Question for Men (Ya, don't hate)
thisonetimeatthegym
Posts: 1,977 Member
The Friend Zone -
I know a lot of men hate being friend zoned.
A lot of the responses lately on the threads make me feel like men only want male/female relationships that have potential for sex.
It makes me question my previous male friendships.
But. Let's say you know the woman is not going there for whatever reason, (prior commitments, married, is a nun, whatever) from the moment you meet.
Would you still bother with a friendship?
I know a lot of men hate being friend zoned.
A lot of the responses lately on the threads make me feel like men only want male/female relationships that have potential for sex.
It makes me question my previous male friendships.
But. Let's say you know the woman is not going there for whatever reason, (prior commitments, married, is a nun, whatever) from the moment you meet.
Would you still bother with a friendship?
6
Replies
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It really depends honestly. If I'm pursuing you with the intention of dating you and i get cold shouldered then there's no need in me wasting your time or mine, i might kindly exit stage left. To me it depends on how much i really liked you i guess. If i fell for you really hard and you reject me then just as a defense mechanism I'll have to distance myself from you so that I don't end up torturing myself with those dreaded what if questions. But then there are some women who even with them rejecting me I'm perfectly fine with just being friends. It differs from person to person really if that makes any sense.3
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I'm curious about this too.
My best friend is a guy. But......we were besties, then had a relationship. Now friends again (after a yucky phase after the break up). Most my good friends have been guys, but now I'm thinking if they all wanted something else too.
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If that's the case I don't really wanna know. I'm one of the guys, I've always have been, I'll always will be. Most of my friends are men and most of them in a committed relationship. I do not believe there's any attraction there.6
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Friends ?0
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My best friend is a woman, married when we met, and I had no interest in her sexually. Still best friends though.4
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thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »Would you still bother with a friendship?
Of course. I don't understand how this could be a real question.3 -
thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »The Friend Zone -
I know a lot of men hate being friend zoned.
A lot of the responses lately on the threads make me feel like men only want male/female relationships that have potential for sex.
It makes me question my previous male friendships.
But. Let's say you know the woman is not going there for whatever reason, (prior commitments, married, is a nun, whatever) from the moment you meet.
Would you still bother with a friendship?
Yes, of course.
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Yes having a female friend is cool it's sexually tuff some times but if y'all can control your self then keep it that way.0
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NorthCascades wrote: »thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »Would you still bother with a friendship?
Of course. I don't understand how this could be a real question.
That's cool, makes me happy.1 -
Motorsheen wrote: »
Yeah but I started a friendship without a sexual motive, what happened after doesn't change that. I am (was) evidence that not all men are dogs.5 -
I think most men will think of any women in their lives sexually at least once.
in terms of friendship it all comes down to intent, if I found a woman sexually attractive and struck up a conversation with her and become friends It wouldn't really change the fact that I find her attractive. If I had no attraction to her and we became friends then yes it's possible, but at some point I'll probably think of her in a sexual way. From that point on its all about If that sexual thought sticks or is a fleeting thing.
I wonder If women think of male friends sexually from time to time?0 -
I personally don't think of any male friends I have in a sexual way. I think it's a very individual thing, as to whether you view any of your friends male or female, sexually.0
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True. It's hard to go out with friends of the opposite sex when you're in a relationship.0
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I have several good friends that are women, and I don't imagine what it would be like to sleep with any of them.1
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My husband has lots of female friends that we hang out with. One was even in his wedding party.
The only one I drew the line at was an ex gf who had the same name as me and who would always make sure to put me down or ignore me. That *kitten* got her walking papers5 -
ugh I wouldn't want to she was annoying1
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »Having friends doesn't mean going out with these opposite sex friends and hanging out without the spouse.
That would be weird.
Wait, can I actually do that?? Well, my wife will skin me alive.
Lol.
I hang out with my male friend regularly - we're both married, his wife is my friend too (I got to know him first but I consider them both my best friends). Usually it's because our kids want to play though, but a couple unplanned times, we ended up spending a couple hours together alone, and just had coffee and talked. It was totally fine. As everything else, it's about communication and comfort level. I did talk about it with his wife and she's totally fine with it, my husband knows them and is ok with it (we hang out and went camping together), but it's true that I would still feel that I'm pushing it if I wanted to go see a movie or something and asked him if he wants to come with me though - so I don't do that (but I'd have no problem going together to see a movie with the kids or something). Obviously I have no problem hanging out with his wife alone though, so yeah, there's definitely some double standard out there - and I wonder what it's like for people who are bisexual.
