Judgemental people on MFP

Angellore
Angellore Posts: 519 Member
edited September 29 in Food and Nutrition
I just opened the thread about the 6805 cal salad and watched the video. I then read the comments on the thread. I had to stop on the third page because of some of the comments from people here. I am morbidly obese. Yes, I am doing something about it now, but I've done something about it before, got 'normal' and ended up here again. All I could think when I was reading those posts is "That's what people think about me". You know what? That doesn't spur me on to lose weight, that upsets me and although it won't, as I'm feeling strong, could send me (and others) straight for the cookie jar (or should I say the 6805 calorie salad, as obviously that's what all fat people stuff down their gullet for breakfast, eh?).

No-one knows anything about that poor woman but so many are judging her. I think some people forget how easy it was to gain weight in the first place once they start their 'healthy lifestyle' and act all holier than thou.

Just makes me very sad.

Edited to add: I'm not posting this to say, oh woe is me, you hurt my feelings, (I'm over that already!) but rather that we should maybe stop and think about how our 'words' can affect others, we're all in this together, aren't we? Some people are very fragile and that could send them running for the hills.
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Replies

  • ajbeans
    ajbeans Posts: 2,857 Member
    *hugs* Try not to let it get to you. Most of the people here are not like that. Most of us are very accepting and understanding of how hard it is to get past these food and weight issues -- I mean, that's why most of us are here, right?

    People have a lot of opinions around here, and unfortunately some folks don't know when they should keep those opinions to themselves. I've seen negativity surrounding all kinds of things from food choices to exercise to calorie goals and just about everything else you could think of, but for the most part I can tell now when those kinds of things will be coming out and I just avoid those threads. As I said, most people here are much more pleasant than that, so if we just ignore the buttholes and trolls, we'll be ok. :)
  • jbucci1186
    jbucci1186 Posts: 440 Member
    i could say a lot right now but I'll just say that is why I hate MFP. So many rude/condescending people on here.
  • Sarah_uk
    Sarah_uk Posts: 209
    I understand you.

    And anyway,she also had some healthier recipes. The stuffed chickenbreast looked quite good :)

    She probably doesn't know much about nutrition,but she's hardly the only one is she? And it's not like she'd eat all that salad in 1 time. It's meant as a side dish I think.
  • KokomoJoe
    KokomoJoe Posts: 435
    As there isn't a like button on here I was just post "like"
  • Kimmer2011
    Kimmer2011 Posts: 569 Member
    I think a big difference here is that you aren't putting your excesses on YouTube. Once you do that, you're basically begging for judgement and comments. I saw the thread, but didn't post and didn't see the video. When I realized what was going on, I realized that it wasn't a positive thing in any way, so I kept on going. Don't let it get you down!
  • Atlantique
    Atlantique Posts: 2,484 Member
    Maybe people were harsh in that thread, which was clearly never going to add a thing of value to this site and was clearly classic internet trolling; but for you to decide to interpret other people's statements as a personal attack doesn't help matters.

    There are occasionally some mean-spirited comments on MFP, and they should be reported when you see them. But much more frequently, there are users who can take even the most benign of comments and interpret them as attacks on them personally. I think there was some of both going on in that thread.
  • hvyhrss
    hvyhrss Posts: 3
    People can get really self righteous when they start a healthy lifestyle program, just like when we discover a new religion. We should practice being kind and tactful rather than mean and accusatory. We all have issues, right?
    Just hang in there and stick with the people who will support you.
    Feel free to friend me, I am with you!
  • bex879165
    bex879165 Posts: 121 Member
    I gave up at page 3 too.

    Obviously some of the folks that have commented on the post have maybe forgotten why we are all here in the first place or where we were when we started!! Don't let them get you down I say!! :-) xx
  • cafeteriagirl
    cafeteriagirl Posts: 267 Member
    Hi I understand what you are saying. The best thing to do is not read or listen to anything negative. You are on the right road to achieving your goals and you can do it. There are a lot of really supportive people on here as well. If you need encouragement you can gladly friend me. I wont put you down. We do that to ourselves enough. right? :smile: Keep your chin up it will get better! hugs to ya!
  • bex879165
    bex879165 Posts: 121 Member
    i could say a lot right now but I'll just say that is why I hate MFP. So many rude/condescending people on here.

    I'm glad you don't let them get you down! That is an amazing loss, I bet it feels great. Well done you :-)
  • homeport51
    homeport51 Posts: 198 Member
    I with you... I think people not only forget where they came from but have a fear of going back there again. Your words should always be sugar coated since you never know when you will have to eat them... lol
  • HollyMcCaw
    HollyMcCaw Posts: 154 Member
    I find there's a lot of judgement on many thread on here. People even jump all over each other if they don't agree with one person's opinion. Don't take any of it personally. Losing weight is hard, and maintaining a healthy weight is also hard, so even the people who have changed their lifestyle and gotten to a healthy weight should try and remember what got them on this site in the first place.

