This is what I have been told....
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I know a great way you could lose 150lbs+ plus overnight >:o| Prick.0
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Seriously, there is like a 90% chance he would be doing the same thing if you hadn't gained weight. That's not to say that you shouldn't look and feel hot, but if he's going to stray he's going to stray. A faithful person talks out issues with their partner rather than soliciting other people on the internet.
I don't see anything wrong with his being more attracted to you when you're smaller. We're all human. We all have different phsyical attributes that we find attractive. And I also don't see any issue with his having a loving conversation with you about ways y'all can workout together, eat better together, etc. But the fact that he immediately turned to the internet says, "Bad News" to me.
My two cents, of course. I'm not a therapist or anything and I don't know your whole situation.0 -
i say he's the one with the issue..you mentioned this is repetitive behaviour...its notan if its a when
i was married to man who did the excat same thing to me...thing is i was so unhappy ( hindsight ) that i ate and ate
that relationship ended when i caught him telling another woman he no longer was "in love with me"
yup...it hurt like hell and it sucked for a long long time....a really long time
cut to 41 lbs down (so far) and i much happier person
turns out when you care enough about yourself you will do all those things that make you a stronger better person
i am now in a heathly relationship where he wants me to be fit so we can bike, run, canoe, skip, dance, walk, play together for the rest of our lives....not so he can have a pretty thing to take out...i know i'm a rockstar and so does he
you need to be healthy for you not him
don't let him get away with one more day of cruelity and disrespect0 -
As the wife of a husband that cheated and had a child with the nasty I()&*(..... Get out before you have the misery of having to take care of your kids and being strong for them all the while hurting so very badly on the inside.0
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Seconded!Dump the bast@rd, lose the weight and find somebody who actually deserves you!
Please don't believe marriage will change your relationship or his behaviour. It's not a magic wand that will suddenly make him faithful.
If he doesn't love and respect you as much as you do him, a wedding is just an expensive dress and dinner.0 -
I've been with my husband for more than 20 years. When we met I was much smaller (I was only 17!) Over the years my weight has gone up and down but I am definitely heavier than when we met by a bunch of pounds! Four kids will do that to you if you're not being careful. All that to say, he has NEVER EVER been ashamed of being in public with me nor has he flirted or ogled other women. That is not an excuse IMO. My husband loves and respects me for who I am, not what I look like. Even if you lose weight and are fit and trim age and gravity will still take its toll. If he doesn't love you for who you are then you should reconsider your relationship.0
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Your weight gain is a poor excuse for him being an *kitten*. My husband loved me when I was fit and thin and he still loved me after I gained 40+ pounds. You deserve someone who will love you no matter what you weigh.. or in my case, how crazy you are. :P We all go through rough times in life. I would be honest with yourself and re-evaluate your relationship. Personally, what he did would be a deal breaker for me. I need to be able to trust the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.0
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Sweetie, Please, please, please heed these BIG RED FLAG WARNINGS!!! Unless you want to spend the rest of your life FEELING this exact same way......and someday maybe even bring a child or two into learning this behavior....a boy will follow in his fathers footsteps and a daughter will learn to ACCEPT a relationship and man not worthy of her.....so the horrible pattern continues....It will be all they know and see, they will then think it to be a "normal" relationship.........BELIEVE ME YOU ARE WORTH FAR MORE THAN YOU ARE GIVING YOURSELF CREDIT FOR........dump him, get yourself on track (feeling good about yourself at any weight) and an amazing man will come along when you least expect it......life is far too short to settle for misery, disrespect, belittlement, if he truly was in love with you, it would not matter what your weight, and he would not seek others online......trust me he is not going to change..........let someone else deal with his BS!!!
The best predictor of FUTURE behavior is PAST behavior..........In my experience, if he is doing it now (regardless of what lame *kitten* excuse he is giving you.....and believe ME IT IS HIM and his own insecurities NOT YOU!!!) He will ALWAYS be doing this.....and even if by some remote chance he would stop........the precedent has been set, the trust has now been broken over and over again.....you will forever be "checking" "wondering" "waiting" for the day he does it again!!!0 -
It's not your fault that you "fiance" has a wondering eye.
Your weight is just an excuse - and sadly you offered him this excuse (by asking him "is it because I am bigger?" )
He is making YOU feel bad and as though you are to blame - and you are not.
50lbs, 250lbs - does it matter? I'd love my OH if he had no arms and legs!!!
Your OH sounds like a horror OP.. you obviously feel some way to blame for this but you need to find a way to see that gaining 50lbs is not an excuse for the man who is suppsed to love you to court other women. Love should be more than skin deep!
I assume you live together?
Do you want to stay with this man OP?
I agree that he is just an unfaithful guy and that has to do with him. Once you lose the weight, he'll have a brand new excuse for cheating on you.
