Unintentionally unsupportive spouse?

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  • animatorswearbras
    animatorswearbras Posts: 1,001 Member
    I'm really sorry but I think he's intentionally sabotaging by the sounds of your conversations where he's saying he doesn't want you to lose weight, however I think hes doing it out of either insecurity (he thinks you'll end up too out of his league) or guilt/jealousy (he has extra weight and you are making him think about it) rather then pure contempt, either which way and as lovely as he is it is actually a form of control over you and at its worse is a form of abuse, like husbands who won't let their wives wear makeup for the same reasons.

    The mildest approach would be educating him about weight related disease you're trying to avoid, maybe even obtaining a letter from your doctor, with the doctor telling you you HAVE to lose weight (an authoritative figure might kick some sense into him) however you may need to think about counseling if his self esteem is reliant on you being unhealthy. xxx good luck.
  • trigden1991
    trigden1991 Posts: 4,658 Member
    Tacklewasher wrote: »
    trigden1991 wrote: »
    I don't discuss my training or diet with colleagues/friends/familys/gf unless they specifically ask. Most people have an opinion which is normally not helpful or wrong. If you are motivated to do it, then do it! Good luck on your journey.

    I had to tell my wife I'm doing this my way. She kept telling me every thing that came into her FB feed. Yeah it caused some tension, but I am going to eat my baby carrots and ignore anything Taube related. I can be smug about it now because she is happy I've lost the weight.

    The amount of "that's not healthy", "why don't you do this", "you should replace X with Y", is unreal. I ignore it all knowing that I am losing fat, maintaining muscle and getting to where I want to be.
  • Juliadoesyoga
    Juliadoesyoga Posts: 13 Member
    You can try to tell him that you need his help in loosing weight. He might understand...
  • Queenmunchy
    Queenmunchy Posts: 3,380 Member
    CattOfTheGarage wrote: »
    newmeadow wrote: »
    losingitandkeepingitoff wrote: »
    Thanks everyone! I've read each and every comment here and I believe I'm going to try and just do my thing and say 'thank you' when he compliments me "as I am" and see where it goes. I appreciate all of the advice and input! :)

    Okay, but when he eats Doritos and ice cream in front of you and you find that upsetting, make sure you make another thread for that.

    Doritos and ice cream? That doesn't sound like a good combo.

    That sounds delicious...

    [I'm pregnant]
  • sbrandt37
    sbrandt37 Posts: 403 Member
    You don't have to justify anything to him. Just let him know that you are doing this for yourself, it is important to you, and that you would very much appreciate his support in reaching your goal. Let him know the things he does that make it hard for you to do that and how it makes you feel. Make specific requests about positive things he can do to support you.
  • trvrmagz
    trvrmagz Posts: 9 Member
    I think you've heard some good comments on here specifically @ninerbuff response. I'm not going to speculate on intentional vs unintentional sabotage but I''ll give you another take (from a male perspective) that hasn't really been brought up. Not sure how to put it PC, but some men like their women with a little more "meat on their bones". He may or may not be one of those men, but I wouldn't just automatically assume he's insecure or jealous. Good luck!
  • apullum
    apullum Posts: 4,838 Member
    All of his comments seem focused on what *he* thinks about your body, not what *you* think about your body. He's also trying to sabotage your weight loss efforts by giving you food that he knows will be difficult for you to resist, that you have asked him not to give you, and then pressuring you to eat it. That doesn't seem kind to me. That seems selfish on his part, as he's trying to control your own choices about your body. I also don't think it sounds like this behavior is unintentional, since you have told him (repeatedly, from what you said) that you don't want the food he is pressuring you to eat.

    You can emphasize that you appreciate his support no matter what you look like, but you are making a choice to change your body based on what *you* think about it. Let him know that you would prefer he show his love for you in ways that don't involve buying you food--perhaps doing an activity you both enjoy, or cooking a meal together, or giving non-food gifts. Invite him to go for a walk or hike, play tennis, go dancing, some kind of exercise you can do together. Ask him to help you plan nutritious meals--what sort of fruits or veggies does he like, what kinds of foods is he interested in trying for the first time? Above all, though, he needs to respect your decisions about your own body.
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