This is what I have been told....

justme3017 · July 2011

My realationship with my fiance has been on the rocks for a while now I keep catching my fiance' talking to other women on the internet....telling them they are beautiful wanting to meet them etc....
I caught him doing it again this past weekend...we talked it over, as usual.
However it hurts my heart so last night I asked him is it because I am fatter?
Just to get right to the point I have gained roughly 50lbs since we have been together and I was chubby to begin with so this is not good..
Last night he basically said that he was embarassed to take me out now.
I feel heartbroken...
I know its my fault that I am fat but to hear it like that...
sigh, maybe this is what I needed.
Who knows.
Has this ever happened to anyone before? Did you find the drive u needed to get in shape and healthy?

Rage_Phish · July 2011

sounds like a jerk

CARNAT22 · July 2011

It's not your fault that you "fiance" has a wondering eye.

Your weight is just an excuse - and sadly you offered him this excuse (by asking him "is it because I am bigger?" )

He is making YOU feel bad and as though you are to blame - and you are not.

50lbs, 250lbs - does it matter? I'd love my OH if he had no arms and legs!!!

Your OH sounds like a horror OP.. you obviously feel some way to blame for this but you need to find a way to see that gaining 50lbs is not an excuse for the man who is suppsed to love you to court other women. Love should be more than skin deep!

I assume you live together?

Do you want to stay with this man OP?

leilaphoenix · July 2011

I keep catching my fiance' talking to other women on the internet....telling them they are beautiful wanting to meet them etc....

Dump the idiot. There is no excuse for that kind of behaviour.

robertf57 · July 2011

Dump the bast@rd, lose the weight and find somebody who actually deserves you!

tuffytuffy1 · July 2011

I think you need to take a long hard look at whether you want to marry your fiancee if he is already wandering. I know it sounds scary, but this is something that will not change IMO. Hugs to you.

mkcalvert · July 2011

This is SO not your fault!! I agree with what above posters said

pricetm83 · July 2011

When men wander it has NOTHING to do with the woman they are with. Its an inner flaw. This is absolutely not your fault and he said those hurtful things to you to remove the blame from himself.

I am so sorry you had to hear that and be made to feel that way. But in all honesty, if a man won't love and respect you at (what you perceive to be) your worst, why wait around for him and let him have you at your best?

Dabbles · July 2011

He's just an *kitten* hole. I date one of those for 2 years and even at a size 5 and 130lbs he kept wanting to meeting other women. Mostly off the internet. He was always wanting something "better". I say dump him while you can and get a real man. A relationship like that can't last. He needs to grow up and step up to be a man. That's likely not going to happen.

greej · July 2011

Listen, no one on the internet knows the whole story, but from what you've told us here I'm really worried about your relationship. It sounds like you're making excuses for his bad, immature behavior. To have your fiance cheat/threaten to cheat on you, and insult you, is NOT what you need. You need support, you need love, you need someone you can trust, who is on your side. Are you getting it?

YukonJoy · July 2011

It has nothing to do with you. It's him.

I lived with a cheating boyfriend about 7 years ago. Being with a cheater did not make me want to get into shape. However, when I left his sorry butt that made me feel so empowered and I lost a lot of weight and got into the best shape I'd been in since highschool. (Unfortunately, I gained some of that back the last 2 years. Blah!)

MissAnjy · July 2011

get out before you marry someone you'll regret later on down the road. YOU being heavier, has nothing to do with his wandering eye. That's HIS problem, not yours and it doesn't excuse his behaviour. If he's doing this before you're married, he'll do it after. Don't think that "marriage will change him" because it won't. Stop taking responsibility for his actions and his mistakes. Drop this guy, drop the weight, feel better about you & then find someone worth your while. I always say "if you don't love me at my worst, you definitely don't deserve me at my best"

Grimmerick · July 2011

I would Honestly reevaluate your relationship, I gained weight with my fiance too but he never got a wandering eye. That is something that might continue to be an issue when you reach your goal weight too...and you have to think if you really want to spend the rest of your life not sure if he is talking to other women. That is very stressful, plus you want someone who will love you no matter what you turn into, having children can take a huge toll on your body and so does getting old, will he dip out on you when those things happen? It is your decision but do give it some serious thought.