    As for the threads.. I read them, if there is someone who has a question or concern and I think I can offer valuable and supportive advice then I will. If I read a very negative thread I usually just exit from it and don't think any further about it, whether I agree with the people or not.
  • unsuspectingfish
    unsuspectingfish Posts: 1,176 Member
    I hadn't actually seen that post until you posted this (and I still wish I hadn't decided to go look...mayonnaise and I don't get along).

    I like that everyone seems to have skipped over the fact that, yes, the salad as a WHOLE is 6850 calories, but it's also like a potluck size salad. That doesn't change the fact that there's still going to be a lot of calories in one serving, but, STILL.

    I've never understood why people seem so intent on making other people's business their own. OK, the salad, to me, is pretty disgusting, because I think mayo in general is disgusting (even writing that word makes me feel a bit ill). Whatever. I won't ever eat anything like that. I'm not going to say that woman shouldn't, though. That's up to her. She's an adult, just like so many of the people on here claim to be.

    I mean, really, how hard is it to say something supportive or to just not say anything at all?
  • pittsblue99
    pittsblue99 Posts: 277 Member
    I too saw the thread but did not open it or watch the video. If we were all in perfect shape then we would not be here. There are enough of us that mean well so try to not let it get you down (which can be easier said than done, I understand). Feel free to add me if you would like another friend who will be supportive :)
  • NuMe46
    NuMe46 Posts: 128
    Don't give up. There are plenty of people who will be very supportive of you and your efforts. I for one have lost the same 50 pounds too many times to count. this time I realize it is for my health and I have to take control of my own life. Please stay with us.
  • portexploit
    portexploit Posts: 378 Member
    There was some stupid s*** a few hours ago, I told him my results. He was highly skeptical, I am too about my results, that's fine. He was very negative and critical too. I go check his profile he lost 200lbs. I told him, "congradulations on your weight loss thus far, You out of EVERYONE should be the most supportive and encouraging, you're the least. Weight loss can change people for the worse" Haven't heard anything from him, he was very active on the topic, when I said that I haven't seen him since.
  • retrobaby
    retrobaby Posts: 613 Member
    It's sad that people are judgemental, but they are haters. I hope you continue your efforts and don't let them get you down.
  • DorkothyParker
    DorkothyParker Posts: 618 Member

    I like that everyone seems to have skipped over the fact that, yes, the salad as a WHOLE is 6850 calories, but it's also like a potluck size salad. That doesn't change the fact that there's still going to be a lot of calories in one serving, but, STILL.

    I was going to say the exact same thing!! Basically, I should think we all have our own gardens to tend rather than start snooping in our neighbors' yards.
  • suzycreamcheese
    suzycreamcheese Posts: 1,766 Member
    Theres a big big difference between someone morbidly obese whos actually trying to make positive lifestyle changes and helping themselves, and someone morbidly obese posting a video of themselves making something so disgustingly fatty and sugary that it would make most people vomit. A big difference.

    A lot of people here get their diets HEAVILY criticised. To their face. Its not uncommon. A lot of people here get comments that their BMI is low, theyre going to be repulsive to men. I actually very rarely see any criticisms of people who are overweight, and quite right too.
    On the other hand, you put yourself out there on a youtube video like this, and you are ASKING for peoples opinions. Not all are going to be nice. Its not some utopia we live in. There are also gonna be people out there who think she looks amazing. After all, isnt there that chick who gets paid for people to watch her eat online. Theres a huge market for BBW porn etc, whatever floats your boat. There are also gonna be people that think it doesnt look nice, and shock horror, there are going to be people that make fun to a certain extent.
    If me, or anyone else was following her round the internet, or approaching her in public to tell her what i thought of how she looked, then that would be really bad and out of order, but to comment on someone - IN JEST, whos not even here, and chances are shes not going to see it. Its a pretty minor crime in the grand scheme of things. Ive read some pretty mean comments on here by people many many times about people they consider too thin. I read it ALL THE TIME, and yes i notice, because a lot of the things they say are repulsive, are things i have, and things i dont actually like about my body, whereas noone would say to an overweight person, well you need to lose a bit more, your BMI is a bit repulsive etc. In actual fact i think people are VERY sensitive towards overweight people. Maybe thats why the vast majority of people are so complacent about their weight, even when its got into the heart attack/diabetes/stroke waiting to happen stage.
  • ajbeans
    ajbeans Posts: 2,857 Member
    I understand what you're saying, Suzy. And I guess my comment in that thread wasn't even directed solely toward you. I think it's just something we all need to keep in mind around here.

