I need some advice

Christinith77
Christinith77 Posts: 21 Member
in Chit-Chat
My husband's dad and stepmom have invited us over for dinner xmas evening to eat and exchange gifts. The only problem is that I'm a vegetarian (my entire life) and they aren't planning on having anything other than rib roast and a few munchies, which usually is chips and dip and carrots and celery.
I asked if I can bring anything and she said anything vegetarian that I would want to eat.
Is it just me or is it kind of rude to invite to dinner who you know doesn't eat meat, and only serve meat for dinner? Am I just being overly sensitive?
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Replies

  • Unknown
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  • JstTheWayIam
    JstTheWayIam Posts: 6,357 Member
    It may be in poor taste but the important thing is not take it out on your husband...

    One year for Xmas I made an entire dinner, organic turkey and all for my in laws... They brought a frozen ham and asked me to bake it and barely touched the turkey... I was pretty pissed to say the least, I had so much leftover turkey.

    Ugh holidays and in laws
  • distinctlybeautiful
    distinctlybeautiful Posts: 1,041 Member
    It's not very considerate, but maybe it's better this way in that you get to choose what you want instead of being stuck with whatever they might make.
  • Shelley8266
    Shelley8266 Posts: 29 Member
    I'm vegetarian 2 and when my mother in law comes over for Christmas dinner she has to bring her own meat as I don't cook it.
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    I think most people are inconsiderate or perhaps they are not, they could just could care less..

    Look at it this way, you know for sure they made nothing catered to your specific diet and you will not feel silly bringing your own food to munch on..
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    edited December 2016
    For me it depends on who it is but your inlaws? They should definitely plan something that you can eat. That being said, I would have no idea what to feed a vegetarian person either (I don't know what's vegan and what isn't, or what's the difference is between vegetarian and vegan, for example), so in those circumstances I'd probably ask you to bring something too...
    shell821 wrote: »
    I'm vegetarian 2 and when my mother in law comes over for Christmas dinner she has to bring her own meat as I don't cook it.

    That's different though, you're still planning a complete meal, that she could eat if she wanted.
  • Gimsteinn
    Gimsteinn Posts: 7,678 Member
    What the two above said..

    My brother and his wife are vegans.. so is my sister. I have no idea how to prepare a meal for them so when I invite everyone over I ask them to bring their own food cause I don't want to poison them.
    Trust me.. it's not because we don't wanna give you guys food.. We just have no idea where to start in preparing a meal for vegans. Sure, I can make a mean salad and I have no doubt your in laws know how to make one as well.. but don't you want to eat something else on Christmas?

    And if you want to make them curious about the vegan lifestyle.. make a desert or something everyone can have to show them that vegan food is actually just as good as "normal" food.
  • Hungry_Angler
    Hungry_Angler Posts: 175 Member
    I have three vegan nieces that always bring their own food to family functions. Whenever I host, I give them extra money so that they can buy their own stuff and splurge a little. I've never thought about them getting their feelings hurt because I didn't cook anything for them. Perhaps I should ask?
  • dc8066
    dc8066 Posts: 1,439 Member
    edited December 2016
    If they invited you only and served meat knowing that you are a vegetarian, then it would be rude. Since it's a family function and your in-laws won't be cooking much, and your MIL doesn't mind you bringing a vegetarian dish, why would you want them to cook a separate dinner just for you? Just so you won't think of them of being rude to you?
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    Christinith77 wrote: »
    Is it just me or is it kind of rude to invite to dinner who you know doesn't eat meat, and only serve meat for dinner? Am I just being overly sensitive?

    People who choose restrictive diets should be a bit more expecting that they will need to bring food to functions. But I would think most hosts could make some effort to ensure there is at least some kind of food such a person would be able to eat as well.

    But yeah...you need to bring stuff.

  • richplank4
    richplank4 Posts: 9 Member
    I'm not vegen or vegetarian, but I do have Google and would try my best to accomidate everyone. A lot of people that don't understand different lifestyles tend to get defensive of their own. It may not be intentional, but more reactionary. Just don't be one of those people that throws your own preferences in everyone's face. Hope your holidays are wonderful anyway!
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    Well, it isn't what I would do if I invited someone over. If I knew someone had a special diet or strong preference I would try to have a dish they could eat.
    Maybe they don't know what would appropriate, thought a veggie tray was good enough or were hoping you would bring something. You know what they are having. Just bring a dish of something you like and let it go.

  • dc8066
    dc8066 Posts: 1,439 Member
    Lounmoun wrote: »
    Well, it isn't what I would do if I invited someone over. If I knew someone had a special diet or strong preference I would try to have a dish they could eat.
    Maybe they don't know what would appropriate, thought a veggie tray was good enough or were hoping you would bring something. You know what they are having. Just bring a dish of something you like and let it go.

    I would cook a couple dishes for her two if it was me too but her in-laws don't strike me as passionate cooks from what the OP wrote. I won't force people who don't enjoy cooking to make me food lol
  • benmullins4
    benmullins4 Posts: 678 Member
    As rude as someone might think it is that a host wouldn't accommodate your lifestyle, it's rude to expect them to accommodate your lifestyle. As it is, it's stressful and a lot of work to prep for multiple guests. That also leads to utilizing every last minute, counter and oven space. To have to add another element for an individual is tricky.

    Now, most folks probably would offer to make a dish available to you according to your dietary needs, but it's not rude if they don't. That should be expected and not looked at negatively. It's like going to a Prodestint church as a practicing Catholic and expected the pastor to alter his sermon based on your practice.

    Take the time for what it is. Bring with you what you need...