Men like this don't change. They're immature and incapable of making a true commitment. He will continue to break your heart and erode your self-esteem for as long as you stay with him, not matter how much weight you lose. Voice of experience here, unfortunately.0 -
No. 1: Dump him. A “Wandering Eye” has nothing to do with you. It’s his problem that you are accepting.
No. 2: Don’t ask questions that you may not like to hear the answer of.
No. 3: If you want to lose weight and get fit and healthy, you have to want to it for YOU, not anyone else.
I wish you good luck and happiness on whatever your decisions are.0 -
What this poster said. I would love my husband twig thin, perfectly cut, old has the hills or obese. I would NEVER cheat on him. He is my other half in a real sense.It's not your fault that you "fiance" has a wondering eye.
Your weight is just an excuse - and sadly you offered him this excuse (by asking him "is it because I am bigger?" )
He is making YOU feel bad and as though you are to blame - and you are not.
50lbs, 250lbs - does it matter? I'd love my OH if he had no arms and legs!!!
Your OH sounds like a horror OP.. you obviously feel some way to blame for this but you need to find a way to see that gaining 50lbs is not an excuse for the man who is suppsed to love you to court other women. Love should be more than skin deep!
I assume you live together?
Do you want to stay with this man OP?0 -
IMO, his behavior is cheating. If he does it now it will only get worse after you are married. Please don't bring children into this already bad situation. You deserve way better! A good guy will love you no matter what. Time to make some decisions about what you want the rest of your life to be like. It looks like you have already gotten a glimpse into his behavior and how he will treat you for the rest of your married life.
Good luck and be strong! 0 -
I probably have no business responding to a topic like this since I've been single since, well.. forever. But I don't think it's to your benefit to stay with someone who does not respect and love you regardless of your size. It's obvious his interests lie elsewhere. That guy's not a keeper.0
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dump him and move on
i know that is harsh.
but if you carry on now you will forever be trying to lose weight to keep him........... not a great way to live0 -
I keep catching my fiance' talking to other women on the internet....telling them they are beautiful wanting to meet them etc....
Dump the idiot. There is no excuse for that kind of behaviour.
Ditto. My older sister had a similar experience with a boyfriend in high school. He admitted that he'd like her better if she looked more like me (I was thin, athletic, and 14 at the time, so that was creepy). And that was at one of her lower weights (she's never been smaller than a size 10).
There are plenty of guys who will like you for you, regardless of weight. And I'm sure some will chime in here and tell you so.
Don't settle. Dump the dead weight.0 -
My realationship with my fiance
Maybe this should say ex-fiance...... If his love for you is that shallow, is it really marriage worthy?0 -
Sorry to tell you...
it doesn't matter how much you weigh or what you look like.
your man is a loser and dishonest.
and that will never change. he is unhappy and your weight isn't going to CHANGE HIM.
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Please tell me you are not still planning on marrying this person.
You deserve to be with someone who lifts you up, not shoots you down. He's using your weight as an excuse to cheat (and there really isn't ever a valid excuse to cheat, anyway). Like PP said, he sounds like he would have a wandering eye regardless of your weight gain.
I have gained about 20 lbs since being with my boyfriend (and I was already 20 lbs overweight when we met). I lost 35 pounds last year, then gained it back. He has never said anything about my weight, and continues to treat me like gold. There ARE great men out there who will deserve you. Your fiancé's behavior is appalling. I'm sorry you are going through this
Dump the loser and work on YOU.0 -
OMG Hun! He is not the right one for you. IM sorry to be so blunt. For 1) he is looking for someone else. In front of you too! Meeting other people while he is with you is JUST NOT RIGHT! for 2) If he is embarrassed to be with you then how can you be in a relationship with him. Being comfortable is one thing but making your partner feel insecure and worthless is another.
Remember 1 thing: Know your worth!
I know it may sounds cliche but he needs to love you for you. If your weight is bothering him he needs to work with you not go around it by looking for someone new let alone CHEAT because thats what he's doing.
I used to blame myself for my 1st husband cheating on me. I wasnt pretty, I was chubby and not good enough for him. Well I was WRONG! He wasnt good enough for ME. I had to learn that the hard way. Lots of heart ache and pain. But theres hope after that....and hope for you too. Do things for you, not him. If you want to loose weight do it for you.
You have support and love on here and we are here to help you through your journey.
Good Luck and god bless0 -
I had a huuuuuge crush on a friend of mine for about 10 years. I was about 250lb and lost the weight and that's when he started acting interested. I asked why, he said "You were FAT before! You walked like a penguin" I said- "See ya later!" haven't talked to him since
If youre not in it for my personality and you're embarrassed to be seen with me because I'm fat, then I want nothing to do with you. Nothing.
