How has your weight loss affected your marriage?

2»

Replies

  • LittleHearseDriver
    LittleHearseDriver Posts: 2,677 Member
    @DietVanillaCoke I can't imagine how discouraging it would feel to have your spouse and a parent putting you down like that. I'm glad to hear that you stayed strong and overcame those obstacles.

    @Darkness_Fall
  • tcunbeliever
    tcunbeliever Posts: 8,270 Member
    Change is hard for people, and you changing is impacting his life even if you aren't asking him to change. My husband keeps lamenting that I lost my round belly that he adored so much, but quite frankly it being gone, he still can't seem to keep his hands off me, so I have non-verbal support that he likes the changes even if there is a lot of verbal complaining.

    When in doubt, he's a guy, if he's feeling insecure more sex will help make him feel better!
  • schwest76
    schwest76 Posts: 77 Member
    My husband feels like he lost his "food buddy". I had to remind him that we eat the same thing for dinner, I just eat less of it now and try to balance my carbs with protein/fruits/vegetables. He know Saturday's are my "free" days but he sometimes gets a little cranky about my tracking during the week...specifically if I turn down a beer or dessert because of calories. I just remind him I have a goal and I don't want to have health related problems because of weight. He does feel bad sometimes that I'm working out and losing while he isn't making a hardcore effort. Overall though , a little crabby sometimes but ok.
  • Cylphin60
    Cylphin60 Posts: 863 Member
    My husband was kind of supportive at first. I don't think that he realized I was really going to stick with it. Anyway, he was kind of supportive but then slowly I can tell that it just kind of annoys him. He doesn't understand why I am so active and he doesn't like to try the healthier food that I cook. He has pretty high metabolism so he can pretty much eat anything and not exercise and barely gain any weight. he isn't suspicious about any other motives or anything, just not enthusiastic or supportive in general. So I just ignore him. I'm happy with the way my weight loss is going and that's really all that matters. I didn't start this for him, I did it for me.
    I think my husband didn't think I wouldn't stick with it either. He says that he is open to try healthier recipes, but he doesn't like most of them.
    If there aren't any medical restrictions, you can eat everything you did before, seriously. You'll just have to mind your portions, weigh and log accurately and he gets to eat the way he likes.
  • pneschich
    pneschich Posts: 325 Member
    My wife is thrilled. Exhausted but thrilled. I cook she eats. Still have all her "junk food" in the house. Soda and ice cream. I stay away.
  • LittleHearseDriver
    LittleHearseDriver Posts: 2,677 Member
    Thank you guys for sharing your stories.
  • jagodfrey08
    jagodfrey08 Posts: 425 Member
    My husband and I are getting fit together. He is happy now that I am happier and more confident. We have so much fun when we are doing things together, now. So, I think losing weight and getting fit has drawn us closer and made our marriage better.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,273 Member
    My husband has been nothing but positive about me losing weight. I've never expected him to change anything (food he eats, etc.) but he has always shown his support in everyday ways like writing down grams for ingredients when he cooks, saving food labels I might need, making sure I get time to myself to exercise, complimenting me, encouraging me to get new clothes, etc. I couldn't ask for a better partner.
  • kobutori
    kobutori Posts: 3 Member
    I am not married but I live with my boyfriend and he is not that supportive.
    He gives me this " you are crazy" look whenever I weigh food and say " I will make you fat."
    He does not say anything about food I cook but I wish I get support like others' partners...
  • shan11180
    shan11180 Posts: 110 Member
    It seems I'm with you, and more of the minority here... My boyfriend (of 20 years) automatically assumes I'm doing it for another man. I literally had to hide from him that I was working out during my lunch breaks. And when I start to feel better and more confident, it usually means more intimacy, but he seems to think that my increased interest in intimacy is because of the "buff dudes at the gym". I've come to terms with the fact that he will NEVER be supportive, and would rather I stay home, stay fat, and be miserable. That way he can continue to control me and will never have to "compete" with other men. It doesn't matter that there never was other men. What mattered was his perception. And no amount of showing, explaining, revealing, and communicating could change his mind.

    Unfortunately, or fortunately, maybe? As I've continued to lose weight and feel better, I've seen his lack of trust, emotional abuse, and constant mental manipulation come out in full force. My weight and EXTREME lack of self-worth and self-confidence allowed him to continue with his behavior as I continued to allow it. We've been living apart for 3+ months now, and I've continued to work on myself. I realize my story may be a bit extreme, but I beleive that sometimes when we start to see our own self worth, it makes those that "love" us show their true colors. I truly hope this is not the case for you, and that your husband is able to accept, love and support you. But for what it's worth, I get it. I understand. I've been through hell with my relationship. But I'm still standing strong and fighting for ME. ☺

    Huh. That escalated quickly... Ha! My intent here was to say: you're not alone.
  • ashcky
    ashcky Posts: 393 Member
    shan11180 wrote: »
    It seems I'm with you, and more of the minority here... My boyfriend (of 20 years) automatically assumes I'm doing it for another man. I literally had to hide from him that I was working out during my lunch breaks. And when I start to feel better and more confident, it usually means more intimacy, but he seems to think that my increased interest in intimacy is because of the "buff dudes at the gym". I've come to terms with the fact that he will NEVER be supportive, and would rather I stay home, stay fat, and be miserable. That way he can continue to control me and will never have to "compete" with other men. It doesn't matter that there never was other men. What mattered was his perception. And no amount of showing, explaining, revealing, and communicating could change his mind.

    Unfortunately, or fortunately, maybe? As I've continued to lose weight and feel better, I've seen his lack of trust, emotional abuse, and constant mental manipulation come out in full force. My weight and EXTREME lack of self-worth and self-confidence allowed him to continue with his behavior as I continued to allow it. We've been living apart for 3+ months now, and I've continued to work on myself. I realize my story may be a bit extreme, but I beleive that sometimes when we start to see our own self worth, it makes those that "love" us show their true colors. I truly hope this is not the case for you, and that your husband is able to accept, love and support you. But for what it's worth, I get it. I understand. I've been through hell with my relationship. But I'm still standing strong and fighting for ME. ☺

    Huh. That escalated quickly... Ha! My intent here was to say: you're not alone.

    Glad you got away from him, that did not sound like a healthy relationship. Good job for you!