hubbys / wifes // partners / bf /gf what do they think ?

lou693
lou693 Posts: 17
edited September 29 in Motivation and Support
ive been with my parnter for 3 yrs now he knew me at my lightest now ive gain 10 kg 22 pounds and i feel so **** henever knew me at my hevest thank god i never want to go back to a fat un happy 300 pound girl 236 kg i want to just die , now that ive put weight on i feel so down really down i hate my self that i try so hard and now slowly putting backon i have no support frommy partner each time i cry about my weight he gets pissed of and will tell me to shup up and i dnt even need to lose weight he thinks imhot i read that men cnt see a woman put on 5 kg but they can if its 10 kg ive put on and he says ive lost?? i keep teling him dnt be nice to me i want to be healthy so plz plz tell how you really feel and he just says nothing when i lose hel be like yeya go baby but thats about it and if i want any gym gear of go to a class hes happy to pay wat ever make me happy but i just feel so fat a ugly and hate myself right now and he does not see what i see so , ppl when you got married or bf gf or partner did they help did they say im worried ur eating to much did they support you , my parnter is skinny he has a good body he finds it hard to put on weight im just really scared i dnt want to go back to who i was i dnt want to be the fat kid then lost it all then gain it back and being the fat growin up and i know my parnter will love me if i was
400 pounds but i wont love me if you get wat i mean sorry for the long post just feel liek after leaving my hole family who are big im aloner in the weight lose trip lol :0

Replies

  • dosesr4winners20
    dosesr4winners20 Posts: 362
    I think you're asking what people think of your situation? If so, just keep at it. Being healthy takes times and effort. It's a long walk not a quick run in the park. It sounds like you've got good support and a great start!
    I can't even really read this, it needs grammar and punctuation.
  • cmckenzie1913
    cmckenzie1913 Posts: 3
    You sound as if you are in alot of pain. What is more important is that you are suffering from self imposed pain. The greatest love you have to learn is love of yourself. You might need to take some time for YOU and do this for you. It doesnt matter what anyone else thinks, you have to do this to please you, and so that you can learn to love and accept yourself ( at any wieght) Take some time and talk to someone about building self love. Continue to work out and be encouraged that you can do it, but no matter what anyone says. You are lovely and of worth and value! Look in the mirror and tell yourself this everyday no matter if you dont feel its true. So you think...so you are! you can do it. Keep fighting!:flowerforyou:
  • NaomiLyn15
    NaomiLyn15 Posts: 388 Member
    I completely understand how you feel. My husband told me for two years that I looked great. Every time I asked him if he thought I was gaining weight he would just say no, or that he loved me no matter what I looked like. It was discouraging, I felt like I needed someone to push me to lose the weight. FInally, I bought a scale and I had gained 40 pounds in those first two years of marriage. I told him that and he just said, no you look the same as the day I met you. I decided that he was blind :) and made the decision to get rid of the weight. I bought an elliptical, changed my diet, and lost 30 lbs last year.

    I really stopped asking him because he was so oblivious to the way that I looked. He loved me for me, no matter what. I had to realize that I had to make the decision to change if I wasn't happy. So, congrats for making that decision! You can friend me if you would like some support along the way. I am back trying to lose 23 lbs. Not sure if that is actually possible with my body type, but I am going to give it a try. If I can't, I just want to get down to my original goal, which is 17 more pounds because I gained 7 pounds over the last year.

    Good luck!
  • MsKeelah919
    MsKeelah919 Posts: 332 Member
    You actually tell him not to be nice to you?? Stop right there. trust me. that is not good. if he were a wise cracking *kitten* hole who made a smart comment every time you ate, that woudl be counterproductive as well. Be thankful that he loves you just the way you are. And allow him to support you by actively working towards your goals. I wil lbe honest. No one wants to hear an overweight person cry about needing to lose weight. Because if you're crying about it, you're not working on it!

    If you want to be healthy, then continue to make healthy decisions more than not. If you need his support in a specific way, then ask for it in that way. But mostly you must have that INNER thing going on, or else everything else will be in vain.

    Try to work on the reasons why you hate yourself. It seems to me that it will be really difficult for you to accept love, if your feelings for self are so destructive! :)
  • AMKAG
    AMKAG Posts: 31 Member
    As long as he knows you are struggling and doesn't sabotage you, you might consider another outlet to vent and share your feelings. Men are put in a very hard spot, about their partners weight . You don't want them telling you are gaining wait so you have to believe them when he tells you are HOT. Many many many women are obsessive (and therefore are insecure) about their weight/body but what most men want is women who are content/confident about themselves and their body... So not to say don't talk to him about it, but my advise is to do most of that talking with girlfriends/therapist.... not your partner. Beside, you are not going to go back to where you are... you know that....
  • getupandmoveit
    getupandmoveit Posts: 37
    He's probably just getting frustrated because you are refusing his compliments. If his actions were opposite, then you would have a real issue. I think you are your biggest critic, and you don't need him to tell you that you need to lose weight because you're beating yourself up enough as it is!

    I think what you're looking for is support, and that's fine! Ask him to help you stay on track with workouts and watching what you eat, etc. But keep in mind that emotional support is often the most important kind.

    My boyfriend also tends to just say that I look fine and don't need to lose weight, and when I explain to him that I'm not happy with it, he encourages me to work hard because I want to, not because he's unhappy with the way I look. That's what keeps me going.

    Just keep your chin up and do it for yourself. :)
  • vdavis_89
    vdavis_89 Posts: 334
    My fiance says what any man that loves his wife would say... "honey I dont care how big you are i love you just the same" so i said "well i dont love me anymore" ... he didnt like that very much. He has been very supportive of me and I love him for that.... your other half needs to be supportive of your journey. If he is telling you to shut up when you cry or when your sad .... that doesnt sound like love to me... JUTST MY OPINION THOUGH!!! I really hope things get better for you and it sounds like there is quite a bit of negativity in your life... maybe you should rid your life of it and start fresh! Good luck!! Add me if you need a little more support!
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