a long time and will manifest in other ways.
I'm sorry...what?? All wives are like this? That's not a stupid, over-generalized statement at all, is it? I can assure you all wives are not like this. I am surrounded by my husband's family - all year, whereas mine are more than 1,000 miles away. And I make sure to make the effort to be welcome and pleasant. Partially because they are now my family too...and also because that's just what you do!
OP - I think your husband was wrong to place the blame on you (even if you did say it) because I think spouses should have each other's backs and cover in situations like this. But in that same vein, you and he are partners...and if seeing his family is important to him, you should try to make the effort. You don't have to go and be all hugs and kisses, but you should be there for him and try to be pleasant. It's two days out of the entire year. And it's the holidays. Try not to be miserable about it.
It's every Holiday, not just 2 days out of the year. Just not sure what's so wrong about not wanting to see them twice in one week end.
And yeah, I'm not happy with him putting the blame on me. But again, our relationship has sucked lately.
Are you talking to your husband about this at all? Seeing crappy family members sucks but if you value your marriage at all, suck it up. It isn't much time with them and it's clearly very important to him. I'd also make it clear to him that going forward there's no ratting each other out to anyone.2 -
^^^ that. i solely swear not to get engaged in idiotic discussions about that on Thanksgiving. My head explodes. And, truly the real national deficit involves an unwillingness or inability to think critically. That is all.0
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
I read an article in the NY times that this is going to be a cathartic thanksgiving season with the polarized elections and the state of the country.Cutaway_Collar wrote: »You can pretend like you want to go and his attitude towards your family will get golden.
I am hosting thanksgiving for my wife's family this week and there will be none from my family. Internally I am a little grumpy..... there's going to be randos sitting at my table like my FILs stepkids who my wife loathes but doesn't want to upset the stepmom, apart from my wife's immediate family....
I don't give a *kitten* because thanksgiving is not part of my tradition.... but Christmas is and my family won't be here because I know there will be drama. Frankly, I think all wives are like this. They are selfish women and I say this in a nice, non-miso way.... they just up their b mode ten notches when husband's family enters the picture. So I guess this is normal and I have resolved not to piss myself off about it.... I try to focus my enjoyment on my bespoke clothes and upcoming bonus. My mother has everything she needs in her own house and I siphon enough funds so she is not left out there unattended... so even though I am apeshit about not spending Christmas with my mother in the house... I know she is well.
OP, you do whatever you want but know that you are building a tree of grievances inside your husband which will last for a long time and will manifest in other ways.
I have been with my SO for 11 years. Do you want to know the last time I spent a holiday with MY family and not his? Twelve years ago.
No, not all wives are like this. I use almost all my vacation time around HIS schedule and needs. There are reasons for this, so I'm not complaining. Just pointing out that your statement is ridiculous.
And I'm about to spend and incredibly stressful Thanksgiving with his family because of the election. His brother has already come onto a friend of mine's post on FB (someone he didn't know) and told me to "get the F out of the country" if I don't like the new president. So, yeah, this is going to be a fun holiday. But I'm still going and spending three days biting my tongue.
Most of my family are democrats with a few secret Trump supporters and I know they voted Trump.
There was a bit of squabbling in a recent event in someone's house and I went on a rant that no matter who they support, they still have to pay their mortgage and get killed with their own credit card bills and that their candidate is not giving them a debt haircut. It kind of quietened the hall and the host thanked me later. I don't take sides. My wife voted and I did not and I will never vote even though I love my country
So if someone is going on a political rant, I am pretty immune to their stupidity and I have hidden everyone on FB. The only feed I get are cat pics, my wife's posts and updates from fashion houses and farm houses who raise cows and vegetables. I unhide from time to time and I tell myself why I am glad I hid them. Some of them get into these FB fights with random strangers that it seems like someone needs to call an ambulance because one of them is getting a seizure soon.
I ask... social media is to socialize... why send your blood pressure up so high? Unless you are George fricking Soros you have no control on the world around you. Even Soros is overrated. Give it up to God and be a good human being and the universe will auto-correct.
