Hubby won't jump on the bandwagon...HELP!!!
DixieDarlin1987
Posts: 553 Member
Ok, since having my son a year ago I have really done well with exercising and eating right. I have lost all of my baby weight and then some and gained some serious muscle. I owe most of this to all of you wonderful people! My husband is a very large man. He used to be a power lifter when he was younger. He was never lean (like a body builder), he was just MASSIVE and in very good shape. Over the past couple of years he has fallen out of his workout routine and is completely sedentary when he gets home. This has caused him to gain some serious weight. He works a very physical job outside in the southern Louisiana heat and when he comes home he is just worn out, so I understand wanting to come home and relax but he's just got to do something. I always cook healthy, so what he's eating really isn't the problem, it's really how much he's eating and the fact that all he wants to do is lay around when he gets home. I've been hoping that watching me shape back up would encourage him, but it hasn't. He went to the doctor the other day and the doctor told him he needed to lose at least 40 lbs. He still doesn't seem concerned. I just don't know what to do. I love him no matter what and I don't mind him being fluffy at all, but I just want him to be healthy. HELP!!!
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Replies
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Did the doc ask for a blood test? It would be wise....sometimes the lack of energy post work is psychological sometimes it's a medical.0
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Unfortunately, you can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. I don't keep crap food in the house, I make good healthy meals, and yet my DH still manages to gain weight. However, I know that my husband is depressed, so once we get him over the hump, I think he'll start wanting to work out. Just keep doing what you're doing, and ask him every once in a while if he wants to workout with you.0
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He has a history of heart disease in his family so he goes to the cardiologist yearly and has blood work taken. His cholesterol and everything else is fine, but his blood pressure was as little on the high side. I just can't bear the thought of it getting worse. He can still take control and fix this but he just doesn't seem to think it's a problem.0
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I am interested to see what people have to say about this. I have the same problem with my "hubby". Only he works a desk job and then comes home and sits on his butt and does nothing. Mostly it's frustrating because he never wants to get out and do anything and he consumes a lot of alcohol and junk food and pushes it on me also. My complaint would be more like "Hubby is sabotaging me! Help!"
Yesterday he brought home champagne and a subway cookie for me. How do you smack them for being nice? Argh!
Maybe they just have to figure it out on their own?0 -
You need to sit him down and tell him how you are feeling, but not in an attacking way. Show him the fear you have for his health. Tell him you will do what you need to do to help him--measure his food, workout with him, all that. Encourage him to do better. He may be sluggish b/c he is over weight. Exercise might help him feel much better, especially if he is already eating healthy--just an over abundance. He's lucky to have a wife who is willing to help. Help him want to help himself, but you can't make him..."help" is the magic word, here
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Unfortunately, you can't MAKE him do anything. However, you can make him WANT to do something. If you had a serious "come to Jesus meeting" with him, would he listen? Maybe he needs to see how genuinely concerned you are for his future. Remind him of what he has to lose and how precious life really is! Be sympathetic and genuinely concerned; not accusing or attacking.0
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All this sounds alot like my husband. A couple of monthes ago he was having surgery to help him breathe better and to stop snoring for which he had to have bloodwork done. He asked them to also test his testosterone and it turns out it was SUPER low! (Normal is 400-900 and his was 140!) He has begun treatment and it is helping! Just an idea, the Endocrinologist that my husband saw said this affects alot of men but they just dont think to have it tested.0
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I agree that I don't think you can change him. He will only do it when he is ready. I congratulate you on taking charge of your health and fitness and just keep encouraging him. I was going to say maybe sitting down and talking to him but truly people will only make a change when THEY are ready.
Keep cooking healthy, working out and encourage him to join you. Maybe you can find an acitvity that you both can do together. Walking, biking or a workout program that you can start together. Maybe he feels left out.
But don't stop working on you. He will catch up when he is ready.0 -
I find it funny how doctors dictate that they need to lose 40 pounds or whatever and leave to their own will to figure out everything else.
He needs to learn somehow, hopefully by his doctor, that his extra weight will haunt him eventually. It did for me. I was pre diabetic, had severe knee pain from arthritis from carrying too much weight on them, and I had high blood pressure. Since losing 103 pounds I have reversed ALL OF THAT! Plus I look good and feel amazing.
