I am a loser, and not in weight. No self control.

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alsha13
alsha13 Posts: 14 Member
in Introduce Yourself
I have been at this game for so long, but cannot make it a week. Now I am 60 and 38 kilos overweight. I work in aged care on casual shifts, which can last 11 hours with no break except for the 15 minutes drive between clients. My problem is that I cannot establish a routine. And I am an emotional eater. If I have an exhausting long day, ever if I stop the car and make myself take a 10 minute meal break. When I get home at night I loose all self control and eat dinner and then nibble all night. On days I dont work I am pretty good, and on half days I am ok unless I spend a lot of the day out, then I spiral down again. Of course then there is the guilt's for all the eating, and the 200 gram white chocolate is my consolation for anything that goes wrong. I have a fit bit, and on work days get in about 7000 steps. I never sit around all day on days off, i go shopping, or clean, or have a swim in the pool. I just cant seem to retain my focus when I am feeling like crap. Help please.

Replies

  • Savagedistraction
    Savagedistraction Posts: 312 Member
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    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgZcJD-KfHI
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    First, hugs.
    I'm 55 plus and I finally tackled my weight these past few years. I got a lot of professional help along the way.
    It is obvious that your current pattern of living is not working so let's change something. It doesn't have to be a big change but every little habit you shift will add up over time.
    I suggest behavioural goals rather than weight goals.
    Two resources I found most helpful were Habit by Duhigg and "Living a Healthy Life With Chronic Conditions" from Stanford.

    http://patienteducation.stanford.edu/materials/

    Here are some ideas to try:
    - Add 5% to your daily steps goal.
    - Cut your white chocolate in half and reward yourself with half the usual reward. If you savour it slowly you can double the pleasure from half the calories.
    - Pre-package all your food for work days, snack style while working and a hearty dinner waiting for you when you get home. You will know how many calories you are getting this way. Try for more protein and vegetables.
    - After your relaxation meal and your half chocolate, savoured slowly, try another distracting habit to finish off your day. It might be easier to make the switch if you pick something that keeps your hands busy. It might be Sudoku, an adult colouring book, or arm knitting.

    https://www.pinterest.com/explore/hand-knitting/

    Make a list of any successful behavioural changes and start celebrating your successes.

    I'm cheering for you.
  • mskimee
    mskimee Posts: 228 Member
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    Prepare your meals and snacks! I had the same routine a few years back, tough job, no time to exercise, hated work and comfort ate, felt bad and ate some more. I found the prep worked great for me. Try and prep for the full week if you can. Write out a list of what food you need DON'T BUY THE BAD STUFF (I had to stop buying all treats for a while cos if it was there I'd eat it. No Question!!) and work from there. Plan your daily meals, add in some snacks, plenty of water and it will work, but give it time. You won't see a change in a day, maybe not even in a week, but after 30 days you will feel like a new woman and you will feel so happy with yourself. One bad day won't make a huge difference, but don't let it become a bad week which will lead to a bad month and will grow into a bad year. One step at a time. I know it's hard to break the habits of a lifetime, but keep focused on the positive outcome. You CAN do it and you WILL do it, you have the support of everyone on here if you have a bad day and we can keep you motivated!
  • alsha13
    alsha13 Posts: 14 Member
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    Thanks ladies. I do start ever day with good intentions. If i was as young as you Joy I might consider doing all the exercise you do, but walking all day, not just day to day movements, does count when you are as unfit as myself. I lead a very busy life and the time I have in the evenings I value with my family. Maybe cutting down to a small bar of choc in those aaahh!!! times would be better because having half a large would be too tempting in the cupboard. I do have my meals sorted, its mainly the stress and overtired drained eating. I am in remission from non hodgkins lymphoma, and in the last three years have also lost my mother, my father in law and my favourite Aunt just this year. Also had a brother charged with having child pornography and going to jail, and having to cut ties with him and his family. Plus my husband is out of work and I am the sole breadwinner. So my stresses are genuine. I am trying to get on with my life and as I said, loose my focus easily. I have been in aged care a year and a half after 15 years in office work and being made redundant. I had a routine there.
    I know excuses excuses, but they are facts, not reasons. So tomorrow, just before christmas, I will again attempt to finish a day, then the next then maybe the week.
  • Savagedistraction
    Savagedistraction Posts: 312 Member
    edited December 2016
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    im 46, hardly "young". You seem like a nice lady, but to be blunt you seem to just want validation for your excuses. I've been there too. I too have "facts". Everyone does. *kitten* things happen to everyone. One of my teammates in BJJ is battling breastcancer and still trains. EVERYONE has excuses/reasons. Until you drop yours nothing will change.
  • hillmike56
    hillmike56 Posts: 485 Member
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    alsha13 wrote: »
    Thanks ladies. I do start ever day with good intentions. If i was as young as you Joy I might consider doing all the exercise you do, but walking all day, not just day to day movements, does count when you are as unfit as myself. I lead a very busy life and the time I have in the evenings I value with my family. Maybe cutting down to a small bar of choc in those aaahh!!! times would be better because having half a large would be too tempting in the cupboard. I do have my meals sorted, its mainly the stress and overtired drained eating. I am in remission from non hodgkins lymphoma, and in the last three years have also lost my mother, my father in law and my favourite Aunt just this year. Also had a brother charged with having child pornography and going to jail, and having to cut ties with him and his family. Plus my husband is out of work and I am the sole breadwinner. So my stresses are genuine. I am trying to get on with my life and as I said, loose my focus easily. I have been in aged care a year and a half after 15 years in office work and being made redundant. I had a routine there.
    I know excuses excuses, but they are facts, not reasons. So tomorrow, just before christmas, I will again attempt to finish a day, then the next then maybe the week.

