No more fat kid roller coaster diet (pic heavy)

Hi, my name's Lucy, and I'm an attention *kitten*! I also can't sleep tonight so... forgive me in advance for my ego.

For the past ten years I've ridden the fat-kid roller coaster. I'm up to 190, I'm down to 160, I'm up to 200, I'm down to 170, etc etc. I did nothing the right way. When I wanted to fit into a dress for an event, I starved for a few weeks. When the event was over, I ate like a pig and hated myself for it. I knew it was stupid, but it was fast and easy. I hit a high in 2009/2010 that was disturbing to me. Few photos survive, none I will ever share with the world as I also had a horrible bleach blonde hairDON'T and a bad fake tan. I started another crash diet in anticipation of being maid of honor in my good friend's wedding and got down to about 185 by this date last year. Yes, my hands were there to hide my double chin:


Crap happened. Crash diets aren't sustainable. Back up the fat kid hill, full speed ahead!:


Until I hit a new disturbing high on NYE. Those bangs were another bad decision:


I was at LEAST 220. Conservatively. After two weeks of yet another not eating crash diet from hell, I finally bought a scale again and it said 219. Valentine's day photo (a romantic night with the love of my life, Lola the Bassoon) at about 200 even:


My friend told me to get MFP in the end of february after hearing me whine and complain about how I couldn't eat anything good anymore. A month and a half later and 20 more lbs gone:


I joined a marching band in April and lost another 10lbs almost immediately. When I first saw this first pic from this era, all I could say was "OH MY GOD I HAVE COLLAR BONES!" These are from May and June:


I bought this shirt for my 18th birthday party. It never fit. I couldn't part with it. Last week, I gave it another go:


4th of July, wearing a size small (mens) uniform for band. I was a large/very snug medium when I joined!:


Today I'm 154 lbs and I don't starve myself. I have never, in my adult life, been under 160. I don't plan on going back anytime soon because, well, MFP makes it too darn easy. I'm not hungry and miserable all the time and constantly thinking of what I can eat when I go "off the diet". I realized I CAN, in fact, eat in moderation and that crazy perfectionist all or nothing musician brain doesn't need to take over; that if I eat too much one day there's always tomorrow; that exercise is important and need not be boring; That healthy food can be tasty food; and that how I feel is more important than how the scale tells me to feel.

Sorry again to whoever had to sit through this long, unnecessary post.