How I became fat (LONG POST)

jh169327 · December 2016

Well... I don’t really know where to start. At the beginning I guess?

I have always struggled with my weight, always. I suppose it started back when I was around 10 – I was at a friend’s birthday party which involved a swimming pool and bathing costumes. Looking at all of my peers, they were all smaller than me and had a healthy body weight whereas I was quite obviously ‘bigger’. My body confidence has always been at an all time low and I am of the impression that it all started with that moment when I was ten years old with my arms wrapped around my stomach in an attempt to hide it in case someone made a mean comment. This theme continued on all through primary school, secondary school, college and up to the present day. I would write notes to my mum and tell her that I ‘was going on a diet because I’m fat’ and I would cry myself to sleep wishing that I was thinner.

In the December of 2013, I decided that enough was enough and I was going to shed some weight. As I had an active job at the time working with children it wasn’t that hard to lose a stone and a half (although I will admit I did not lose weight in a healthy way - limited calories and eating the wrong foods). Although I had lost this weight, it didn’t feel like it upon looking in the mirror – I still felt as big as ever even though the scales were telling me otherwise.

After losing this weight I got back into a relationship with my ex-boyfriend. This relationship was toxic not only to myself as a person but also my diet and my willpower. I was eating his portion sizes and also suffering emotional abuse on a daily basis and this I feel wreaked havoc on my mind and my body. I eventually suffered from depression and anxiety and began to comfort eat and the weight slowly crept back on. I started a job where the majority of my time was spent at a desk drinking tea and coffee (with sugar) and all the usual office foods such as biscuits, cakes and take-out lunches. As you can imagine that paired with a difficult, failing, toxic relationship resulted in even more weight gain.

I eventually split up from my ex partner but I developed a new problem. Due to lack of training and support in my job, I then came under the firing line for performance issues. My line manager was very unhelpful, very unsupportive and really did nothing to attempt to help me. This caused me a huge amount of stress and upset as this issue turned into a negligence case on their part which I had to fight with an employment union however the amount of stress I was under caused me to eat more for comfort. If I was sad, I ate – and I was sad every day, often multiple times.

Towards the end of my employment I met my now fiancée. This relationship has made me so happy and I know I have found my life partner – this has meant that I have become more comfortable and happier – leading to relaxing with food and giving into indulgences pretty much on a daily basis. What I thought was my heaviest back in 2013 is now a lifetime away, I’m now 10kg heavier than that and I am so unhappy with myself. I sweat at the slightest of things such as walking around (even when it’s freezing cold), I canjust FEEL the extra weight when I sit, walk or stand. I can no longer bend forward when sitting to put my socks and shoes on without severe discomfort of my tummy getting in the way, I have so many more stretch marks now, maybe TMI im sorry but I can no longer see ‘down there’. All these things plus more are just really getting me down and I can feel myself changing even more as a person due to all of these things. I no longer want to take pictures because of my double chin, I have only one outfit that I can wear as all my other clothes no longer fit and due to this I pretty much live in PJ’s, I insist that my partner turns the light off when we get intimate and my confidence is at rock bottom, lower than it’s ever been before. I have no friends and sometimes I get lonely.

I have tried going to the gym, aside from the fact that it was really out of my budget I also felt extremely self conscious in there. I was the only female in the free weights whereas all of the other females were in the cardio section and I felt a little singled out and stared at. I have also tried home workouts however I struggle with motivation working out on my own. I seem to have two sides: I either don’t push and work hard enough, or I work too hard and burn myself out and in turn – put myself off.

In terms of diet I can clean my diet up and eat healthier, however I don’t know where to start in terms of exercise. Would long walks, bodyweight exercise and a little go on the exercise bike be enough to start me off? I want to do this and I want to be happy. I don’t want to be in this skin anymore and feel like this. I need support and advice guys and I’m really not sure where to turn anymore. I want that before and after picture, I want those NSV’s, I want people to look at me and think ‘damn you worked hard’, I want people to be inspired by me and make a change too.

But I’m just little old me and I’m not sure if I can do this.

mskimee · December 2016

Hey, you have made a start and you can totally do this!! We can all help support you!

kommodevaran · December 2016

OK, so now you know that you can eat too much because you're stressed, because you're depressed, because you're happy. No access to gym, lack of motivation, money, confidence, too old or too young - if you want to lose weight, you have to lose the excuses. The good thing is that losing weight is simple. It's not necessarily easy, but don't let it be harder than it has to be.

Set up MFP with your current stats, get that calorie goal, and use your food diary. That's all it takes, but you have to do it right: Weigh everything, log it correctly, double check database entries or make your own, use the recipe builder the same way. Hit your calorie goal every day. Don't forget, cheat or give up. You don't have to exercise, but you need to eat less than you burn. Be patient, and measure your results correctly (weigh yourself regularly and understand fluctuations).

