This baby weight is making me hate myself. Literally.

doyathang
doyathang Posts: 4
edited September 29 in Health and Weight Loss
I hope no one I know personally will see this.

In 2008 I got pregnant at age 16 with my son Aidan Maddox. Before I fell pregnant I weighed about 110 pounds and looked like this: http://i55.tinypic.com/4lpqi0.jpg
(Sorry if the picture doesn't show, you will probably have to copy and paste into your browser..... I am new at MFP)
When I was 10 months pregnant I had gained 60 pounds and went up to 173. I was HUGE. After having Aidan I looked like a new person, It didn't even look like me. I had just got my braces taken off, my once perfect pretty wide smile was now kinda yellow (calcium problems during pregnancy) and it was no longer a big smile thanks to my huge cheeks and double chin.
Post partum from Aidan, I looked like this:
http://i55.tinypic.com/259ef6q.jpg

I tried dieting and exercizing for 5 months and lost maybe 10 pounds. I was highly annoyed at the fact that I could not lose weight. In 2010 I fell pregnant again with my second child Elijah Xavier and shot up to 180 pounds. I was HUGE. (really) and now after having Elijah I look even bigger. It is SO annoying.
>>> http://i52.tinypic.com/fcs8zs.jpg
I miss having a little body. I miss being able to bend over without feeling like my lungs are going to explode. My husband who was once into "bony" girls loves me dearly and after watching the birth of our children says he appreciates my body and loves me just the way I am. I wish I felt the same, because I hate my body. Ugly stretch marks, flabby belly. I use to have a 6 pack! During pregnancy I didn't really start eating more, but I had hypertension and pre eclampsia AND edema which I think it the reason I was so swollen and gained weight.

Why doesn't diet and exercise work for me? I'm about to spend 80 a month on Adipex, although I would hate to. I've read sucess stories on here and they are amazing. Why am I stuck like this? Sorry for the negative attitude, I don't mean to bring anyone down, but I am seriously depressed about this. I miss weighing 110 pounds. I don't even look like the same person. It is so odd that I don't even look like normal me anymore, I look like a hippo.
Can anyone give me some advice/shed some light for me?
Edit: Also, I had SPD during pregnancy and I have a 4cm gap between my hips where they "never went back together" after spreading during birth. And it hurts like hell (pardon my french) So working out is always so painful for me.

Thanks so much xx

Replies

  • poisongirl6485
    poisongirl6485 Posts: 1,487 Member
    No amount of weight loss will cure low self-esteem.
  • bmmadden
    bmmadden Posts: 499 Member
    This iis really hard especially when your a young mom and your used too still being small its a real eye opener; I was a young mom and weighed 115 lbs at 16 and when I had my son a week before turning 17 and had all those stretch marks and I think weighed like 185 after delivery, and a year later got pregnant with my second daughter and it wasnt until she was five before I got motivated to lose weight. Anyways just keep at it make sure your logging food and getting some physical activity in and youll get there. You can add me as a friend if you like I have totally been in your situation:flowerforyou:
  • NikkisNewStart
    NikkisNewStart Posts: 1,075 Member
    Welcome to motherhood. Trust me... 99% of us do not even remotely resemble the body we had at age 16.

    While you can set realistic goals to look fantastic and be in the best shape of your life... no one will be exactly the way they were before children... whether we had them at 16 or 46. It changes your body. However, I feel I look a million times better than before I had children although there are things that are different... loose skin, stretch marks, scars... etc. It is what it is and those are the battle wounds some of us have by choosing to become mothers.

    You're fairly new here I presume... but the first place to start is instead of focusing on the past... focus on the future. Being negative about it before you've even started gets you no where. Start believing in yourself.

    It has taken me a year to get here and it is and was hard work. WORK. Every. Single. Day. But I promised myself on day 1 that I would not give up this time and I didn't.

