Binge Eating disorder

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nezhatkinaia
nezhatkinaia Posts: 5 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've never used this part of the mfp app but here goes. I've struggled with severe binge eating since I was 15yrs old. Fast forward, I started marathon running which got me into fitness and health. Up until this summer I was a weight loss consultant for a popular company and I'm also a personal trainer. The kicker is that while I was teaching people to lose weight and getting others fit, I was binging.... Pretty bad. Just had my first baby and binged throughout the entire pregnancy. The doctor made it worse by complaining about my weight gain, even though people said I looked great the doctor's comments stressed me into more binges. I had to force myself not to beat myself up for the pregnancy weight gain, I know it was due to the severe overeating. As a trainer, it was hard to watch myself go up 43lbs. I got 23 off the first month after birth but I want to get the rest of it off by eating normally. Just eating like a normal person does it for me. I have yet to meet someone who's suffered as long or as severe. It's worse when you feel like you're the only one and nobody understands.

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  • nezhatkinaia
    nezhatkinaia Posts: 5 Member
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    Thank you so much!!!!!!
  • nanpask
    nanpask Posts: 24 Member
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    I have been binge eating since I was a little girl. I used to hide food so my father wouldn't know. When I got my report card I wasn't worried about my grades just how much i weighed. They would put your height & weight on it.
  • nezhatkinaia
    nezhatkinaia Posts: 5 Member
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    I am absolutely into spirituality. I have a therapist who is also Christian and I have used prayer in this process. I guess at this point I have come to the realization that some are healed instantly anf for whatever reason, I have to fight for my healing
  • nezhatkinaia
    nezhatkinaia Posts: 5 Member
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    twistygirl wrote: »
    I really needed to read this post tonight I have been binge eating for 40 years and have been all day.


    It's amazing how much this disorder makes you feel isolated. It caused me to pull away from everyone until I got sick of hiding it and started bringing light to it. Thank you for your story, it means a lot. I'm going to come back and read everyone's story when I feel down.
  • nezhatkinaia
    nezhatkinaia Posts: 5 Member
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    zimzamzum wrote: »
    I really feel for you and understand your struggle. I am a binge eater and compulsive overeater. We all have an eating disorder and it is one that has an enormous shadow of shame cast over it. As a teenager my problems manifested itself in bulimia which was just as hellish. There is so much shame in binging... in hiding the food wrappers, bringing out the bins to hide the evidence, eating in secret, queuing up at the supermarket with binge foods hoping the cashier isn't judging you. It's really tough. Dealing with the issues underlying the binging is painful, but not as painful as what you are doing to yourself right now. All my life I have pushed my feelings down with food. Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling. Sit in the feeling. It's so tough but you can do this, you deserve this.

    3 months ago I started attending Overeaters Anonymous. I was really unsure about going and nervous about the vibe of the group, but I walked into a room full of people who I could relate to, who got it. I no longer felt ashamed because I was around people who knew it all and who had walked in my shoes. It's very early days for me yet but OA has already done so much for me. I can recognise and admit my problems with food.

    Thinking of you x

    Wow! I was also bulimic... When I was in high school. An eating disorder is hard enough, but the emotions that come along with them are worse. And what you said is right, my therapist did say that I have to learn to feel my emotions and sit in it and learn to tolerate the discomfort without turning to food.
  • zimzamzum
    zimzamzum Posts: 25 Member
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    I think often us bulimics can kick purging (even though that adrenaline rush is so addictive, it's such a horrible, horrible disease. Anyone who thinks eating disorders are 'glamorous' just has no idea). However while ex-bulimics can stop purging we often don't address the underlying issues, or the binging aspect of the disease. I thought I was past bulimia and it took years to realise I had only dealt with one aspect of it.
  • UnicornAmandaPanda
    UnicornAmandaPanda Posts: 161 Member
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    I can relate!!!
  • lks802
    lks802 Posts: 65 Member
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    I just recently discovered I have a food addiction, compulsive overeating/binge eating. I didn't realize it wasn't normal to hide food and eat in secret or that not everyone feels a physical and emotional pull to food simply bc you smelled it or glanced at it. I also didn't consciously realize how much I used food to fill a void or help me cope with negative feelings. I didn't realize how it's not normal to have consuming thoughts about your next meal and the enjoyment you will get from it.

    To be honest, I never really gave food addiction real thought, or credence. My mom was a food addict and I didn't believe her. I just thought she was making excuses. Now that is realized I have this addiction, I've been seeing a therapist. I've thought about OA but the higher power part of 12 steps doesn't resonate with me. I've been to few al-anon meetings and I just don't relate to the tenets or steps.

    Seeing a counselor is helping me deal with childhood trauma and is in turn helping me cope with emotional issues that don't help my eating issues. I've started doing EMDR and it's really helped. Now I have to work on the physical and habitual patterns of abusing food.

