I need some advice

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24

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  • synchkat
    synchkat Posts: 37,369 Member
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    Maybe they don't think they'd make something you like. It's better than showing up and just having some side veggies to pick from. Perhaps they think they'll make tou a meat eater by only offering meat. My mother in law still tries to force my husband to eat fish and things he doesn't like because that's how she thinks you get people to like things...force them
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
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    benmullins4 wrote: »
    As rude as someone might think it is that a host wouldn't accommodate your lifestyle, it's rude to expect them to accommodate your lifestyle. As it is, it's stressful and a lot of work to prep for multiple guests. That also leads to utilizing every last minute, counter and oven space. To have to add another element for an individual is tricky.

    Now, most folks probably would offer to make a dish available to you according to your dietary needs, but it's not rude if they don't. That should be expected and not looked at negatively. It's like going to a Prodestint church as a practicing Catholic and expected the pastor to alter his sermon based on your practice.

    Take the time for what it is. Bring with you what you need...

    How hard is it to throw together a salad and chopped veggies any way? :D

    Kind of agree. For these types of events, I usually tell everyone what I am preparing and ask everyone to bring a dish of their own.

    Kind of tired of people calling and saying, "Oh, my new boyfriend is Gluten free." or "I'm going vegan in 2018." Whatever. I'm making Prime Rib, Turkey, Green Bean Casserole and Patio Potatoes. My wife will make several pies and desserts. Invited guests are invited to bring a side dish. If you or your date have special dietary needs, then deal with it when you prepare your side dish, but don't expect me to put a Tofurkey dish on the table for one person.

  • kschwab0203
    kschwab0203 Posts: 610 Member
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    I mean, I think it's a little rude.

    I'm not a vegetarian, but I am a VERY picky eater. I've never made a big deal of it and can usually find something to eat. However, my BF's mom know this and always tries to make sure there is something I eat when we are invited over.
  • benmullins4
    benmullins4 Posts: 678 Member
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    We're in the age where everyone gets a trophy and feelings are never hurt...
  • Christinith77
    Christinith77 Posts: 21 Member
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    My family was always very accommodating my whole life about me not eating meat. There were always at least one or two side dishes on the table like salad or pasta or SOMETHING. And everybody would eat the side dishes as well as the meat dish. I just don't think it's a big deal to make side dishes. These people like to cook, they are wealthy and live on their vineyard. They're educated people with government security clearance. I just don't see why it's so hard to have a side dish at dinner. Haha!
  • Christinith77
    Christinith77 Posts: 21 Member
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    I'll just decide not to take it personally, and not make a big deal out of it. It's nice to vent here though. :smiley:
  • KyleGrace8
    KyleGrace8 Posts: 2,205 Member
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    I don't even expect to be accommodated for being gluten free but so far my "inlaws" have made whole separate dishes for me. BUT even if they hadn't I wouldn't have thought it was rude. Like others have stated, I'm just one person at this function, I could bring my own stuff or eat before. I'd expect a dish if there were at least 3 people attending of the same diet.
  • dc8066
    dc8066 Posts: 1,439 Member
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    Maybe, they don't feel like making any extra efforts this time, too tired, don't feel well. It's not always about you
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,503 Member
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    benmullins4 wrote: »
    We're in the age where everyone gets a trophy and feelings are never hurt...

    Post Reported!
  • thisonetimeatthegym
    thisonetimeatthegym Posts: 1,977 Member
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    Christinith77 wrote: »
    My family was always very accommodating my whole life about me not eating meat. There were always at least one or two side dishes on the table like salad or pasta or SOMETHING. And everybody would eat the side dishes as well as the meat dish. I just don't think it's a big deal to make side dishes. These people like to cook, they are wealthy and live on their vineyard. They're educated people with government security clearance. I just don't see why it's so hard to have a side dish at dinner. Haha!

    How is that relevant (in bold)?

    Thanksgiving, one person brought sides, another brought meat and bread, another brought drinks and dessert, another brought cultural favorites.

    Each person contributed what they enjoy best about the meal and it was wonderful.

    No one complained they had to bring something.

    As the WIFE, maybe they they are expecting you to contribute to the culinary delight of the family.

    But instead, you are talking about you as a CHILD, and what your parents did for you. Guess what?

    I think they are more interested in seeing what YOU are doing (and cooking) for their SON.

    You are looking to see them step up to the plate as your 2nd set of parents, when they might be looking to see you step up to the plate as a WOMAN prepared to care for a family.

    Just saying. They are giving you an OPPORTUNITY to impress them.

    So impress them.

  • Cat3141
    Cat3141 Posts: 162 Member
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    I'm vegan, and I really prefer people let me bring my own food. Because what happens when I don't? They put all this effort into making whatever, and then it turns out there is meat/egg/dairy hidden in some seasoning packet/they use chicken broth (duh), or they don't check the bread crumbs for eggs, and on and on. Or, it's actually vegan, but it's just a plate of steamed veggies with lemon juice. When I bring my own food, I know it's actually vegan, and I know I want to eat it. I also always bring enough to share, so other people can eat awesome vegan food.

