Feeling Hopeless.....
GamecockFan14
Posts: 154 Member
I've been trying to lose and maintain weight for as long as I can remember. I'm 32, and I've been trying since at least 9th grade in high school.
My most recent biggest loss was from 280lbs to 202 lbs back in 2013. I gained it all back- plus some. Now, here I sit again. Struggling to find the ways to make it through my days with a smile. Feeling hopeless that I'm not capable of beating this soul crushing issue I have.
I hate being an addict. I hate needing food to live. I can't enjoy it in moderation like most people. That's what always gets me. Whenever I'm doing well with my eating (which is my biggest obstacle since I LOVE to work out. Even now. I work out every day.) , ultimately, I end up giving in to the notion that everyone should eat "everything in moderation". Why is it so hard for people to understand that I can't? I can't eat rice in moderation because it makes me binge eat on other foods. I can't eat pizza in moderation. I can't eat chocolate or cake in moderation. Would people tell a meth addict to do meth in moderation? Hopefully not. Why then, do they push this mentality on me? On us who struggle with this??
My most recent biggest loss was from 280lbs to 202 lbs back in 2013. I gained it all back- plus some. Now, here I sit again. Struggling to find the ways to make it through my days with a smile. Feeling hopeless that I'm not capable of beating this soul crushing issue I have.
I hate being an addict. I hate needing food to live. I can't enjoy it in moderation like most people. That's what always gets me. Whenever I'm doing well with my eating (which is my biggest obstacle since I LOVE to work out. Even now. I work out every day.) , ultimately, I end up giving in to the notion that everyone should eat "everything in moderation". Why is it so hard for people to understand that I can't? I can't eat rice in moderation because it makes me binge eat on other foods. I can't eat pizza in moderation. I can't eat chocolate or cake in moderation. Would people tell a meth addict to do meth in moderation? Hopefully not. Why then, do they push this mentality on me? On us who struggle with this??
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I feel as though I am in a similar situation to yours. In 2010/2011 I was 260 pounds. I changed my diet completely and got to 200. Since about 2014 I've gained all my weight back plus some. I'm tired of being unhealthy, I've pretty much always eaten whatever I wanted and not cared. Seeing my weight steadily rise is depressing, I have trouble eating smaller portions and my will power is just pathetic. I'm trying to make small changes slowly but surely. I find that cutting out certain foods completely makes me more likely to fail and go overboard on eating. I drink a lot of pop, but I've switched it out for mostly water and occasionally Coke Zero so I'm not wasting calories on my drinks. I've only been at this for two weeks but small changes have helped me lose weight so far. It's helpful for me have someone support me through this, maybe there's someone you could try to tackle this with or even talk with people online? I hope this was helpful knowing that you are not alone, this is a difficult and long journey but I'm sure you know it's one to a healthier happier life! Good luck!3
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GamecockFan14 wrote: »Would people tell a meth addict to do meth in moderation? Hopefully not. Why then, do they push this mentality on me? On us who struggle with this??
Well meth isn't food so.....
There's no correlation there. We need food to live. It's not the same thing. People don't require meth to sustain life.
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Everyone requires food to live. It is up to you to want to lose and maintain weight more than you want to get a few moments of satisfaction from eating.11
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GamecockFan14 wrote: »I've been trying to lose and maintain weight for as long as I can remember. I'm 32, and I've been trying since at least 9th grade in high school.
My most recent biggest loss was from 280lbs to 202 lbs back in 2013. I gained it all back- plus some. Now, here I sit again. Struggling to find the ways to make it through my days with a smile. Feeling hopeless that I'm not capable of beating this soul crushing issue I have.
I hate being an addict. I hate needing food to live. I can't enjoy it in moderation like most people. That's what always gets me. Whenever I'm doing well with my eating (which is my biggest obstacle since I LOVE to work out. Even now. I work out every day.) , ultimately, I end up giving in to the notion that everyone should eat "everything in moderation". Why is it so hard for people to understand that I can't? I can't eat rice in moderation because it makes me binge eat on other foods. I can't eat pizza in moderation. I can't eat chocolate or cake in moderation. Would people tell a meth addict to do meth in moderation? Hopefully not. Why then, do they push this mentality on me? On us who struggle with this??
Perhaps get some counseling ? I think I understand what your saying though as I use to eat that way myself. I am still learning. I went on nurtrisystem or I imagine any portioned meal plan would have done, or you can. It has helped me learn to eat less and still allows me plenty veggies to fill up on and snacks, like popcorn, brownies, chocolate ice cream, but they are prepackaged so I only ate the allowed amount. (you will run out if you eat to many then you will have nothing) LOL Anyway it has worked for me but I also set my mind up that I can do this. I think so much of it is your mental outlook so you have to decide to do it. I am in my 60's now so I see how it affected my health. I now will need knee replacement probably due to all the extra weight I put on them plus genetics of course. You can do this when you decide this is what you want.4 -
OP, I try to think of it like this...I can eat anything in moderation if it stays in my calorie and macro goals. If a food is a trigger food and I then eat beyond those goals (read binge), then maybe I can't eat THAT food. You can keep to the "you can eat anything within your goals" AND identify specific trigger foods that you personally avoid because of your personal relationship with that particular food (which is different than cutting out whole food groups because they're "bad for you") although I understand it seems confusing/conflicting. I also understand that the idea of food addiction being conflicting because you have to live to eat. I got some helpful feedback on that lately - it's not food that's the addiction, but your behaviors/patterns with food (such as a binge addiction). That clarified the concept for me, maybe it will help you too. I've been struggling with these concepts lately too, but don't give up - we can do this. Keep at it!10
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Sorry you're feeling so low. Some counselling might be a good idea if you think you genuinely have a problem with food addiction. But if you're feeling really low, maybe you should speak to a doctor about your mood. If you have depression or an anxiety disorder, food can be a way of self-medicating.
On the upside - you've got three big things going for you.
1) You're in the right place. The MFP community will have your back.
2) You're already active and love working out - half the people on this forum would love to have that kind oomph!
2) You KNOW you can do this, because you've done it before. 78lbs! That's fantastic. Think about what worked well for you back then, and what you found difficult to sustain. Then make the adjustments. Don't expect overnight results and take things slow and steady...
You've got this!
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Hey OP, I hear you're struggle. What helps is to start identifying the trigger for the binging, because until you know the underlying issue you can't work to rectify it. Trust me, I was in your shoes (and still struggle with it, although I have a much better understanding now.)
Some things you can try:
When you log your food, also log your time of eating as well as how you're feeling at the time.
Are you actually hungry? How can you tell?
Where do you feel your hunger?
If you're not hungry, then what are you truly trying to feed? For me it's usually stress of some sort, whether that's stress about an upcoming meeting/work related or - well it can be anything really.
If there are certain foods you definitely know you can't eat moderately (right now) simply, stop. Find alternatives, until you get better control of your emotions. Later you might find, hey I can totally just eat 2 slices of pizza and if I want more, I can get more, I don't have to scarf it all down in one go.
Rate your hunger on a scale of 1-10 - after you eat, rate it again. Doing this helps you be more conscious of your bodies natural hunger cues.
That's just a start, give it a go if you like, and maybe it'll help you. The key is just to keep trying, don't let it win!6 -
Stop feeling hopeless.
Grab life by the scruff of the collar and punch it in the nuts. Take some personal responsibility, you don't have to put food in your mouth if you don't want to.
Eat at a calorie deficit.10 -
I'm exactly the same. Fighting my weight since I was a kid. My teen years I was pretty lean thanks to my bike. Once I hit my thirties the weight came on fast. This is the first time I'm actually using the community of MFP to help me.1
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OP, you say you can't eat in moderation. OK-- then you eliminate, and what happens eventually is that you binge, go off the rails, and gain it all back plus some friends. You HAVE to learn to eat in moderation if you want to be successful long term (no more yo-yoing). I'd really work on this if I were you. Alot of people have learned to do it and are successful--do a search. Saying you can't means you don't try. Yes, you may have to eliminate a couple of things for say, a month, but then try to work them in. Keep trying, consistency means getting to goal, but it's not just that, it's keeping the weight off. Good luck.2
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Heres what I did
First off do a complete clean out of any trigger foods and snacks in the house like cake, chocolate, pizza, sugary breakfast cereal, fizzy drinks etc and bin any takeout menus and stock your cupboards with foods that you have to cook from scratch, also (if you're like me) don't make big portions thinking I'll have half today half tomorrow (I always go back and finish the lot) Also never go food shopping hungry and plan your meals in advance in your diary.
Secondly set yourself achievable goals, work out your TDEE (what cals you need to maintain your current weight) and BMR (what cals your body burns just sustaining your organs) and eat between those two figures to lose, don't feel you have to eat 1200 cals it is far too restrictive for most people and you may end up cracking and binging, as long as you're under your TDEE you WILL lose, as long as you log accurately.