    I disagree with your statement about being a loser just from your short note here. As a fellow 60 year old your statement of taking care of the aged population I praise your work! You just are struggling with the same issue we all have had here for the most part welcome. I fight the BINGE as you. Come check into our community that tries to see the BINGE as a force to fight in a way. Maybe as a group we can help you tackle your problem with food. However you try to do this best of luck I'm sure someone here is at the same spot!
  • irandra23
    irandra23 Posts: 35 Member
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    I was speaking about the doctor and he was telling me because i am an emotional eater as well and he said to me.. you need to treat the reason why you run to food for comfort otherwise all the diets and work out regiments will only work for a short time till you fall back to the same regiment of comfort food.

    Sounds like you have a lot of personal issues going in your life, i suggest that you should find another way of dealing with your emotions than eating them away because even after that nice bar of white toblerone choclate (my favourite) they are still there. Food just gives us a temporary feel of relief it doesnt resolve anything. I suggest that you just dont buy all the 'Bad food' and keep all temptation out of the house.

    Another thing i sense is you postpone the start date to tomorrow.... DONT PUSH IT START TODAY!! and if you eat over your calories today then tomorrow do better. Old habits are hard to kick but they can change with time. Dont give up. We are here to support you.
  • alsha13
    alsha13 Posts: 14 Member
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    believe me if I was 46, I would have the energy like you.
  • iofred
    iofred Posts: 488 Member
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    So, how do you envisage help? The good thing is that you recognize where you go wrong, which is the first step, but the bad thing is that you call yourself a loser. The question is how bad you want to lose the weight, and how much it would mean to you. Age and energy are not related ... energy and weight might be ... What would help if you cannot focus is a Chris Powell kicking you, but a virtual kick which we might be able to do would do nothing. So maybe look for a personal trainer, who charges you double if you do not show up
  • irandra23
    irandra23 Posts: 35 Member
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    I think we need to first start by changing your mentality around this journey.
  • Savagedistraction
    Savagedistraction Posts: 312 Member
    edited December 2016
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    alsha13 wrote: »
    believe me if I was 46, I would have the energy like you.
    please google Earnestine Sheppard. Stop using your age as an excuse.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATMByqkeM94


  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    Hi again.

    You have been through enough stress to fell a bull moose. I've been there. So you must give yourself room for forgiveness and self care.

    Even when crawling back from disaster, optimism is key. There are small changes you can make to improve your situation and over time those small changes add up to big ones.

    http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=17792517

    One of my late great discoveries is how fast our bodies respond to new demands. As long as we progressively increase the burden, we get stronger. Try and pick up an impossible load right away on the other hand, and we collapse.

    The videos being profiled are strength experts at the pinnacle of their achievement. What the video fails to show are the thousands of in-between steps and the setbacks in between to get there.

