How to deal with social situations?

Morgaen73
Morgaen73 Posts: 2,817 Member
edited November 15 in Motivation and Support
Three and a half years ago I weighed 162kg. Since then I have lost 60kg thanks to calorie counting.

The problem is that it has made me a bit obsessed to the point where I avoid anything social for fear of losing control and over-eating.

"Just exercise portion control" sounds fine and well till I am in the situation and faced with food that is yummy and that I don't usually eat. Then I tend to binge which makes me pick up weight which then takes time to work back off again.

My "fear" of social eating has impacted on my relationship with my wife. Don't get me wrong, she is in this with me but she is happy at her current weight while I still want to lose another 13kg. Our lack of a social life bothers her because there is no spontaneity anymore. She wants to book us for supper at a restaurant and my first reactions "no" because then I wont know how many calories I'm eating and I cant have that.

So how do I fix this? How do I maintain control in a situation where I have no idea how many calories I'm stuffing down my throat while keeping myself from stressing about it so we can actually enjoy ourselves ... and then still not overeat?

Replies

  • H_Ock12
    H_Ock12 Posts: 1,152 Member
    Plan a day or two ahead and bank some calories up for your restaurant dinner. Maybe eat a bit less during the day to give you more dinner calories. Many restaurants have nutritional info on their websites, so that may help you. And if they don't, chose an entry that is similar to what you're eating...It may not be exact, but it'll be a rough estimate.
  • Morgaen73
    Morgaen73 Posts: 2,817 Member
    MotherOfSharpei wrote: »
    Plan a day or two ahead and bank some calories up for your restaurant dinner. Maybe eat a bit less during the day to give you more dinner calories. Many restaurants have nutritional info on their websites, so that may help you. And if they don't, chose an entry that is similar to what you're eating...It may not be exact, but it'll be a rough estimate.

    Thank you :) The whole "menu with nutritional info" thing has not really caught on yet. Some of the bigger fast food chains are doing it but it is not as wide spread as the US.

    I should plan you are right but we are going to a bbq and inevitably there will be someone saying "go on have another one, it wont kill you" or "we left that one just for you and it will go to waste otherwise".

    I dont drink so I've opted for zero calorie iced tea instead of the soda that is usually available. But the meat and bread ... oooohhh the meat and bread lol
  • TerryMyfitbitsnbobs
    TerryMyfitbitsnbobs Posts: 238 Member
    edited February 2017
    Morgaen73 wrote: »
    Three and a half years ago I weighed 162kg. Since then I have lost 60kg thanks to calorie counting.

    The problem is that it has made me a bit obsessed to the point where I avoid anything social for fear of losing control and over-eating.

    "Just exercise portion control" sounds fine and well till I am in the situation and faced with food that is yummy and that I don't usually eat. Then I tend to binge which makes me pick up weight which then takes time to work back off again.

    My "fear" of social eating has impacted on my relationship with my wife. Don't get me wrong, she is in this with me but she is happy at her current weight while I still want to lose another 13kg. Our lack of a social life bothers her because there is no spontaneity anymore. She wants to book us for supper at a restaurant and my first reactions "no" because then I wont know how many calories I'm eating and I cant have that.

    So how do I fix this? How do I maintain control in a situation where I have no idea how many calories I'm stuffing down my throat while keeping myself from stressing about it so we can actually enjoy ourselves ... and then still not overeat?

    I feel your pain only too well. Christmas, I put on 11lb; Daughter's Birthday I put on 4lb. I'm still losing though, but it's so disappointing to yoyo after so much hard work. The important thing though, is the marathon rather than the sprint. Your marathon is going very well, so pat yourself on the back on a job well done. My personal pain at the moment is losing 2.5st (35lb) to get from 25.5st (357lb) to just below the milestone mark of 23st (322lb) only to put a bit back and am now hovering over the 23st mark unable to get below because I'm now exercising and am putting muscle on which is heavier than the fat coming off. I will get there though without any doubt. The long goal is the whole point. It is just sometimes a pain to climb out of the sand dune of social situations.
  • distinctlybeautiful
    distinctlybeautiful Posts: 1,041 Member
    Maybe you could try looking at it a bit differently. Because the reality is that while you won't know exactly how many calories you're eating, you won't have no idea either. You've been doing this for three years, so I'm assuming you have some sense of how many calories are in things. I'm also assuming you haven't been perfect with you eating for that entire time, so you probably know that a day or a meal here and there isn't going to derail all your progress. I think it's just a matter of being ok with a little bit of unknown without throwing caution to the wind under the guise of it being impossible to know how many calories you're eating anyway. I think you've got to find a middle ground, and I think it's just going to take some practice to feel comfortable with it.
  • unrelentingminx
    unrelentingminx Posts: 231 Member
    Firstly, congratulations on your fantastic loss!