Mommawarrior · July 2011

I would dump him TODAY. Regardless of his excuse, a cheater is a cheater!
Get healthy for yourself and let him regret his stupidity when he sees how gorgeous you are. You are probably gorgeous now, cheaters just don't see it.

Mommawarrior · July 2011

Dump the bast@rd, lose the weight and find somebody who actually deserves you!

So nice to hear a guy say that!

DancinSMartiPants · July 2011

Seriously, there is like a 90% chance he would be doing the same thing if you hadn't gained weight. That's not to say that you shouldn't look and feel hot, but if he's going to stray he's going to stray. A faithful person talks out issues with their partner rather than soliciting other people on the internet.

I don't see anything wrong with his being more attracted to you when you're smaller. We're all human. We all have different phsyical attributes that we find attractive. And I also don't see any issue with his having a loving conversation with you about ways y'all can workout together, eat better together, etc. But the fact that he immediately turned to the internet says, "Bad News" to me.

My two cents, of course. I'm not a therapist or anything and I don't know your whole situation.

Amo_Angelus · July 2011

If you're fatter and he's got a wandering eye...Maybe there's a bigger problem there than just appearances. Just saying. The man you're pledging to spend the rest of your life with hould really love you for who you are, not what you look like and if gaining some weight has caued problems...well.... What's he going to be like after you have kids? I hate to say it but I'd get rid! And I doubt that's even the reason anyway, he probably just wants some variety! And that is NOT your fault! You are NOT the one being hurtful. You are NOT the one with a wandering eye. HE IS! If your weight really was an issue then a keeper would tell you and help you, and it would have to be a big weight increase.

Get rid!

Diet for yourself if you want to.

Find a better man! They are out there and they will treat you better!

mindy14456 · July 2011

I agree with the others. You deserve better, and you should lose the weight for you. No matter what your size is, he most likely will not stop cheating, and he definitely isn't good enough to have you on his arm! Good luck to you, you can do this!!

eates · July 2011

I keep catching my fiance' talking to other women on the internet....telling them they are beautiful wanting to meet them etc....

Dump the idiot. There is no excuse for that kind of behaviour.

Amen!! I've gained 50 lbs since my hubby & I started dating. He doesn't use that as an excuse to cheat because a) he knows that if he does then he'd better give up sleeping and b) he truly loves me and doesn't want to risk our marriage. Your weight has nothing to do with the way he treats you. It's because he's an *kitten*. If you want to lose weight do it for you but don't think that losing weight is going to make him less of an *kitten*.

jtp5184 · July 2011

hes weenie plain and simple.

i had a boyfriend tell me he wasnt sure where this was going and i broke up with him. im just saying your fabulous and wonderful and if he doesnt see it then hes not the right guy. dont get into anything that you need lawyers to get out of.

and then i would use that motivation he gave you to be the best you that you can be. self improvement is the best revenge...

hope your ok :flowerforyou:

madworld711 · July 2011

oh wow. what a douche. he needs to be dropped real quick.

this guy sounds like trouble. you should only lose weight for yourself & never accept cheating- no matter what.

if you let him get away with this bc you are "bigger" then you are leaving the door wide open for him to keep doing this with other excuses in the future.

kfitz10103 · July 2011

Well there is never an excuse to wander. If my husband was unhappy with my weight and he needed another woman to compensate then he should leave me. (That would make him the biggest idiot in the world though.) I met my husband when I was 148lbs and at my highest I was 253lbs. He loved me at my high weight too. Does he like me better at my current weight of 165? Of course, but that doesn't mean he could wander when I was 253. So I guess I could get motivated and lose weight so he would love me or I could dump him and lose weight to show him what an idiot he is. Maybe I should just lose weight for myself and I would gain self confidence and maybe decide to leave him after I lose all the weight. I don't mean to be harsh, but I have really strong feelings about men who cheat. I know your fiance hasn't, but he is on the wrong path that is leading towards it. I would make sure he knows all the flirting ends NOW. Next time I caught him I would be gone.

yaddayaddayadda · July 2011

Girlie... its time for you to move on.

No one deserves to be treated they way this guy is treating you.

