I get scared when I remember what I used to eat like

incisron
incisron Posts: 550 Member
edited November 14 in Health and Weight Loss
I get scared when I remember the way I used to eat. I was 240 pounds by the time I was sixteen. SIXTEEN! I was so careless. :( I used to eat till I got sick if I could. So, so careless.
I did struggle with staying on track for two years after losing the first forty pounds, and even regained ten pounds, which I'm working on losing so I can move on to my goal weight now. But, thank God, my eating still wasn't as bad as in the past. I could have regained all of it and more. I had to learn lessons about myself before I could find the commitment to get back on track.

Replies

  • incisron
    incisron Posts: 550 Member
    kommodevaran wrote: »
    You aren't describing carelessness, but disordered eating.
    What did your guardians say/do about your weight?

    I was so greedy. They didn't say much, though, because they were obese, too.
    Anyone else feel the same way remembering what they used to eat like?
  • sturgeonml2017
    sturgeonml2017 Posts: 46 Member
    Not scared persay but I do have random dreams about eating way over my calories and then I wake up like...oh no what did I do...lol.
  • incisron
    incisron Posts: 550 Member
    kommodevaran wrote: »
    It's not greed. Bad habits from bad role models, maybe, but not greed. You were a child.

    Do you have someone to talk to about your thoughts?

    No, I'm all right. I just wanted to see if anyone else got scared remembering what could have resulted from not eating gr8 for a few more years.
  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
    Well, I'm not scared, but a bit bitter, because I ate badly partly because I had all those ideas about the "perfect" diet, which of course isn't a thing so the concept was very vague - the only thing I "understood" was that "healthy eating" is restrictive and boring, and of course we can't stick to restrictive and boring for very long. If I had known (really known, it wasn't that I hadn't heard) how easy it is to eat well, I would have done it, instead of struggling with my weight and worrying about my health for decades.
  • incisron
    incisron Posts: 550 Member
    kommodevaran wrote: »
    Well, I'm not scared, but a bit bitter, because I ate badly partly because I had all those ideas about the "perfect" diet, which of course isn't a thing so the concept was very vague - the only thing I "understood" was that "healthy eating" is restrictive and boring, and of course we can't stick to restrictive and boring for very long. If I had known (really known, it wasn't that I hadn't heard) how easy it is to eat well, I would have done it, instead of struggling with my weight and worrying about my health for decades.

    I understand.
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,571 Member
    I eat more like an *kitten* now than I did when I was fat. I was just a bit too overweight my whole life. I never had a weird relationship with food. I just ate like...a little too much, always.
  • marm1962
    marm1962 Posts: 950 Member
    Nostalgic, but not scared. I love the taste and texture of food so much, but rarely felt stuffed. When I was 16 I could easily out eat my mother who was considerably over weight at the time. How I long for the days that I could eat that much and not have it show up on the scales...sigh
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,571 Member
    zyxst wrote: »
    I miss the way I used to eat because I was better off mentally due to emotional eating. Now I have to deal with raging emotions which lead to worse ways of dealing than stuffing my face.

    Ditto.

    I never binged when I was fat. Now I'm a hot mess. I think about food way too much and make it way too complicated.
  • Sharon_C
    Sharon_C Posts: 2,132 Member
    Not necessarily scared but I stay very, very diligent because I don't want to go back to that. My parents knew nothing about nutrition. We had the usual veggies and fruits and meat at every meal but it was the snacking that was bad. My mom (who I can only assume is obese as I don't know her weight) loved to snack and it was something we bonded over. When I started eating healthier and losing weight she told me she was sad that she lost her eating partner.
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
    edited December 2016
    bbell1985 wrote: »
    I eat more like an *kitten* now than I did when I was fat. I was just a bit too overweight my whole life. I never had a weird relationship with food. I just ate like...a little too much, always.

    Yeah, I ate a little too much and without thinking about it. At 5'3, if you aren't active (I always tend to gain weight when not active, not when active), it's easy to overeat without it being all that much. (I didn't snack or eat out much as a kid/young adult and was never overweight. I think our current culture is much more encouraging of bad habits that result in weight gain for many, like constant snacking and lots of eating out -- I don't mean fast food for me, but restaurants that serve food much more like things I'd make at home, but higher cal, or fun places from a variety of cuisines that weren't even known to me growing up.)