PennWalker · December 2016

Your big issue to me seems to be confidence and the understanding that you own your own life.

The best exercise is the one we are willing to do. If you want to lift weights but feel stared at because you're the only female, can you go at a time when the place has fewer people? Can your fiance go with you? Walking, time on a bike, and bodyweight exercise are all great exercise.

lmew91 · December 2016

You CAN do this. You just have to find the motivation within yourself. (You will probably hear that a lot as a response to this post.) Anyone can tell you how to lose weight, what worked for them, etc. YOU have to want to make the changes, and stick with them, to be successful. And you most certainly can do that.

You may find it helpful to start with small changes, and allow yourself time to work up to bigger changes. When you feel that you have successfully accomplished a small change, it can give you encouragement to keep pushing forward.
And remember, we all have days that we "mess up," it's a part of life. You can get through those days.

There are many knowledgeable people on this site who will provide you with lots of very useful information.

Good luck!

benevempress · December 2016

I suggest you make one change at a time. You don't have to change what you eat, how much you eat, how much water you drink, how much you sleep, how much and what type of exercise, etc all at once in order to lose weight. All of these contribute to a healthier lifestyle, which is what you want to end up with in order to MAINTAIN the loss (because who wants to lose it only to gain it all back?). So start by changing one thing, and once you're comfortable with that, change another and find what works for you.

For me, I started with logging my food (as kommodevaran described, above) and sticking to the calorie target that MFP gave me to lose 1 pound a week. I didn't go to the lowest recommended calories for women of 1200 because I felt deprived and starving and grumpy and I knew I wouldn't be able to sustain that. Once I got comfortable logging my food and eating less calories (by shrinking my portions), I started walking because slim people (which I wanted to be) don't sit on their behinds all day, every day. Then I started trying to eat a bit more fruits and vegetables rather than processed foods. Then I worked on trying to drink more water. Now, 70+ pounds lighter and after more than a year, my goal is to maintain this weight. I am still drinking the water, trying to eat more fruits and vegetables, walking every day, and logging my food while sticking to my maintenance calories. I feel so much better, I look younger, and I've gotten rid of all of my big clothes and the things in my closet actually fit! My next change is either going to be to try to start running (which I have never in my life been able to do) or start lifting weights (which I know would have been extremely beneficial to do long before now but I just couldn't make myself do it).

I've changed my life, one change -that I was ready for- at a time. You can do this too. Figure out what you CAN do and are willing to do, right now, and do that. Then, when you are ready, add another habit that leads you to the healthy life you want. Repeat.

vespiquenn · December 2016

You've identified what you can't do. Time to start focusing on what you can do. You can eat in a deficit. You can eat the foods you enjoy. You can find inner motivation. You can do this for yourself.

I understand it's easier said than done with depression. But you need to start somewhere, and self-hate isn't it.

everher · December 2016

Of course, you can do this. You've done it before. You dropped a stone and a half! Yes, maybe you did gain it back, but you've lost a significant amount of weight before you can do it again.

Now as to where to start. I'd say starting at the beginning is best. Personally, I'd just take a week or two and log everything you eat here on MFP. Buy a food scale if you don't already have one so you can accurately log how much you are eating.

After you've gotten the hang of things with your logging and have an accurate picture of how much you have been eating, you can start to cut back portion sizes and make positive changes.

I wouldn't restrict myself too much. Maybe set up MFP for a one pound a week loss.

As far as exercise goes I always tell myself anything I do today is more than I did before and it's true. The best exercise is the exercise you are able and willing to do consistently. If that's walking, walk if that's cycling, cycle. Don't push yourself too hard at first. Slow and steady wins the race.

NeuronsNeuronsNeurons · December 2016

I set the simple goal of walking for 45+min every day for 100 days, I am on day 13 and I walked 2 hours today (just shy of 8 miles). I pushed myself because it was raining and 31 degrees (fahrenheit) outside and I wanted nothing more than to quit at my goal of 45 min. I had to prove to myself that it couldn't stop me, that nothing will ever stop me again from getting what I deserve...no person, no stressor, no excuse, no judgment, no cruel remark, no smirk or taunt, no threat, no pain, no amount of cold and no amount of misery. That is how I get to my "awesome". My face was numb, my legs had started going stiff, and people drove by me looking like I was insane and I don't give a *kitten*, because it's not about them, it's about me. It's about surprising yourself and proving to yourself that your strength, self worth, and determination all come from within you and with that all things are possible. You are stronger than you know, all you have to do is unleash that strength and determination on the world. You have every right to happiness, you deserve to feel awesome about yourself. YOU CAN DO THIS!

How I became fat (LONG POST)

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