helpful or just mean

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Replies

  • courtneyfabulous
    courtneyfabulous Posts: 1,863 Member
    Yikes! I hope he was joking!!!

    If not I think it's some for some couples therapy...
  • AngInCanada
    AngInCanada Posts: 947 Member
    This would be the quickest weight loss I had ever achieved. Kick his *kitten* to the curb and instantly lose 150 lbs! No way in hell I'd EVER put up with a comment like that. Ever.
  • UnicornAmandaPanda
    UnicornAmandaPanda Posts: 161 Member
    I'm sorry to say this but your husband is a prick. Trust your gut. You posting this and feeling this way shows you know the answer to your question. This is not ok whatsoever for anyone to treat the person they are building a life with. I am sorry you have to deal with this right now. Just know you are beautiful regardless if you have a little stomach pooch. Love and accept your body. Be grateful for your body! If you choose to have the surgery do it because YOU want to do it! Sending love your way! ❤
  • CharlieBeansmomTracey
    CharlieBeansmomTracey Posts: 7,682 Member
    your hubby should want you to be healthier of course, but body shaming you? which is what this is because he wants you to be a certain size, is abuse like others have said. he should be supportive and love you no matter how you look, you are trying and that is what should matter. he should be like ok, if you lose the weight then I will help you achieve that dream/fantasy that YOU want.also doesnt he know plastic surgery wont be done unless you are at a decent weight and a lower body fat percentage anyway?

    any surgeon worth his stuff wont go cutting on someone with more weight/fat to lose,because it would be counterproductive. when you get the surgery you have to keep doing what you are doing to keep any weight gain/fat gain off or you will have to eventually repeat the process.a tummy tuck is to tighten anything loose after weight loss, you would have to finish losing the weight you need to lose before you have that kind of surgery anyway, dont let him treat you like this. tell him how you feel. if he doesnt care of doesnt take your feelings into consideration then it may be time to kick him to the curb.
  • tamera_g
    tamera_g Posts: 128 Member
    Thanks to everyone for the advice! Today he's been super nice to me and extra helpful around the house. It's like he thinks I will forget what he said if he is nice enough.
  • harribeau2012
    harribeau2012 Posts: 644 Member
    You don't mention how your husband USUALLY interacts with you. Is he usually blunt? Does he usually email?. Not everyone has good social skills and I can picture at least one acquaintance of mine who might say this (thinking it's helpful).
  • CaladriaNapea
    CaladriaNapea Posts: 140 Member
    Your husband is being emotionally abusive, plain and simple. He is trying to control you through various means (offering to fulfill your dreams but only on his terms, attempting to control what you eat, controlling your sex life without any input from you). Honestly, it sounds power-trippy and abusive. As others have pointed out, if this is not how he normally is then there may be a miscommunication, in which case you guys need to talk and work this out. If this is some type of pattern (even if it's just an escalating one) then you definitely need to talk and possibly go to marital counseling. He needs to realize that your goals are about you, that sex is about both of you together, and none of this is something he should be attempting to control.

    Honestly, the worst thing you could do is what it sounds like he wants you to do--smile at him being nice today and then not make him talk about the issues that are really going on. You need to be honest with him, tell him that this hurt and why, tell him the lines that distinguish your choices from his, and figure out what is going on. He can't just help around the house and make up for the fact that he is treating your body like something he owns, not someone he loves.
  • rs604
    rs604 Posts: 18 Member
    he is either having sex with someone else or gay. it is not about you being fat.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,343 Member
    He's either a massive jerk, or had a moment of VERY poor judgment. Either way, neither of those ultimatums are reasonable in the least.
  • deputy_randolph
    deputy_randolph Posts: 940 Member
    I'm pretty sure that no matter your BMI, you could find sex elsewhere. That's a dumb threat if you ask me.
  • MacaronStyle
    MacaronStyle Posts: 35 Member
    DTMFA

    Someone who gives weight loss ultimatums isn't the kind of person I would want to have sex with. That isn't sexy at all.
  • canadianlbs
    canadianlbs Posts: 5,199 Member
    tamera_g wrote: »
    Thanks to everyone for the advice! Today he's been super nice to me and extra helpful around the house. It's like he thinks I will forget what he said if he is nice enough.

    yeah, that sounds abusive. overstep, kiss up, wait until 'forgiven', rinse and repeat.

    and if never 'forgiven' then get started on building a grievance about how should be 'forgiven' and you're therefore a *kitten* and the real problem here.

  • hotcoffee692
    hotcoffee692 Posts: 167 Member
    Agreeing with everyone who said this is controlling and manipulative. http://www.theduluthmodel.org/pdf/PowerandControl.pdf
  • kbmnurse
    kbmnurse Posts: 2,484 Member
    Dump him.
  • Verity1111
    Verity1111 Posts: 3,309 Member
    edited January 2017
    Stella3838 wrote: »
    TavistockToad wrote: »
    He's having sex with someone else

    I'd be inclined to agree. Most dudes won't easily give up sex if they get it on a somewhat regular basis. Otherwise, it's a d*ck move.

    This isn't true. Not all men are sex crazy or even have a high sex drive. That's just a myth. However, I would be inclined to worry about cheating just because of how he's treating you. This particular man does sound very particular and shallow.... Just wow. He isn't attracted to you as you are? Then why is he with you because it is dangerous to be married to someone you don't find attractive - it leads to affairs.
  • Verity1111
    Verity1111 Posts: 3,309 Member
    2016ItStartsToday wrote: »
    If you can get the creep to pay for a tummy tuck, I'd do it. Maybe afterwards, you'd have more confidence in YOU and then the only extra weight to lose would be him....Just saying

    Good idea lol
  • Sara1791
    Sara1791 Posts: 760 Member
    TavistockToad wrote: »
    He's having sex with someone else

    Yep. The only reason to be that *kitten* is to try to get someone to dump you.
  • tamera_g
    tamera_g Posts: 128 Member
    My husband and I talked this weekend and it was a big misunderstanding. He truly believed that he was helping me because he would be sacrificing something too.
    He can be totally clueless about some things and I think this was one of them. Thank you for all your comments.
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