How has your weight loss affected your marriage?
LittleHearseDriver
Posts: 2,677 Member
I began my weight loss journey in January of this year. My husband knew how unhappy and uncomfortable I had become with myself. At first he was supportive, but now his attitude has changed; lately he rolls his eyes when I measure my portion sizes or mention that I need to log my meals. I don't talk about my weight, in fact I barely mention it at all. He has asked me before if I am losing the weight for someone. Has this happened to anyone else?
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Replies
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Nope, not so far, and I'm sorry to hear that's it's happening to you! My hubby has been very supportive (even more so once he realised I was actually going to stick to it) and has even lost about 20lbs himself through becoming more aware of his snacking habits and portion sizes. My weight loss, even though I'm not done yet, has given me increased confidence in myself and a healthier opinion of my body, which definitely helps with the physical aspect of our marriage as well.
I would try to reassure your hubby that you love and desire him and no one else, as he may just be feeling a bit insecure and worry that once you're slim you'll lose interest and someone else will sweep you off your feet. You might need to find ways to show him how you feel rather than trying to talk to him about it, but if it comes down to it perhaps sitting him down and having a straight talk about his attitude might be in order. I can't really advise on specifics since I've not had to do that myself (and I imagine no single approach works for every man), but perhaps someone else can chime in who has had to deal with this?
Keep up the good work, and try not to let his attitude derail you! *hugs*8 -
"Are you losing weight for someone?" - Husband
"Yes. Myself." - Wife
My husband, thankfully, has been pretty great in all this. That said, we talk quite a bit about what I am going through. I don't hesitate to let him know how I am feeling and if I need more support from him I will tell him that as well. He's my husband and if there is a person on this earth I should be able to talk to it is him. I'm not going to even pretend to know the ins and out of your marriage, but from your post it sounds like maybe more open communication could help?5 -
Me and my husband actually started off together in February, but he injured himself and got off track by April. I'm now down 90lbs and he admits he's heavier than when we started ten months ago. He has always been unwaveringly supportive though. I would be gutted if he was questioning why I was losing like that
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I think a lot of spouses ask that question, either out loud or to themselves. It's not a crazy question to ask. Obviously something made you want to change yourself. I can see how a spouse might wonder.
Just be open and explain your reasons to him. Communication can work wonders.2 -
My weight loss hasn't really had any impact on my marriage...but, my wife started eating better along with me (I'm the cook) and when she saw me being more active and exercising, it inspired her to do the same.
We were both reasonably good athletes at one time, but we really let ourselves go for awhile...me moving my *kitten* again really inspired her to do the same. It's great being back to our old fitness geek selves...4 -
Back in 2012 i was really unhappy with my size, hubby at that point told me he'd help me get fitter by both of us committing to walk together daily...then I found mfp. ...both of us shaped up, lost weight together and have kept it off since.
He did start to complain a little when i started getting up at 6am to workout but I kept getting up and to this day still workout every morning. Both of us keep active in general which is great
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My husband was kind of supportive at first. I don't think that he realized I was really going to stick with it. Anyway, he was kind of supportive but then slowly I can tell that it just kind of annoys him. He doesn't understand why I am so active and he doesn't like to try the healthier food that I cook. He has pretty high metabolism so he can pretty much eat anything and not exercise and barely gain any weight. he isn't suspicious about any other motives or anything, just not enthusiastic or supportive in general. So I just ignore him. I'm happy with the way my weight loss is going and that's really all that matters. I didn't start this for him, I did it for me.1
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I'm not married but my weight loss has made me realize that I have been struggling in my current relationship because I'm not used to a healthy dynamic. It has prompted me to resume therapy because I have a lot to work through which was easier to mask by eating.7
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My husband has been very supportive and never questioned my motives... but I'm beginning to believe he is bothered by the fact that our lifestyles are becoming so different. I never say anything to him about eating less or working out, but I he's been beating himself up a bit about gaining at least as much as I've lost. Still haven't figured out to help him without making him feel worse so I just make sure he knows I love him and will be there no matter what.
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I'm sorry this is happening to you. My husband seems to take me more seriously and is even more supportive the longer I keep at it.3
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My husband has been supportive and is trying to lose weight himself, he has never complained about the food I cook, he did tell me he thinks counting calories is a little too extreme but is quite understanding when I do it except when I ignore him when I obsessively search for restaurant food calories haha he also sometimes complained that I don't cuddle in the mornings anymore as that's when I usually get up to work out but I don't do that everyday I do 3 morning work outs and 3 afternoon ones after work so I told him to get over it haha
I do sometimes feel like he's not overly enthusiastic about my progress as I am, and this could be because he's not making as much progress, I know when I found myself gaining a lot of weight I wasn't feeling too happy that's he's lost weight before.