    You can do this! Start logging your food and exercising... drop the majority of your processed foods. If it grows in the ground, on a tree, swims in a stream, or can be shot in the woods... it's going to be good for you. Start there and build up. It takes time.
  • CarrieAbbey
    CarrieAbbey Posts: 378 Member
    Oh sweetie, don't be so hard on yourself. You are a beautiful woman with a wonderful husband and two special little babies. You will get your groove. This place is an awesome start off with. I know exactly how you feel, but you need to remember how lucky you are first and foremost. Find some sort of exercise that you enjoy (biking, walking, swimming, jogging, rollerblading, softball, basketball, volleyball) and make out a menu plan for the week, all your meals. This will take a bit of time at first but it's worth it in the end.

    I hope you find your inner peace and remember tomorrow is a new day.

    Take care

    Carrie
  • loriannmartin
    loriannmartin Posts: 209 Member
    awe big huggs for you darlin... i was never really tiny, but when i got married 20 years ago i was 125 # i am 5'5" not skinny but i thought i was fat then... children got 3.... up and down through the years... definitely understand...what is adipex? oh and my childrens ages are 19,17,12.... every time i got down to pre preg weight 142 i got preg again... you can add me if you would like xoxo
  • GaveUp
    GaveUp Posts: 308
    My story is like yours but I am now almost 50. My first child I was 16 when I got pregnant and also had pre eclampsia I weighed 105 pounds before the pregnancy. I went up to 159 with her. After I had her I was wearing a size 14 a year and a half later I had my second child. I didn't gain as much but never got down to my original weight. After her I started to count calories and got into exercise, I got down to 125 lowest weight ever after having children.

    You have to give it time. Eat right and exercise and sooner or later it will come off. Lots of cardio to help flatten the tummy and weight bearing exercises to tone up planks and ab workouts. It will work. You may not ever get back down to 110 again but you can get close probably and tone. You will still have stretch marks but will learn to except your body.

    I am way up in my weight and now that I am 49 i will except my body and be glad to get to 145 now.
  • kmbutler09
    kmbutler09 Posts: 29 Member
    *hugs*

    I got pregnant at 19, and gained 50-60 pounds. I also didn't eat that bad. For the first 8 months, I kept hoping breastfeeding would make me lose the weight. No luck. It wasn't until I started restricting calories and working out 7 days a week. I've lost about 30 pou ds in 2 months and 1 week. This website will help you, but you have to be 100% committed. You have to log every single thing you eat for it to work correctly. I haven't heard of the thing your talking about paying for, but I can relate to you. I was a cheerleader my whole life, so 140 pounds on me didn't look like that much due to muscle. I an going to send you a friend request. You can do this, keep your head up! It won't happen overnight, and it will suck at times, but it will be worth it! Also, what have you done in the past to lose the weight? Maybe you have a thyroid problem after having your boys?
  • _angua_
    _angua_ Posts: 35
    I just had my second baby thirteen months after my first. I know how you feel. I am trying to lose all that baby weight and it's hard and I know I will never look the same because no matter how much I lose my body is different now. But I try and look at it through the positive, I'm a different person after having two children inside as well as out and that person is a better person.
  • jalapenos
    jalapenos Posts: 345 Member

    ... but the first place to start is instead of focusing on the past... focus on the future. Being negative about it before you've even started gets you no where. Start believing in yourself.

    ^ Well said.

    MFP is a great place for motivation and education. When I feel crappy I keep looking at all these success stories , these people who started heavier than what I weigh now and are now smaller than my goal weight!! - it can happen!!
    But N-O-T-H-I-N-G is gonna happen if you don't believe in you. It didn't take you 2 days to pop out 2 kids... it's a process and this is a process too! Hang in there and take it day by day.

