helpful or just mean

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tamera_g
tamera_g Posts: 128 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have always had this fantasy of having plastic surgery to get rid of my lower stomach. No matter how hard I work out, it won't go away. So this year my husband said that he could make that happen. I was very surprised. This was a Fantasy, meaning I never thought it could happen. But I told him to give me a year to diet and then I will go to see what the doctor says.
My husband didn't like this response. If I let him do this for me, he will have certain expectations of me like Never eating my favorite junk food again and sticking to my diet strictly. I'm not sure I can do this and I am not sure I want to give him that much power over me.
This morning he sent me an email saying that as an extra incentive to lose weight, he wouldn't have sex with me until my BMI is at or below 25. My BMI has not been 25 since my first year of college and I am 36. I am trying to see his side of the story but all I can feel is hurt. What should I do? Does he have my best interest at heart or is he just being mean?
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Replies

  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
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    not_my_first_rodeo wrote: »
    All kinds of red flags here. This does not sound good.

    +1
  • Lisa_ASD_Mummy
    Lisa_ASD_Mummy Posts: 36 Member
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    This isn't kind or helpful, what are his motives? They don't sound like they are in your best interests to me. He is been mean.
  • elizakristofferstuen7370
    elizakristofferstuen7370 Posts: 17 Member
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    Mean! I wouldn't put up with any thing close to that from my husband >:)
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,576 Member
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    TavistockToad wrote: »
    He's having sex with someone else

    Hopefully not, but I must admit this was first thought.

    Any chance he was joking?
  • Anna_137
    Anna_137 Posts: 167 Member
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    Of course it's mean. What next? Is he going to start sleeping with other women if you don't lose weight? And why on earth would he say that in an email?

    I'm so sorry that your husband isn't being more supportive.
  • Reaverie
    Reaverie Posts: 405 Member
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    Sorry, but I have to agree with the red flag warnings. This isnt "natural". Either A..he is a cheating scumbag. B..He is an abusive control freak (and yes, exerting control over another by bullying to get their way IS abuse.) Or C..For some odd inexplicable reason he actually thinks this is some new sort of support system that he has adopted and believes himself to be helpful. Only you can know if C is the truth of the matter or not by examining your lives together up to this point. Has he ALWAYS be a grade A AS$ or is this a complete and utter shock to you that he would ever be this hateful?

    What was he like before this? Yesterday? Last week? Last month? Last 6 months? Last few years?
    If this is ongoing he is a bully. If this is more recent he could be cheating. If this is sudden, like yesterday he was a saint and today is satan.. he may believe he is being supportive and doesnt realize the damage his words have on you. Either way, communtication is key. ASK him.. but in such a way he doesnt feel like he is being attacked. Instinct is to attack those who hurt us. But remember, a witch burns at the stake. A maiden captures the heart of the prince.
  • FitnessGirl11mfp
    FitnessGirl11mfp Posts: 232 Member
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    Oh my gosh, what an *kitten*! I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I can't imagine how he has your best interest at heart. It sounds like his motives are completely selfish and I agree with the others that this sounds like an unhealthy relationship. You don't need to put up with that. Ugh this makes me so mad for you!
  • WickedPineapple
    WickedPineapple Posts: 701 Member
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    tamera_g wrote: »
    I have always had this fantasy of having plastic surgery to get rid of my lower stomach. No matter how hard I work out, it won't go away. So this year my husband said that he could make that happen. I was very surprised. This was a Fantasy, meaning I never thought it could happen. But I told him to give me a year to diet and then I will go to see what the doctor says.

    This all seems very reasonable. Surgery is always risky.
    tamera_g wrote: »
    My husband didn't like this response. If I let him do this for me, he will have certain expectations of me like Never eating my favorite junk food again and sticking to my diet strictly. I'm not sure I can do this and I am not sure I want to give him that much power over me.

    Did he say he had these expectations or are they assumptions on your part? Either way, it's not good. Also, the bolded screams trust issues.
    tamera_g wrote: »
    This morning he sent me an email saying that as an extra incentive to lose weight, he wouldn't have sex with me until my BMI is at or below 25. My BMI has not been 25 since my first year of college and I am 36. I am trying to see his side of the story but all I can feel is hurt. What should I do? Does he have my best interest at heart or is he just being mean?

    This went downhill fast. I don't know what his interests are, but they do not coincide with yours.
  • rsclause
    rsclause Posts: 3,103 Member
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    Sex is a two way street. If one withholds it from the other than nether gets it or.....Any way it is a pretty crappy "incentive". Emails do a poor job at conveying inflection and humor so give him a chance to apologize and move on. I had an enormous beer gut for years til my son poked it and asked "when is it due". I came here and lost it completely, all fifty three pounds of it. Bottom line is I could not get rid of it until I got my body fat down to about 15%. I counted calories and started running. I eventually got up to 35 miles a week so it took some work but I got there. I have put some back on but I know how to get it back off.

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