How do handle when your SO doesn't believe in you?

Options
2

Replies

  • courtneyfabulous
    courtneyfabulous Posts: 1,863 Member
    edited February 2017
    Options
    It totally sucks not to have that support, whatever their reason.

    My husband was kinda whatever about it when I started my fitness, health & weight loss journey... nice but not really supportive, somewhat sceptical. He has grown more supportive as time goes on though. He even tried to get into it himself for a little while, but he found that he just prefers beer and pizza and video games and being lazy.

    The thing is that this is an individual journey that you must take by yourself, for yourself. You cannot rely on anyone else because nobody is going to do your exercise for you or choose what food you eat, and only you will reap the benefits of your efforts.

    But if you do it and stick to it and are successful, he will see the changes and have no choice but to believe in you. So go ahead and prove him wrong.
  • fitdiva1day
    fitdiva1day Posts: 22 Member
    Options
    You all are so very nice and encouraging...and so right! I know it's something I have to do myself, for myself. If I know him, there's a big chance he will jump on the wagon later, once he sees how well I'm progressing. And yes...it's possible it's just the booze talking. Thank you all
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
    edited February 2017
    Options
    fitdiva1day wrote: »
    How do you handle it when your SO doesn't belive in your goals or support you? Is it jealousy, resentment or?????

    I would handle it by talking to my SO. He is not a jealous or resentful person so if he isn't supporting something it is probably coming from a concern for my well being or some information we have not shared.
    I know he loves me and wants me to be healthy and happy. He may not understand my goals or how he can support me until I explain and we discuss it.
    I don't know what you mean by belief in goals or support though. My weight loss has not required that anyone else do anything or believe anything. Would you explain what that would look like to you?
  • fitdiva1day
    fitdiva1day Posts: 22 Member
    Options
    Lounmoun, I'm going to try and answer you question as best I can. He is usually supportive, but he has his moods. As I said earlier, some days he is all about it. Other days, not so much, even if he was drinking when he said it. It sort of takes me back to when I was in my late 20's and wanted to learn to play a banjo. My brother in law could play so I asked him for help. His response was that he didn't think he could help me. I knew he could but we didn't get along, but so be it. I thought myself and have been at it for 20 yrs. My husband knows my drive, but at present he isn't happy about some things in his own life and perhaps he filtered that down to me. I would love his support and surely he would believe in me. But I can do it without all that none the less. I require nothing of him and expect nothing of him. I made the post in hopes of getting some insight, which I have gotten.
  • kimothyschma
    kimothyschma Posts: 209 Member
    Options
    Amazing work! You look great! I wish every post like this had this kind of update!
  • fitdiva1day
    fitdiva1day Posts: 22 Member
    Options
    Thank you! I'm still a work in progress. 20 more pounds to goal.
  • Bex953172
    Bex953172 Posts: 4,076 Member
    Options
    Holy cr@p didn't even realise the dates on the posts! Well done!
    I bet he believes you now lol, has he jumped on the wagon yet?
  • Jruzer
    Jruzer Posts: 3,501 Member
    Options
    Way to go!
  • BradR_82
    BradR_82 Posts: 278 Member
    Options
    Wow! Well done😀
  • hesn92
    hesn92 Posts: 5,967 Member
    edited September 2018
    Options
    My husband doesn't care for all my diet and fitness crap. He's learned to just stfu about it though because I'm just going to do what I want anyway. I wouldn't say he "doesn't believe in me" . there's nothing for him to believe or not believe. I don't really talk to him much about what I'm doing fitness-wise because he thinks it's all "stupid" (this doesn't bother me at all, I'm doing it for me, not him)
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,745 Member
    Options
    My husband of 31 years still eats what he wants. I. Days he wants pizza or burgers I make myself something else. I am the one trying to lose weight not him. It was the same when I quit smoking, he still smokes. He is supportive and proud of me but doesn’t need to prove it by doing what I do.
  • IHaveMyActTogether
    IHaveMyActTogether Posts: 945 Member
    Options
    fitdiva1day wrote: »
    How do you handle it when your SO doesn't belive in your goals


    Show them better than you can tell them.
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,933 Member
    Options
    fitdiva1day wrote: »
    Thanks everyone so much for the comments, support and feedback. The thing is, I lost a lot of weight before he and I ever met. I've kept it off. My highest was 228 in my late 20's, due to meds. Then I lost down to 172. It stayed that way for years. Then I was put on meds again that made it go back to 201. I lost down to the 150's, but gained 10lbs back. All this BEFORE we ever met. Since I met him 4 yrs ago I've only gained around 10 pounds due mostly to inactivity .
    So with all that said, I've always kept most of it off and this is the first time I've wanted to finally take off the rest and get my body in shape. I have a back disease. Perhaps that is why he isn't feeling very confident in me. Part of it could be insecurity, because he just turned 50 and has his own host of other things he is dealing with. I detest putting personal issues on social media, but because I haven't been social in the last few years I don't have any friends and my closest relatives live in another state.
    Im doing this for my health....FOR ME. I want to be able to lose down to my goal weight and strengthen my core muscles as to strengthen my back. I just have to be careful is all.

    In that case, it could also be poorly communicated concern (due to your health condition), rather than lack of support.
  • IHaveMyActTogether
    IHaveMyActTogether Posts: 945 Member
    Options
    fitdiva1day wrote: »
    Yes, I have seen relationships where one purposely sabotaged the other during a time of self improvement. I can't honestly say my hubby does this but on the other hand, a little support..or even a little faith in me would be nice. I'm partly confused because he has always supported other endeavors I've been involved in and had a lot of faith in me. He has never had to worry about his weight and has never dieted. Actually, It's almost like he's fickle...one day he will eat what I eat and be all like "yes, honey, you can do this I know you can"...then he gets a little drink in him and suddenly " no, I don't have faith that you can do it". I know...a bit perplexing.
    I will say this tho. I've always been a go-getter. And when someone tries to tell me I can't do something I'm chomping at the bit to make it happen.


    Just a heads up - and I may have read it wrong - but don't view him eating what you eat as support and not eating what you eat as lack of support.

    Dietary changes are very difficult for people whose goal it is to change their diet. I do not get why many dieters (or lifestyle changers) seem to not understand why people who do NOT want to change their diet somehow magically find it easy because their SO is on a health kick.
  • IHaveMyActTogether
    IHaveMyActTogether Posts: 945 Member
    Options
    fiddletime wrote: »
    It might just be the alcohol talking. I'd ignore those comments.

    Sometimes the alcohol talking is the one telling the truth?
  • IHaveMyActTogether
    IHaveMyActTogether Posts: 945 Member
    Options
    fitdiva1day wrote: »
    He's believing in me now!26lj4hn82zae.jpg

    Tell us the juicy details. How is he dealing with the new, sexy fine you?

Categories