MEN.................female confidence VS dominance

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  • bigislandgrrl
    bigislandgrrl Posts: 196 Member
    I like a woman with a backbone but I dont want to be kissing her tailbone.

    Don't knock kissing a woman's tailbone until you've tried it...


    ha ha ha
  • ShaeDetermined
    ShaeDetermined Posts: 1,525 Member
    So... I see confidence and dominance as two VERY distinct things.

    A confident woman knows what she believes & wants - but could very well be open to discussion/conversation/debate.
    Confidence is sexy.

    Dominance, however, seems to be in the same category as 'bossy' or 'rude' in that a dominant person takes what they want and bulldozes others opinions/overtures.

    That's the distinction my male friends have made anyway.

    what Skylar (and lots of other people) said.

    additionally, confidence is internal. it's how you feel that transcends into how you act, carry yourself, speak, etc.
    dominance is external. its how you want the world to see you. you want to be powerful, important, heard, in control etc

    A dominant person isn't necessarily confident, and a confident person by no means needs to be dominant.

    Confidence is sexy. period.
    Dominance is sexy to some and a huge turn-off to others.
  • therobinator
    therobinator Posts: 832 Member
    Sure, there can be a bit of dominance in confidence, but there doesn't necessarily have to be.....also, true submission requires confidence on the part of the submissive, both in his/herself and in the dominator.
  • rileamoyer
    rileamoyer Posts: 2,412 Member
    Conversations that make you go 'hmmmmmmmm'. Good dialoge folks!
  • MassiveDelta
    MassiveDelta Posts: 3,271 Member
    I am a very confident person when interacting with others, and am also have a very assertive personality. I do what I want, and I don't care what anyone else things. I have been told I am a bit of an Alpha female, but when it comes to certain things I am very submissive. If I'm in a room full of strangers I do not necessarily try to take control. I like to gauge the room and learn people's tells before I assert myself. I don't know if this is submissive, but it's definitely not domineering.

    Machiavellian .... your not being submissive you are like me. If I want I can be very extrovert and "life of the party" but many times I like to hang back for a bit and "assess" the situations so that I can best use it to my advantage either professionally or personally. There is extreme benefit in holding your tongue and letting someone else become the fool if you know what I mean.

    In regards to the bedroom. Yes a confidant woman is a huge turn on but confidence DOES NOT mean dominance. In fact I think many dominant women are actually very insecure and that's where the dominance comes from. Being submissive is not a "must do" action its a voluntary action.
  • MassiveDelta
    MassiveDelta Posts: 3,271 Member
    .....also, true submission requires confidence on the part of the submissive, both in his/herself and in the dominator.

    This is very true
  • stephanielynn76
    stephanielynn76 Posts: 709 Member
    A confident woman doesn't have to dominate her man. A woman who submits to her husband isn't subservient, she simply trusts him to make difficult decisions with the full knowledge that he puts her and the family before himself.
    Perfectly said. I agree 100 percent. Nothing wrong with being submissive to your man in and out of bed. It's the trust in him that shows you have the confidence to not take control of the relationship all of the time.

    *this*

    I am confident. I excel at whatever I put my energy towards. I know my strengths and weaknesses. I know when I need to step up and speak my mind and when it's best to keep my comments to myself. I am shy by nature but I've also been known to work a room ;) I feel great in my own skin... I'm happy with who I am. To me, that's confidence!

    However, when it comes to my marriage, I'm a submissive wife. I am married to an amazing man whom I trust with all things. I trust him to make the right decisions for our family. Turning over some of that "power" to him not only gives HIM the support and confidence he needs, it takes pressure off of me so that I dont have to worry about everything. If I tried to be "dominant" over my husband (except maybe in the bedroom haha) it would be sorta like mental/emotional castration. It would send him the message that I don't trust him or that I think he's incapable. I believe he was created with that innate need to take care of me... so I let him! Don't get me wrong... I'm a smart educated motivated girl... I *could* go it alone... but I'm so fortunate that I don't have to. I adore that strong sexy man of mine. I have too much respect for him to ever try to walk all over him or bruise his ego in any way. To me being submissive verses dominant means being supportive of my man rather than trying to control everything myself!
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    A confident woman doesn't have to dominate her man. A woman who submits to her husband isn't subservient, she simply trusts him to make difficult decisions with the full knowledge that he puts her and the family before himself.
    Perfectly said. I agree 100 percent. Nothing wrong with being submissive to your man in and out of bed. It's the trust in him that shows you have the confidence to not take control of the relationship all of the time.

    *this*

    I am confident. I excel at whatever I put my energy towards. I know my strengths and weaknesses. I know when I need to step up and speak my mind and when it's best to keep my comments to myself. I am shy by nature but I've also been known to work a room ;) I feel great in my own skin... I'm happy with who I am. To me, that's confidence!

    However, when it comes to my marriage, I'm a submissive wife. I am married to an amazing man whom I trust with all things. I trust him to make the right decisions for our family. Turning over some of that "power" to him not only gives HIM the support and confidence he needs, it takes pressure off of me so that I dont have to worry about everything. If I tried to be "dominant" over my husband (except maybe in the bedroom haha) it would be sorta like mental/emotional castration. It would send him the message that I don't trust him or that I think he's incapable. I believe he was created with that innate need to take care of me... so I let him! Don't get me wrong... I'm a smart educated motivated girl... I *could* go it alone... but I'm so fortunate that I don't have to. I adore that strong sexy man of mine. I have too much respect for him to ever try to walk all over him or bruise his ego in any way. To me being submissive verses dominant means being supportive of my man rather than trying to control everything myself!