    I know I will see you months from now in before and after pics motivating someone who has been thinking the same way you sre. Change your mentality- think about it.... What did you do yesterday july 14, 2011 to get closer to your goal?? you will never get it back, you will never get today back. Believe in yourself and do something positive towards your goal for tomorrow and the rest of your days.
    ... believe in YOU- WE DO!! :flowerforyou:
  • LotsOtots5
    LotsOtots5 Posts: 174
    Hugs, hugs and lots more hugs :) I'm so sorry you're feeling down on yourself.

    I was 19 when I got pregnant with my first child. I was 130 to start and 192 the day I delivered. I went on to have 4 more kids (5 in the span of 10 years) and after each one I lost most of the weight. Until the 4th and 5th..... Then I had to start working. I went through periods of hating my body. I have some killer stretch marks on my upper thighs (pear shaped mama here, wootwoot!!) and had a belly pooch that would make even the hardest veteran moms do a double take. And the acne was terrible. And I had an orthodontic relapse (had braces but some teeth shifted back), not to mention what my coffee habit did to my teeth (which were never really white in the first place, lol).

    Anyhow, why am I telling you all this? Because it's taken me 10 years to fall back into love with myself and rekindle the lifestyle that I once lived. I spent years calling myself fat and ugly. I know that I'll never have my pre-pregnancy body back and to be honest, I don't want it back. I'm mostly happy with the way my body looks, I'm confident and beautiful and YOU ARE TOO!
    Before you resort to diet pills or whatever, go and talk to your doctor. Pregnancy can cause thyroid problems and a whole slew of other junk.
  • misskerimac
    misskerimac Posts: 10 Member
    I too have been at a plateau for about 7 months. Frustrated? yes! trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong? heck yea! I joined WW and didn't lose a single pound (in 3 months). I finally started working out with other mom's (a GREAT motivator). We are led by a friend of ours who is a personal trainer. Talking with her is amazing! She weighed us, measured us, made us journal our daily calorie intake so she could analyze our food lifestyle. She is knowledgeable about where we need to work on nutritionally and exercise-wise. We've been at it for 2 weeks now. Have I lost weight? No, but I feel my body getting tighter and feel more energized. With a 5 year old and 16 month old, kind of need it :-) She mentioned that the scale is a poor reliance on losing body fat, the scale can't differentiate between fat and muscle. So really, you could be gaining lean muscle as you lose fat. She said that most her clients, they lose inches before the scale really aligns with the smaller frame and it's like your body takes a week to adjust to any new lifestyle (it's behind the times.) I was frustrated, but I know that I'm doing myself better. It's a mind game, it can make you or break you. You have to be stronger than the images you see in magazines. It's hard, especially being younger, but remember God has blessed you with two children and focus your time and energy on them and things will come full circle. I would love to stay connected with you if you are wanting an accountability partner. Just let me know and add me and we can motivate one another :-) check out my friend's blog for recipes, fitness tips, etc. http://slimlifestyle.wordpress.com/ It might be a good idea to speak with a nutritionist...good luck!!!
  • doyathang
    doyathang Posts: 4
    Thank you all very much :flowerforyou:

    Adipex are diet pills (i have stooped that low) I took them before for about a month and lost weight drastically. Which is why I'm considering it again. But I would love to lose the weight the "natural" way.

    The honest truth is, I do have low self esteem now, which is weird for me because when I was "skinny" I loved myself and never thought I was ugly, fat, etc. The hardest part for me I believe is my mind. I love food, silly to say I know, and with my SPD 80 year old hips, exercising is brutal. I would love to wake up one day and say Okay, I'm going to do this, and actually do it. I give up too easily. I think my back/hip pain has a lot to do with that though. I really feel like I'm trapped in someone else's body, I feel as though I can't do anything. I need my self esteem back as someone above said losing weight will not give you self esteem, I really think it will for me. If I lost weight I would feel 10x better about myself. You guys all sound so supportive and so sure about your goals, how do you get that way?
    I am a newbie on here and this question should probably be asked in another topic, but how exactly does MFP make you lose weight? Can you still eat what you want as long as you don't go over your calories? Thanks xx
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