I refuse to talk about this on Thanksgiving. They got how much of our time over the last two years? No, you can't also dominate a holiday that is supposed to be pleasant.
When, not if, but when they bring it up, I'll just eat and find something funny to watch on my phone.0 -
well my post was in response to Cutaway Collar with the "^^^ that"- seems to change the flavor of my note if it reads to be responding to kinkyslinky16...just saying.0
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »What is wrong with wives these days and why won't they put up with the fact that the husband's brother entered the life long before the wife did and brother-brother ties are important?
My wife dislikes my brother's wife. They cannot stand each other. Nobody has any idea how much it pains the two men. So the men need to suffer because the women don't like each other?
You are being unreasonable. Let your husband hang out with his brother Be nice!
As a woman, I want to thank you for the message you wrote below. I am always amazed that these women do not seem to understand that they will one day become an in-law and may be treated the same way. Children look at how adults interact with each other and this is a serious learning experience for them.
Regarding the mother-in-law, that someone's mother, the same way they loved theirs and would do everything for her, why not be the bigger person and do the same for their husband's mother. These women want it all their way, mother's day (the husband should spend it with is mother), he is not the wife's mother. He just needs to make sure that he engaged the children in doing something nice for their mother and spend the day with his own.
I never understand how men marry women and completely lose themselves into her family and displacing their own. Why should her family be more important than your own. The same goes for giving up friends because the wife do not like your friends - they were there before her and will be there when she is gone.
I would never give up my family (even though we have problems or my friends for my spouse) and I would not expect him to do the same. He treats his mother very well and I make sure that he does. I also make sure that his elderly uncle is well looked after when I travel to his home town.
I only wish more men would start thinking like you and have a back bone.
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »I have had folks argue about nuclear physics to a guy who is doing a doctorate in nuclear physics and then calling him an arrogant elitist who is condescending when it looks like he is winning the argument... and it all starts with climate change arguments.... and everyone has a source. There is no reliable source anymore... everyone has an agenda, even the educated ones
Here's one: climate change is real. But instead of blaming people turning on air conditioners, how about discussing how many thousands of high energy bombs have been tested in the past sixty years? I'll tell you how much - they released so much carbon that scientists had to recalibrate carbon 14 dating to account for the drastic increase in carbon during those years.
It's not just cow farts, folks.1 -
My answer to how to deal with the problem at hand is.... Start having Thanksgiving at your own house and invite the family over... If they choose not to come over then it is not your problem anymore... I started doing this with Thanksgiving and Christmas... I now see less of my husbands family cause they don't want to take the time to come and see us... and really I don't care... they don't really like me... plus I didn't marry them I married my husband and he is just fine with they way we do things..1
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Get drunk then you might be able to tolerate them better. LOL3
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Honestly.... my mil hates me... but we drive 4 hours there every Holliday and then 4 hours back after dinner ( we have 2 kids under 4) I don't like it but I do love my husband. It comes to a point where you just let it go. I learned a lot from some 12 steps and learned that I cannot control other people but I do need boundaries. No offense but you really do need to let crap go. You seem to be having more issues than going to his families for the holidays. But my advice is: grow up and stop being selfish. I do a lot as a mom and wife I don't always want to do but at lest I have a healthy marriage and I have 2 happy and healthy kids and clothes and food etc... why is there a need to 1st post about the drama on a public forum but 2nd to even have this problem in the first place. Set boundaries, stick by them and then you gotta let go of what others do to you1
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I only wish more men would start thinking like you and have a back bone.
It takes backbone to label all wives as selfish B******s?
I'm sorry, but as a very secure, testosterone filled male, I have to respectfully disagree.
My wife is the most selfless person I know. We talk over pretty much everything from family issues and decisions to monetary issues and decisions, and there is equal give and take as far as who gets their way or not.
When one member of a relationship has to dominate any facet of that relationship in order to "Make things work", then something is out of kilter in that relationship.
That said, my wife and I have our share of issues. I believe every relationship does. But neither of us have to slap the other in the face with undue/unwarranted machismo or feminist jargon to get the other to either hear our side, or be pushed to our side.
I'll turn in my mancard before I'll do that to her.
Regarding what's said here - unless some of you actually know each other outside these forums, there's an awful lot of assuming going on. Due respect to the OP, we're getting one side of the story here and are filling in the blanks ourselves.
For what it's worth - Peace15 -
I only wish more men would start thinking like you and have a back bone.
It takes backbone to label all wives as selfish B******s?
I'm sorry, but as a very secure, testosterone filled male, I have to respectfully disagree.
My wife is the most selfless person I know. We talk over pretty much everything from family issues and decisions to monetary issues and decisions, and there is equal give and take as far as who gets their way or not.
When one member of a relationship has to dominate any facet of that relationship in order to "Make things work", then something is out of kilter in that relationship.
That said, my wife and I have our share of issues. I believe every relationship does. But neither of us have to slap the other in the face with undue/unwarranted machismo or feminist jargon to get the other to either hear our side, or be pushed to our side.
I'll turn in my mancard before I'll do that to her.
Regarding what's said here - unless some of you actually know each other outside these forums, there's an awful lot of assuming going on. Due respect to the OP, we're getting one side of the story here and are filling in the blanks ourselves.
For what it's worth - Peace
Awwwwwww!
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tjones0411 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
I don't give a *kitten* because thanksgiving is not part of my tradition.... but Christmas is and my family won't be here because I know there will be drama. Frankly, I think all wives are like this. They are selfish women and I say this in a nice, non-miso way.... they just up their b mode ten notches when husband's family enters the picture. So I guess this is normal and I have resolved not to piss myself off about it.... I try to focus my enjoyment on my bespoke clothes and upcoming bonus. My mother has everything she needs in her own house and I siphon enough funds so she is not left out there unattended... so even though I am apeshit about not spending Christmas with my mother in the house... I know she is well.
OP, you do whatever you want but know that you are building a tree of grievances inside your husband which will last for a long time and will manifest in other ways.
I'm sorry...what?? All wives are like this? That's not a stupid, over-generalized statement at all, is it? I can assure you all wives are not like this. I am surrounded by my husband's family - all year, whereas mine are more than 1,000 miles away. And I make sure to make the effort to be welcome and pleasant. Partially because they are now my family too...and also because that's just what you do!
OP - I think your husband was wrong to place the blame on you (even if you did say it) because I think spouses should have each other's backs and cover in situations like this. But in that same vein, you and he are partners...and if seeing his family is important to him, you should try to make the effort. You don't have to go and be all hugs and kisses, but you should be there for him and try to be pleasant. It's two days out of the entire year. And it's the holidays. Try not to be miserable about it.
Yeah. Not all wives are like this. And if you married one who is, you either weren't paying attention when you were dating or you overlooked it. Because selfish behavior doesn't magically show up overnight.5 -
tjones0411 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
I don't give a *kitten* because thanksgiving is not part of my tradition.... but Christmas is and my family won't be here because I know there will be drama. Frankly, I think all wives are like this. They are selfish women and I say this in a nice, non-miso way.... they just up their b mode ten notches when husband's family enters the picture. So I guess this is normal and I have resolved not to piss myself off about it.... I try to focus my enjoyment on my bespoke clothes and upcoming bonus. My mother has everything she needs in her own house and I siphon enough funds so she is not left out there unattended... so even though I am apeshit about not spending Christmas with my mother in the house... I know she is well.
OP, you do whatever you want but know that you are building a tree of grievances inside your husband which will last for a long time and will manifest in other ways.
I'm sorry...what?? All wives are like this? That's not a stupid, over-generalized statement at all, is it? I can assure you all wives are not like this. I am surrounded by my husband's family - all year, whereas mine are more than 1,000 miles away. And I make sure to make the effort to be welcome and pleasant. Partially because they are now my family too...and also because that's just what you do!
OP - I think your husband was wrong to place the blame on you (even if you did say it) because I think spouses should have each other's backs and cover in situations like this. But in that same vein, you and he are partners...and if seeing his family is important to him, you should try to make the effort. You don't have to go and be all hugs and kisses, but you should be there for him and try to be pleasant. It's two days out of the entire year. And it's the holidays. Try not to be miserable about it.
Yeah. Not all wives are like this. And if you married one who is, you either weren't paying attention when you were dating or you overlooked it. Because selfish behavior doesn't magically show up overnight.
Why would you throw that shade on his wife?
He is obviously in the throws of the reality of sharing your life with someone else.
I see so many people complain about their spouses - the key is to understand that if they had a DIFFERENT spouse, they may have DIFFERENT complaints, but they'd still have complaints.
I guarantee Cutaway is not the most wonderful of husbands for his wife to deal with (because who among mere men is).
"James 3:2 lays out the human condition as clearly and as succinctly as anyone can: “We all stumble in many ways.” Think about the impact of the words “all” and “many.” What James is telling us is that if you were to divorce your spouse, interview two hundred “replacement” candidates, put them through a battery of psychological tests, have follow-up interviews conducted by your closest friends, spent three years dating the most compatible ones, and then spent another forty days praying and fasting about which one to choose, you’d still end up with a spouse who disappoints you, hurts you, frustrates you, and stumbles in many ways.
The word “all” means there are no exceptions. A new spouse might stumble in different ways, but he or she will still stumble. This is the reality of human relationships in light of sin. Your spouse is human; therefore, they stumble—and not just once or twice, but in many ways."
http://www.garythomas.com/free-resources/how-to-appreciate-an-imperfect-spouse/2 -
thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »
Why would you throw that shade on his wife?
He is obviously in the throws of the reality of sharing your life with someone else.
I see so many people complain about their spouses - the key is to understand that if they had a DIFFERENT spouse, they may have DIFFERENT complaints, but they'd still have complaints.
I guarantee Cutaway is not the most wonderful of husbands for his wife to deal with (because who among mere men is).
"James 3:2 lays out the human condition as clearly and as succinctly as anyone can: “We all stumble in many ways.” Think about the impact of the words “all” and “many.” What James is telling us is that if you were to divorce your spouse, interview two hundred “replacement” candidates, put them through a battery of psychological tests, have follow-up interviews conducted by your closest friends, spent three years dating the most compatible ones, and then spent another forty days praying and fasting about which one to choose, you’d still end up with a spouse who disappoints you, hurts you, frustrates you, and stumbles in many ways.
The word “all” means there are no exceptions. A new spouse might stumble in different ways, but he or she will still stumble. This is the reality of human relationships in light of sin. Your spouse is human; therefore, they stumble—and not just once or twice, but in many ways."
http://www.garythomas.com/free-resources/how-to-appreciate-an-imperfect-spouse/
I like it - even though you picked on me earlier
j/k
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Holidays can be a pain in the *kitten*. I totally get where you are coming from. That being said...you have to ask yourself, in the grand scheme of life will those two days really matter?1
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thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »
Why would you throw that shade on his wife?
He is obviously in the throws of the reality of sharing your life with someone else.
I see so many people complain about their spouses - the key is to understand that if they had a DIFFERENT spouse, they may have DIFFERENT complaints, but they'd still have complaints.
I guarantee Cutaway is not the most wonderful of husbands for his wife to deal with (because who among mere men is).
"James 3:2 lays out the human condition as clearly and as succinctly as anyone can: “We all stumble in many ways.” Think about the impact of the words “all” and “many.” What James is telling us is that if you were to divorce your spouse, interview two hundred “replacement” candidates, put them through a battery of psychological tests, have follow-up interviews conducted by your closest friends, spent three years dating the most compatible ones, and then spent another forty days praying and fasting about which one to choose, you’d still end up with a spouse who disappoints you, hurts you, frustrates you, and stumbles in many ways.
The word “all” means there are no exceptions. A new spouse might stumble in different ways, but he or she will still stumble. This is the reality of human relationships in light of sin. Your spouse is human; therefore, they stumble—and not just once or twice, but in many ways."
http://www.garythomas.com/free-resources/how-to-appreciate-an-imperfect-spouse/
I like it - even though you picked on me earlier
j/k 0 -
kschwab0203 wrote: »Holidays can be a pain in the *kitten*. I totally get where you are coming from. That being said...you have to ask yourself, in the grand scheme of life will those two days really matter?
When you start thinking that way.. Nothing matters.
But it's the principle of the thing, that, once again, what I want doesn't matter.0 -
kschwab0203 wrote: »Holidays can be a pain in the *kitten*. I totally get where you are coming from. That being said...you have to ask yourself, in the grand scheme of life will those two days really matter?
When you start thinking that way.. Nothing matters.
But it's the principle of the thing, that, once again, what I want doesn't matter.
This video seems appropriate to insert here:
https://player.vimeo.com/video/138219734
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
I married my wife because she was HOT, she had a reputable career, she spells 100% immaculately which is a sign of her education, very good money manager, is very skilled at running the household and will be a great mother. And she is extremely faithful which is a big point in my list.tjones0411 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
I don't give a *kitten* because thanksgiving is not part of my tradition.... but Christmas is and my family won't be here because I know there will be drama. Frankly, I think all wives are like this. They are selfish women and I say this in a nice, non-miso way.... they just up their b mode ten notches when husband's family enters the picture. So I guess this is normal and I have resolved not to piss myself off about it.... I try to focus my enjoyment on my bespoke clothes and upcoming bonus. My mother has everything she needs in her own house and I siphon enough funds so she is not left out there unattended... so even though I am apeshit about not spending Christmas with my mother in the house... I know she is well.
OP, you do whatever you want but know that you are building a tree of grievances inside your husband which will last for a long time and will manifest in other ways.
I'm sorry...what?? All wives are like this? That's not a stupid, over-generalized statement at all, is it? I can assure you all wives are not like this. I am surrounded by my husband's family - all year, whereas mine are more than 1,000 miles away. And I make sure to make the effort to be welcome and pleasant. Partially because they are now my family too...and also because that's just what you do!
OP - I think your husband was wrong to place the blame on you (even if you did say it) because I think spouses should have each other's backs and cover in situations like this. But in that same vein, you and he are partners...and if seeing his family is important to him, you should try to make the effort. You don't have to go and be all hugs and kisses, but you should be there for him and try to be pleasant. It's two days out of the entire year. And it's the holidays. Try not to be miserable about it.
Yeah. Not all wives are like this. And if you married one who is, you either weren't paying attention when you were dating or you overlooked it. Because selfish behavior doesn't magically show up overnight.
I did notice she was not very accommodating of my relationship to my mother but I ignored it because of the other qualities. I knew what I signed up for and I have made peace with the fact that there will be family drama.
But I do fret about it from time to time because I see other men who have these doormat wives and I wish I had that. But then, I wanted a strong, independent woman who I can rely on and it was my choice..... though a doormat wife is a nice fantasy lmao...
Is there really such thing as a doormat wife? Lol.0 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Yes, ma'am.Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
I married my wife because she was HOT, she had a reputable career, she spells 100% immaculately which is a sign of her education, very good money manager, is very skilled at running the household and will be a great mother. And she is extremely faithful which is a big point in my list.tjones0411 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
I don't give a *kitten* because thanksgiving is not part of my tradition.... but Christmas is and my family won't be here because I know there will be drama. Frankly, I think all wives are like this. They are selfish women and I say this in a nice, non-miso way.... they just up their b mode ten notches when husband's family enters the picture. So I guess this is normal and I have resolved not to piss myself off about it.... I try to focus my enjoyment on my bespoke clothes and upcoming bonus. My mother has everything she needs in her own house and I siphon enough funds so she is not left out there unattended... so even though I am apeshit about not spending Christmas with my mother in the house... I know she is well.
