Getting back to me

I lost so much when I gained 40 lbs. I never wanted to be controlled by my weight. I would tell myself that I didn’t care that I was a little chubby because I was still me. I wasn’t being completely honest with myself; deep down inside I knew it. I didn’t recognize the reflection in the mirror. My nice clothes didn’t fit anymore. Shopping for new clothes became an agonizing experience. I avoided the camera as much as possible and when I did take a picture all I saw was an imposter standing in my place. My house has a pool and even in the privacy of my own back yard I felt self conscious in a bikini. I’m not that person! It doesn’t work for me, I wasn’t completely happy with myself and I had to make a change. I am constantly working on my spirit and my mind, why shouldn’t I do the same with the vessel that contains them? I’ve always known myself on the inside and now, after 5 ½ months of hard work and dedication, I’ve found my outside again. Finally I can see me in the mirror and in pictures; I’ve missed that face so much. My real clothes fit and so do the ones I want at the store. I’m back in control of my body and more in control of my life. I feel healthy and fit. I still have 10 more pounds to lose before I reach my goal and a lot of work to make the change to last the rest of my life but I am up to the challenge. Then I can say ‘I gained so much when I lost 40 lbs’.