How do you keep your head in the game?

healthypelican
healthypelican Posts: 215 Member
edited November 15 in Motivation and Support
I get discouraged so easily... people's negative comments, increase in weight from tom/sodium/partying (lol). A lot of the time, I stop caring, the things that motivate me when I'm inspired don't drive me or they seem impossible, so why bother?

What is motivating me at the moment, is fear. I have been morbidly obese and it was horrible. I had trouble breathing, would get dizzy climbing stairs, hated eating infront of people... plus I don't want to get heart disease, cancer etc...

My original, life long reason for wanting to lose weight, is, a lot of people have treated me badly in my life and told me that I'm a worthless loser. I wanted to have a hot, slim body so that people would possibly respect me, I could find love and have nice clothes. I have given up on those things... I've realised that the majority of people that have given me a hard time are not quality people, men that are only interested in me when I look a certain way should be avoided, and I don't have much money... so those sources of motivation have gone.

If you feel depressed or discouraged, does reading through a list of your reasons help? looking at a vision board?

I wish I had someone to talk to but I don't like making negative posts in the boards and most of the people in my life are not interested in talking about this stuff, or are not available 24/7.

I have disordered thoughts about food, sometimes I'm fine, other times I'm really obsessive or upset by food and weight, but I am already at risk for all of these horrible diseases, and if I give up trying to lose weight I will be bigger than I was before.

I mean, I could stop trying to lose weight and get professional help, but I already workout four times a week and I walk for 45 minutes most days. There doesn't seem much point in stopping that habit. Its mostly food I struggle with to be honest. I tried Overeaters Annoynomous, and they were very pushy, basically said you have to give up all sweets and treats forever and eat a very pure diet- I wouldn't do that.

To be honest, I worked out for most of last year and feel like I didn't make that much improvement in my fitness. Arrgh.

Replies

  • stella7x7
    stella7x7 Posts: 2,816 Member
    Your doing great, thanks for sharing your story. Dnt give up, your worth it. I'll be a friend if you need someone to talk to.
  • healthypelican
    healthypelican Posts: 215 Member
    Also, exercise has stopped being fun... the stuff I do is to make my body look a certain way or to burn a certain number of calories. If I exercised for fun, but didn't burn many calories, I would wonder if it was a waste of time.

    I do a mixture of running (ugh!), lifting weights (ugh!), HIIT (ugh), boxing <3 and walking (boring! and frustrating because my dog barks the whole time!).

    Is there exercise I can do to reach my goals without hating life for a few hours a day? I want to be firm and toned all over, able to run 10k and to have fun. I hate the process. I've gone to a few bootcamp classes and I like competing with people or watching other people workout. I basically hate exerting myself and I hate sweating, but I want to be fit and I guess that's the price I have to pay.
  • WyattsMomKimberly
    WyattsMomKimberly Posts: 59 Member
    My Motivation is my beautiful son. My motivation is my health. My primary exercise is Zumba in my home. It is winter with snow everywhere right now but in the summer I plan on adding walking. I hate working out I feel like its so brutal for such a minimal output but I keep in mind that just because nothing outside may change as fast as I want, I know the activity is benefiting me from the inside out. I hate traditional classes because I hate being watched. I won't even work out when my husband is home. I am EXTREMELY self conscious and am a recovered bulimic and am now plus size, go figure. Every day is a battle but with every day we truly are getting stronger. Just remember we are in control. AGH I didn't mean to make this all about me! You have this. We can do it. Add me if you want some added motivation!
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    healthypelican wrote: »
    Also, exercise has stopped being fun... the stuff I do is to make my body look a certain way or to burn a certain number of calories. If I exercised for fun, but didn't burn many calories, I would wonder if it was a waste of time.

    I do a mixture of running (ugh!), lifting weights (ugh!), HIIT (ugh), boxing <3 and walking (boring! and frustrating because my dog barks the whole time!).

    Is there exercise I can do to reach my goals without hating life for a few hours a day? I want to be firm and toned all over, able to run 10k and to have fun. I hate the process. I've gone to a few bootcamp classes and I like competing with people or watching other people workout. I basically hate exerting myself and I hate sweating, but I want to be fit and I guess that's the price I have to pay.