Right now he is making up excuses. If he focused on losing weight and getting a bit of exercise in the evening, he will see weight loss and start to feel better and this would hopefully encourage him enough to move forward even some more, maybe add more exercise. We all know that no seconds and third helpings as well as sedentary lifestyle will not get us anywhere. He may not want to hear this from anyone, and it may take a doctor having to tell him it is a do or die situation.
Either way, you are certainly a wonderful wife to him who is caring a lot about him to be concerned. Just don't push the issue with him too much---this will get him no where. Keep setting a good example. Maybe leave subtle clues laying around like magazines or pictures of before and after stories. before and after stories was my #1 motivation in my early days. Good luck.0 -
all you can do is explain to him your concerns and continue doing what you are doing. You can not make him want to change. he has to see it himself. unfortunatly thats the a tough burden to bear (ok thats so not the right one - but i cant figure out which sp is right this morning).. but you have to let him see it himself. the fact taht you make healthy food is great, maybe cut down on how much you make so he doesnt have the option to eat as much of it. and maybe try to get him in on activites.. there's of course the favorite activity between couples... or see if he'll walk with you for a bit or something, just to get him moving without being overly pushy or nagging. good luck0
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Unfortunately, I have already talked to him about it several times and offered my support in every way imaginable. It's hard for us to workout together because we have a 1 year old but when our son is down for his nap, I've invited him to join me.He always refuses bc I do Jillian Michaels workouts and he says it's a chick workout but has also admitted that he doesn't think he could keep up. Why is it that he is okay with settling on being so out of shape that he can't keep up with a "chick workout"? I even went as far as buying him the stationary bike he said he wanted several months back and he hasn't touched it. I offered to buy him a gym membership for his birthday but he wasn't interested. I always cook healthy for his sake and mine. He packs a lunch everyday...usually two turkey sandwiches and a small bag of chips...not so bad. I tried to get him to drink crystal light instead of diet coke but he always goes back to it. :sad:0
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my fiancee has just got on the wagon after years of perstering. i have gained the most weight and he can spae to lose what he gained within the last couple of years. I HIGHLY recommend you doing the C25K program WITH him. this gives little accomplishments to people who have weight to lose and by the end of the program you'll see a HUGE difference. i was NEVER EVER EVER EVER a runner, still not a runnr, but i can proudly say i am addicted to jogging and this program. this will give his confidence back along with eating healthy and i promise you will see a positive change. Choose after he gts home from work, it;s only 20 mins 3 times a week. by the end of the program yoou will be running 5k in 30 mins! GL with everything :-D0
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My husband is a tall guy (6'4") and like your husband, has a pretty hard labor job in an aspect of the construction industry, so he also comes home tired and unmotivated to do much. My husband isn't really overweight (although since he's gotten off some medication and trying to quit smoking, his middle is a bit less slender) and he does have an awareness of the fact that he'd like to workout, be in better shape, and make sure he doesn't become overweight.
Same thing food wise though - we don't have a ton of crap in the house and I have stopped buying things that my husband will really chow down on with regularity (for some reason, he loves crackers and croutons). I do all the shopping and cooking and even make his lunch for him, but he still eats a lot. He will snack on toast, frozen waffles, and if I get a bag of chips, he'll eat the whole thing. He's realizing more and more that eating a whole bag of chips, or even one fast food meal makes him feel terrible, and I have been trying to encourage healthy snacks that are satisfying and filling - so when I discover something new, I share it with him. I also will gently make him aware of the fact that I am perfectly happy eating one serving of chips (or something even half of a serving) as I think sometimes he just wants to taste a certain flavor, and I also realize that I have just had to adjust to smaller portions.
Oh, also - one thing that has really helped me is just walking places - like to work and back, and when my husband is available to go with me, I ask him to do so. He's gotten much better about this, and will even walk back to meet me, so he is walking twice as much as I am on those days. It may not seem like walking does much, but an hour of walking burns about 300 calories!
Good luck, and I hope you figure something out - I hope I do too : )0 -
Mine is the same way. He is a large man 6'3 with a broad frame and has gotten heavier and heavier over the years. He entered a biggest loser competition at work two years ago and lost over 50 lbs, but since then has put it all back on. I try to motivate him, I tried tough love, I have asked him numerous times to go out for walks with me, I cook healthy meals only to find him snacking on other stuff later. It has gotten out of hand, but I have realized that there is nothing I can do for him, he has to want to do it for himself. I tell him all the time that I want him around to see our kids grow up, and that he would have so much more energy if he would take some of those pounds back off, but he's not motivated yet. I don't know what will motivate him, I just hope its not a heart attack that makes him realize its time for a change. Hopefully you can find a way to get your hubby motivated, when you do be sure to let me know what worked so I can get mine moving!!0
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Don't try games, don't leave hints. Be direct, Just say you want to look better. Guys will respond to that.
