This is what I have been told....

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124

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  • SabrinaJL
    SabrinaJL Posts: 1,579 Member
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    What a toolbox! I agree with everyone else. What happens when you start getting older and wrinkles start appearing and things aren't where they used to be? Is that gonna be an excuse to cheat? No matter how much weight you gain or lose, you're still the same person inside. The guy you vow to spend the rest of your life with should love the person inside, not just the shell you live in.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    Dump him. You'll never be "thin enough" for him. I watched my Mom go through this cycle with my Dad and she got down to 112 on a 5'8 frame. He still cheated. Some men are just dogs. There are good ones out there though and you'll never find the right one when you're with the wrong one.

    Tell me you did NOT just say that *LMAO*
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    If he wasn't blaming it on your weight, he'd find something else to blame it on. I was once in your shoes - was with a guy that made me feel awful about who I was, and was constantly looking for other women. I married him and the cheating got worse.. no matter how thin I was, how great a job I had, how hard I worked around the house - he found ways to make his misery my fault. After being in a relationship with him for almost ten years, I finally got the courage to put myself first.. mentally, physically, and emotionally. We divorced about four years ago. Now I'm happy as a clam, working my butt off to be the most healthy person I can be, and I met someone who admires my strengths and accepts my flaws. You deserve that too. If you need anything, even to just vent, send me a message.
  • justme3017
    justme3017 Posts: 8
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    Also, I have a daughter with him. This makes it harder to leave...
  • fitby2012
    fitby2012 Posts: 167 Member
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    Work on yourself and move on! Your weight is just today's (convenient) excuse. I believe weight loss can breathe new life into a healthy relationship, but that is mainly due to newfound confidence and energy, not the OH being embarrassed or ashamed.
  • giaciccone
    giaciccone Posts: 257
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    Are you serious?
    I hate men that are based all about appearances. There's a couple of ways to go about this, and I've seen it done both ways. Each has a completely different result.

    His moronic way:
    I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with you or go out with you. You've gained weight & this is me being an insensitive jerk about the entire thing as I sit on the internet & talk to women.

    Or the real/I love this person & don't want to hurt them way:
    Honey, I really care about your well-being & my well-being so we can live happily ever after in a long & happy life. How about we both go for a nice walk around the neighborhood tonight?

    Clearly, he's a moron. ESPECIALLY if he's talking to other women. You should dump him. You deserve a man that will give you the world, not a man that goes behind your back & talks to other women about their beauty. Shallow men like that deserve the misery in life that will probably happen to them soon enough.
  • ivyjbres
    ivyjbres Posts: 612 Member
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    Also, I have a daughter with him. This makes it harder to leave...

    Share custody. But you deserve someone who loves you for you, and your daughter deserves parents who are in a happy relationship. You want her to have a chance at being happy when she's an adult- go out and show her how.
  • SabrinaJL
    SabrinaJL Posts: 1,579 Member
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    Also, I have a daughter with him. This makes it harder to leave...

    My sister waited to leave her douchenozzle of a husband until she had 3 kids. She said it would have been so much easier if she left after the first one. Don't do like she did and put in 15 miserable years. Do it now while you're young and only have one kid.
  • giaciccone
    giaciccone Posts: 257
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    Also, I have a daughter with him. This makes it harder to leave...
    I don't think you want your daughter to be subjective to a negative environment. You want what's best for yourself & her, which would be to leave this dirt bag & only grant him visitation on weekends. Seriously, this is borderline emotional abuse. Especially because he's made you feel this way with his negativity & hurtful words.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    Also, I have a daughter with him. This makes it harder to leave...

    The man that did the same to me was also the father of my son and it was still the best decision for me and my son. First, my son did not need to see me being treated like that. Second, I didn't want my son to think that was acceptable and possible treat his girlfriends the same way when he grew up. Even more of a reason to leave him, what if he makes comments about her appearance or weight when she gets older?
  • pricetm83
    pricetm83 Posts: 49
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    Also, I have a daughter with him. This makes it harder to leave...

    The man that did the same to me was also the father of my son and it was still the best decision for me and my son. First, my son did not need to see me being treated like that. Second, I didn't want my son to think that was acceptable and possible treat his girlfriends the same way when he grew up. Even more of a reason to leave him, what if he makes comments about her appearance or weight when she gets older?

    My mother stayed with a man who cheated on her repeatedly (among other things), and one of the reasons she didn't leave was because she had me. Throughout my life my parents fought like animals and I had to constantly witness my father terribly mistreat my mother. It did a lot to me psychologically and even though she says otherwise and we are extremely close, I have always felt like it was my fault my mother wasn't happier and felt trapped in the relationship.