OP, you do whatever you want but know that you are building a tree of grievances inside your husband which will last for a long time and will manifest in other ways.
I'm sorry...what?? All wives are like this? That's not a stupid, over-generalized statement at all, is it? I can assure you all wives are not like this. I am surrounded by my husband's family - all year, whereas mine are more than 1,000 miles away. And I make sure to make the effort to be welcome and pleasant. Partially because they are now my family too...and also because that's just what you do!
OP - I think your husband was wrong to place the blame on you (even if you did say it) because I think spouses should have each other's backs and cover in situations like this. But in that same vein, you and he are partners...and if seeing his family is important to him, you should try to make the effort. You don't have to go and be all hugs and kisses, but you should be there for him and try to be pleasant. It's two days out of the entire year. And it's the holidays. Try not to be miserable about it.
Yeah. Not all wives are like this. And if you married one who is, you either weren't paying attention when you were dating or you overlooked it. Because selfish behavior doesn't magically show up overnight.
I did notice she was not very accommodating of my relationship to my mother but I ignored it because of the other qualities. I knew what I signed up for and I have made peace with the fact that there will be family drama.
But I do fret about it from time to time because I see other men who have these doormat wives and I wish I had that. But then, I wanted a strong, independent woman who I can rely on and it was my choice..... though a doormat wife is a nice fantasy lmao...
Is there really such thing as a doormat wife? Lol.
Like the guy cheats on you and even gives you STD's and you stay with him, take care of the kids, attend soul cycle to be in the best shape, hang out in Starbucks and panera with designer outfits with your other designer outfit girlfriends and pick up your cheating husband from the train station and take him home for a dinner that is waiting on the table
Guessing if you did the same thing she'd chop your 'nads off0 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Yes, ma'am.Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
I married my wife because she was HOT, she had a reputable career, she spells 100% immaculately which is a sign of her education, very good money manager, is very skilled at running the household and will be a great mother. And she is extremely faithful which is a big point in my list.tjones0411 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
I don't give a *kitten* because thanksgiving is not part of my tradition.... but Christmas is and my family won't be here because I know there will be drama. Frankly, I think all wives are like this. They are selfish women and I say this in a nice, non-miso way.... they just up their b mode ten notches when husband's family enters the picture. So I guess this is normal and I have resolved not to piss myself off about it.... I try to focus my enjoyment on my bespoke clothes and upcoming bonus. My mother has everything she needs in her own house and I siphon enough funds so she is not left out there unattended... so even though I am apeshit about not spending Christmas with my mother in the house... I know she is well.
OP, you do whatever you want but know that you are building a tree of grievances inside your husband which will last for a long time and will manifest in other ways.
I'm sorry...what?? All wives are like this? That's not a stupid, over-generalized statement at all, is it? I can assure you all wives are not like this. I am surrounded by my husband's family - all year, whereas mine are more than 1,000 miles away. And I make sure to make the effort to be welcome and pleasant. Partially because they are now my family too...and also because that's just what you do!
OP - I think your husband was wrong to place the blame on you (even if you did say it) because I think spouses should have each other's backs and cover in situations like this. But in that same vein, you and he are partners...and if seeing his family is important to him, you should try to make the effort. You don't have to go and be all hugs and kisses, but you should be there for him and try to be pleasant. It's two days out of the entire year. And it's the holidays. Try not to be miserable about it.
Yeah. Not all wives are like this. And if you married one who is, you either weren't paying attention when you were dating or you overlooked it. Because selfish behavior doesn't magically show up overnight.
I did notice she was not very accommodating of my relationship to my mother but I ignored it because of the other qualities. I knew what I signed up for and I have made peace with the fact that there will be family drama.
But I do fret about it from time to time because I see other men who have these doormat wives and I wish I had that. But then, I wanted a strong, independent woman who I can rely on and it was my choice..... though a doormat wife is a nice fantasy lmao...
