Friend and family support for maintaining weight lacking

stevemunden26
stevemunden26 Posts: 8 Member
edited January 2017 in Goal: Maintaining Weight
Does anyone else find there is much less support out there for those trying to maintain their weight? There seems to be a lot of support for those trying to lose, even to the point that many fitness and nutrition apps and services don't even seem to consider that your goal may not be to lose weight.

Even my friends and family seem now to want me to fatten up, now I've lost weight. I am not underweight BTW - but I think they are just used to me looking fat for so long they can't get used to me looking normal weight!

It also bugs me that whilst it is clearly unacceptable to dig at someone as they are overweight / fat, why does it seem to be socially acceptable to jibe at someone being skinny or underweight?

I'd dread to think what it is like for those who are trying to gain weight.

Is it just me? Or is this some kind of weightism? Sorry, a bit of a rant this! :smile:

Replies

  • crzycatlady1
    crzycatlady1 Posts: 1,930 Member
    edited January 2017
    Unfortunately this reaction is pretty common and most of us have had to deal with it after we get to lower weights/transition into maintenance. Some of it comes from genuine concern, and then there will be those who are envious of your success and they're projecting their own issues onto you. Don't let the comments bother you and eventually they'll slow down/stop after people get used to the 'new' you :)
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 40,888 Member
    I think the most common thought when most people see someone fit, is that it's easy for them. Why is the fit person watching what they eat, why are they almost obsessive about working out? Because that's what keeps them fit.

    This is very true...I have some work colleagues that give me grief from time to time for not going out to lunch and walking in every day with my little rolling cooler full of food for the day...many of them give me the old, "the way you train, I'd think you could eat anything" kind of deal. It's just not true...and it's not just a weight management issue, but a performance issue as well. They also don't understand that I train the way I train because I enjoy it...it's not punishment...it's basically a hobby.

    I don't give it a whole lot of thought or care...they're work colleagues and only really see what goes on at work...they don't know that I'd rather not hit up the Chili's and would rather have a few winter brews when I get home...and they don't really connect with the fact that if I were going to go out and splurge (which I do), I'd rather hit up the local pizzeria with my wife and kids on the weekend. Not to mention, I'm admittedly a food snob and with few exceptions, don't really care for the fast food and franchise restaurants that they tend to frequent.
  • rsclause
    rsclause Posts: 3,103 Member
    Before I put a few pounds back on family said I was "manarexic". Now that my belly is showing they are like is time for me to cut back again. We can't win but I am going back to skinny again starting now.
  • michellenc27540
    michellenc27540 Posts: 20 Member
    I wish I was in a healthy environment but my home and workplace are full of people who have lost sight of what a healthy weight looks like. I am at the lower end of my BMI range and constantly have to hear from people about how I am too thin. I just keep my reply to myself and not worry what people think I know I eat healthy and I am in a healthy range, sooo whatever.
  • ahoy_m8
    ahoy_m8 Posts: 2,831 Member
    I think the most common thought when most people see someone fit, is that it's easy for them. Why is the fit person watching what they eat, why are they almost obsessive about working out? Because that's what keeps them fit.

    QFT. Similarly, people expect others to resume careless eating after losing weight because that's what they have done, "diet" (restrict) then "go back to normal" (overeat).
  • amers271
    amers271 Posts: 17 Member
    I agree with everyone else. Depending on where in the country you are, you can be viewed as too thin even at a perfectly healthy, average weight. (As an example: I've been given a second hot dog at events multiple times in college and was told I need to "fatten up" as a 125 lb/5'4" female...)

    And others don't understand that for some people it takes effort to maintain. I have colleagues ask me why I stick to such a stringent diet (1500-1800 calories a day, but usually lower carb and not a lot of sugar) and exercise regimen (doing Insanity, P90X style workouts). I just tell them it's so I can stay healthy and indulge in food when the opportunity arises.