    I exercise for fun...why would it be a waste of time. I love riding my bike...I don't do it to achieve some arbitrary burn, I do it for my fitness, and because it's fun to ride. I don't do exercise that I dislike...like I loath running...so I don't run...like ever.
  • Zombella
    Zombella Posts: 491 Member
    My main motivation right now is health.
  • fruitystix
    fruitystix Posts: 35 Member
    I agree it is hard to keep your head in the game. A GnR concert set me back..the alcohol, craving grease the next day combined with tiredness..exercising went on pause too. So I blame Axl lol
  • Unknown
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  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    "I wanted to have a hot, slim body so that people would possibly respect me..."

    A hot, slim body doesn't guarantee respect. You have to want this for yourself, regardless of what other people think. Don't do it because you think it will change the way people treat you. It might, but that's more likely not just because you LOOK different, but because your attitude and demeanor change when you feel better about yourself. You become more approachable and confident.

    The thing that keeps me motivated is that this is something I really want. And I want it more than the alternative. Being healthy and fit is a top priority for me. And when something is a true priority, you make it happen. Another thing that helps is that I don't see this lifestyle as temporary. It's a lifelong endeavor, a commitment to myself, so it's just something I do - slow and steady, no rush. It's part of my normal life, not a fad or a special event. I consider it a part of who I am. I don't just want health and fitness. I'm doing health and fitness. After awhile, I am health and fitness.

    Good luck! <3
  • Unknown
    Unknown
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  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,641 Member
    How do you keep your head in the game?

    I have goals ... mostly related to my sport, cycling. I'm not going to accomplish those goals sitting around and doing nothing.
  • healthypelican
    healthypelican Posts: 215 Member
    Got called a ''fat pig'' on my drive home today. I'm trying to stay calm. Don't get upset, don't get upset, don't get upset... ugh. Boys suck. Men are great. This is the kind of thing that would usually throw me off track... these sorts of things always seem to happen as soon as I have dusted myself off.
  • UltimateTrashBae
    UltimateTrashBae Posts: 175 Member
    When I feel like giving up, I remind myself of the bad times. I say, if you don't keep your goals, you'll feel bad. You'll eat because you feel bad and you'll hate yourself for eating and then you will just sit there eating ice cream and crying for several hours. Crying doesn't feel good! It makes me look like a LOSER. And my complete and total desire to not look like a crybaby loser propels me to excellence.
  • healthypelican
    healthypelican Posts: 215 Member
    UltimateTrashBae wrote: »
    When I feel like giving up, I remind myself of the bad times. I say, if you don't keep your goals, you'll feel bad. You'll eat because you feel bad and you'll hate yourself for eating and then you will just sit there eating ice cream and crying for several hours. Crying doesn't feel good! It makes me look like a LOSER. And my complete and total desire to not look like a crybaby loser propels me to excellence.

    My definition of loser has changed. I think a loser is someone that puts others down to make themselves feel more powerful. Feeling defeated and depressed doesn't make you a loser, but it does slow your progress.
  • LAMCDylan
    LAMCDylan Posts: 1,218 Member
    I suggest you see a therapist and go to a support group. You have a lot of shame and unhealed hurts from your past. This is just fueling the low self-esteem and low worth you feel. The problem with this is that people come here and think losing weight is going to make others like them. See, the problem with this is you are seeking external validation. You are always believing you are not good enough or that you need to "earn" love. This is the area you need help with by a support group and/or a therapist. Once you get a handle on this you will see your body and weight loss in a healthier way. And you won't struggle with it as much because you won't intellectualize it like you are now. You won't see it as a measure of your worth. You won't be affected by others' opinions.
  • healthypelican
    healthypelican Posts: 215 Member
    wyatts_momma_1027 wrote: »
    I didn't mean to make this all about me!

    Honestly, I don't mind, I enjoy hearing other peoples stories :-)
    cwolfman13 wrote: »
    I exercise for fun...why would it be a waste of time. I love riding my bike...I don't do it to achieve some arbitrary burn, I do it for my fitness, and because it's fun to ride. I don't do exercise that I dislike...like I loath running...so I don't run...like ever.

    I worry a lot about wasting time, I lose so much time from sleeping (I have Bipolar so am tired most of my life), I would honestly rather watch an hour of an entertaining tv show than do an hour of working out even if I enjoy it, but it only burns 100 calories. The crazy thing is, I will walk the dogs for 45-120 minutes a day which I hate, and only burns about 500 calories because it is basically my job in the family.
    jenilla1 wrote: »
    A hot, slim body doesn't guarantee respect. You have to want this for yourself, regardless of what other people think. Don't do it because you think it will change the way people treat you. It might, but that's more likely not just because you LOOK different, but because your attitude and demeanor change when you feel better about yourself. You become more approachable and confident.