    Knowing how easy it is to overeat doesn't make me scared, but wary of the need to be mindful (which I sometimes get tired of), sure.

    I didn't binge and would echo that binging to me sounds more like an issue with food/ED than being "careless." Fear seems more likely to be a trigger than being more relaxed about food, although obviously that's a question for one's therapist or the like.
  • duddysdad
    duddysdad Posts: 403 Member
    I have binge eating disorder, and for me to remember how much I ate when I weighed 340 pounds, it is scary. I have my binge eating mostly under control, but I know at any time I could go back to old habits and gain it all back.
  • Mini_Medic
    Mini_Medic Posts: 343 Member
    edited December 2016
    Whole post got deleted.
  • incisron
    incisron Posts: 550 Member
    Thanks for sharing your stories, everyone. :)
  • incisron
    incisron Posts: 550 Member
    sturgeonml2017 wrote: »
    Not scared persay but I do have random dreams about eating way over my calories and then I wake up like...oh no what did I do...lol.
    sturgeonml2017 wrote: »
    Not scared persay but I do have random dreams about eating way over my calories and then I wake up like...oh no what did I do...lol.

    Lol, I have, too!
  • msalicia116
    msalicia116 Posts: 233 Member
    kommodevaran wrote: »
    Well, I'm not scared, but a bit bitter, because I ate badly partly because I had all those ideas about the "perfect" diet, which of course isn't a thing so the concept was very vague - the only thing I "understood" was that "healthy eating" is restrictive and boring, and of course we can't stick to restrictive and boring for very long. If I had known (really known, it wasn't that I hadn't heard) how easy it is to eat well, I would have done it, instead of struggling with my weight and worrying about my health for decades.

    This! I had no idea fact from myth, so there was so much unnecessary suffering. As the saying goes, if only I knew then what I know now.

    I really hope there is better health education in place for kids now. Nothing feels worse than being a prisoner in your body and not knowing how to make it better.

  • dotwilldoit
    dotwilldoit Posts: 53 Member
    Do we, collectively we, need to move our focus from food as an emotional crutch rather than fuel? I am still muddling through this obviously. I keep learning from you all
  • incisron
    incisron Posts: 550 Member
    dotwilldoit wrote: »
    Do we, collectively we, need to move our focus from food as an emotional crutch rather than fuel? I am still muddling through this obviously. I keep learning from you all
    I think we do. I eat food for enjoyment, within my calories of course, as well as for fuel. I think I'd do well to learn to eat for fuel more often. But using ot as an emotional crutch really messes us up.

  • red99ryder
    red99ryder Posts: 399 Member
    I think part of it is we can afford to over eat , just thinking of old movies where the rich guy was over weight ..

    Good luck
  • incisron
    incisron Posts: 550 Member
    rkg4228 wrote: »
    incisron wrote: »
    dotwilldoit wrote: »
    Do we, collectively we, need to move our focus from food as an emotional crutch rather than fuel? I am still muddling through this obviously. I keep learning from you all
    I think we do. I eat food for enjoyment, within my calories of course, as well as for fuel. I think I'd do well to learn to eat for fuel more often. But using ot as an emotional crutch really messes us up.

    Stop lumping everyone into the same category as yourself. That's one thing I do not do...Eat as an emotional crutch.

    Excuse me? Did I say we all DO eat as an emotional crutch? If it doesnt apply to you, dont respond. I think you felt the need to respond so nastily because of some insecurities you feel within yourself.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,149 Member
    dotwilldoit wrote: »
    Do we, collectively we, need to move our focus from food as an emotional crutch rather than fuel? I am still muddling through this obviously. I keep learning from you all

    For me, if I treat food as only fuel, there would be no reason to make it taste good or eat what I like or what have you. IIRC, the book Brave New World had meal pills that people took instead of eating. The pills had all the nutrition necessary for human survival. Taste and flavor are important to me.
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