Your weight gain does not give him permission to cheat on you. If he loved you, he would love you regardless of your weight,

Unload the jerk!

Once he is gone, get to work on making your life what you want it to be. You can do it all without him!

ChantalGG · July 2011

Start lifting and then kick is butt. Seriously, you need to gain some confidence and realize you can do way better than him. I hate these kind of men, I dated so many of his type that honestly i would rather be alone if my current relationship fails. Save on the heartache. You need to find out what his true intentions are and you need to find out what you really want. Just because you have been together for awhile and your families know each other,etc. doesnt mean you need to live unhappily ever after. This is YOUR life and you are the one that can change it for the good. dont settle.

cassieko · July 2011

Of course he would say that, you caught him and then gave him a convenient excuse so he could turn around and blame you.
He sounds like a jerk, you sound like you're so caught up in his jerkness that you believe it...

Get rid of him. There are wonderful, amazing men out there who will love you no matter what you look like.

LOTS of things can happen over a life together - that's why you promise to love each other in sickness and health, for richer or for poorer... I work in a nursing home and even though I see some sad family situations, I am constantly inspired by the LOVE that last through all kinds of trials and tribulations. Remember "The Notebook"??

Long story long: DUMP THIS GUY.

LorinaLynn · July 2011

A *kitten* will be a *kitten* no matter what you weigh or what you look like. If he lacks character, that has nothing to do with the number on your scale. I mean... look at Halle Berry, Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Aniston, Elizabeth Hurley. Their guys cheated on them.

rickpearce · July 2011

Not that I can speak from experience or anything, but there is obviously some motive to wanting to "meet" these other girls. Most guys got enough friends already and something tells me he isn't looking for someone to chat about cars or watch sports with.

It would not shock me if this behavior might have caused or helped you gain the extra weight. I'm no shrink but it sounds like he is making you insecure.

If you aren't even married yet and this is how things are then I think you should really put some thought into your next move(s).

Amo_Angelus · July 2011

Just an add on to what kfitz10103 said:
I don't mean to be harsh, but I have really strong feelings about men who cheat. I know your fiance hasn't, but he is on the wrong path that is leading towards it.

Just becaue a man hasn't slept with another woman doesn't mean he isn't cheating. Emotional cheating is real, and to a lot of women more painful than if a guy has sex with a woman he doesn't care about.

Elixandra · July 2011

Dump the bast@rd, lose the weight and find somebody who actually deserves you!

I agree. He will probly keep doing this to you even after you lose the weight. You deserve someone that supports you and respects you. And he dosnt sound like he dose eather. I know it makes you feel bad that he dose it. He knows you feel bad when he dose it. So he should stop when you asked him about it. If he really loved you he would have stoped. Or wouldn't have ever started. Im sorry he is doing this to you. You deserve better then that!

Jaradel · July 2011

Better to find this out now rather than after the wedding - this guy is a jerk. If he had a problem with your weight, if that was really a dealbreaker for him, he owed you the respect and courtesy of breaking it off with you - not skulking around on the internet chatting up other women. A man who loves you, loves YOU - all of you. I know it sucks, and I know you're hurting, but if I were in your place I would walk away from him. You can do so much better.

*hugs*

sundancer1966 · July 2011

Hi,

I am so sorry you are having these issues. Please believe it is not because of your weight, it is because he wants to see what else is out there. If he is treating you like this now, it will only get worse when you get married. I have known men like him, and you can do and deserve better.

If being faithful is important to you, you need to find someone with honor your commitment and who really loves you. If he really loved you, it would not matter to him how much you weigh. He would want you to be healthy and support you in this, not look elsewhere.

You should get healthy for you and you alone. If you do it for him, he will find another excuse. You handed him one this time. If it is not because of looks, it would be that you were too tired the other night, or you did not make me dinner when he wanted, or he will say you nagged him to take out the trash Guys like that, first give men a bad name, and second he will stray, it is a matter of time.

So, get healthy for you, not him. And do not take this crap from him. He asked you to marry him, but he is still looking??? You may want to do some thinking about what you want and expect from him, and if he is able to give it. Maybe couples thereapy before you get married?

I am no expert, but this is what i think.

This is what I have been told....

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