How to answer questions about why I'm not eating certain things?
Thatonechickoverthere
Posts: 100 Member
Okay so my one friend and I usually get dinner once a week, during the week. She isn't available on weekends because of work, and that's when I treat myself. So when we eat together I have to watch what I order because it's a week night. So usually she'll ask why I'm not getting a drink like she is, or a meal that has more carbs/fat etc, but I feel strange saying I can't have alcohol/sugary drinks or high calorie meals during the week. I just feel awkward explaining it, what should I say?
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Replies
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How about, "I just don't feel like it?"7
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I get it. Sometimes not answering directly or giving replies like the one suggested above can lead to further questions. I usually never want to say something as honest as "I'm on a diet" or "I'm trying to lose weoght" because I feel like it makes ppl too vigilant of my plate --- or worse, if I slip and have something fatty or sugary, it opens the door for them to remind me, "didn't you say you were trying to watch what you ate???"
In situations like yours I say things like "I had a heavy lunch" or "I had a bagel for breakfast and I've been feeling tired from those carbs all day" Sometimes I say I've got some other decadent indulgence planned for later that week and I'm saving room for that (makes it seem less like I'm dieting and more like I'm just prepping my eatin' pants lol)
At the end of the day it really just depends on your comfort level. If this person is your friend and she doesn't give you judgmental vibes then you shouldn't feel uncomfortable telling her you're working on personal goals, but I know it's not always that simple. If judgment is a worry, just give a shrug, be as nonchalant as possible, and tell her you're just trying to practice moderation. It's a neutral enough statement that doesn't show all your cards.
At the end of the day remember, it's none of their business or concern what your food choices are. And you can't /shouldn't eat to assuage their feelings or to make them comfortable. You've got to do what's best for you. Good luck!!7 -
If you go out with your friend every week, could that day be your treat day & be a little stricter on the weekend?8
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I would never consider someone a friend if I felt uncomfortable telling them I'm trying to lose weight. Are you worried about being judged by this person or something?7
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snickerscharlie wrote: »How about, "I just don't feel like it?"
This. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone.7 -
Say you had a big lunch so you're not that hungry, and you've decided to only drink on the weekends.
Or just tell the truth.2 -
Smile
"I want to have this tonight."
"I'm on an iced tea kick lately. I find it really refreshing."
"I love the grilled chicken and vegetables here!"
"I'm not very hungry tonight so I'm eating light."
You could have a higher calorie day during the week instead of the weekend.
Or just tell her you are watching your calorie intake.4 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »How about, "I just don't feel like it?"
This. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone.
Yep ... this.
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Just be honest and say you are trying to eat more healthy!2
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Seems like being in each other's company is the point....
When it comes to questions about your food choices a firm "mind your business " is always an acceptable response.0 -
Good answers above, saying you don't feel like it or are trying to eat more healthy. I'm going to remember these two.
I say "I have a medical issue" and so far that stops people. (This is true -- I'm overweight, have high cholesterol, etc.)
The less you explain, the better -- answer and move on. I only talk about my weight loss with one friend who has become a gym buddy.0 -
I found that telling someone, be they your friend or associate you are trying to be healthier, opens it up for them to put in their 2cents. It tends to spiral, where they then try to lead you down the path towards some diet fad he/she read in some monthly subscription magazine or water cooler chatter.
It was easier for me to say, "I've committed myself to a fitness challenge and I intend to come out on top. So, certain foods/beverages will derail me [soften the blow with galfren/girlie/etc]" Add a "Go me!" cheer too.
If she insists on knowing more, invite her here to the MFP forum.1 -
Personally id go with the fact that its just dinner, not a special occasion so im trying to eat similar to at home.
If they tell you that it is a special occasion, seeing a friend then you can always reply that it's seeing her that makes it special, not the food.
I have a friend that uses every social occasion as an excuse to overindulgence. I stuck to my guns, never criticised her choices, and she soon got used to me ordering just a cup of tea whilst she got the double mochalatte -whip-a-chino with extra cream and sprinkles and a chocolate muffin.2 -
Why don't you have your usual carb day with her and one on the weekend.1
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I can't imagine what could make you feel awkward about letting a friend know you're trying to make healthier choices. Any chance your friend is obese?2
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What do you want to say? It seems the discomfort is more on you, not the friend. She's just making conversation. If you can't be candid with her, what does that say about your friendship. If she's close enough to ask, she ought to be a good enough, non-judgmental friend that you can tell her the truth. If she's not a good enough friend that the question is rude, as it would be coming from an acquaintance, just respond with an icy stare or ask why she wants to know.0
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I have distressed so many waiters for not finishing my meal. If the food was great I say, "My compliments to the chef. I am afraid I have a small appetite."1
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Just be honest and say you are trying to eat more healthy!
I agree with this.
Consider how complicated this could get over a few months. When you start visibly slimming down, and she asks how long you've been eating differently, what will you say? If you meet about every week, she's going to notice a pattern. Just get it over with - tell her what you're trying to do. Then she'll understand why you are choosing different menu items.