Thirdly remember the process will take months to see changes and is a lifelong lifestyle change, however if you feel you may have disordered eating or a bad relationship to food definitely consider speaking to a professional and getting counseling.
And last but not least you've done this before you can do it again, don't give up and good luck.
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alyssa0061 wrote: »GamecockFan14 wrote: »Would people tell a meth addict to do meth in moderation? Hopefully not. Why then, do they push this mentality on me? On us who struggle with this??
Well meth isn't food so.....
There's no correlation there. We need food to live. It's not the same thing. People don't require meth to sustain life.
I am pretty sure the correlation that OP is trying to make is that she is addicted to food, and just as you wouldn't tell an addict of a drug to have it in moderation, it is hard to have food in moderation when you have a food addiction. The main issue with that is we actually need food to survive.
ETA: Not everyone is blessed with using food for its intention which is to simply fuel our body. A lot of people see food as a coping mechanism, a boredom buster, a friend, and the only thing in life that brings them joy. Is this wrong???...of course. Is it that easy to say ok I know this is wrong I will stop??...ask the people on the show of "My 600 pound life" if it is that easy.
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GamecockFan14 wrote: »I've been trying to lose and maintain weight for as long as I can remember. I'm 32, and I've been trying since at least 9th grade in high school.
My most recent biggest loss was from 280lbs to 202 lbs back in 2013. I gained it all back- plus some. Now, here I sit again. Struggling to find the ways to make it through my days with a smile. Feeling hopeless that I'm not capable of beating this soul crushing issue I have.
I hate being an addict. I hate needing food to live. I can't enjoy it in moderation like most people. That's what always gets me. Whenever I'm doing well with my eating (which is my biggest obstacle since I LOVE to work out. Even now. I work out every day.) , ultimately, I end up giving in to the notion that everyone should eat "everything in moderation". Why is it so hard for people to understand that I can't? I can't eat rice in moderation because it makes me binge eat on other foods. I can't eat pizza in moderation. I can't eat chocolate or cake in moderation. Would people tell a meth addict to do meth in moderation? Hopefully not. Why then, do they push this mentality on me? On us who struggle with this??
You don't have to eat everything in moderation. It's a great strategy for some people, but for others it doesn't work at all. In other cases, after eliminating a food for awhile, people are able to add it back in.
Everyone does things a little different. My husband and I both use different approaches to tasks that work best for the way our brains work, and that doesn't make one way the "correct" way, especially when the same end result is achieved. So why would we have the same approach to eating?
I know you've heard the same lines about moderation - "are you really not going to eat (insert food here) for the rest of your life?" It's a little silly when you think about it - you don't eat foods you don't like for the rest of your life, even though others might love them, and you end up just fine. So why wouldn't you apply the same idea to foods which don't benefit you in any way?
If you would prefer to eliminate a food from your diet because that's what you need to be successful, then do it. Weight loss takes time, which means you'll have plenty of opportunity to work on why you overeat certain foods and decide what foods you really want in your life. You can experiment by trying to add foods back in if you want. Or, you could try alternative recipes for those foods that use different ingredients and see if that is a good workaround. Or, you might decide that you want the real deal, but you make a point of having it on a special occasion only or when you have planned ahead to leave plenty of extra calories.
Do what works for you and don't worry about how anyone else thinks you should do it.3 -
First of all I sympathize with you. When I was taking my nursing classes we learned the SUGAR is the most addictive thing on the planet. The fact that you work out seemingly just as much as you binge makes me think that you may need to get some professional help. Something in your life could be causing your actions when it comes to food. Even more to that point maybe someone in your life is causing you to yo yo-yo and eat this way. The most important person in your life is you. So I say get some help and keep working out. Surround yourself with people with the same goals. Get someone to partner with you. I think you should even try to meal prep. Maybe that will help you make healthier choices if you stack the right foods in your fridge and portion them out that just might help you. Don't stress just keep moving and remember your are the most important person in your life.2
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What if... you stop trying, and start committing.
Stop struggling and pretending, and start feeling and expressing your feelings. Just feeling sorry for yourself makes everything harder.
