How do handle when your SO doesn't believe in you?
fitdiva1day
Posts: 22 Member
How do you handle it when your SO doesn't belive in your goals or support you? Is it jealousy, resentment or?????
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Replies
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Just do it anyways, believe in yourself! Once you commit completely it won't matter who believes in you or not because it's for you not them.
It will take a long time of proving to them that you meant it but eventually they will realize your strength and commitment.
Also more likely than not it's not jealousy or resentment but that you have proven them you normally don't stick to things or haven't been very good at resisting temptation in the past, the only way you can change that is to continue to work hard and stick to your goals.13 -
That's normal but if it makes you a better person on the inside too then it will be better in the long run.3
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Could be any number of things. I'd just keep pushing with hopes they'll get on board. I'm sure he/she will come around.3
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If I find out my SO doesn't believe in me or my goals and isn't supportive of what I'm trying to do, I leave. That said, I'm not married and don't have kids, so the stakes aren't really that high for me.22
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fitdiva1day wrote: »How do you handle it when your SO doesn't belive in your goals or support you? Is it jealousy, resentment or?????
You are in charge of change your life, believe in yourself and stick to the goals8 -
Not an unusual problem. Most SO's, family members, etc. don't have the goals you do, so they don't abide by what you need to do to reach them. That's why weight loss is so personal and gratifying when you do reach goal because it basically comes down to you and how you persevere to attain it. Do you.
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Honestly, ifgaf what he thinks about my weight loss goals/progress. At the end of the day, my body is my body. It's great when he is supportive, but when he's not, I have enough confidence for the two of us.15
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CafeRacer808 wrote: »If I find out my SO doesn't believe in me or my goals and isn't supportive of what I'm trying to do, I leave. That said, I'm not married and don't have kids, so the stakes aren't really that high for me.
Exactly!3 -
Do it for you that's what is important3
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You do what you want with your body. All that matters is what you feel about yourself!
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There could be any number of reasons he doesn't believe in you. It's not necessarily jealousy or resentment, though it could be.
For my ex (not my husband, he's awesome) it was simply that he was sick of me starting over, and over, and over again. He'd heard it all before, and had no real reason to believe in me, because all I did was start stupid fad diets, or restrictive diets or these grand sweeping life changes that we unsustainable, then fail again and again.12 -
The reason this is so common is that people always equate losing weight to trying to look good. And, for the most part, most people here do it for this reason (vanity). So, this is why you get resistance from family and friends. They think you are trying to be better than them or prove something. Not very often do people come here to do it for health reasons (they claim they do but it isn't at the top of their list). So, until you verbalize this to your friends and family they will just see it as an attempt from you to try and be better than them.6
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Thanks everyone so much for the comments, support and feedback. The thing is, I lost a lot of weight before he and I ever met. I've kept it off. My highest was 228 in my late 20's, due to meds. Then I lost down to 172. It stayed that way for years. Then I was put on meds again that made it go back to 201. I lost down to the 150's, but gained 10lbs back. All this BEFORE we ever met. Since I met him 4 yrs ago I've only gained around 10 pounds due mostly to inactivity .
So with all that said, I've always kept most of it off and this is the first time I've wanted to finally take off the rest and get my body in shape. I have a back disease. Perhaps that is why he isn't feeling very confident in me. Part of it could be insecurity, because he just turned 50 and has his own host of other things he is dealing with. I detest putting personal issues on social media, but because I haven't been social in the last few years I don't have any friends and my closest relatives live in another state.