    My mom just recently left my father (I'm 27 by the way) and both of our lives are so different, in a wonderful way. This is the happiest I have ever seen her. It's like this is how she should have been her whole life. She often says that she wishes she had left sooner, when I was little even. Sure things may have been tight financially, but she wouldnt have had to put up with the bullsh*it she did for 30 years. She feels like she wasted so much time being unhappy and worried.

    Nobody can tell you what do you in your situation, but please consider your actions from all aspects.
  • JennsLosing
    JennsLosing Posts: 1,026
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    dump him....im sure even if you were 50 pounds lighter he'd still be doing the same thing
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    Also, I have a daughter with him. This makes it harder to leave...

    No doubt it would. But is also makes it so much more important that you DO leave. Do you really want your daughter to grow up thinking this is how women deserve to be treated?? Seriously, get help if you need to. See a minister, priest, counselor, doctor, family member, friend. Do whatever you need to do to find the strength, but get your daughter and yourself away from this loser!!
  • RobynC79
    RobynC79 Posts: 331 Member
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    For both you and your daughter, do not marry this person. People don't change, he will disrespect and devalue you just the same after you are married, there will always be a 'reason' and it will be far harder to leave. Dump him, then get healthy and enjoy your life with your daughter. Find someone who respects you and values you. From you say, this isn't that guy.
  • princess_in_power
    princess_in_power Posts: 234 Member
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    Also, I have a daughter with him. This makes it harder to leave...
    The man that did the same to me was also the father of my son and it was still the best decision for me and my son. First, my son did not need to see me being treated like that. Second, I didn't want my son to think that was acceptable and possible treat his girlfriends the same way when he grew up. Even more of a reason to leave him, what if he makes comments about her appearance or weight when she gets older?
    My mother stayed with a man who cheated on her repeatedly (among other things), and one of the reasons she didn't leave was because she had me. Throughout my life my parents fought like animals and I had to constantly witness my father terribly mistreat my mother. It did a lot to me psychologically and even though she says otherwise and we are extremely close, I have always felt like it was my fault my mother wasn't happier and felt trapped in the relationship.

    My mom just recently left my father (I'm 27 by the way) and both of our lives are so different, in a wonderful way. This is the happiest I have ever seen her. It's like this is how she should have been her whole life. She often says that she wishes she had left sooner, when I was little even. Sure things may have been tight financially, but she wouldnt have had to put up with the bullsh*it she did for 30 years. She feels like she wasted so much time being unhappy and worried.

    Nobody can tell you what do you in your situation, but please consider your actions from all aspects.
    That SO sounds like my MIL's situation! As well as the poster who earlier said that children ARE affected by the situation they are raised in. This is so true, nobody has any right to mistreat or make another person feel bad, insecure, NO MATTER WHAT. There are no excuses. Do not let him continue to make you feel unworthy, Please look to those who truly care about you and do not allow him to continue this. As scary as it is, you may seriously want to get out before you get hurt more!!
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    Would you want your daughter to be with a man that treated her this way? Because if you stay with him you're teaching her that this is okay.
  • sh0ck
    sh0ck Posts: 168 Member
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    I keep catching my fiance' talking to other women on the internet....telling them they are beautiful wanting to meet them etc....

    Dump the idiot. There is no excuse for that kind of behaviour.


    Couldn't have said it better myself.
  • godroxmysox
    godroxmysox Posts: 1,491 Member
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    If he can't accept you for you and doesn't respect you enough to stay away from other women....don't waste your time. I would take an outside look at the relationship. If he's this way now, he will be this way forever....and marriage is forever....think about it
  • dipsl19
    dipsl19 Posts: 317 Member
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    Dump the bast@rd, lose the weight and find somebody who actually deserves you!
    THIS THIS THIS. and i love that a guy said it , it makes it DOUBLY TRUE.

    seriously, he will never love you for who you are. it hurts and its harsh to say but the sooner you realize it the sooner you can move on and find someone who TRULY LOVES YOU.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
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    Also, I have a daughter with him. This makes it harder to leave...

    No doubt it would. But is also makes it so much more important that you DO leave. Do you really want your daughter to grow up thinking this is how women deserve to be treated?? Seriously, get help if you need to. See a minister, priest, counselor, doctor, family member, friend. Do whatever you need to do to find the strength

    Agreed.

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