I hope you realize you're worth more than that and you don't deserve to be treated that way. Stand up for yourself.0 -
A *kitten* will be a *kitten* no matter what you weigh or what you look like. If he lacks character, that has nothing to do with the number on your scale. I mean... look at Halle Berry, Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Aniston, Elizabeth Hurley. Their guys cheated on them.
EXACTLY!!!
People who do these things DO NOT CHANGE no matter what you look like or do to try and please them.0 -
This has absolutely noting to do with you, who you are or how you look. It's all about him.
He's got issues,not you. Most times, it's about THEIR low self esteem. Meeting new women, wooing them, it makes them feel better about themselves. It has absolutely nothing to do with your worth. If you aren't enough for him, he doesn't need you. And he doesn't deserve you. Sadly, unless he fixes what's going on with him, he can't be there completely for you. On the other side, if it happens often, you talk about it and he keeps doing it. Then he has no reason to change. He has the best of both worlds and you're always there.
I've been there. It's not fun. It's not a good way to live. If you really want to stay, then talk it out, go to a counselor even. But for sure lay down the law. If it happens again, you're gone and then do it. Doing it is the hardest part. It's hard, but move on, live a great life and some day you will meet a great guy. And that guy's going to thrilled you moved on.
You're not getting respect. And you deserve it, no matter what size you are. It's time for him to respect YOU, but if he doesn't respect himself, it's not easy.
I hope nothing but the best for you!0 -
That's horrible.... I am so sorry to hear that :frown:
You deserve better than that :frown:0 -
I am a guy. You should dump his *kitten* right now. If you marry this slime it's going to end in so much heart-ache. I feel horrible for you, and this process is going to hurt either way. But you're not married now, get out now while you can. Please don't marry this guy, real men don't cheat, and they sure as hell don't blame their fiance's weight-loss for their cheating.0
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Dump him. You'll never be "thin enough" for him. I watched my Mom go through this cycle with my Dad and she got down to 112 on a 5'8 frame. He still cheated. Some men are just dogs. There are good ones out there though and you'll never find the right one when you're with the wrong one.0
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Been there and done that. My son's father cheated, made horrible comments about my appearance and told many many times that no one else would want to be with me. I think I ate more and gained more as he became more abusive. I honestly thought that no one would want me so I let myself go.
NOW, I am so much more confident. I get complemented and flirted with much more and have had some pretty dang attractive guys try to get with me. Do yourself a favor and BE DONE! It took me far too long to leave him and even though it has been hard at times I could not be happier now. No one deserves to be treated like that and the sooner you get rid of him, you'll be able to focus more on improving yourself.
Add me if you would like to talk, I have plenty of experience with this kind of man...0 -
Oh, someday you will realize that he did you a favor. First of all he let you know that he's sef-centered jerk BEFORE you said 'I do'. And second he forced you to take a look at yourself and your weight gain. I know it's hard to hear and hard to do, but if you dump him like the sack of garbage he is you will likely dump a lot of the weight also. Worrying about your relationship is probably leading to comfort eating and one of the facotrs of your weight gain.0
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I keep catching my fiance' talking to other women on the internet....telling them they are beautiful wanting to meet them etc....
Dump the idiot. There is no excuse for that kind of behaviour.
I couldn't agree more.
Looks aren't everything.
For all he knows, they may be beautiful but they could also be total B****es too.
You deserve better sweetie, someone that looks at the heart, not just the body.0 -
I was very upset when I read this! This is probably not something you want to hear, but any man who is already looking around before you are married is not going to stop after you are married. Instead of supporting you in your effort to lose weight and be healthy he is sabotaging you by doing this. You have already discussed this with him about how this hurts you which can't help the self esteem and probably just leads to more emotional eating. Do yourself a favor and dump him before you get married to this jerk! In the end if someone truly loves you they will look past the weight and love who you are, and even if you have gained weight losing it for someone else is not the way to do it! You should want to do it becuase you want to be healthy, NOT becuase your "fiance" has a wandering eye.
Sorry I have been through almost the same situation but when you let go of this man and the hurt he is causing you, you will be less stressed out and the weight will probably fall right off! Don't ever let a man (or anyone for that matter) make you feel unworthy. Every person deserves to be treated with respect and love!\0 -
For what it is worth I had this happen to me. Only it was my husband. I can now say my EXhusband proudly. Sadly what he didn't know was one of the women he was hitting on was looking in my direction and tipped me off. (granted I wasn't returning her attention) When I seen him for what he truly was, not just this little part of his ICK, but in whole everything that he was I could not get away from him fast enough.
In my opinion Marilyn Monroe said it best with: "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." :drinker:
He straight up does not deserve a good woman like you. Hold on to your motivation to get healthy, that includes losing some of the ugliest weight I have ever seen .... HIM! So loose him and keep moving forward. :flowerforyou:0
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