Ever feel like someone is trying to sabotage your fitness/diet journey?

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bluebell88xx
bluebell88xx Posts: 68 Member
in Motivation and Support
So me and my mum have a bit of a love/hate relationship and sometimes we can get on like a house on fire, other times not so much! This is probably compounded by the fact that we work together as well as live together.

Recently we have both started dieting and using FitBit trackers and she is so competitive its unreal! Whereas I happily set myself targets and don't worry about what she's up to she is constantly trying to beat me, as someone who isn't very competitive with others this infuriates me!!

I have started walking round the house and office to get steps in and she's like "why are you doing that, sit down will you you're making me feel dizzy" 30 seconds later after I've finished she's doing the exact same thing!

Also if she makes us dinner she will give me the biggest portion ever and give herself a tiny amount. And its not me being crazy, even my sisters have noticed this!

We are pretty much the same height/weight too so its pretty intense!

Anyone else had to deal with an overly competitive family member?

Replies

  • missteena88
    missteena88 Posts: 153 Member
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    No, never had to deal with that. Why not take the reigns and tell her you will be serving yourself food? Or push the extra food back on to her plate? Or sit down and chat with her?

    My husband and I are both working on losing right now but it's not a competition. Sometimes I lose more and sometimes he loses more. We cheer each other on because we're a team and being supportive is much more productive than being competitive.
  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,339 Member
    edited January 2017
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    I wish! My family aren't into fitness/wellness/nutrition in any way. None workout, all are overweight except hubs and my kids. Just let mom know you have your goals, she has hers, and you'd like it NOT to be a competition...Fitbit has many challenge groups she can join and compete with.

    I think it's fabulous actually that she is doing this with you; in the end you will both benefit, regardless if one gets more steps than the other.

    My mom and I get along well 60% of the time, the other 40 is crazy time. I understand. I suggest you take her competitiveness with a grain of salt going forward, smile, nod.....say yes mom.......and keep doing your own thing. As for the full dish she serves you, maybe start to serve yourself. And if that's not possible, there is nothing written saying that you have to eat everything on that dish. Eat half, and let her know that's the amount you'd like to start getting on your plate.

    Our moms will only be here for so long. Make the most of the time you have xo <3
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    have you told her how her behaviour makes you feel?
  • RachelElser
    RachelElser Posts: 1,049 Member
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    Time to get a bit more proactive- dish your own meals, tell her not to watch when she complains and DON"T talk about it. If it bugs you that much refuse to engage. "Mom, I don't want to talk about it" "Mom, I am in the middle of something" "Mom, now is not a good time" It takes two to compete.
  • alarmed123
    alarmed123 Posts: 87 Member
    edited January 2017
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    I posted a whole thing and it cut me off wtf
  • bluebell88xx
    bluebell88xx Posts: 68 Member
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    Oh the only time she serves my meals is "family night" when she cooks for the whole family, 99.9% of the time I cook and serve my own meals.

    And don't get me wrong I adore my mum! She just drives me up the wall sometimes.
  • Nikki10129
    Nikki10129 Posts: 292 Member
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    I'd talk to your mom about it and how she's making you feel. A little competition is great but with the competition you're also going to want lots of support if you're doing it together. My mom and I just started on here together and while we do Fitbit step challenges when it comes down to it we're both in it to cheer each other on, it's made us much more successful compared to the times we've tried on our own!
  • natyyl85510
    natyyl85510 Posts: 36 Member
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    Yep I could of wrote a similar post myself the only difference is my mum will never ever beat my steps on Fitbit
  • SierraFatToSkinny
    SierraFatToSkinny Posts: 463 Member
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    Honestly... I don't know if talking will help. This is probably her way of having fun and motivating herself. She doesn't mean to sabotage you.

    I think chatting with her about it might even slow down her momentum and interfere with her journey.

    I'd accept her for who she is and then practice some deep breathing. Chat with friends and people here about how frustrating it is.

    But totally don't put up with her dishing you too much food. Just calming remove the food and wink at her.
  • lemmie177
    lemmie177 Posts: 479 Member
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    When it comes to my mom's craziness, I take the path of least resistance. Just smile and let her do her thing. I would just stick to your personal goals and if that drives her to do more for herself, that's great. My mom used to do that weird dinner portion thing too. That one hurts a bit because it does seem like overt sabotage, but just leave it on the plate. My mother got annoyed enough after awhile at the leftover food.
  • dutchandkiwi
    dutchandkiwi Posts: 1,389 Member
    edited January 2017
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    lemmie177 wrote: »
    When it comes to my mom's craziness, I take the path of least resistance. Just smile and let her do her thing. I would just stick to your personal goals and if that drives her to do more for herself, that's great. My mom used to do that weird dinner portion thing too. That one hurts a bit because it does seem like overt sabotage, but just leave it on the plate. My mother got annoyed enough after awhile at the leftover food.

    My mother used to do that too - plus tries to get to eat me all kinds of stuff when we visit. I have had to learn to say no. I have had to learn to accept that that is they way she was raised the most food is for others, guests and loved ones need to be given everything you have and then a bit more. I have gone as far as picking up my plate and putting stuff back onto the pots and pans. She told me she felt uncomfortable me doing that. I told her, plating up for me (and more than I asked for) made me feel very uncomfortable.

    The main think though is learning to say no. The saying no sort of used to go like this:
    1. Thanks for the offer, but I decline
    2. No mum thank you
    3. Thank you but no
    4. Mum I said no that you
    5. No mum
    6. I said no!
    7. Mum which part of no is not coming through the N part or the O part?
    By the last one (I used it twice only) she is offended but it gets through. These days she has learned that my no means no and I don't get get past the third no anymore

    Not engaging in the competition whist standing your ground is hard, but really needed
  • lindarpolk
    lindarpolk Posts: 70 Member
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    I live in my mom's basement and rarely use the kitchen upstairs. I refuse to use the kitchen because my mom wants to feel free to leave sweets and other snacks sitting out when she feels like it. I've asked her nicely if we could keep them put away so they're out of sight, never asking her to stop buying or making them. She wants to "keep her lifestyle" instead. It's her house, so I'm not about to tell her what to do. One day when two guests were going to leave town after breakfast, she made three sweet deserts. More than half of all of them were left over, and she left them sitting out all day. Our friend (one of the guests) has also tried to talk to her about this and thinks she does this on purpose. She hides out in the basement sometimes to stay away.

    I could give in and go back to using the kitchen with the refrigerator, which I'm sure would give her the satisfaction of making things so hard for me that I'd give up. I'd rather not give in to her insensitivity and intentional sabotage, and have to resist what she has sitting out (not all the time, but I never know when). I'd rather have more control over my environment and what I end up eating. My sister (who doesn't live with us and is very overweight herself) isn't any help, saying, "Why don't you just give in?" I have tried to talk to my mom about this, but she says she thinks she is already being supportive. I think she enjoys making life difficult for me and others trying to take care of their health.

    I try to choose the healthiest options from the school lunches and stock my locker with V-8, granola and protein bars, fruit cups and Simm's beef sticks. (The school lean't have a snack vending machine, which is a good thing.) At home I eat what will stay fresh on the counter, packaged/canned food or frozen food that I can heat in the microwave. Some foods aren't the healthiest, but I'm on an extremely limited budget. I hope to be eating a lot healthier soon. I'm in the process of applying for a much better paying job so that I could not only have more control over my life, but also afford to pay rent and utilities.

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