On the other hand I've been feeling more confident about my body so I've been in the mood for intimacy more often he's got no complains there! 8 -
Sorry you have to deal with that OP. He may just need extra reassurance. I've been super fortunate in that my wife has been on board since day one. She loves the healthier eating (I cook) and she's now losing weight as well. We're getting more and more active together..all around good stuff. I hope it happens for you too, soon.3
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I think my husband didn't think I wouldn't stick with it either. He says that he is open to try healthier recipes, but he doesn't like most of them.kellansmommy11 wrote: »My husband was kind of supportive at first. I don't think that he realized I was really going to stick with it. Anyway, he was kind of supportive but then slowly I can tell that it just kind of annoys him. He doesn't understand why I am so active and he doesn't like to try the healthier food that I cook. He has pretty high metabolism so he can pretty much eat anything and not exercise and barely gain any weight. he isn't suspicious about any other motives or anything, just not enthusiastic or supportive in general. So I just ignore him. I'm happy with the way my weight loss is going and that's really all that matters. I didn't start this for him, I did it for me.
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Same thing happen to me. =( The whole time i was using MFP he kept telling me it was an obsession and that I shouldn't log everything and kept comparing me to him saying things like "Look at how fit i am and I don't log food or work out" It use to piss me off so much. I got down to around 155lbs and he started getting upset, saying things like, 'You're going to leave me when you get to goal." It use to make me want to give up because it was insulting and discouraging to hear that rather than to hear, "well done, keep going."
My mother was the same though, if i went over she'd say things like, "you're never going to lose it, and why are you bothering you're just a fat girl." Then when i lost 50 lbs she said, "oh no, you're losing your boobs, better stop losing if you want you want some good meat on you." =( People can suck IRL when you do things to better yourself.
No one i knew IRL wanted to know or cared about me losing 90lbs. Many tried to sabotage me. I found that using MFP like FB and leaving FB was better for my health at the time, because people on MFP want to hear your trials and triumphs. People here will encourage and support and people here understand what you're going through.
My only advice would be to ignore him, tell him you're doing it for you and for your health and he gets to have a healthy wife as a result. Ignore the eye rolling and just keep logging your foods knowing why you're doing it and that it's for you. I sadly let it get to me and I gave up MFP and working out, i got sick, gained it all back and regret much. Now when someone tries to cut in and tell me how to go about my lifestyle i cut them off and ask them if they're my gp, then I tell them to let me do what i'm doing and if my GP thinks there's something wrong, he'll tell me.15 -
I've been at this since January as well and have reached my goal, a weight I haven't seen in 35 years or so. My husband was curious at first about all the weighing and measuring and me sneaking out of bed in the morning to pee and weigh in. I'm sure he was skeptical at first because I've tried this so many times and failed. He's very supportive now. He has enjoyed our new way of eating, we try new recipes all the time. Of course at our ages, 63 & 65, he's not worried about me doing it for anyone else. In fact, I've been adamant that this is only for me, no one else, not even him. He's good with that.3
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At first my wife and I were doing everything together. Weighing our meals, working out together, kicking butt. Late spring/early summer we ran into some issues unrelated to health and food, and our fitness and eating started to disappear. All the sudden, in the middle of summer, she out of no where starts working out and eating healthy, leaving me in the dust, doesn't want to work with me or do anything with me. I understand and fully support "doing it for yourself." That has continued until now, with very little or no support from her. She is off doing her own thing, and I have struggled to do my own. Divorce (again, through other issues) has become a real possibility, and lately I have been filled with a desire and motivation to lose the 200+ I need to lose. I found out she started talking with a guy (she swears they are just friends, nothing more) but that is about when our problems started and she started wanting to lose weight and be healthy, without me. I feel guilty because my motivation and inspiration isn't because of her, but what is a guy to do? All I can say is what other's have, and do it for you. Keep kicking butt. Us guys can be a bit thick headed, but in the end, I really hope he starts supporting you and stops questioning you!4
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I gained 20lbs in the past year. My boyfriend had a talk with me about my unhealthy habits (I am recovering from binge eating disorder) and the rapid weight gain. He was worried about my psychological health. And he said if I kept gaining weight it's a deal breaker.
That gave me the jolt I needed to really get serious about healing my eating disorder.
He LOVES all the healthy changes I've made. He's really proud of all of my hard work. He sometimes gets a little smile when he catches me weighing my food. I don't think I could do this difficult journey without his support.
I'm really sorry that your man isn't supportive. Do you think telling him that his attitude hurts your feelings would help? Maybe if he knew how he was making you feel, and if you guys talked about his concerns, he'd be nicer. Also, maybe if you told him just how important he is to you and how much his support would mean to you- like make him feel super essential and like he's an important factor in your success.0 -
Darkness_Fall wrote: »At first my wife and I were doing everything together. Weighing our meals, working out together, kicking butt. Late spring/early summer we ran into some issues unrelated to health and food, and our fitness and eating started to disappear. All the sudden, in the middle of summer, she out of no where starts working out and eating healthy, leaving me in the dust, doesn't want to work with me or do anything with me. I understand and fully support "doing it for yourself." That has continued until now, with very little or no support from her. She is off doing her own thing, and I have struggled to do my own. Divorce (again, through other issues) has become a real possibility, and lately I have been filled with a desire and motivation to lose the 200+ I need to lose. I found out she started talking with a guy (she swears they are just friends, nothing more) but that is about when our problems started and she started wanting to lose weight and be healthy, without me. I feel guilty because my motivation and inspiration isn't because of her, but what is a guy to do? All I can say is what other's have, and do it for you. Keep kicking butt. Us guys can be a bit thick headed, but in the end, I really hope he starts supporting you and stops questioning you!