    It all depends on the environment that surrounds you. My family completely understands my active lifestyle and cheers me on for it. If your family or friends aren't that environment for you... make more friends, one who share the passion for an active lifestyle and understand ALL the benefits that come from it... not just to "lose weight."
  • yogagirlT
    yogagirlT Posts: 91 Member
    edited January 2017
    I am lucky that I have family who struggle with their weight and I work with a health coach (who recommended My Fitness Pal). When I lost over 40 lbs in my 30s, I got the "you lost too much weight" comments too. I lost 30 lbs this pssy year and still.get nervous when people comment on my weight loss but I have an awesome group of friends in my yoga class who told me I looked great and asked if I needed to buy new clothes ha! A good problem to have. But their comments are supportive and encouraging.
  • qvene
    qvene Posts: 16 Member
    I have faced something similar. My buddy who is getting married this year recommended MFP and Fitbit to me 10 months ago, wanting a support system to lose weight together (and we entered into a "weight bet"). While I have been on-track of losing weight throughout these months, my buddy has not yet losing weight. Honestly I have no idea whether the "weight bet" is still alive.

    Also, my family and friends are shocked about my weight loss (my current weight is even lower than the weight when I got married 16 years ago). I do hope to show them that I will be able to maintain my current weight, while my mom and my husband have asked me to gain some pounds back, stating I am too skinny (with additional descriptions like my skin is sagging, losing a cup size, skin tone doesn't look healthy, etc.)
  • Gamliela
    Gamliela Posts: 2,470 Member
    yogagirlT wrote: »
    I am lucky that I have family who struggle with their weight and I work with a health coach (who recommended My Fitness Pal). When I lost over 40 lbs in my 30s, I got the "you lost too much weight" comments too. I lost 30 lbs this pssy year and still.get nervous when people comment on my weight loss but I have an awesome group of friends in my yoga class who told me I looked great and asked if I needed to buy new clothes ha! A good problem to have. But their comments are supportive and encouraging.

    "Nervous" is the word that sums up how I feel with comments on my weight. I lost around 50 pounds last year.
    I only have one person who is also weight conscious in my life atm. No one understands the correlation between caloric intake and body size, that talks about it. ;)

    As far as eating foods that help me stay on plan, its seems an open subject for controversy at home.
    Anyway I have found a way to work around opinions, eating mostly what I need to for maintaining.
    Its not always easy, but we are at least pretty consistantly filling the cupboards and fridge with all kinds of comman sense healthy food so that the few snack type things we buy that I don't value for myself are minimal and thanks I don't seem to get cravings for it. If want some rarely, I have a bit of that type of thing. I guess I'm more interested in making sure meals are satisfying tasty healthy and fit my calorie goals than I used to be.
    I want to tell you that I notice the practice I got losing weight last year has truly set me on a good path of maintaining over the last few months.

  • stevemunden26
    stevemunden26 Posts: 8 Member
    Thank you so much for all your replies and support. I really appreciate it. I'm quite new here so I haven't worked it all out, but already I'm feeling the benefit of the community in finding others facing similar concerns! You are right too, in that I think I need to find some like minded real world friends.

    Well, today I ate nearly twice my calorie goal, about 4,600 kcal! So in your face weight loss (hopefully lol)
  • nxd10
    nxd10 Posts: 4,563 Member
    Most of the family I care about - my parents and sibs - don't see me very often. They had a picture of me in their head as heavier and it took two years before this became the new me. Lots of people don't realize it does take lots of conscious work to maintain. But I haven't found them non-supportive. I just say yes to what I want to eat, take small portions, and eat and drink a lot less calorie dense stuff than they do.

    It bugged me for the first couple years that my mom kept saying I was too skinny. But now she holds me up as a good example.

    It's like dogs sniffing each others' bottoms. They haven't seen you for a while and they say something to show they noticed you're not the same as the last time they saw you.
  • dopeysmelly
    dopeysmelly Posts: 1,411 Member
    My experience is that with time people stop saying the comments or telling you that you're skinny, eat too healthily etc, and just accept you as you are now. It does take time though. People eventually give up when they realize their silly comments aren't going to change what you choose to do.

    What you might find is that with time, you'll even end up inspiring the people around you, once they see the benefits of your lifestyle or what you've achieved, and they'll start copying some of your habits either consciously or unconsciously. This is more likely with those you are close to, but I was pulled aside by someone I knew in passing at the Y. She had lost weight about a year after I had (I lost a 1/3rd of my body weight, so you couldn't miss it, and starting to workout rather than watch DD swim was my reward), and she looked really fabulous and I told her so. She told me eye-to-eye that I was the reason. She'd thought if I could do it, hell, so could she.

    So, yes, you might put up with some negativity/stupidity for a while, but you can also inspire.