Is there really such thing as a doormat wife? Lol.
Like the guy cheats on you and even gives you STD's and you stay with him, take care of the kids, attend soul cycle to be in the best shape, hang out in Starbucks and panera with designer outfits with your other designer outfit girlfriends and pick up your cheating husband from the train station and take him home for a dinner that is waiting on the table
Guessing if you did the same thing she'd chop your 'nads off
That's why he wears his clothes so tight. He thinks the designer pants will protect him.3 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Yes, ma'am.Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
I married my wife because she was HOT, she had a reputable career, she spells 100% immaculately which is a sign of her education, very good money manager, is very skilled at running the household and will be a great mother. And she is extremely faithful which is a big point in my list.tjones0411 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
I don't give a *kitten* because thanksgiving is not part of my tradition.... but Christmas is and my family won't be here because I know there will be drama. Frankly, I think all wives are like this. They are selfish women and I say this in a nice, non-miso way.... they just up their b mode ten notches when husband's family enters the picture. So I guess this is normal and I have resolved not to piss myself off about it.... I try to focus my enjoyment on my bespoke clothes and upcoming bonus. My mother has everything she needs in her own house and I siphon enough funds so she is not left out there unattended... so even though I am apeshit about not spending Christmas with my mother in the house... I know she is well.
OP, you do whatever you want but know that you are building a tree of grievances inside your husband which will last for a long time and will manifest in other ways.
I'm sorry...what?? All wives are like this? That's not a stupid, over-generalized statement at all, is it? I can assure you all wives are not like this. I am surrounded by my husband's family - all year, whereas mine are more than 1,000 miles away. And I make sure to make the effort to be welcome and pleasant. Partially because they are now my family too...and also because that's just what you do!
OP - I think your husband was wrong to place the blame on you (even if you did say it) because I think spouses should have each other's backs and cover in situations like this. But in that same vein, you and he are partners...and if seeing his family is important to him, you should try to make the effort. You don't have to go and be all hugs and kisses, but you should be there for him and try to be pleasant. It's two days out of the entire year. And it's the holidays. Try not to be miserable about it.
Yeah. Not all wives are like this. And if you married one who is, you either weren't paying attention when you were dating or you overlooked it. Because selfish behavior doesn't magically show up overnight.
I did notice she was not very accommodating of my relationship to my mother but I ignored it because of the other qualities. I knew what I signed up for and I have made peace with the fact that there will be family drama.
But I do fret about it from time to time because I see other men who have these doormat wives and I wish I had that. But then, I wanted a strong, independent woman who I can rely on and it was my choice..... though a doormat wife is a nice fantasy lmao...
Is there really such thing as a doormat wife? Lol.
Like the guy cheats on you and even gives you STD's and you stay with him, take care of the kids, attend soul cycle to be in the best shape, hang out in Starbucks and panera with designer outfits with your other designer outfit girlfriends and pick up your cheating husband from the train station and take him home for a dinner that is waiting on the table
I was the doormat wife for 15 years! Tons of fun for my husband...for me , not so much! All of what you said^^^0 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Damn did I just describe a wealthy lower fairfield county housewife
What about Hillary? A friend of mine thought she wasn't a doormat - that being able to keep it together and forgive him was immense strength.0 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
I am sorry I should not have made a joke of it because there are real people like this and they have their reasons to stay put with the given conditions.kschwab0203 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Yes, ma'am.Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
I married my wife because she was HOT, she had a reputable career, she spells 100% immaculately which is a sign of her education, very good money manager, is very skilled at running the household and will be a great mother. And she is extremely faithful which is a big point in my list.tjones0411 wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
I don't give a *kitten* because thanksgiving is not part of my tradition.... but Christmas is and my family won't be here because I know there will be drama. Frankly, I think all wives are like this. They are selfish women and I say this in a nice, non-miso way.... they just up their b mode ten notches when husband's family enters the picture. So I guess this is normal and I have resolved not to piss myself off about it.... I try to focus my enjoyment on my bespoke clothes and upcoming bonus. My mother has everything she needs in her own house and I siphon enough funds so she is not left out there unattended... so even though I am apeshit about not spending Christmas with my mother in the house... I know she is well.