Stop seeing yourself as hopeless and a victim and an addict. Start taking action. Do whatever works for you. Find out what works for you regardless of what other people have told you. Maybe you'll discover something new.7 -
Wow, I felt like I was reading my own weight loss/gain story! I first came to MFP back in 2011. My start weight was 273 and I managed to lose 83 lbs, which brought me down to 190. I maintain that weight loss for well over a year!! It wasn't until 2015/2016 that I went food crazy again. I fell into a depression and let's just say that today I weigh 270 lbs. I basically gained all my weight back! I wanted to let you know that you are not on this journey alone! I, too, feel upset on most days. I let my weight control my mood. I avoid social activities and dating because I am disappointed in how I look and feel. I'd rather sit at home and eat inside of going out. When I do go out, I fake smile but I'm miserable the whole time. At least we both have acknowledged that we have a problem with food and at least we are here and TRYING to do something about it. I have not figured out what the solution is (obviously), but I won't stop trying until I do. I do know that we have control over food and it doesn't have control over us. WE control what foods we put in our mouths everyday...we just have to make better choices. I truly believe that this is the time we will overcome this food addiction for once and for all! 3
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I am a stress eater so when I am really stressed just about anything I can get in my mouth will do. I have been tracking my food in take but find that I can not even reach my calorie intake. Most of the time I am to low, as I am very conscious of every little thing I eat to be sure I stay in the range. This in itself in very stressful. After I enter my exercise for the day then I have a even bigger gap as the calories I have burned are then added back to the amount I need to reach. I can feel the others pain in this discussion but I feel that I am just going in a circle and never accomplishing anything. I am looking for suggestions to break the circle.2
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alyssa0061 wrote: »GamecockFan14 wrote: »Would people tell a meth addict to do meth in moderation? Hopefully not. Why then, do they push this mentality on me? On us who struggle with this??
Well meth isn't food so.....
There's no correlation there. We need food to live. It's not the same thing. People don't require meth to sustain life.
I am pretty sure the correlation that OP is trying to make is that she is addicted to food, and just as you wouldn't tell an addict of a drug to have it in moderation, it is hard to have food in moderation when you have a food addiction. The main issue with that is we actually need food to survive.
You're missing the point.2 -
Have you sought professional help or a support group for your binge eating problem? If you don't develop new tools to change your behavior and new coping skills you will repeat your pattern.
You might need to do this process in more steps.
In terms of weight loss, set your goal for no more than 1 lb a week. Then just start logging everything you consume as accurately as you can.
Plan meals. Try pre-logging food so you can see if a food meets your goals. Stick to your calorie deficit as best you can.
Work on meeting your protein goal and eating more vegetables.
If you have trouble moderating certain foods you can abstain from eating them or find lower calorie substitutes. If rice is an issue you might try cauliflower rice. There are lots of great meals that don't have rice. I'm going to guess you can moderate some foods just fine so focus on those.
Give it time. You have an issue that will take time to change in a sustainable way. Don't expect perfect every day. Learn to log, look at it and move on.3 -
I'm right where you are. Same age. Same issue with liking food too much and binging on carbs. Same amount of weight gained after a loss.
Right now, I'm in the beginning stages of getting professional help for this. Therapy and medication work wonders. After just a month of treatment, I've lost about 10 pounds. My issues with food are highly emotional, and I never realized it.
After doing an assessment, I realized something about weight loss/maintenance/etc. The key to success is to NEVER give up. When I went through my best streak of weight loss back in 2010-2011, I had good days and bad days. If I had a day where I went WAY over my caloric allotment, I just started over again the next day and moved on. Honestly, it's better to mess up and fix it the next day. Pretty soon it becomes routine to do better, and your good days start to outnumber the bad.
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alyssa0061 wrote: »GamecockFan14 wrote: »Would people tell a meth addict to do meth in moderation? Hopefully not. Why then, do they push this mentality on me? On us who struggle with this??
Well meth isn't food so.....
There's no correlation there. We need food to live. It's not the same thing. People don't require meth to sustain life.
I think you missed the point. There is, indeed, a correlation.