    Sorry for long post, it just came rambling out as I'm still coming to terms with this problem as a reality since I was in denial for so long.
  • owieprone
    owieprone Posts: 217 Member
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    I didn't even know there was such as thing as OA! Thanks OP for starting this post :)
  • zimzamzum
    zimzamzum Posts: 25 Member
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    lks802 wrote: »
    I just recently discovered I have a food addiction, compulsive overeating/binge eating. I didn't realize it wasn't normal to hide food and eat in secret or that not everyone feels a physical and emotional pull to food simply bc you smelled it or glanced at it. I also didn't consciously realize how much I used food to fill a void or help me cope with negative feelings. I didn't realize how it's not normal to have consuming thoughts about your next meal and the enjoyment you will get from it.

    To be honest, I never really gave food addiction real thought, or credence. My mom was a food addict and I didn't believe her. I just thought she was making excuses. Now that is realized I have this addiction, I've been seeing a therapist. I've thought about OA but the higher power part of 12 steps doesn't resonate with me. I've been to few al-anon meetings and I just don't relate to the tenets or steps.

    Seeing a counselor is helping me deal with childhood trauma and is in turn helping me cope with emotional issues that don't help my eating issues. I've started doing EMDR and it's really helped. Now I have to work on the physical and habitual patterns of abusing food.

    Sorry for long post, it just came rambling out as I'm still coming to terms with this problem as a reality since I was in denial for so long.

    Good for you! Your story is really inspiring. It's amazing how you can just not realise these things that are so deeply embedded in yourself and your subconscious. The spiritual aspect of OA is a bit of a question mark for me also, but there is guidance on how to work the programme for the non-religious. I hummed and hawwed for a while but kept going back. Going to see how it goes for me but I totally understand that concern. So happy for you that you're addressing these issues in therapy.
  • lks802
    lks802 Posts: 65 Member
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    I found it shocking myself. But, when you grow up with something you sometimes don't realize how bad it was bc it seemed "normal". Oddly enough, it was in marriage counseling I learned what I experienced growing up was trauma. She referred me to an individual therapist who has really helped me a lot.

    It's still a long journey but I do feel like I'm doing it right this time. It was never about lack of motivation, or knowledge about nutrition. It was really the emotional as well as the physical pull of food and the void it filled.
  • peytong2020
    peytong2020 Posts: 7 Member
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    Yes. I needed this thank you for positing. I have struggled with the binges and with overusing diet pillls. I have gained weight recently and it is hard to not use pills or to feel guilty about eating so you eat more. Good luck and anyone feel free to add me. Always looking for accountability partners.
  • andrea_olfert
    andrea_olfert Posts: 7 Member
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    Oh my goodness its so nice to feel not alone!!! I struggle w binge eating..its soooo frustrating!!
  • jason3105
    jason3105 Posts: 30 Member
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    I can relate to the struggle. I've battled with binge eating for quite a while. Feel free to add me as I'm always looking for support.
  • zimzamzum
    zimzamzum Posts: 25 Member
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    I'm trying really hard to not binge, and avoid sugar, as sugar is a big trigger for me. I cannot eat chocolate like a normal person, I always always binge on it. I can't just buy a regular bar, it has to be a family-sized 200 g bar. I am so hardwired into thinking settling down at night to chocolate and tv is my way of relaxing. I'm trying to find ways of relaxing and self-care that aren't related to food. This evening, I have had two clear hours to relax before going to sleep. I did a nice skincare routine, got into pyjamas and fluffy socks, made a hot water bottle, lit a candle, dimmed the lights in my bedroom. I received a chest of herbal teas in a beautiful box for Christmas, and I had fun picking out a flavour for this evening and bringing it to bed with me. I know I don't need to binge on chocolate, cookies, jellies to relax, and that a 'treat' before bed is the only way I can relax, but it's tough breaking the cycle.

    Tonight I have been able to wind down and enjoy myself without using food, and minus the shame and guilt of binging in secret, hiding the wrappers in a bedside locker, feeling down about the fact that I binged after/trying to push the feeling down and ignore it so I can live in denial and pretend that it's fine. One realisation is staring me blank in the face tonight: I don't NEED the food.
  • lionchaser77
    lionchaser77 Posts: 2 Member
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    to the OP and anyone else who is interested: There is a great message by an amazing woman named Christine Caine on youtube called "do you want to get well?" It really deals with life's dealings that have hung around for years w/out realizing that a person is sick (in all aspects of the word - not just physical) or realizing you're sick and not knowing how to just get well. you might find it interesting. She has an AMAZING encouraging life story and is head over A21 which rescues children out of sex trafficking in every country she can get her hands on. So, she really knows her stuff. I hope her message can help anyone who listens to it. :)

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