    Perfectly stated!

    Men and women are different for a REASON. I am very happy in my womanhood and part of fully realizing your potential is understanding your purpose.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    A confident woman doesn't have to dominate her man. A woman who submits to her husband isn't subservient, she simply trusts him to make difficult decisions with the full knowledge that he puts her and the family before himself.

    Yep, totally feel the same way, and this confounds my friends who think "modern" women are supposed to demand equal footing and equal say in everything. Sorry, but I would never marry (or even be in a relationship with) a man who didn't have the balls, the loyalty, and the intelligence to do what's best for his family. I don't need the power. I need a man who knows what to do with said power.
  • cparter
    cparter Posts: 754 Member
    There is fine line. A woman has to make a man feel like a man but not be all meek and uptight.

    Do not expect men to be mind readers so show and tell them what you like if you want to be an equal performer/receiver.

    There are some guys who like being dominated but most guy likes to know they are in charge but want the woman to be confident enough to let them know what works for them. Guys are not as selfish as you may think. They want to know that their partner is satisfied as well. So, you have to be realistic enough to communicate to them what works best for you.
  • Ocarina
    Ocarina Posts: 1,550 Member
    I thought I'd share part of my relationship with this subject as it is kind of fun to think about.

    I think my confidence actually comes from stability and progression in life. The more I do and accomplish the more confident I am. If things get chaotic then I can start to shake up a bit but I don't fall apart because of my husband. My husband is a rock, he never gets emotional and supports me 100% on positive things I decide to do. With us both working as a team sucessfully we tend to play off each other's confidence and really enjoy our hard work paying off. This didn't happen over night but we have been through hell and back and are amazed where we've come and have very clear goals. I like this in my life, lots of structure and things being black and white.

    As far as dominance goes I feel like I'm the dominant person in the relationship. My husband prefers me to have the final say on things and always expects me to decide our plans. That isn't to say that he doesn't hold his ground because he does but if we communicate enough we both compromise. I also feel I'm more dominant at home because I manage all the bills (husband thinks I'm better at finances), I do all the errands (husband works overtime every week), I schedule everything, and I get the ball rolling on things like a plan for saving up for things or what we are doing over the weekend. I also keep the house spotless so my husband can come home to a clean place but he is also perfectly willing to help at the drop of a hat. Outside of the house I think my husband is more dominant as he likes to be the one to talk to everyday people and drive the car. This isn't all cut in stone but seems to work really well! I don't care as long as in the end the bills are paid, we love each other, and we get stuff accomplished. =P
  • EliteDeeDee77
    EliteDeeDee77 Posts: 103 Member
    Great conversation. Some very interesting points of view!
  • TheTeeWhy
    TheTeeWhy Posts: 186
    I dont mind a woman having confidence, but to me (and this is just in my experiences, so i'm not trying to diss anyone) the ones who try to dominate the relationship are a death sentence. It should be an equal relationship. I find confident women pretty attractive but I also dont want them to be so confident that theyre an absolute ***** if they dont get what they want cause they are trying to be all dominant and stuff and basically play god with the guy, and the whole relationship.

    Its a fine line, and more often than not it's crossed when it really shouldnt be.
  • Justkeepswimmin
    Justkeepswimmin Posts: 777 Member
    No a woman can be confident and still be submissive. Confidence comes from knowing what you can do and being happy with yourself. Submission has all to do with the roles you play. So a woman can be a "submissive'" wife and still be confident. Better yet a person is submissive when they go to their job and do what their job description is, but can still be confident in that they're good at it. So yes you can be both. be confident in yourself and what you've accomplished but submissive in the order of things, if that makes sense

    Well said.
  • Leothelioness
    Leothelioness Posts: 13
    A confident and strong lady is very sexy,love it when she is happy to make eye contact and let me know what she wants.
    At the same time that confidence will allow her to also be "submissive" at times if that is pleasing to both in the relationship.

    Have we met? you could almost be describing me. I class myself as confident, and strong. But at the same time, submissive when I need/want to be.
  • suzycreamcheese
    suzycreamcheese Posts: 1,766 Member
    as has been said, you can be confident in everyday life, and still be submissive in the bedroom, and you can also be sexually submissive and totally confident in that.
  • BrianTheNegotiator
    BrianTheNegotiator Posts: 25 Member
    To me, confidence is saying "here's me, here's my line. You don't cross it, and I don't cross it from this side. It's who I am." But dominance is saying "here's me. here's my line. You don't cross it, but I'm gonna cross over into your territory whenever I feel like it." Confidence is the mountain; dominance is the hurricane. The hurricane can tear a lot of things/people up - but it can't touch the mountain.

    As far as being submissive, there's the woman who is submissive because it's her nature, and there's the confident woman who says "okay, I'll do this submissive thing for a couple of hours and see if it's fun." The second one can be fun and exciting. The first gets old quickly.
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