This is what I have been told....

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245

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  • kfitz10103
    kfitz10103 Posts: 354
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    Well there is never an excuse to wander. If my husband was unhappy with my weight and he needed another woman to compensate then he should leave me. (That would make him the biggest idiot in the world though.) I met my husband when I was 148lbs and at my highest I was 253lbs. He loved me at my high weight too. Does he like me better at my current weight of 165? Of course, but that doesn't mean he could wander when I was 253. So I guess I could get motivated and lose weight so he would love me or I could dump him and lose weight to show him what an idiot he is. Maybe I should just lose weight for myself and I would gain self confidence and maybe decide to leave him after I lose all the weight. I don't mean to be harsh, but I have really strong feelings about men who cheat. I know your fiance hasn't, but he is on the wrong path that is leading towards it. I would make sure he knows all the flirting ends NOW. Next time I caught him I would be gone.
  • yaddayaddayadda
    yaddayaddayadda Posts: 430 Member
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    Girlie... its time for you to move on.

    No one deserves to be treated they way this guy is treating you.

    Your weight gain does not give him permission to cheat on you. If he loved you, he would love you regardless of your weight,

    Unload the jerk!

    Once he is gone, get to work on making your life what you want it to be. You can do it all without him!
  • ChantalGG
    ChantalGG Posts: 2,404 Member
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    Start lifting and then kick is butt. Seriously, you need to gain some confidence and realize you can do way better than him. I hate these kind of men, I dated so many of his type that honestly i would rather be alone if my current relationship fails. Save on the heartache. You need to find out what his true intentions are and you need to find out what you really want. Just because you have been together for awhile and your families know each other,etc. doesnt mean you need to live unhappily ever after. This is YOUR life and you are the one that can change it for the good. dont settle.
  • cassieko
    cassieko Posts: 40 Member
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    Of course he would say that, you caught him and then gave him a convenient excuse so he could turn around and blame you.
    He sounds like a jerk, you sound like you're so caught up in his jerkness that you believe it...

    Get rid of him. There are wonderful, amazing men out there who will love you no matter what you look like.

    LOTS of things can happen over a life together - that's why you promise to love each other in sickness and health, for richer or for poorer... I work in a nursing home and even though I see some sad family situations, I am constantly inspired by the LOVE that last through all kinds of trials and tribulations. Remember "The Notebook"??

    Long story long: DUMP THIS GUY.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    A *kitten* will be a *kitten* no matter what you weigh or what you look like. If he lacks character, that has nothing to do with the number on your scale. I mean... look at Halle Berry, Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Aniston, Elizabeth Hurley. Their guys cheated on them.
  • rickpearce
    rickpearce Posts: 100 Member
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    Not that I can speak from experience or anything, but there is obviously some motive to wanting to "meet" these other girls. Most guys got enough friends already and something tells me he isn't looking for someone to chat about cars or watch sports with.

    It would not shock me if this behavior might have caused or helped you gain the extra weight. I'm no shrink but it sounds like he is making you insecure.

    If you aren't even married yet and this is how things are then I think you should really put some thought into your next move(s).
  • Amo_Angelus
    Amo_Angelus Posts: 604 Member
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    Just an add on to what kfitz10103 said:
    I don't mean to be harsh, but I have really strong feelings about men who cheat. I know your fiance hasn't, but he is on the wrong path that is leading towards it.

    Just becaue a man hasn't slept with another woman doesn't mean he isn't cheating. Emotional cheating is real, and to a lot of women more painful than if a guy has sex with a woman he doesn't care about.
  • Elixandra
    Elixandra Posts: 299 Member
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    Dump the bast@rd, lose the weight and find somebody who actually deserves you!

    I agree. He will probly keep doing this to you even after you lose the weight. You deserve someone that supports you and respects you. And he dosnt sound like he dose eather. I know it makes you feel bad that he dose it. He knows you feel bad when he dose it. So he should stop when you asked him about it. If he really loved you he would have stoped. Or wouldn't have ever started. Im sorry he is doing this to you. You deserve better then that!
  • Jaradel
    Jaradel Posts: 143 Member
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    Better to find this out now rather than after the wedding - this guy is a jerk. If he had a problem with your weight, if that was really a dealbreaker for him, he owed you the respect and courtesy of breaking it off with you - not skulking around on the internet chatting up other women. A man who loves you, loves YOU - all of you. I know it sucks, and I know you're hurting, but if I were in your place I would walk away from him. You can do so much better.

    *hugs*
  • sundancer1966
    sundancer1966 Posts: 478 Member
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    Hi,

    I am so sorry you are having these issues. Please believe it is not because of your weight, it is because he wants to see what else is out there. If he is treating you like this now, it will only get worse when you get married. I have known men like him, and you can do and deserve better.

    If being faithful is important to you, you need to find someone with honor your commitment and who really loves you. If he really loved you, it would not matter to him how much you weigh. He would want you to be healthy and support you in this, not look elsewhere.

    You should get healthy for you and you alone. If you do it for him, he will find another excuse. You handed him one this time. If it is not because of looks, it would be that you were too tired the other night, or you did not make me dinner when he wanted, or he will say you nagged him to take out the trash Guys like that, first give men a bad name, and second he will stray, it is a matter of time.

    So, get healthy for you, not him. And do not take this crap from him. He asked you to marry him, but he is still looking??? You may want to do some thinking about what you want and expect from him, and if he is able to give it. Maybe couples thereapy before you get married?

    I am no expert, but this is what i think.
  • iwillsoonbeslim
    iwillsoonbeslim Posts: 283
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    I know a great way you could lose 150lbs+ plus overnight >:o| Prick.
  • alfredapittman
    alfredapittman Posts: 256 Member
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    Seriously, there is like a 90% chance he would be doing the same thing if you hadn't gained weight. That's not to say that you shouldn't look and feel hot, but if he's going to stray he's going to stray. A faithful person talks out issues with their partner rather than soliciting other people on the internet.

