Feeling like a failure

So what's your actual approach to losing? Do you do some special program? Are you an all or nothing person?

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Keep going! 15lbs is amazing! I'm back and forth right now between 8-10lbs lost and I feel like quitting too. Easier to be fat than skinny and healthy.

But keep going! Add me as a friend if you like, the more support the better

For me, whenever I hit any sort of wall, I step back and remember my overall goal. That's enough to get me to move forward again.

Weekly goals aren't enough. They're pitstops on the way to my ultimate goal. Useful, need to be done, but in reality, they're not even close to enough. I need a bigger picture to keep me motivated.

So, if 15lbs keeps coming back, then, to me, it sounds like you haven't figured out a goal that will keep that 15lbs off. Or you might not be committed enough to that goal. I'd suggest looking for *that* goal, and working towards making that goal your priority. If you do that, those 15lbs will come off and stay off.

qpmomma, you clearly have what it takes to do this--you have already done it several times! The problem you seem to be wrestling with is sustaining it. I have wrestled with that myself, as I'm sure have most of the people here.

At some point, I realized that I was approaching it wrong. Although I do want to lose weight, my real goal is to be healthy and happy and look and feel good. I realized that to achieve that I had to change my habits and lifestyle in small, sustainable ways that would lead to long-lasting health and well-being. I had to eat well with modest calorie deficits, sleep well, exercise regularly, and generally take good care of myself. And I had to log my meals and exercise to keeps myself mindful and honest about what I am (and am not) doing.

Thinking that way changed my focus from the all-or-nothing weight loss target to the small successes on the road to that target. Each of those small successes is a gift to myself that contributes to my health and well-being. And if I don't manage to do something on a particular day, or even go backwards, it isn't a failure, it's just a day with fewer successes to celebrate. Over the past nine months, I have lost 30 pounds this way and, of course, I feel really good.

timechanging--you may want to start your own discussion. I imagine you would get some very helpful advice from the wonderful people here.

I'll give you a few of my thoughts, amplifying on what I said above. First, 5 pounds in a month is doable, but 2-4 pounds in a month is a more modest goal. Second, many people find it more effective in the long term to focus on the small lifestyle/habit changes that lead to weight loss, rather than the weight loss itself.

I cannot overstate what a big deal that is. It changes your focus from your ongoing (perhaps lifelong) failure to meet your weight goal to your daily successes in making healthy choices that move you toward it. If you are like me, you wrestle with plenty of stresses and competing needs and desires each day. The very last thing any of us needs is a self-sabotaging internal voice telling us we are a failure because we haven't met some weight ideal. qpmomma, timechanging--neither of you has failed--you have both succeeded in so many ways, just by getting to this point in life, and you are both here because you want to succeed more! You can do it!

Here's what I mean: Do *something* good for yourself daily. Get some sort of physical activity daily, even just walking. Log your meals daily. Aim for a modest calorie deficit daily. Replace carbs with protein and/or higher fiber alternatives whenever possible. Eat more protein and vegetables and less rice/potatoes/bread. Skip dessert most days. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Celebrate the successes and forgive yourself on the days when you are unable to do anything, because you are only human and even an off day where you are mindful about what you are doing is a success. Any month that you don't gain weight is a success, and even a month where you gain weight can be a success if you were making healthy choices that will help you in the long term.

Start by doing what you can. When you are able, do a little more. These things add up. If you make a habit of them, you will lose weight and feel good doing it.