    I recently started a high demand job after months of unemployment. I decided to treat the new physical demands as training for a mountain hike I am planning. Instead of a burden, I see my new physicality as "training". Yoga and physio sessions taught me to be more sensitive to my body's signals so if I am tired, I rest. If I ache, I stretch. If I am weakening instead of strengthening, I change my routine so my muscles have time to recover.

    My wish for you in 2017 is increasing optimism, health and strength.

    PS I have a stay at home husband too. He is progressively picking up more of the household chores to give me room to breathe. Perhaps you can negotiate something similar.
  • JeromeBarry1
    JeromeBarry1 Posts: 10,182 Member
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    I have my one-funeral-oration-fits-all: "He or She said he or she couldn't until he or she died without trying."
  • dejavuohlala
    dejavuohlala Posts: 1,821 Member
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    alsha13 wrote: »
    Thanks ladies. I do start ever day with good intentions. If i was as young as you Joy I might consider doing all the exercise you do, but walking all day, not just day to day movements, does count when you are as unfit as myself. I lead a very busy life and the time I have in the evenings I value with my family. Maybe cutting down to a small bar of choc in those aaahh!!! times would be better because having half a large would be too tempting in the cupboard. I do have my meals sorted, its mainly the stress and overtired drained eating. I am in remission from non hodgkins lymphoma, and in the last three years have also lost my mother, my father in law and my favourite Aunt just this year. Also had a brother charged with having child pornography and going to jail, and having to cut ties with him and his family. Plus my husband is out of work and I am the sole breadwinner. So my stresses are genuine. I am trying to get on with my life and as I said, loose my focus easily. I have been in aged care a year and a half after 15 years in office work and being made redundant. I had a routine there.
    I know excuses excuses, but they are facts, not reasons. So tomorrow, just before christmas, I will again attempt to finish a day, then the next then maybe the week.

    Alisha I'm so routing for you. I'm 69 and stil at this weight loss it's been very slow, I have got will power but I have been stuck st my current weight for 9
    Months and it won't shift now, I've lost 48 lbs so have to keep at it, goodluck
  • PennWalker
    PennWalker Posts: 554 Member
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    I am sorry you've had so much stress lately. Maybe talking to a professional would help? Good luck. I would start small with a few changes and aim to be healthy.

    I see meals at work as one of your biggest issues. I think if you could tackle that, you wouldn't feel in despair when you go home. Here are my suggestions:

    (1) Buy Atkins chocolate shakes with 15 G protein and 1 G sugar (and ignore the rest of their program). Those shakes don't require refrigeration and are practical travel food. I suggest them because you said you have no breaks except a few minutes in the car.

    I would pack some salads, snacks like apples and almonds, and have that food with the shake. The shakes also have a little chocolate so you wouldn't feel deprived (or try some other flavor). They sell them on Amazon UK too. If you don't like the shake idea with a hearty salad, there are other foods you could pack.

    (2) Buy one of those insulated bags to keep food cold or warm. Amazon sells them as well as other stores. Here's a UK link:

    https://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss/253-3419957-4655460?url=search-alias=aps&field-keywords=travel+bags+to+keep+food+cold

  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,599 Member
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    My mom didn't start her exercise and eating regimen till she was in her late 70's. She's 90 now.
    Like anyone else she had to establish new habitual behaviors.....................and then be COMMITTED to them.
    People will commit to their kids, their grand kids and go out of their way, but for some reason can't do it for themselves. Just here to tell you that what you want to do for them later in life will be LESS EFFECTIVE if you yourself start having health issues. And I know that's not what you want.
    Start small. Maybe just replacing one meal a day. And then once you got that down (it may take a few weeks to make it a habit), then move onto the next one. Trying to do a 180 or even a 90 degree turnaround after a long life of living a certain way may be tough for some. The more gradual you make it, the easier it is to accept.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
  • gregsalas1983
    gregsalas1983 Posts: 4 Member
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    You are not a loser. You are not a loser.
    Loser implies that there is a criteria, and the only criteria that you should care about is the one that you set for youself. Success BEGINS from within, from your mindset, outlook, spirit (figuratively and/or literally). Self talk is the most powerful tool, and you can either build bridges with it, or dig holes. Build bridges, you are not a loser, your a winner.

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