120lbs lost

It's long - sorry (:

I can almost still hear the whispers behind me, “She’d be so much prettier if she was skinny.” I can still see the two boys picking on each other and pointing at me saying, “That’s YOUR girlfriend!” I can remember the feeling of buying my first scale and stepping on it for the first time and seeing 256 pounds on that little screen.

Two-hundred and fifty-six pounds.

Me. All 5’2.5” of me.

I joined MFP sometime in September of 2011. I was determined to get this figured out and feel good about myself. I was under the assumption that if I hit a target weight, I would instantly love me.

I didn’t step foot into a gym, I was intimidated. I lost all of my weight by changing my diet. There was some cardio I added in here and there – walking a few miles a week if I could, parking in the furthest spot in lots, etc. Nothing too overly dramatic though.

In 2013, I hit my goal weight of 127 pounds. I thought to myself, this is it! I distinctly recall the thoughts I had when seeing myself without clothes on at my “ultimate goal weight.” Still not enough to go. Felt like I had to lose more. Everyone always made it seem like the number on the scale was the most important - nobody ever told me that it required a mindset change.

I found out I was pregnant in June 2013, had my second child in December. I was proud of the fact that I only gained 19 pounds in that pregnancy and was able to lose it quickly. Still logging my foods and keeping track the best I could.

Fast forward to today. A lot has happened since then. Previous relationships ended, new ones blossomed. Purchased and sold my first home. Started school again to work on my third bachelor’s degree. Diagnosed with kidney failure. Started a new job.

It took so much soul searching and deep thinking to understand that it’s not what the scale says – it’s a mental thing. Learning to love myself at face value was dependent on me, not my relationship with gravity. Being diagnosed wasn’t a punishment.

I’ve recently decided that I want to be strong. I want to be healthy. I want to be happy with myself. I’ve added in strength training (per my doctor’s orders at first and now because I want to) and am excited to see where this vessel known as my body takes me and how far I can push it.

I currently fluctuate between 133-136 pounds, depending on what time of the month it is, how much salt I’ve had, whether I ate too many tacos or not, etc. But honestly, none of that even matters anymore… It just feels good to finally start to be happy in the skin I’m in.

The best part about adding in strength training not too long ago was getting back the best bloodwork my body has had in well over a year. And that is a remarkable feeling.

Huge shoutout to four folks that have helped me out in ways I'll never be able to repay:
My incredible boyfriend, my two sweet girls, and my new mentor and friend, Alyssa (:

I don’t have many before photos because if there was one thing to avoid, it was the camera.
Before:


After:


After: