Question for Men (Ya, don't hate)

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thisonetimeatthegym
thisonetimeatthegym Posts: 1,977 Member
in Chit-Chat
The Friend Zone -

I know a lot of men hate being friend zoned.

A lot of the responses lately on the threads make me feel like men only want male/female relationships that have potential for sex.

It makes me question my previous male friendships.

But. Let's say you know the woman is not going there for whatever reason, (prior commitments, married, is a nun, whatever) from the moment you meet.

Would you still bother with a friendship?
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Replies

  • Cerealsensei
    Cerealsensei Posts: 1,625 Member
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    It really depends honestly. If I'm pursuing you with the intention of dating you and i get cold shouldered then there's no need in me wasting your time or mine, i might kindly exit stage left. To me it depends on how much i really liked you i guess. If i fell for you really hard and you reject me then just as a defense mechanism I'll have to distance myself from you so that I don't end up torturing myself with those dreaded what if questions. But then there are some women who even with them rejecting me I'm perfectly fine with just being friends. It differs from person to person really if that makes any sense.
  • melmelw03
    melmelw03 Posts: 5,338 Member
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    I'm curious about this too.
    My best friend is a guy. But......we were besties, then had a relationship. Now friends again (after a yucky phase after the break up). Most my good friends have been guys, but now I'm thinking if they all wanted something else too. :confused:
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,503 Member
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    Friends ?
  • Erik8484
    Erik8484 Posts: 458 Member
    edited December 2016
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    My best friend is a woman, married when we met, and I had no interest in her sexually. Still best friends though.
  • NorthCascades
    NorthCascades Posts: 10,968 Member
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    thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »
    Would you still bother with a friendship?

    Of course. I don't understand how this could be a real question.
  • Romer1979
    Romer1979 Posts: 28 Member
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    thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »
    The Friend Zone -

    I know a lot of men hate being friend zoned.

    A lot of the responses lately on the threads make me feel like men only want male/female relationships that have potential for sex.

    It makes me question my previous male friendships.

    But. Let's say you know the woman is not going there for whatever reason, (prior commitments, married, is a nun, whatever) from the moment you meet.

    Would you still bother with a friendship?


    Yes, of course.
  • ReginaldG91
    ReginaldG91 Posts: 10 Member
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    Yes having a female friend is cool it's sexually tuff some times but if y'all can control your self then keep it that way.
  • thisonetimeatthegym
    thisonetimeatthegym Posts: 1,977 Member
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    NorthCascades wrote: »
    thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »
    Would you still bother with a friendship?

    Of course. I don't understand how this could be a real question.

    That's cool, makes me happy.
  • MrStabbems
    MrStabbems Posts: 3,110 Member
    edited December 2016
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    I think most men will think of any women in their lives sexually at least once.

    in terms of friendship it all comes down to intent, if I found a woman sexually attractive and struck up a conversation with her and become friends It wouldn't really change the fact that I find her attractive. If I had no attraction to her and we became friends then yes it's possible, but at some point I'll probably think of her in a sexual way. From that point on its all about If that sexual thought sticks or is a fleeting thing.

    I wonder If women think of male friends sexually from time to time?
  • merrysailor88
    merrysailor88 Posts: 1,260 Member
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    I personally don't think of any male friends I have in a sexual way. I think it's a very individual thing, as to whether you view any of your friends male or female, sexually.
  • merrysailor88
    merrysailor88 Posts: 1,260 Member
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    True. It's hard to go out with friends of the opposite sex when you're in a relationship.
  • davidcliff
    davidcliff Posts: 144 Member
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    I have several good friends that are women, and I don't imagine what it would be like to sleep with any of them.
  • synchkat
    synchkat Posts: 37,369 Member
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    ugh I wouldn't want to she was annoying
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    edited December 2016
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    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    Having friends doesn't mean going out with these opposite sex friends and hanging out without the spouse.

    That would be weird.

    Wait, can I actually do that?? Well, my wife will skin me alive.

    Lol.

    I hang out with my male friend regularly - we're both married, his wife is my friend too (I got to know him first but I consider them both my best friends). Usually it's because our kids want to play though, but a couple unplanned times, we ended up spending a couple hours together alone, and just had coffee and talked. It was totally fine. As everything else, it's about communication and comfort level. I did talk about it with his wife and she's totally fine with it, my husband knows them and is ok with it (we hang out and went camping together), but it's true that I would still feel that I'm pushing it if I wanted to go see a movie or something and asked him if he wants to come with me though - so I don't do that (but I'd have no problem going together to see a movie with the kids or something). Obviously I have no problem hanging out with his wife alone though, so yeah, there's definitely some double standard out there - and I wonder what it's like for people who are bisexual.

    My best friends, with a couple exceptions, have always been guys though. But yeah, I admit that I'm still wondering what they were thinking exactly... My best friend in college had a girlfriend at the time, and we lost contact when he broke up with her (because she was jealous of me) and I started dating my ex... but that was also when college was over, so I can't tell what really made our relationship fall apart. I never really considered going out with him because he had a girlfriend though - but in other circumstances, who knows what could have happened. My second best friend didn't show up to my wedding so I'm guessing that's a pretty big sign - but I wasn't attracted by him at all.

    So yeah, in my limited experience, friendship with guys are messy. You can't really get invested in it as much because someone's always going to be jealous (even if you're single, I can't imagine that a new boyfriend or girlfriend would take well to the 'best friend of the other sex' part). It sucks though! I like hanging out with guys, it's just a completely different relationship.
  • thisonetimeatthegym
    thisonetimeatthegym Posts: 1,977 Member
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    So yeah, in my limited experience, friendship with guys are messy. You can't really get invested in it as much because someone's always going to be jealous (even if you're single, I can't imagine that a new boyfriend or girlfriend would take well to the 'best friend of the other sex' part). It sucks though! I like hanging out with guys, it's just a completely different relationship.

    This.
  • MrStabbems
    MrStabbems Posts: 3,110 Member
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    Mrs can hang out with whomever she wants, cant say it bothers me.

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