OP, you do whatever you want but know that you are building a tree of grievances inside your husband which will last for a long time and will manifest in other ways.
I'm sorry...what?? All wives are like this? That's not a stupid, over-generalized statement at all, is it? I can assure you all wives are not like this. I am surrounded by my husband's family - all year, whereas mine are more than 1,000 miles away. And I make sure to make the effort to be welcome and pleasant. Partially because they are now my family too...and also because that's just what you do!
OP - I think your husband was wrong to place the blame on you (even if you did say it) because I think spouses should have each other's backs and cover in situations like this. But in that same vein, you and he are partners...and if seeing his family is important to him, you should try to make the effort. You don't have to go and be all hugs and kisses, but you should be there for him and try to be pleasant. It's two days out of the entire year. And it's the holidays. Try not to be miserable about it.
Yeah. Not all wives are like this. And if you married one who is, you either weren't paying attention when you were dating or you overlooked it. Because selfish behavior doesn't magically show up overnight.
I did notice she was not very accommodating of my relationship to my mother but I ignored it because of the other qualities. I knew what I signed up for and I have made peace with the fact that there will be family drama.
But I do fret about it from time to time because I see other men who have these doormat wives and I wish I had that. But then, I wanted a strong, independent woman who I can rely on and it was my choice..... though a doormat wife is a nice fantasy lmao...
Is there really such thing as a doormat wife? Lol.
Like the guy cheats on you and even gives you STD's and you stay with him, take care of the kids, attend soul cycle to be in the best shape, hang out in Starbucks and panera with designer outfits with your other designer outfit girlfriends and pick up your cheating husband from the train station and take him home for a dinner that is waiting on the table
I was the doormat wife for 15 years! Tons of fun for my husband...for me , not so much! All of what you said^^^
No worries here! I am not offended. So glad that I finally came to my senses.
Unfortunately, the truth is that there are people like this and the ones that take advantage of them.0 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Isn't Hillary like the Claire Underwood character in house of cards?? Bill is still screwing around with younger women, there are people who supply him bedmates like hors d'oeuvres in parties... and she stuck with him for the career which just went bust.thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Damn did I just describe a wealthy lower fairfield county housewife
What about Hillary? A friend of mine thought she wasn't a doormat - that being able to keep it together and forgive him was immense strength.
I don't watch the show, so I don't know.
After Bill's term ended, she became a senator, a secretary of state and a nominee of a major political party.
IF it was the career she stayed for, she got to be the most accomplished female politician in US history.1 -
thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
Isn't Hillary like the Claire Underwood character in house of cards?? Bill is still screwing around with younger women, there are people who supply him bedmates like hors d'oeuvres in parties... and she stuck with him for the career which just went bust.thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Damn did I just describe a wealthy lower fairfield county housewife
What about Hillary? A friend of mine thought she wasn't a doormat - that being able to keep it together and forgive him was immense strength.
I don't watch the show, so I don't know.
After Bill's term ended, she became a senator, a secretary of state and a nominee of a major political party.
IF it was the career she stayed for, she got to be the most accomplished female politician in US history.
It was the career. Divorced women don't get to be president (unlike men who can do whatever they like).
I actually think there are more doormat husbands than wives. Usually they are married someone a lot younger than them and allow their younger (although not necessarily hotter) wives to *kitten* at/about them constantly (and stop them seeing their family at T-giving) I firmly believe that every dog has his day and the tables will eventually be turned...0 -
Really? Get over it.1
-
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Damn did I just describe a wealthy lower fairfield county housewife
lol get out of CT its tainting your beliefs on real life outside of CT lol(kidding by the way)0
This discussion has been closed.
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