How do I get my wife on board with it?0 -
Don't try games, don't leave hints. Be direct, Just say you want to look better. Guys will respond to that.
How do I get my wife on board with it?
When she gives you that enyious look, like ' damn you look good" that's when you strike and say comone lets go for a walk... talk while your walking... the endorphines will help her mindset0 -
Honestly, he is going to do what he is going to do.. My hubby has quite the opposite issue but still deadly. He is pretty thin (135-140lb and 5'8") BUT he has hereditary high cholesterol and will NOT do anything about it. His great aunt is pure vegan and had a heart attack because she didn't realize not eating meat or drinking milk was gonna change the fact that it runs thru their blood. I told my hubby he needs to eat better and exercise or he will have to go on meds and his response "everyone dies sometime" which angers me because he's almost 32 and we have 2 small kids and he's the breadwinner in our family.
My point is, he is going to do what HE wants to do. A lot of men are stubborn and unless its their idea, they won't do something. Ive tried to get mine to do things with me so he can try to shape up before his recheck next month. He may be thin but he's definitely out of shape. Im sorry you're going thru it but don't push the issue or he'll back away more.0 -
Does anyone know of any good home workouts (dvds) that are cardio but low impact and good for beginners. You know, really easy moves and stuff. I think he's very intimidated by my Jillian dvds because of all the jumping, kicking and stuff like that. He's 43, over weight (mostly just the midsection), has bad joints, and is most definitely out of shape. He needs something that can be VERY modified for him starting out, and that's not so "chick" oriented. lol0
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I'm also curious if anyone has a recommendation for a simple, non-girly beginners' workout DVD. (I feel compelled to state that I wouldn't call adopting a healthier lifestyle a "bandwagon" but since that's neither here nor there, I'm using parentheses.)0
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I wouldn't do a chick workout either! I don't need to know that I can do keegles wile stretching.
The only thing I ever did like that was Dance Dance revolution and Wii fitness.
I had better luck in the winter with an elliptical with the tv in front of me.0 -
Depends on his personality. Some guys respond well with the serious sit-down talks, some don't. Sounds like your hubby doesn't. I would suggest ditching that approach entirely - it might only make things worse. You don't want him to have a vendetta against the idea of exercising! At that point, even if he wants to work out, he won't out of spite. Sorry, we men are like that =/
Here are a few things that might work on him...
1) If you go for walks with your son, invite your hubby to come along. 'When' you do this might be trial and error. Right when he gets home from work might be a good time, so you can say "once we get home from the walk, you can chill out for the rest of the evening." Or, it might work better if he comes home, gets a shower and maybe some food in him, and then go for an evening walk. Either way, tell him to come with you and tell you about his day. Don't make it a long walk - aim for only 15 minutes or so (not 15 minutes one way, then 15 back either!) This walk won't be about you and your exercising, but to hopefully get him going. After a while of this, he might be down with going for longer walks. It's all about getting him started.
2) Get a dog and do the same as step 1!
3) While they're a little expensive, look into a Nintendo Wii or XBox Kinnect (I can't recommend PS Move cause I've never used it). There are some fun games for those that will get him moving.
4) Does he still have his own weights? Going to the gym for an out-of-shape guy who doesn't want to work out is like going to the dentist to get a cavity pulled. If he has his own weight set it might motivate him more so he can work out in the comfort of his own home without all the pressures of the gym. However, if he doesn't have his own weights, I wouldn't suggest going and getting him some until he is actually a little motivated to use them.
5) Does he have any friends that work out (or would want to start working out)? While this has the potential to hurt you some ("why will he work out with his friends and not his wife?"), again, this is about him getting started. Some guys respond much better to a friend than a wife - again, sorry that's the way we are... pride sucks. =/
I don't know of any DVDs for home workouts that aren't so "chick" oriented (my wife is into Denise Austin and that's a no-no for me!) But there are a LOT of videos on YouTube for all levels of fitness. That's where I get a lot of my exercises... plus, they're only 3-5 minute videos which is AWESOME for us short-attention-span fellows!
Hoping the best for you guys (and everyone else who has posted here that they're going through the same thing).