I'm sorry that you guys are in a tough place. I'm wishing you all the best and hope things work out in the best possible way for both of you.1 -
I have more energy. I am healthier.
Dh has said he wants me to be healthy and happy.
There have been no other impacts over 2 years.0 -
OP sorry that is the case. As others have said tell him your doing for YOU and his support is appreciated.
I have been at it only a Month. My wife has been skeptical of my efforts. It's funny too as she is a Clinical Dietitian. She has always been fit her whole life eating well and running every other day at a min. Me never really "fit" past age 22 and more and more not so as I pass 45. I am following a Keto diet and she has been doing these in the hospital for Coma, Epilepsy etc. patients. But to use it simpley for weight loss she is not 100% suportive, rolling eyes and not wanting to discuss foods etc. since that is what she does all day. Same with my exercise, roll eyes etc. It's all rooted in the "your not going to stick with it" concept. I tried in 2013 and failed, but no MFP and no diet then. However she does enjoy cooking heathy I am very fortunate there, and she is very aware of what foods have carbs etc. So like tonight she is cooking spaghetti for our teens, but steeming a spaghetti squash for her and I with chicken sausages.
For me I am just reminding myself I am doing this for ME, no one else.4 -
@DietVanillaCoke I can't imagine how discouraging it would feel to have your spouse and a parent putting you down like that. I'm glad to hear that you stayed strong and overcame those obstacles.
@Darkness_Fall0 -
Change is hard for people, and you changing is impacting his life even if you aren't asking him to change. My husband keeps lamenting that I lost my round belly that he adored so much, but quite frankly it being gone, he still can't seem to keep his hands off me, so I have non-verbal support that he likes the changes even if there is a lot of verbal complaining.
When in doubt, he's a guy, if he's feeling insecure more sex will help make him feel better!4 -
My husband feels like he lost his "food buddy". I had to remind him that we eat the same thing for dinner, I just eat less of it now and try to balance my carbs with protein/fruits/vegetables. He know Saturday's are my "free" days but he sometimes gets a little cranky about my tracking during the week...specifically if I turn down a beer or dessert because of calories. I just remind him I have a goal and I don't want to have health related problems because of weight. He does feel bad sometimes that I'm working out and losing while he isn't making a hardcore effort. Overall though , a little crabby sometimes but ok.1
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If there aren't any medical restrictions, you can eat everything you did before, seriously. You'll just have to mind your portions, weigh and log accurately and he gets to eat the way he likes.LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
I think my husband didn't think I wouldn't stick with it either. He says that he is open to try healthier recipes, but he doesn't like most of them.kellansmommy11 wrote: »My husband was kind of supportive at first. I don't think that he realized I was really going to stick with it. Anyway, he was kind of supportive but then slowly I can tell that it just kind of annoys him. He doesn't understand why I am so active and he doesn't like to try the healthier food that I cook. He has pretty high metabolism so he can pretty much eat anything and not exercise and barely gain any weight. he isn't suspicious about any other motives or anything, just not enthusiastic or supportive in general. So I just ignore him. I'm happy with the way my weight loss is going and that's really all that matters. I didn't start this for him, I did it for me.
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My wife is thrilled. Exhausted but thrilled. I cook she eats. Still have all her "junk food" in the house. Soda and ice cream. I stay away.3
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Mrs Jruzer has been totally supportive. I'm starting to think I have a "unicorn":
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Thank you guys for sharing your stories.0
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My wife doesn't get much support from her family. They tend to brush it off and dismiss her even after she had lost close to ten pounds. It's really easy for that to shut her down so I thumbs up everything she does on here. I leave comments while at work and we both have realized how unhealthy our old eating habits are. Thankfully it's full circle as I get support from her. Even without, I know she feels uncomfortable in her skin and her attempting to change deserves recognition and praise.7
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My husband and I are getting fit together. He is happy now that I am happier and more confident. We have so much fun when we are doing things together, now. So, I think losing weight and getting fit has drawn us closer and made our marriage better.3
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Personally I think fitness is a individual journey and different for everyone. I think communication is key in any marriage without either person getting defensive. Physical attraction is important, but shouldn't be the root of the marriage. Be spontaneous with your affection and show him he is still the one. I have several friends who have been through divorce because they either married for money, sex, or looks. Maybe I'm different than most men, but I find a overweight woman who is trying to better herself in the gym far more attractive then some fake chick in her 20's with the metabolism of a 14 year old. The simple fact is we are all going to age, our bodies are going to change, do what makes you happy, and live life to the fullest! 6
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