    The thing that keeps me motivated is that this is something I really want. And I want it more than the alternative. Being healthy and fit is a top priority for me. And when something is a true priority, you make it happen. Another thing that helps is that I don't see this lifestyle as temporary. It's a lifelong endeavor, a commitment to myself, so it's just something I do - slow and steady, no rush. It's part of my normal life, not a fad or a special event. I consider it a part of who I am. I don't just want health and fitness. I'm doing health and fitness. After awhile, I am health and fitness.

    Good luck! <3

    I felt like, when I lost weight before, people paid me more positive attention, I got checked out more, people were kinder to me, I got noticed, I wasn't as invisible... although, to be honest, this made me feel uncomfortable as well.

    The problem is, healthy and fit is not always a priority for me. Sometimes food is more important than being slim, because food is now, slim is somewhere in the distant future- you can't quite touch it. Food gives me comfort and makes me safe (or as a trainer says, releases dopamine, and I need to stop that!!!). This isn't really an excuse, but an explanation... I know I need to change my ways but sometimes I just don't care... life is so hard sometimes.
    KeepRunningFatboy wrote: »
    Several thoughts on your post, I've been there, I've been obese much of my life. It can be painful and I have struggled with depression. You ask "how to keep head in the game?" And I'm reminded of a book "what to say when you talk to yourself" by shad helmstetter. It takes work to change the mindset. I don't have a vision board but that could benefit some. I found that when I write out my "self-talk" it's reinforced. I have to tell myself daily "I am a positive person, I am energetic, I love to eat healthy nutritious foods, I eat foods that benefit my health, I eat only what I need to fuel my body...." and I do this for attitude, spirituality, eating and exercise. Anyhow, that's how I keep my head in the game. Yes sometimes I still have the occasional notso good day, but those get few and far between. Ok, I also avoid 95% of tv except I love to watch my favorite hockey team. Most of what is on tv is garbage for our heads. And I am very careful about which forum threads I read and who I connect to on Facebook. I use Facebook to really connect to people who I love and who inspire me. The rest are unfollowed or unfriended.

    Thanks, I should definately try some of that! I am already swamped with book recommendations and stuff but I could try writing a letter to myself to read every day. I have also found that when I verbalise negative thoughts I am more likely to act on them. I have thought about keeping a diary and only recording the positive things that happen to me, or the silver linings and reframing it to make it look like my life is really happy and blessed... not lying to myself or anything, just changing the way I see the world. Sometimes expressing yourself actually makes things worse? interesting
    Machka9 wrote: »
    How do you keep your head in the game?

    I have goals ... mostly related to my sport, cycling. I'm not going to accomplish those goals sitting around and doing nothing.

    True!
    LAMCDylan wrote: »
    I suggest you see a therapist and go to a support group. You have a lot of shame and unhealed hurts from your past. This is just fueling the low self-esteem and low worth you feel. The problem with this is that people come here and think losing weight is going to make others like them. See, the problem with this is you are seeking external validation. You are always believing you are not good enough or that you need to "earn" love. This is the area you need help with by a support group and/or a therapist. Once you get a handle on this you will see your body and weight loss in a healthier way. And you won't struggle with it as much because you won't intellectualize it like you are now. You won't see it as a measure of your worth. You won't be affected by others' opinions.

    This therapist thing seems to come up a lot... I can't really afford to see anyone, but I am starting school tomorrow, maybe they have someone free there? not sure if I can fit it into my life, but hey, who doesn't have half an hour once a week?

    I've been doing some reading today and realised that I come from a slightly dysfunctional family that has lead to me being a weaker version of myself. There are narcissistic traits going back several generations and I think they are still hurting us today. We don't treat ourselves or others with enough kindness and respect. We have love and good intentions, but we really struggle. Then we go into the outside world and its easy for people to pick on us because we haven't gotten what we needed from our core. My family is supportive but struggles emotionally. I think I've struggled with my self esteem because of this.

    Today I went out and brought myself a beautiful pandora charm for my bracelet to celebrate 2 years of perseverance and working out. I don't know if I've made much progress, but I've stuck with exercise even when I can't make it work with food. I have a tendancy to reach milestones, then not celebrate them because it was like ''well, I should have hit that a long time ago'' or ''so and so has done this, and I'm only here?!?'' so I have cheated myself. I am going to try and start celebrating my wins and being more gentle with myself. Life is too short...
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