-Justin0 -
I wouldn't do a chick workout either! I don't need to know that I can do keegles wile stretching.
The only thing I ever did like that was Dance Dance revolution and Wii fitness.
I had better luck in the winter with an elliptical with the tv in front of me.
Actually the Jillian dvds are NOTHING like that....they're pretty intense and have challenged me more and gotten me better results than the elliptical ever has. If guys don't want to partake in the chick workouts then that's their choice and I respect it. I merely invited him. But don't discredit the chick workouts by making snide remarks about kegels, that is very rude.0 -
Depends on his personality. Some guys respond well with the serious sit-down talks, some don't. Sounds like your hubby doesn't. I would suggest ditching that approach entirely - it might only make things worse. You don't want him to have a vendetta against the idea of exercising! At that point, even if he wants to work out, he won't out of spite. Sorry, we men are like that =/
Here are a few things that might work on him...
1) If you go for walks with your son, invite your hubby to come along. 'When' you do this might be trial and error. Right when he gets home from work might be a good time, so you can say "once we get home from the walk, you can chill out for the rest of the evening." Or, it might work better if he comes home, gets a shower and maybe some food in him, and then go for an evening walk. Either way, tell him to come with you and tell you about his day. Don't make it a long walk - aim for only 15 minutes or so (not 15 minutes one way, then 15 back either!) This walk won't be about you and your exercising, but to hopefully get him going. After a while of this, he might be down with going for longer walks. It's all about getting him started.
2) Get a dog and do the same as step 1!
3) While they're a little expensive, look into a Nintendo Wii or XBox Kinnect (I can't recommend PS Move cause I've never used it). There are some fun games for those that will get him moving.
4) Does he still have his own weights? Going to the gym for an out-of-shape guy who doesn't want to work out is like going to the dentist to get a cavity pulled. If he has his own weight set it might motivate him more so he can work out in the comfort of his own home without all the pressures of the gym. However, if he doesn't have his own weights, I wouldn't suggest going and getting him some until he is actually a little motivated to use them.
5) Does he have any friends that work out (or would want to start working out)? While this has the potential to hurt you some ("why will he work out with his friends and not his wife?"), again, this is about him getting started. Some guys respond much better to a friend than a wife - again, sorry that's the way we are... pride sucks. =/
I don't know of any DVDs for home workouts that aren't so "chick" oriented (my wife is into Denise Austin and that's a no-no for me!) But there are a LOT of videos on YouTube for all levels of fitness. That's where I get a lot of my exercises... plus, they're only 3-5 minute videos which is AWESOME for us short-attention-span fellows!
Hoping the best for you guys (and everyone else who has posted here that they're going through the same thing).
-Justin
Thank you very much! Sounds like you know exactly what you're talking about. He was going on walks with me and our son for a while and he kind of fell out of that routine too. I think I'll try to get him going again. Maybe if I can just get him to lose a few pounds from walking, other stuff will be less daunting.0 -
But don't discredit the chick workouts by making snide remarks about kegels, that is very rude.
I didn't mean to be rude at all. As a guy, when I think of "chick workouts" those are the kinds of things I think about, and its an instant, "no thank you." I can only give you my take on it. I admit that I am very misinformed about them.0 -
But don't discredit the chick workouts by making snide remarks about kegels, that is very rude.
I didn't mean to be rude at all. As a guy, when I think of "chick workouts" those are the kinds of things I think about, and its an instant, "no thank you." I can only give you my take on it. I admit that I am very misinformed about them.
Well that's cool. I think it's pretty safe for a guy to attempt one. I have yet to run into a workout dvd that mentions kegels, hormones, pms, tampons or anything of that sort.
Now putting his stationary bike in front of the tv might be an option. Thanks for that one! 0 -
I sat down and had another talk with my husband on Friday. I pretty much put it all out there for him. I explained how worried I am that he has let his health start to deteriorate. I told him how much I loved him and how much him taking care of himself meant to me and our 1 year old son. I am happy to report that the hubby went on two long walks with me and the baby this weekend. He also asked me to start either making just enough food at meals, or to go ahead and put the leftovers that I would take for my lunch the next day away before he fixes his plate so he won't be tempted to overeat. That's definitely something I can do
Lets hope it lasts! Thank you all for your support!0 -
Good For you!!!! i know it will last if you work with it! he's on now, it's time to strap him in for a long but beneificial journey!!0
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