Im doing this for my health....FOR ME. I want to be able to lose down to my goal weight and strengthen my core muscles as to strengthen my back. I just have to be careful is all.6 -
Not sure about your SO. But others above are right, do it for you, there is no other valid reason to stick to your goals. However, I can say this. Start now on your core, I have many of the same, and some worse, back issues you have due to years of being out of shape and re-injuring previous injuries and previous back surgeries. Strengthening your core won't cure things, but it'll sure make it hurt less and keep you from re-injuring yourself. I work out 90 minutes a day five to six days a week, and I devote at least 30-45 minutes of that time to nothing but my core. I've been doing that for well over a year and now have many days where I have almost no back pain at all. It's a great feeling after being saddled with that pain so long you just get used to it. Regardless of whether you lose weight or not, building a strong core can only be a bonus.1
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It could be either of those things. Or maybe you doing good things for yourself makes them judge themself harshly. The bottom line, though, is that you have to do it for yourself. Taking care of yourself is your job, first and foremost. If your SO doesn't like it, that is his/her problem. If it is a big enough problem for you, I encourage you to say and/or do something about it.1
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It could also be insecurity on his part. I don't pretend to know anything about your life, but I have ran across some people who do not support their partners weight loss because they treat their partner's insecurity (feeling unattractive) as a glue to keep the relationship together. I know of a woman who is in a relationship with a man who does nothing but criticize, insult and belittle her ( About her weight ). Behind her back he flirts, ogles and engages other women (for his own self esteem). I don't know if he has actually cheated, but I honestly wouldn't put it past him. She puts up with the behaviour though. I'm sure she loves him, but her self esteem is so low, I don't think she will ever put her foot down. He has her right where he wants her. So, no matter what..Do it for you, your health, your confidence and self esteem.4
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Yes, I have seen relationships where one purposely sabotaged the other during a time of self improvement. I can't honestly say my hubby does this but on the other hand, a little support..or even a little faith in me would be nice. I'm partly confused because he has always supported other endeavors I've been involved in and had a lot of faith in me. He has never had to worry about his weight and has never dieted. Actually, It's almost like he's fickle...one day he will eat what I eat and be all like "yes, honey, you can do this I know you can"...then he gets a little drink in him and suddenly " no, I don't have faith that you can do it". I know...a bit perplexing.
I will say this tho. I've always been a go-getter. And when someone tries to tell me I can't do something I'm chomping at the bit to make it happen.3 -
Not rely on outside validation.3
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Maybe you can have this heart to heart chat directly with him, when you're both calm and rested
Give him a couple of specific things you'd like him to do or say and give him the opportunity to change it- maybe he will prove you wrong if you are sincere about what you want or need.2 -
It might just be the alcohol talking. I'd ignore those comments.6
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It totally sucks not to have that support, whatever their reason.
My husband was kinda whatever about it when I started my fitness, health & weight loss journey... nice but not really supportive, somewhat sceptical. He has grown more supportive as time goes on though. He even tried to get into it himself for a little while, but he found that he just prefers beer and pizza and video games and being lazy.
The thing is that this is an individual journey that you must take by yourself, for yourself. You cannot rely on anyone else because nobody is going to do your exercise for you or choose what food you eat, and only you will reap the benefits of your efforts.
But if you do it and stick to it and are successful, he will see the changes and have no choice but to believe in you. So go ahead and prove him wrong.3 -
You all are so very nice and encouraging...and so right! I know it's something I have to do myself, for myself. If I know him, there's a big chance he will jump on the wagon later, once he sees how well I'm progressing. And yes...it's possible it's just the booze talking. Thank you all2
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fitdiva1day wrote: »How do you handle it when your SO doesn't belive in your goals or support you? Is it jealousy, resentment or?????
I would handle it by talking to my SO. He is not a jealous or resentful person so if he isn't supporting something it is probably coming from a concern for my well being or some information we have not shared.
I know he loves me and wants me to be healthy and happy. He may not understand my goals or how he can support me until I explain and we discuss it.
I don't know what you mean by belief in goals or support though. My weight loss has not required that anyone else do anything or believe anything. Would you explain what that would look like to you?
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Lounmoun, I'm going to try and answer you question as best I can. He is usually supportive, but he has his moods. As I said earlier, some days he is all about it. Other days, not so much, even if he was drinking when he said it. It sort of takes me back to when I was in my late 20's and wanted to learn to play a banjo. My brother in law could play so I asked him for help. His response was that he didn't think he could help me. I knew he could but we didn't get along, but so be it. I thought myself and have been at it for 20 yrs. My husband knows my drive, but at present he isn't happy about some things in his own life and perhaps he filtered that down to me. I would love his support and surely he would believe in me. But I can do it without all that none the less. I require nothing of him and expect nothing of him. I made the post in hopes of getting some insight, which I have gotten.0
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He's believing in me now!
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Amazing work! You look great! I wish every post like this had this kind of update!3
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Thank you! I'm still a work in progress. 20 more pounds to goal.2
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Holy cr@p didn't even realise the dates on the posts! Well done!
I bet he believes you now lol, has he jumped on the wagon yet?1 -
Way to go!1
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Wow! Well done😀1
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