    How I would take this would also partially depend on the way it's said, and how the person generally treats me. When I go to my MILs house, I cook all my own food. She eats it too and loves it, she just doesn't know how to cook anything that isn't basically meat, potatoes, and butter. BUT, she's super sweet and nice to me, and I love her. Other relatives, are just jerks who don't care though, and I just shrug it off and avoid them, because they're jerks.
  • synchkat
    synchkat Posts: 37,369 Member
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    thisonetimeatthegym wrote: »
    Christinith77 wrote: »
    My family was always very accommodating my whole life about me not eating meat. There were always at least one or two side dishes on the table like salad or pasta or SOMETHING. And everybody would eat the side dishes as well as the meat dish. I just don't think it's a big deal to make side dishes. These people like to cook, they are wealthy and live on their vineyard. They're educated people with government security clearance. I just don't see why it's so hard to have a side dish at dinner. Haha!

    How is that relevant (in bold)?

    Thanksgiving, one person brought sides, another brought meat and bread, another brought drinks and dessert, another brought cultural favorites.

    Each person contributed what they enjoy best about the meal and it was wonderful.

    No one complained they had to bring something.

    As the WIFE, maybe they they are expecting you to contribute to the culinary delight of the family.

    But instead, you are talking about you as a CHILD, and what your parents did for you. Guess what?

    I think they are more interested in seeing what YOU are doing (and cooking) for their SON.

    You are looking to see them step up to the plate as your 2nd set of parents, when they might be looking to see you step up to the plate as a WOMAN prepared to care for a family.

    Just saying. They are giving you an OPPORTUNITY to impress them.

    So impress them.

    Because it means they have exceptional culinary knowledge? Clearly there must be a correlation.

    I agree with all this perhaps they wanted you to offer to contribute to the meal. As someone who is making the Christmas meal it's really nice when people offer and if they have special dietary restrictions it's especially nice because it means I can focus on the meal the majority will eat rather than creating an entirely special menu for the restrictions.
  • Christinith77
    Christinith77 Posts: 21 Member
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    I did offer to bring something. They said they are making prime rib, and to bring whatever I want to eat. I've had them over for dinner many times, and I always make meat and side dishes. I guess I just feel that I put more effort to accommodate them than they do for me. It's ok though. I'm over it already. You guys have all talked me down from my hurt feelings. :smile:

    P.S. I'm not one of these people who need a participation trophy. I'm not like that. You don't know anything about me other than that I am a vegetarian. (For some reason I can't quote specific posts on my phone. It won't even let me like any posts. Idk what's up with that)
  • dc8066
    dc8066 Posts: 1,439 Member
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    Atta girl, now that's a Christmas spirit! I am sure they'll appreciate your time and effort if you bring something yummy to the family dinner. They might make it up to you in some other way.
  • benmullins4
    benmullins4 Posts: 678 Member
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    Christinith77 wrote: »
    I did offer to bring something. They said they are making prime rib, and to bring whatever I want to eat. I've had them over for dinner many times, and I always make meat and side dishes. I guess I just feel that I put more effort to accommodate them than they do for me. It's ok though. I'm over it already. You guys have all talked me down from my hurt feelings. :smile:

    P.S. I'm not one of these people who need a participation trophy. I'm not like that. You don't know anything about me other than that I am a vegetarian. (For some reason I can't quote specific posts on my phone. It won't even let me like any posts. Idk what's up with that)

    @Christinith77 my apologies. I wasn't directing that towards you as you've stated many times already that you were looking to vent a bit but remained understanding.
    But there are folks posting that have expectations of accommodation. If everyone lived by that and felt that way, we'd be living in quite a sorry society.
    So again, my apologies if you felt that was directed towards you...
  • Christinith77
    Christinith77 Posts: 21 Member
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    No worries! :wink:
  • PowerMan40
    PowerMan40 Posts: 766 Member
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    its your life style, your choice, don't be a overly sensitive about it... take what ever you want over there to eat.
  • Spliner1969
    Spliner1969 Posts: 3,233 Member
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    If I knew a vegetarian was coming to a holiday dinner I would ask them what their favorite holiday vegetarian dish was and I'd make that for them along side everything else. It would be the considerate thing to do. I'd also make sure that I left meat out of other things (like no bacon bits in salad, or on top of broccoli salad, etc.) and put that stuff on the side for anyone who wants it. It's not that big of deal. Granted, I probably wouldn't make a tofurkey (I wouldn't know how) but I'm sure the vegetarian would likely have some recipe they liked that I could handle.
  • Tacklewasher
    Tacklewasher Posts: 7,122 Member
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    My wife has a collection of food issues. My parents (now just my Dad) have tried to accommodate, but any time they've shown me something they think will work, I find something on the ingredient list that doesn't. Gluten free with potato starch doesn't work, for example. My wife cooks and brings her own meal for Christmas.

    Honestly, if I had a vegetarian coming over, I'd be reluctant to try to cook as I don't know if that means no eggs, dairy etc. I'd rather it became a potluck and they brought what they knew they could eat.

    Glad your over the bad feelings. Enjoy your in-laws (I don't enjoy mine, but not food related) and you time together.
  • Jruzer
    Jruzer Posts: 3,501 Member
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    Your husband should be advocating for you.

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