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Thank you all for your replies and help. I love getting feedback that isn't sugar coated (no pun intended). Food addiction is very real and something I've struggled with my whole life. I'm absolutely going to take all of your advice into consideration. Thank y'all so much!!2
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Wow, I totally remember feeling like that. My all time high weight was 251. I'm only 5'5" tall so I was pretty big. At 59 years of age with 60 looming I decided I was done. I had done Atkins, Bernstein, HCG, Weight Watchers, US Ski team diet and even had a Lapband. NOTHING worked. I hated the gym and hated paying for it. One night I was at a church meeting and a couple of the ladies had lost weight and I thought to myself, I'm sick of being the fattest one. So I went back to Weight Watchers at first then they changed their program yet again and I got angry. I decided I would just find what worked for me. I started eating healthy and counting my calories. At this point I started at 233 pounds (Before removing the lapband I had lost 31 pounds and maintained almost 20 of that loss). After the first couple of months I realized I needed to add some sort of exercise. I hated the gym but loved to walk. I bought a Garmin Vivofit 2 and used it to track my steps. In the beginning I started with 4000 steps a day. I'm still only at 8000 but some days exceed that. I've now lost an additional 73 pounds (it took me a year). My eating habits have changed and most importantly I feel like I can live the rest of my life eating this way. That's the key. You have to quit seeing a diet as a temporary thing and lose slowly eating in a fashion you can sustain for life. I admit I'm not done losing yet (I have 25 pounds to go) and I hope I continue to feel this way. You've already proven to yourself you can do it. Just take it slowly and change your habits slowly. You CAN do this and we are all here to support you!7
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I haven't read the whole thread but I'll tell you this is a subject that gets debated here often.
I personally have had to give up certain trigger foods in order to stay on track. I try to add them back in in moderation once every few months or so and if they cause me to spin out of control...back out they go.
My personal horcruxes are brownies, soft cookies, and alcohol. Alcohol is gone for good now...I've realized I'm just happier and healthier without it. We'll have to see about the rest.2 -
First of all I sympathize with you. When I was taking my nursing classes we learned the SUGAR is the most addictive thing on the planet. The fact that you work out seemingly just as much as you binge makes me think that you may need to get some professional help. Something in your life could be causing your actions when it comes to food. Even more to that point maybe someone in your life is causing you to yo yo-yo and eat this way. The most important person in your life is you. So I say get some help and keep working out. Surround yourself with people with the same goals. Get someone to partner with you. I think you should even try to meal prep. Maybe that will help you make healthier choices if you stack the right foods in your fridge and portion them out that just might help you. Don't stress just keep moving and remember your are the most important person in your life.
Then your nursing school should get its accreditation pulled, as that is factually wrong and indefensible,4 -
You don't have to eat everything in moderation just because someone tells you to. Take control of your own diet and life. Do what works for you and don't worry what others think. You'll go crazy trying to make others happy. Just focus on you.
And there are others like you. You see posts like this all the time on here. Find some like-minded friends for support (if you want) and forget those that can't or won't understand your struggles. Live your life!
Best of luck to you.1 -
Avoid trigger foods! I can have certain things in moderation just fine- like chips and cheese... but some things I cannot even have in the house such as chocolate, sweet baked goods, pasta, candy, etc. Because I will eat them to excess and the cravings are impossible to ignore- having just a little or 1 serving a day is impossible.
It sounds like you know what your trigger foods are, so DONT try to eat those in moderation- just don't eat them at all,
Other than that just eat within your calorie goal, try to hit your macros, and keep up with the exercise.
You can lose the weight again, you could even get to a slim healthy weight and maintain it if you just do that.
Take control of what goes in your mouth and how much. I used to think of food and calories the way you do but I found cutting out trigger foods and being ever vigilant and aware of my eating habits and thinking of food as fuel really does help.
Pizza and chocolate and cake are like meth to a meth addict for you, so don't have them. But I bet broccoli and chicken and brown rice are more like gasoline to a car- fuel. Right?? Just eat for fuel until you get a handle on your addiction.
It's possible some day you may be able to have those off limit foods again in moderation, but it might not be for years, or til you have lost all the weight, or still possibly never. But for now cut them out and make your health a priority.3 -
I've talked to a therapist about this issue before. For me I would eat-->binge-->feel guilty and then the cycle continues because guilt is many times used as a "cop out" to not make a sustainable change.
She asked me to identify what I would eat that triggered that "can't stop" feeling. We narrowed it down to refined carbs. White pasta, pizza, potatoes, ect. So she said instead of beating yourself up because I don't have self control view it as a medical issue. Certain carbs have addictive components that your body literally gets addicted to or has withdraws from. She said instead of white pasta do whole wheat and see if it changes that feeling of not being able to put a stop to things. View staying away from those refined carbs as medically necessary. Obviously I'm not never going to cut out completely but I feel much more in control now. It took the guilt away in that I stopped thinking I was so stupid because I had no self control and started viewing certain foods as actually addictive and steered clear.
Idk if this makes sense or helps but I hope it does.
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That "closet" person is the kind of people I am talking about. Random and useless, if you have any around lose them.
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