How do you get over someone you are in love with?

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  • lyft2looooS
    lyft2looooS Posts: 5 Member
    You need to fight the urge to run back to a lying, cheating, using, person. In times like this the easiest thing to do is to lower your self-respect and take the easy road. You need to set higher standards for yourself. Aren't you deserving of a relationship that has so much more to offer? The road is never easy and it definitely will provide heartache, but going through the hard times will build your character and help you to see what to look for in your future life partner. That person should be your best friend, protector, encourager, and lover. Clearly he is not that person. I wish you well and hope you fight through this tough time. The sun will shine much brighter when you reach the other side!
  • Sinistrous
    Sinistrous Posts: 5,589 Member
    Here's the best thing to do about it: GET ANGRY. Don't cry. DO NOT CRY. Scream if that's what you want to do, but do not cry.
    I kept my cool, even talked on the phone to the person he'd been doing all his cheating with. He told her he was single and that he worked 16 hrs a day to support himself LOL. And the other few hrs? Spent with me? Yeah.. OKAY Suuuure. xD

    Go punch things. Right now is when you should use the fire that he built up and use it for YOURSELF. Go work out, punch a bag, kick a bag. Get tired. Do you, forget him.
  • liftinggoddess1
    liftinggoddess1 Posts: 305 Member
    It takes time to heal and it won't happen over night. Everyone deals with it their own way and you need to find your feet. Do something productive which you can manage your time wisely. It's not about distracting youself to the point of trying to forget him. Its about changing habits, to try and create yourself a new routine. Focus on where you want to be and create a path to take it. The rest will just come.
  • cprovenghi
    cprovenghi Posts: 118 Member
    Realize that you are worthy and deserving of someone who will love you. Love is like a flower when we take possession of it, it will die, but when we admire it as it is and nurture it, it can grow. You don't have to chase love. If someone loves you they will reciprocate the effort. Just keep sending your love out and one day it will return.
  • Thehardmakesitworthit
    Thehardmakesitworthit Posts: 838 Member
    All sage advice given here. I would just add that if you don't love you enough, you will end up forgetting how and wake up 32 years later wondering why you just donated yourself to a lost cause. Self care and self love, best advice. All the best!
  • butterfli7o
    butterfli7o Posts: 1,319 Member
    Well, 38-year old me is telling 20-year old you that as a woman who's been through this (as most have) that you WILL be okay. You WILL find someone else. And DON'T go back to him! It's a big world out there and you're so young. Find yourself, find a good circle of friends, and someone who won't screw you over. You can do this, be strong and he'll see this is the last time he gets to play you for a fool.
  • winterbutterfly4
    winterbutterfly4 Posts: 4 Member
    Hi Luv- I'm going to recommend a book every woman should read & apply in her life. I wish I read this book at your age but consider myself fortunate to have found it when I was single again in my 30s. It's called:

    10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.

    This is not a new book. You can find it on Amazon or EBay. Dr. Laura gives us the straight talk we need to hear as women. After u read this book- I promise u will feel strong, empowered & wont make the same mistakes when getting into your next relationship with a man. You will also be thankful that u are out of that relationship with a man who lies, cheats & gaslights you.

    Know your value and don't accept anything less from the person u are considering being with.
  • melaniedscott
    melaniedscott Posts: 1,461 Member
    J_Surita3 wrote: »
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    There are only about a gazillion decent guys out there; you'll be fine.

    .... and yes, it will take a while to get over this one.

    As in all things, both good and bad, this too shall pass.

    Hang in there

    That many huh? Who knew.

    Don't believe it...maybe half that.
  • sw33tp3a_1
    sw33tp3a_1 Posts: 795 Member
    There's this poem by Lang Leav called No Other. I think there's a love that you can never get over no matter how hard you try. They will always have a piece of your heart even though you've moved on with life. You'll get there. Stay strong.
  • UrbanFarmerCoco
    UrbanFarmerCoco Posts: 11 Member
    edited December 2016
    At the risk of sounding like a cliché, time heals. Mourning the loss of a loved one is tough. I know I've mourned the loss of a love. While it feels like the end of the world, it isn't. I'd recommend reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F, by Mark Mason. Humorous, but excellent read about living - really living.
  • cee134
    cee134 Posts: 33,711 Member
    You *kitten* don't.... it only fades.
  • PandoraGreen721
    PandoraGreen721 Posts: 450 Member
    edited December 2016
    MsAmandaNJ wrote: »
    DO NOT go back to him, like you said, he's like a drug...I've been there, went back to a guy and it just made me feel *kitten* because I knew I deserved better, "but he made me feel so good". Barf.

    The "barf" bit made me chuckle..been there.

    OP..I hope you are back to being in a good place soon! I love the quote, " Don't look back..you're not going that way." <3

  • jaxxie
    jaxxie Posts: 576 Member
    My heart hurts for you. This literally feels like you're going to throw up and life will never be the same.

    Good news, life will never be the same! It will get better and better. The door to your future has just exceeded any and all expectations. Embrace the opportunities you have now been given.......

    But first... get *kitten* drunk. Flirt your *kitten* off and move on. This guy has no idea what kind of beautiful he has lost.....nor does he deserve to.
    Cheers.
  • rjones42476
    rjones42476 Posts: 1 Member
    It is just as you said....like a drug. I went through a breakup and it took me a long time to get over it. Stay away from him. No contact. It took me too long to figure that out. I still think about her but it doesn't control me anymore.
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