    How hard is it to throw together a salad and chopped veggies any way? :D
  • Christinith77
    Christinith77 Posts: 21 Member
    Whenever I throw a dinner party, especially if it's a special occasion like thanksgiving or Christmas, I cook a meat and a couple side dishes. I wouldn't expect my husband's family to make a separate menu just for me or anything, but how do you not have any side dishes?
    I'll try not to think too deeply on it and just bring my own thing. Maybe my inlaws are just clueless. They're really nice people though. I just sometimes feel like they don't care about me. I've been married to their son for two and a half years now. I wish they would feel more like family to me. I moved from a different state to be with their son. How are there not any side dishes? I've always been fine with just side dishes. Even if it was just mashed potatoes. I don't care.
    Maybe I'll just eat before we go to their house.
    Thanks for the input everyone! I hope I'm just being silly about this.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,508 Member
    You just need to distract them from dinner.

    Light their Christmas tree on fire.

    Nothing says 'vegan' like a three alarm blaze.
  • Christinith77
    Christinith77 Posts: 21 Member
    I'm not a vegan though. Just a basic vegetarian.
  • synchkat
    synchkat Posts: 37,368 Member
    Maybe they don't think they'd make something you like. It's better than showing up and just having some side veggies to pick from. Perhaps they think they'll make tou a meat eater by only offering meat. My mother in law still tries to force my husband to eat fish and things he doesn't like because that's how she thinks you get people to like things...force them
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    benmullins4 wrote: »
    As rude as someone might think it is that a host wouldn't accommodate your lifestyle, it's rude to expect them to accommodate your lifestyle. As it is, it's stressful and a lot of work to prep for multiple guests. That also leads to utilizing every last minute, counter and oven space. To have to add another element for an individual is tricky.

    Now, most folks probably would offer to make a dish available to you according to your dietary needs, but it's not rude if they don't. That should be expected and not looked at negatively. It's like going to a Prodestint church as a practicing Catholic and expected the pastor to alter his sermon based on your practice.

    Take the time for what it is. Bring with you what you need...

    How hard is it to throw together a salad and chopped veggies any way? :D

    Kind of agree. For these types of events, I usually tell everyone what I am preparing and ask everyone to bring a dish of their own.

    Kind of tired of people calling and saying, "Oh, my new boyfriend is Gluten free." or "I'm going vegan in 2018." Whatever. I'm making Prime Rib, Turkey, Green Bean Casserole and Patio Potatoes. My wife will make several pies and desserts. Invited guests are invited to bring a side dish. If you or your date have special dietary needs, then deal with it when you prepare your side dish, but don't expect me to put a Tofurkey dish on the table for one person.

  • kschwab0203
    kschwab0203 Posts: 610 Member
    I mean, I think it's a little rude.

    I'm not a vegetarian, but I am a VERY picky eater. I've never made a big deal of it and can usually find something to eat. However, my BF's mom know this and always tries to make sure there is something I eat when we are invited over.
  • benmullins4
    benmullins4 Posts: 678 Member
    We're in the age where everyone gets a trophy and feelings are never hurt...
  • Christinith77
    Christinith77 Posts: 21 Member
    My family was always very accommodating my whole life about me not eating meat. There were always at least one or two side dishes on the table like salad or pasta or SOMETHING. And everybody would eat the side dishes as well as the meat dish. I just don't think it's a big deal to make side dishes. These people like to cook, they are wealthy and live on their vineyard. They're educated people with government security clearance. I just don't see why it's so hard to have a side dish at dinner. Haha!
  • Christinith77
    Christinith77 Posts: 21 Member
    I'll just decide not to take it personally, and not make a big deal out of it. It's nice to vent here though. :smiley:
  • KyleGrace8
    KyleGrace8 Posts: 2,205 Member
    I don't even expect to be accommodated for being gluten free but so far my "inlaws" have made whole separate dishes for me. BUT even if they hadn't I wouldn't have thought it was rude. Like others have stated, I'm just one person at this function, I could bring my own stuff or eat before. I'd expect a dish if there were at least 3 people attending of the same diet.
  • dc8066
    dc8066 Posts: 1,439 Member
    Maybe, they don't feel like making any extra efforts this time, too tired, don't feel well. It's not always about you
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,508 Member
    benmullins4 wrote: »
    We're in the age where everyone gets a trophy and feelings are never hurt...

    Post Reported!
  • thisonetimeatthegym
    thisonetimeatthegym Posts: 1,977 Member
    Christinith77 wrote: »
    My family was always very accommodating my whole life about me not eating meat. There were always at least one or two side dishes on the table like salad or pasta or SOMETHING. And everybody would eat the side dishes as well as the meat dish. I just don't think it's a big deal to make side dishes. These people like to cook, they are wealthy and live on their vineyard. They're educated people with government security clearance. I just don't see why it's so hard to have a side dish at dinner. Haha!

    How is that relevant (in bold)?

    Thanksgiving, one person brought sides, another brought meat and bread, another brought drinks and dessert, another brought cultural favorites.

    Each person contributed what they enjoy best about the meal and it was wonderful.

    No one complained they had to bring something.

    As the WIFE, maybe they they are expecting you to contribute to the culinary delight of the family.

    But instead, you are talking about you as a CHILD, and what your parents did for you. Guess what?

    I think they are more interested in seeing what YOU are doing (and cooking) for their SON.

    You are looking to see them step up to the plate as your 2nd set of parents, when they might be looking to see you step up to the plate as a WOMAN prepared to care for a family.

    Just saying. They are giving you an OPPORTUNITY to impress them.

    So impress them.

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