    This community is full of strong opinions, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's also full of people who are very sensitive, because a lot of folks here have dealt with criticism their entire lives due to their relationship with food. All I was trying to say is that if we have something negative to say, there are tactful ways to say them. I also think it's really crappy when people are mean to a person for being too thin -- I've been on that side of it, and it's just as hurtful as having someone call you fat. It's never ok to criticize a person's appearance. You want to tell them that you're concerned for their health? That's perfectly acceptable, and if they take offense to that then they're not really hearing you. But to call someone names or make fun of what they look like -- that's never ok, whether you're making fun of them for being too fat or too thin or having a bad haircut or a big nose or crooked teeth or whatever. If it's something they can and should change for their health, there are ways to point that out without being cruel. And even though you may think you're just popping off about some random person on the internet, you never know if that person is going to read it, and a hurtful comment might send them into a tailspin. Yes, everyone gossips once in a while. It's normal. But it's not good to do it in such a public manner. Make fun of her with your friends while you show them the video on your home computer or something. But not in a public forum that she could join at any moment, or read without even joining.
  • sexforjaffacakes
    sexforjaffacakes Posts: 1,001 Member
    I don't think people were disgusted at her weight, I think they were more disgusted by the salad itself. And if you put videos of youtube of yourself stuffing your face/making a ridiculous recipe, you are asking for it. Youtube is a public site where people aren't looking for support, just attention!
  • katberz
    katberz Posts: 123
    I saw the video and the salad looked like it could feed at least 20 people, which makes it around 340 cals per serving. No that's not great but it's certainly not the heart attack in a bowl some people were making it out to be. To be honest, I think some of the people commenting weren't horrified so much by the salad but rather the size of the woman making it, which says way more about them than anyone or anything else.
  • megruder
    megruder Posts: 216
    I couldn't make it past page 2 on that thread. It is a further example of why I both loathe and love the Internet, as it seems to bring the worst and the best out of people usually not coming from the same individual. For me it is hard to read and see the hate and self-righteousness that spews from some individuals and I think that is why I've pretty much isolated myself within small groups of people when I'm on a social site such as this one. I actively search out those people that bring positive energy into my virtual life and ignore those that do not. It's not easy, but I saves me from worrying what has happened to us as a society.

    Edited to add: I would argue that just because someone has posted something on the Internet it doesn't give ANYONE the right to demean, criticize or shame another human being. We all have the right to be acknowledged as human beings and sometimes that means wanting some attention. There is nothing wrong with wanting attention as long as he or she is not attempting to gain attention through self-destructive or illegal behaviors.
  • Mother4Jesus
    Mother4Jesus Posts: 38 Member
    It seems to me that alot of people forget from where they came. SOrry to hear it.
  • Schwiggity
    Schwiggity Posts: 1,449 Member
    I like how everyone is trying to justify the recipe. Why do you care so much about what people think about a public video? The recipe was disgustingly unhealthy no matter how many servings were in it. The woman was also morbidly obese, and that cooking wasn't helping, and despite what anyone says about being "fat and happy" when you get winded after going up one flight of stairs, you're not happy. I don't care what she does to her body, but everyone needs to get off their high horse, acting like every person they've thought nothing but happy thoughts about every person they've come across in their life.
  • ajbeans
    ajbeans Posts: 2,857 Member
    everyone needs to get off their high horse, acting like every person they've thought nothing but happy thoughts about every person they've come across in their life.

    Sure, I think nasty stuff about people sometimes. We're all human, we all do it. But we DON'T all talk about it in such a public manner that that person could find it or hear it. That's the issue.
  • Schwiggity
    Schwiggity Posts: 1,449 Member
    everyone needs to get off their high horse, acting like every person they've thought nothing but happy thoughts about every person they've come across in their life.

    Sure, I think nasty stuff about people sometimes. We're all human, we all do it. But we DON'T all talk about it in such a public manner that that person could find it or hear it. That's the issue.

    You really think she thinks her recipes are healthy? Nobody is that naive.
  • katberz
    katberz Posts: 123
    I like how everyone is trying to justify the recipe. Why do you care so much about what people think about a public video? The recipe was disgustingly unhealthy no matter how many servings were in it. The woman was also morbidly obese, and that cooking wasn't helping, and despite what anyone says about being "fat and happy" when you get winded after going up one flight of stairs, you're not happy. I don't care what she does to her body, but everyone needs to get off their high horse, acting like every person they've thought nothing but happy thoughts about every person they've come across in their life.

    It's funny you're telling people to get off their high horse when you seem to be nearly touching the sky there yourself.
  • ajbeans
    ajbeans Posts: 2,857 Member
    everyone needs to get off their high horse, acting like every person they've thought nothing but happy thoughts about every person they've come across in their life.

    Sure, I think nasty stuff about people sometimes. We're all human, we all do it. But we DON'T all talk about it in such a public manner that that person could find it or hear it. That's the issue.

    You really think she thinks her recipes are healthy? Nobody is that naive.

    When did I say that? My issue was not with people criticizing the recipe, although I have seen that stuff served at potlucks numerous times in my life. The point of macaroni salad is not to be healthy, which is why I try not to eat it anymore. My issue was with people making fun of her appearance.
  • suzycreamcheese
    suzycreamcheese Posts: 1,766 Member
    maybe if she did find it or hear it, it might encourage her to look at her weight and her diet?
    I dont think that would be the worst thing in the world.
    the slim chance that she might read a derogatory comment about her weight, when shes actually at the stage when she cant open a bag of carrots or talk properly without getting out of breath, its probably the least of her worries
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