Perhaps in the future you won't even want to have your get-togethers at restaurants. Then what?
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You order what you want surely!!!! As you are chising why not say I fancy xxorx you don't need to explain what you are eating and drinking . Unless you are seeking advice from a nutritionist then you would be discussing what you consume0
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tiffanymariearpaio wrote: »
Well, why is it weird? Do you not want to hurt her feelings? Not make her feel like a failure?
If so, that's thoughtful of you, but you're taking too much of this on yourself.
There's a difference between being in-your-face-rude about succeeding, and being just honest about something that's going on in your life. And this sort of situation can be awkward. Say you have a great job and just got promoted, but your friend's career is doing terrible. You may want to refrain a bit from talking about your terrific position in polite conversation unless you are sure your friend will react well to that. But it would also be just as awkward to pretend you didn't get a promotion and your job's going well.
You doing well on a diet doesn't actually have any reflection on your friend. It's good to be sensitive to any feelings of envy, competitiveness, or the like. But you have to be honest about what your needs are, and right now that means ordering the healthiest items on the menu. You don't have to feel awkward or weird about that.4 -
It happened to me last Summer, everyone was having ice cream and I passed... Just told them I was watching my weight. It wasn't a big deal at all (I did have 3 scoops of ice cream earlier that day too, so there's that).0
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If it's an alcoholic drink just tell her you're already tired and it would probably put you to sleep and that would be no fun. If it's a sugary drink just say you'd rather not get that sugar rush only to crash in an hour or so. Or if it's something like coke just say it's getting too late for caffeine and you don't want to be up all night. As far as food you can tell her the fried foods or heavy sauces give you heartburn or make you breakout. I think the best thing would be to say that you're trying new things and want to change your eating habits because you don't like feeling stuffed and overeating makes you tired. An additional "Who knows, I might even lose a few pounds" would also be appropriate.1
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My director ordered a huge lunch for everyone at a meeting recently, and was a little surprised when I excused myself and got my lunch out of my vehicle. I explained I was eating a certain way for health reasons and was restricting myself. He got embarrassed, saying "Sorry, I didn't know.." and I just reassured him it was no big deal, nothing to be sorry about. We all let it go and enjoyed lunch.
Sometimes the simplest answer is the best.3 -
She is your friend so just explain to her what you are up to
Depending on how she behaves after that you can decide what to do next
I never had a friend question me on my food choice eating out. Find it really weird0 -
tiffanymariearpaio wrote: »We are both bigger. She lost some weight but stopped so yeah it's weird if I tell her I'm still going.
My best friend is morbidly obese and has been since we were kids. I've always struggled with my weight, lots of yo-yo dieting, and recently I reached an all time high as an adult of 214 lbs.
I decided to make a lifestyle change. I got a gym membership and started going everyday before work and I joined MFP.
At first, I didn't tell her because I've done so much yo-yo dieting in the past and also because she's morbidly obese, always tries to lose the weight, and never succeeds.
I was worried about her feelings essentially. Eventually, I let something slip accidentally about the gym and now we just talk about it regularly. She's been very supportive and not long after finding out I joined a gym she joined one as well.
It turns out I was worried for nothing. Instead of making her feel bad it seems I inspired her.0 -
So, I have this really close friend. A while back we both started trying to lose weight and we were cheering each other on, lending support, etc. Then, I pretty much fell off that wagon and went back to my regular habits of over eating and whatnot. Of course I gained weight back too. I noticed she stopped talking about her progress and efforts as much and I let her know that she didn't need to do that and to not be uncomfortable...talk about it all she wanted. I continued to cheer her on as she killed it and met her goals even if I wasn't even trying to meet mine.
Fast forward to now and she's taking a break and I'm the one who is back at it and killing it. And she is just as supportive as I was for her and asks me about my progress too.
I think in a healthy friendship you can be happy for your friends when they succeed even if you aren't succeeding yourself at that given time. She and I both know that if one of us is staying on track we aren't going to judge the other if they aren't.2 -
tiffanymariearpaio wrote: »We are both bigger. She lost some weight but stopped so yeah it's weird if I tell her I'm still going.
My best friend is morbidly obese and has been since we were kids. I've always struggled with my weight, lots of yo-yo dieting, and recently I reached an all time high as an adult of 214 lbs.
I decided to make a lifestyle change. I got a gym membership and started going everyday before work and I joined MFP.
At first, I didn't tell her because I've done so much yo-yo dieting in the past and also because she's morbidly obese, always tries to lose the weight, and never succeeds.
I was worried about her feelings essentially. Eventually, I let something slip accidentally about the gym and now we just talk about it regularly. She's been very supportive and not long after finding out I joined a gym she joined one as well.
It turns out I was worried for nothing. Instead of making her feel bad it seems I inspired her.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend not being able to lose weight when she tries. Has she considered surgery? I know some people where that was the only thing that helped them.0
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