Alone

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Tretop76
Tretop76 Posts: 256 Member
in Motivation and Support
Lately I'm alone in everything. How do you deal with:
Kids not listening (chores, curfews, responsibilities)
Husband withdrawing (I have to be the disciplinary and the bad guy all the time)
Trying to get daughter to eat healthy without causing a disorder or nagging her....
It's all so overwhelming and I am the only one who seems to care.
Maybe I'm the one with the problem?! It seems that way lately.

Replies

  • ninthnarnian
    ninthnarnian Posts: 237 Member
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    Wow- that's tough. Love them all- and do the best you can.

    Vent as needed!

    Be a very steady person with your kids.
    A (action) =B (consequence), No means No etc.

    I've heard it said "be a soft place to fall for your Husband"

    Maybe if he feels needed etc (not assuming he doesn't) he will be more likely to help you?

    I don't have much advice- but I just want you to know someone cares. :)
  • brandi8484
    brandi8484 Posts: 96 Member
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    AuntFreesa wrote: »
    Lately I'm alone in everything. How do you deal with:
    Kids not listening (chores, curfews, responsibilities)
    Husband withdrawing (I have to be the disciplinary and the bad guy all the time)
    Trying to get daughter to eat healthy without causing a disorder or nagging her....
    It's all so overwhelming and I am the only one who seems to care.
    Maybe I'm the one with the problem?! It seems that way lately.

    OMG! I am in the same exact boat as you! I feel like they are getting further & further from me! I have this ideal plan in my head that once I am on track and more successful, that they will follow, but... it's not happening like that.

  • Tretop76
    Tretop76 Posts: 256 Member
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    Thank you! I needed to hear and know those two last words in your message to me.
    ninthnarnian wrote: »


    I don't have much advice- but I just want you to know someone cares. :)

  • Tretop76
    Tretop76 Posts: 256 Member
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    I don't want to change my husband, I want support from him and I want to feel like a family without me feeling so guilty about being the disciplinary all the time.
    I don't want to feel unloved because no one listens to me or they get upset at me when I nag about "if they did their daily chores".
    I don't want everyone doing their own thing all of the time and not interacting with each other. I don't know how this all came about, but at some point, it did. And if it's not fixed soon, I'm afraid I am just going to move forward with or without them.
    I've devoted my whole life to my kids and husband and although I am very proud of them, I'm left so empty.....I guess just venting has helped me realize in this moment what needs to happen.
  • Cahgetsfit
    Cahgetsfit Posts: 1,912 Member
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    Gah. Difficult. I have just the one kid but even so - trying to educate without just yelling and stuff like that ugh.. hard work. Husband - things had been worse but better now.

    Anyway - you've had some good advice here and I just wanted to send you some virtual hugs :)
  • distinctlybeautiful
    distinctlybeautiful Posts: 1,041 Member
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    Maybe there's a way to change how you communicate with your family, some way they might be more responsive to. This is not to say you're doing anything wrong! I'm just thinking that if you're the only one unhappy with the situation and willing to work to change it, you might try adjusting somehow. With your husband, do you focus on how you feel or what he's not doing/what you want him to do when y'all talk?
  • LeeBGoode
    LeeBGoode Posts: 30 Member
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    I don't have much to add, other than to say that this community can be a great source of support :smile:
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
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    All I can say is: been there done that. I have 3 sons-30, 29 and 23. When they were teens, I was right where you are now. I was the disciplinarian "you're so mean", while my husband was the "good cop". Once they hit their 20's things got better, and now I laugh when they're discussing someone having trouble with their kids "they let them do whatever they want, what did they expect? or those kids never had any discipline". Just try to stay the course. It will pass. Try to do something nice for yourself once and awhile--you deserve it.
  • MsAmandaNJ
    MsAmandaNJ Posts: 1,248 Member
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    Have you talked to your husband about how you feel? It took me a long time, but I finally opened up - I was stressed and pulling away, as was he. He thought I liked "doing everything" because I'm a bit of a control freak, I thought he liked skipping out on responsibility because he's lazy. What came out of the conversation was a much better understanding of one another, our needs became apparent and our partnership has balanced.
  • Kelley0519
    Kelley0519 Posts: 254 Member
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    I say try to find a personal, positive outlet to deal with the stress. Do you like working out? I didn't when I first started, but now I love it! It helps me to fully focus on me and relieve stress in a positive way that's very beneficial to my body and health. I'm not married, but I am a full-time single parent, full-time employee, and part-time student at college. I know how it feels to be overwhelmed at times!
  • Geocitiesuser
    Geocitiesuser Posts: 1,429 Member
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    Self reliance.
  • Tretop76
    Tretop76 Posts: 256 Member
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    Thank you!!! Means a lot!

    snowflake954 wrote: »
    All I can say is: been there done that. I have 3 sons-30, 29 and 23. When they were teens, I was right where you are now. I was the disciplinarian "you're so mean", while my husband was the "good cop". Once they hit their 20's things got better, and now I laugh when they're discussing someone having trouble with their kids "they let them do whatever they want, what did they expect? or those kids never had any discipline". Just try to stay the course. It will pass. Try to do something nice for yourself once and awhile--you deserve it.

  • Tretop76
    Tretop76 Posts: 256 Member
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    This was awesome of you! Thank you!
    Cahgetsfit wrote: »
    Anyway - you've had some good advice here and I just wanted to send you some virtual hugs :)

  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,262 Member
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    It's overwhelming I know that feeling
    A friend of mine told me to pick my battles I will always remember that
    Make your list and work your way through it
    Make sure your getting your me time too, gym, long walk etc to clear your head
    Take care
  • carmatiz
    carmatiz Posts: 124 Member
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    Just Try and not get to frustrated.
    Keep trying and taking it day by day.
    Attempt to Change things up.
    Try fun and silly ways and it may just work.
  • ldowdesw
    ldowdesw Posts: 222 Member
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    Don't be to hard on yourself. There is no idyllic family life, we all just have to muddle through I'm afraid. If everyone else is pleasing themselves, don't be afraid of taking some time out for you xx

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