My best friends, with a couple exceptions, have always been guys though. But yeah, I admit that I'm still wondering what they were thinking exactly... My best friend in college had a girlfriend at the time, and we lost contact when he broke up with her (because she was jealous of me) and I started dating my ex... but that was also when college was over, so I can't tell what really made our relationship fall apart. I never really considered going out with him because he had a girlfriend though - but in other circumstances, who knows what could have happened. My second best friend didn't show up to my wedding so I'm guessing that's a pretty big sign - but I wasn't attracted by him at all.
So yeah, in my limited experience, friendship with guys are messy. You can't really get invested in it as much because someone's always going to be jealous (even if you're single, I can't imagine that a new boyfriend or girlfriend would take well to the 'best friend of the other sex' part). It sucks though! I like hanging out with guys, it's just a completely different relationship.0 -
So yeah, in my limited experience, friendship with guys are messy. You can't really get invested in it as much because someone's always going to be jealous (even if you're single, I can't imagine that a new boyfriend or girlfriend would take well to the 'best friend of the other sex' part). It sucks though! I like hanging out with guys, it's just a completely different relationship.
This.0 -
Mrs can hang out with whomever she wants, cant say it bothers me.3
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If that's the case I don't really wanna know. I'm one of the guys, I've always have been, I'll always will be. Most of my friends are men and most of them in a committed relationship. I do not believe there's any attraction there.
Ditto.
I was with my husband for years before I met my best friend of now 16 years. We never had any romantic or sexual issues between us. He wasn't put off by it at all.0 -
In my past experiences, there is always some sort of sexual tension between friends of the opposite sex. I think to some degree there is something there that attracted you to this friend in the first place.
Setting boundaries very early on, sets the stage for the relationship..
If one wants more than the other can deliver then usually the relationship short lived.. If all goes well, you have a friend for life.2 -
Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
People who pursue women only to bed them are sexual predators and are flawed individuals.
Very closeminded statement......
Some people don't want the emotions or the attachment.
Some would argue that that's flawed though. Especially because, biologically, sex is designed to be about emotions and attachment.0 -
I stopped reading at "According to the Daily Mail"9
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MrStabbems wrote: »I stopped reading at According to the Daily Mail
Oakland University, one of the most liberal universities in the world, did the research. Not the Daily Mail.
I've never heard of it but its irrelevant. Research, facts and figures can be done by the top people or institutions in their fields but if the "consumer" doesn't read the research paper (which are almost always dull as feck) then it becomes all about the interpretation and presentation of the research and not the research itself.
When that interpretation is a news article from a gutter paper...Im not interested. Well done for finding it etc but I just cant read anything that xenophobic, hypocritical, borderline racist, hatred inciting useless "newspaper" has to offer.
For anyone interested in the actual research paper: Here
Credit to @newmeadow for finding it in the first place.3 -
When did this become about exes?3
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thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »The Friend Zone -
I know a lot of men hate being friend zoned.
A lot of the responses lately on the threads make me feel like men only want male/female relationships that have potential for sex.
It makes me question my previous male friendships.
But. Let's say you know the woman is not going there for whatever reason, (prior commitments, married, is a nun, whatever) from the moment you meet.
Would you still bother with a friendship?
Yes, I have a few friends like that, we have a great time together, and talk about *kitten* I cant talk about with my guy friends. There is sexual tension, and we can feel it, its flirty at times, and fun. Other times is dry and boring. I dont think I would be friends with them if there was not some kind of attraction.2 -
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thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »NorthCascades wrote: »thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »Would you still bother with a friendship?
Of course. I don't understand how this could be a real question.
That's cool, makes me happy.
I used to work with this lady named Liz. She's a hiker, too, so we were instant friends. I'm 38, she's 52 or 53, she has two teenage sons. We hiked the Chelan Lakeshore Trail "together," meaning we both got off the boat together, stopped and chatted for a while, then she and her son took the trail at their pace and Beth and I at ours, but we bumped into each other several times along the way, had breakfast on the trail together, etc. Liz told me things like "Maple Pass is the best ridge walk in the state - go!" and "you haven't lived until you've seen Harts Pass." She was right on both counts. We share lots of pictures, beta, encouragement, etc.
My best friend from childhood always felt like a sister to me. The thought of intimacy with her would have been gross. But we were very close for many years. (Moving across the country made us less close over the years.)
Etc. A lot of etc.1 -
thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »I know a lot of men hate being friend zoned.
Only when you're trying to get some in the first place. Sex is wonderful, but there's more to life, too.3
This discussion has been closed.
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