Impatient at 2 lbs/week

did you gain it at 2lbs a week?

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This is the 3rd thread of this ilk I've seen you start. Please stop posting threads on an Internet message board expecting different answers and schedule an appointment with a professional. I'm truly concerned for you mental well-being at this point.

RickyCoogin wrote: »

I know everyone says 2 lbs a week is the absolute max you're supposed to lose, but does anyone else with a lot of weight to lose get impatient? I have 60-75 lbs to lose and I hate that I've got to wait like eight months before I can start dating.

I have to agree with Annie on this. Why do you need to wait? You probably won't be happy with someone who would judge you based on weight anyways. What if, God forbid, something happened that limited your mobility and you gained it all back?

It's not your weight that is the problem, it's your confidence in your worth. I do understand where you are coming from though. I have to fight the internal urge not to aim for more. I don't want to look like a deflated balloon.

I'm not saying don't lose the weight, but don't do it to be pleasing to others.. do it for you. I dated 4 guys over 400lbs when I was fit. I liked their intelligence and confidence. Someone will like you for you.

RickyCoogin wrote: »

I don't want to date a woman who finds me attractive as I look right now, and I don't think it's wrong for a woman to want a slim, attractive mate just as much as a man does. Looks are what usually gets your foot in the door.

This is about pleasing both of us. If I thought I looked attractive, I wouldn't be on this site.

You've made that clear. It's not actually relevant to the point at hand. It's your "why" but doesn't have an impact on "how" or "when" which all we can give useful advice about since you are not willing to change your "why".

RickyCoogin wrote: »

I don't want to date a woman who finds me attractive as I look right now, and I don't think it's wrong for a woman to want a slim, attractive mate just as much as a man does. Looks are what usually gets your foot in the door.

This is about pleasing both of us. If I thought I looked attractive, I wouldn't be on this site.

It's not about them finding you physically attractive now (I didn't think the guys I dated looked attractive at all and I did my best to encourage them to diet), it's about finding someone who isn't going to leave you just because your looks are deteriorating. There is nothing wrong with having a type. I have a type. Everyone has a type! And in a perfect world everyone would find their perfect type. But you get what you pay for. And if shallow is what you seek, you will be right back on here making red flag posts because you couldn't keep her. You can find your type now that accepts you as you are but loves you enough not to let you stay that way. Then when you are so old you are bed ridden, she won't care about your wrinkles or weight. At the moment I kinda feel sorry for whoever you end up with. She will be getting a shallow basket case.

I met my husband when I was extra large and he liked me that way. I decided to get to a healthy weight and he supported my plans. He's the same goofy, sweet guy I met fifteen years ago and we still are each other's best friends.

I say don't wait to date and make friends. Challenge your disordered thinking and stop blaming the scale.

RickyCoogin wrote: »

There's no way I'm attempting to date looking like this. I'm not saying I don't go out with friends, but I don't want to date a girl who'd have to settle for someone my size.

No matter what weight that you are do you really want to date someone that "settles" for you?

To answer your first question...YES...most everyone gets impatient at some point especially at first.

IMO...many of us at one time or another has body image issues. I have them myself. There are a couple of issues that I have...one I can fix...the other I can't.

Does that issue bother me...yes. There were times at first that I thought what was the use in trying to lose weight and get fit. There were times that I thought losing weight was pointless. Matter of fact the more weight that I lost the more pronounced that my "body deformity" became.

Here were my choices...I could stay fat and sedentary...or...I could lose the weight, become fitter, be able to do the things that I wanted to be able to do. I chose to lose the weight and become fitter.

Not a day goes by that I don't look in the mirror and am reminded that I can't change what I see. Not a day goes by that I don't also realize how much healthier and happier that I am without all the extra weight.

The choice is yours Ricky...you can wallow in self-pity or you can put aside your self-pity and work toward becoming the best that you can be with what you got to work with.

None of us will ever be perfect...but we can be better than what we were yesterday.

RickyCoogin wrote: »

My frustration in this thread is with how slow it will take

Instead of focusing on how long it's going to take, focus on how far you've come.

For example, instead of saying "I have 70 lbs to lose and it's going to take at least a year!!"
say "Wow, I've lost 10 lbs and it's only been 4 weeks!!"

It's all about perspective.

Yeah, it sucks that weight loss isn't instantaneous. But that's the reality of it. You need to get a hobby or interest other than obsessing about your weight or baldness or height.

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You could speed up your weight loss and lose all your muscle mass and be unhealthy. Women love that.

RickyCoogin wrote: »

I know everyone says 2 lbs a week is the absolute max you're supposed to lose, but does anyone else with a lot of weight to lose get impatient? I have 60-75 lbs to lose and I hate that I've got to wait like eight months before I can start dating.

Oh gosh.....been there, done that. I thought I could not do anything at all while fat, much less date. I mean, why would anybody want to be with me, the fat girl? As if all of my attributes were hidden just because I was fat.

Fat was the reason I put up that wall between me and men, and even between me and other people. Shoot, I made sure I even kept my friends list small to ensure that I had skinny friends to try and change me into a thin person. This validated my own low self esteem.

Fat was the reason I could not excel in my job. After all, a fat employee working with clients, or taking any leadership roles? I mean, come on. Nobody likes a fat employee!

Fat was the reason I could do not do many of the things I wanted to do--speak my mind (who would listen to a fat person?), go running (I'd probably fall and break the ground, or people would laugh at me), why I couldn't........and the list goes on.

So, just like you, I let fat stand in my way of living in the here and now. I used it as an excuse not to move forward with things I wanted to do.

When did this change? When I decided enough was enough. I started taking those chances. I signed up for a dating site, met lots of nice guys, some not so nice, and some who I had no interest in. I learned that everybody gets rejected sometimes, and that it's not personal. I now have been with the same guy for 12 years. We met when I was at a healthier weight, he stayed when I gained 30 pounds, and he's still here since I've lost 40 plus and maintained for the last 3 years or so.

I got help for my eating disordered past and learned how I was using food in unhealthy ways, but that the food itself was not the problem. I was the one creating my own problems because I thought as long as I was fat I was not worth a penny. I thought I only deserved people who did not treat me well. Once I changed how I felt about me inside, and consciously dumped not so nice friends and replaced them with respectable people, I began to simply attract people who treated me well (my current partner being one).

So, @RickyCoogin, my point is this: stop putting yourself down. Stop saying you are not attractive. Stop letting your weight get in your way.

Get busy now and put yourself on the dating circuit. Just be you and show all of your attributes, and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Love yourself no matter what your weight is, because the building of your self-esteem will be a big part of your weight loss journey. Please call your doctor and ask for a referral to a counselor to help you with your body image issues.

Be patient with your weight loss too. 60-70 pounds is not all that much to lose either, considering there are people on this site who have lost a 100 pounds or more (one lady lost 140 some odd, and I think one lost something like 250, and there are more stories). Take it one day at a time, start getting out there socially, and make it a point to treat yourself well.