    I don't see anything wrong with his being more attracted to you when you're smaller. We're all human. We all have different phsyical attributes that we find attractive. And I also don't see any issue with his having a loving conversation with you about ways y'all can workout together, eat better together, etc. But the fact that he immediately turned to the internet says, "Bad News" to me.

    My two cents, of course. I'm not a therapist or anything and I don't know your whole situation.
  • trigrrl
    trigrrl Posts: 104 Member
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    i say he's the one with the issue..you mentioned this is repetitive behaviour...its notan if its a when

    i was married to man who did the excat same thing to me...thing is i was so unhappy ( hindsight ) that i ate and ate
    that relationship ended when i caught him telling another woman he no longer was "in love with me"
    yup...it hurt like hell and it sucked for a long long time....a really long time

    cut to 41 lbs down (so far) and i much happier person

    turns out when you care enough about yourself you will do all those things that make you a stronger better person
    i am now in a heathly relationship where he wants me to be fit so we can bike, run, canoe, skip, dance, walk, play together for the rest of our lives....not so he can have a pretty thing to take out...i know i'm a rockstar and so does he

    you need to be healthy for you not him
    don't let him get away with one more day of cruelity and disrespect
  • demery12371
    demery12371 Posts: 253 Member
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    As the wife of a husband that cheated and had a child with the nasty I()&*(..... Get out before you have the misery of having to take care of your kids and being strong for them all the while hurting so very badly on the inside.
  • BerryH
    BerryH Posts: 4,698 Member
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    Dump the bast@rd, lose the weight and find somebody who actually deserves you!
    Seconded!

    Please don't believe marriage will change your relationship or his behaviour. It's not a magic wand that will suddenly make him faithful.

    If he doesn't love and respect you as much as you do him, a wedding is just an expensive dress and dinner.
  • knittnponder
    knittnponder Posts: 1,954 Member
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    I've been with my husband for more than 20 years. When we met I was much smaller (I was only 17!) Over the years my weight has gone up and down but I am definitely heavier than when we met by a bunch of pounds! Four kids will do that to you if you're not being careful. All that to say, he has NEVER EVER been ashamed of being in public with me nor has he flirted or ogled other women. That is not an excuse IMO. My husband loves and respects me for who I am, not what I look like. Even if you lose weight and are fit and trim age and gravity will still take its toll. If he doesn't love you for who you are then you should reconsider your relationship.
  • Riebop
    Riebop Posts: 275
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    Your weight gain is a poor excuse for him being an *kitten*. My husband loved me when I was fit and thin and he still loved me after I gained 40+ pounds. You deserve someone who will love you no matter what you weigh.. or in my case, how crazy you are. :P We all go through rough times in life. I would be honest with yourself and re-evaluate your relationship. Personally, what he did would be a deal breaker for me. I need to be able to trust the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.
  • fitnezrox
    fitnezrox Posts: 41
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    Sweetie, Please, please, please heed these BIG RED FLAG WARNINGS!!! Unless you want to spend the rest of your life FEELING this exact same way......and someday maybe even bring a child or two into learning this behavior....a boy will follow in his fathers footsteps and a daughter will learn to ACCEPT a relationship and man not worthy of her.....so the horrible pattern continues....It will be all they know and see, they will then think it to be a "normal" relationship.........BELIEVE ME YOU ARE WORTH FAR MORE THAN YOU ARE GIVING YOURSELF CREDIT FOR........dump him, get yourself on track (feeling good about yourself at any weight) and an amazing man will come along when you least expect it......life is far too short to settle for misery, disrespect, belittlement, if he truly was in love with you, it would not matter what your weight, and he would not seek others online......trust me he is not going to change..........let someone else deal with his BS!!!

    The best predictor of FUTURE behavior is PAST behavior..........In my experience, if he is doing it now (regardless of what lame *kitten* excuse he is giving you.....and believe ME IT IS HIM and his own insecurities NOT YOU!!!) He will ALWAYS be doing this.....and even if by some remote chance he would stop........the precedent has been set, the trust has now been broken over and over again.....you will forever be "checking" "wondering" "waiting" for the day he does it again!!!
  • Atlantique
    Atlantique Posts: 2,484 Member
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    It's not your fault that you "fiance" has a wondering eye.

    Your weight is just an excuse - and sadly you offered him this excuse (by asking him "is it because I am bigger?" )

    He is making YOU feel bad and as though you are to blame - and you are not.

    50lbs, 250lbs - does it matter? I'd love my OH if he had no arms and legs!!!

    Your OH sounds like a horror OP.. you obviously feel some way to blame for this but you need to find a way to see that gaining 50lbs is not an excuse for the man who is suppsed to love you to court other women. Love should be more than skin deep!

    I assume you live together?

    Do you want to stay with this man OP?

    I agree that he is just an unfaithful guy and that has to do with him. Once you lose the weight, he'll have a brand new excuse for cheating on you.

    Men like this don't change. They're immature and incapable of making a true commitment. He will continue to break your heart and erode your self-esteem for as long as you stay with him, not matter how much weight you lose. Voice of experience here, unfortunately.
  • CRody44
    CRody44 Posts: 776 Member
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    No. 1: Dump him. A “Wandering Eye” has nothing to do with you. It’s his problem that you are accepting.
    No. 2: Don’t ask questions that you may not like to hear the answer of.
    No. 3: If you want to lose weight and get fit and healthy, you have to want to it for YOU, not anyone else.
    I wish you good luck and happiness on whatever your decisions are.

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