    Although not all restaurants have their nutritional information on their restaurant menu, a lot are starting to put them on their websites (I'm in UK). Some restaurants are also starting to cater for people who are looking for something lighter by offering sub-500 calorie meals etc. Although doing a bit of research beforehand wouldn't quite be as spontaneous as your wife might like, at least you could both go out in the knowledge that you will both be able to find something that isn't going to make you either overeat or feel guilty.

    Alternatively, you could eat anywhere and try to acknowledge that one 'bad' meal does not break over 3 years of lifestyle choices. It's only when there are more indulgent meals than calorie controlled ones that it becomes an issue. And just because you don't know the exact calorie content doesn't mean you can't make smart choices. If a meal comes with a sauce, ask for the sauce to be served seperately so you add just a little (same for salad dressings), opt for new/boiled potatoes rather than chips or mash, anything fried is likely to be worse than grilled etc.

    Food should be enjoyable and that's what eating out should be about. You have made a significant lifestyle change, but it shouldn't force you from avoiding food in social settings forever.
  • dutchandkiwi
    dutchandkiwi Posts: 1,389 Member
    I understand the feeling - I eat out ess than I used to but I never gave it up - I enjoy it too much. If I know ahead of time I also bank some calories. It works well.
    I have also learned what I can do even if the nutritional value is not on the menu.
    Soups and salads may often be my dish of choice. When it comes to soup and salads I ask for the bread and dressing on the side. That way I can decide on whether to use it.
    Fish is often a reasonably safe choice.
    Another; if you go to a place where you know the potions are huge; order a starter as a main. Saved me a fair few times from overeating :wink:
    Plus there is always the doggy bag option. After all, if somebody put it on your plate you are under no obligation to eat it all.

    And last but not least; Every three or four months I really have a dinner out and I really do not care about the calories - I cna look forward to it for weeks and savour it for weeks. I just log it as 2,500 calories and get on with life. Usually my body is in shock so much that my digestive system is going into controlled overdrive.

    So plan it, enjoy it and take your lessons learned over time with you. Learn to trust yourself
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  • Rincewind_1965
    Rincewind_1965 Posts: 639 Member
    Two possible ways to handle this (for me) are:

    1) Ignore: One day will not ruin your project if you stay on track before and after.
    This usually goes with the method suggested by @MotherOfSharpei (Restrict to roughly known meals, but avoid the high-energy stuff, don't eat more than you would at home).

    2) Elimination by workout: There is not much that couldn't be fixed by a 3 hrs ride on a road-race-bike.
    This is best made before the "social situation", afterwards is harder and requires a lot more self-discipline.
  • Ohwhynot
    Ohwhynot Posts: 356 Member
    unrelentingminx wrote: »
    Alternatively, you could eat anywhere and try to acknowledge that one 'bad' meal does not break over 3 years of lifestyle choices. It's only when there are more indulgent meals than calorie controlled ones that it becomes an issue. And just because you don't know the exact calorie content doesn't mean you can't make smart choices. If a meal comes with a sauce, ask for the sauce to be served seperately so you add just a little (same for salad dressings), opt for new/boiled potatoes rather than chips or mash, anything fried is likely to be worse than grilled etc.

    Food should be enjoyable and that's what eating out should be about. You have made a significant lifestyle change, but it shouldn't force you from avoiding food in social settings forever.

    So much of this. Let go of the control for a night out with your wife. You both deserve it. Then, back on the wagon right after dinner. That's not to say you should eat a whole rack of ribs and a bucket of butter, but one meal will not be your undoing. You have to enjoy life and find that balance.
  • tinkerbellang83
    tinkerbellang83 Posts: 9,142 Member
    Morgaen73 wrote: »

    So how do I fix this? How do I maintain control in a situation where I have no idea how many calories I'm stuffing down my throat while keeping myself from stressing about it so we can actually enjoy ourselves ... and then still not overeat?

    Try and factor it in to your normal calorie intake by having a lighter lunch or breakfast, or reducing snacking (if the menu doesn't allow, eat at maintenance, one day won't hurt) do a bit more exercise that day/week.
    • If you're going to a restaurant that's not far away - walk.
    • If you have to drive out to somewhere - park further away.
    • Taking the bus - get off a stop earlier.
    • Do an extra workout that week.

    If there isn't nutritional info there or there isn't something similar already in the database, try and 'deconstruct' the meal by ingredients and add an extra 200 quick add calories to compensate for restaurant butter/oil usage.

    Drink plenty of water the next day to combat additional water weight from higher sodium intake.

  • Morgaen73
    Morgaen73 Posts: 2,817 Member
    Thank you very much :)
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