How do handle when your SO doesn't believe in you?

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Replies

  • hesn92
    hesn92 Posts: 5,966 Member
    edited September 2018
    My husband doesn't care for all my diet and fitness crap. He's learned to just stfu about it though because I'm just going to do what I want anyway. I wouldn't say he "doesn't believe in me" . there's nothing for him to believe or not believe. I don't really talk to him much about what I'm doing fitness-wise because he thinks it's all "stupid" (this doesn't bother me at all, I'm doing it for me, not him)
  • Snowflake1968
    Snowflake1968 Posts: 6,946 Member
    My husband of 31 years still eats what he wants. I. Days he wants pizza or burgers I make myself something else. I am the one trying to lose weight not him. It was the same when I quit smoking, he still smokes. He is supportive and proud of me but doesn’t need to prove it by doing what I do.
  • IHaveMyActTogether
    IHaveMyActTogether Posts: 945 Member
    fitdiva1day wrote: »
    How do you handle it when your SO doesn't belive in your goals


    Show them better than you can tell them.
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,961 Member
    fitdiva1day wrote: »
    Thanks everyone so much for the comments, support and feedback. The thing is, I lost a lot of weight before he and I ever met. I've kept it off. My highest was 228 in my late 20's, due to meds. Then I lost down to 172. It stayed that way for years. Then I was put on meds again that made it go back to 201. I lost down to the 150's, but gained 10lbs back. All this BEFORE we ever met. Since I met him 4 yrs ago I've only gained around 10 pounds due mostly to inactivity .
    So with all that said, I've always kept most of it off and this is the first time I've wanted to finally take off the rest and get my body in shape. I have a back disease. Perhaps that is why he isn't feeling very confident in me. Part of it could be insecurity, because he just turned 50 and has his own host of other things he is dealing with. I detest putting personal issues on social media, but because I haven't been social in the last few years I don't have any friends and my closest relatives live in another state.
    Im doing this for my health....FOR ME. I want to be able to lose down to my goal weight and strengthen my core muscles as to strengthen my back. I just have to be careful is all.

    In that case, it could also be poorly communicated concern (due to your health condition), rather than lack of support.
  • IHaveMyActTogether
    IHaveMyActTogether Posts: 945 Member
    fitdiva1day wrote: »
    Yes, I have seen relationships where one purposely sabotaged the other during a time of self improvement. I can't honestly say my hubby does this but on the other hand, a little support..or even a little faith in me would be nice. I'm partly confused because he has always supported other endeavors I've been involved in and had a lot of faith in me. He has never had to worry about his weight and has never dieted. Actually, It's almost like he's fickle...one day he will eat what I eat and be all like "yes, honey, you can do this I know you can"...then he gets a little drink in him and suddenly " no, I don't have faith that you can do it". I know...a bit perplexing.
    I will say this tho. I've always been a go-getter. And when someone tries to tell me I can't do something I'm chomping at the bit to make it happen.


    Just a heads up - and I may have read it wrong - but don't view him eating what you eat as support and not eating what you eat as lack of support.

    Dietary changes are very difficult for people whose goal it is to change their diet. I do not get why many dieters (or lifestyle changers) seem to not understand why people who do NOT want to change their diet somehow magically find it easy because their SO is on a health kick.
  • IHaveMyActTogether
    IHaveMyActTogether Posts: 945 Member
    fiddletime wrote: »
    It might just be the alcohol talking. I'd ignore those comments.

    Sometimes the alcohol talking is the one telling the truth?
  • IHaveMyActTogether
    IHaveMyActTogether Posts: 945 Member
    fitdiva1day wrote: »
    He's believing in me now!26lj4hn82zae.jpg

    Tell us the juicy details. How is he dealing with the new, sexy fine you?
  • IHaveMyActTogether
    IHaveMyActTogether Posts: 945 Member
    Fitdiva, I can't hit that inspiring button enough times. Very well done.
  • fitdiva1day
    fitdiva1day Posts: 22 Member
    @IHaveMyActTogether ...thank you again 😁😁😁
  • brightresolve
    brightresolve Posts: 1,024 Member
    Thank you so much for posting this update - I didn't see the dates when I started reading, so your update picture was a lovely shock. So much power here! Thanks for the inspiration!
  • LEdmonds2016
    LEdmonds2016 Posts: 139 Member
    fitdiva1day wrote: »
    He's believing in me now!26lj4hn82zae.jpg

    That is fantastic. I am so happy for you!!
  • Candyspun
    Candyspun Posts: 370 Member
    edited September 2018
    Prove him wrong! (I just read further, and you did!)
  • countcurt
    countcurt Posts: 593 Member
    So, what is it, exactly, you'd like him to change in order to demonstrate he is supportive of your goals?
  • 777Gemma888
    777Gemma888 Posts: 9,578 Member
    fitdiva1day wrote: »
    ...he is in love with the new me. He is much sweeter and much more attentive. I cant imagine how he will be when this last 20 pounds comes off lol.


    I've just read through from 2017 when you'd initially posted. 👏👏👏 Heartwarming to read your update @fitdiva1day
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
    Don't do it for them. Their opinion of you and your abilities and your "why" is completely irrelevant. Do it for YOU.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    Congrats, lady!
  • Jcurran516
    Jcurran516 Posts: 11 Member
    Most of the above are correct but they should be considered in total: Don't rely on outside validation but in any relationship, you should be supported unless it's a bad goal i.e. you want to run 10 miles a day and have already gotten to 6% body fat and are getting sick (I had a friend that nearly ran herself to death). I listen to motivation "tapes" by Fearless Motivation and one of the most important tracks confirms a well known concept - if you get better, others may resent you because they like the status quo. My post high school friends wanted to go drinking and I wanted to go to school. Current friends who say they are "into sports" mean they want to sit and drink beer and watch TV. if you don't think support and believing in your goals is important in the relationship (kinda sad) or everything else is SO GREAT, you'll tolerate it, try another support group. I don't know where you are but I run some groups through Meetup.com and you do a profile, your interests and location and they suggest groups in your area. We probably have 20 various fitness groups around Madison. Usually no cost, great way to find like minded support and friends.
  • 2475hobbs
    2475hobbs Posts: 2 Member
    *kitten* em! Bin them off and find someone that does.
  • TravisJHunt
    TravisJHunt Posts: 533 Member
    Leave
  • justari18
    justari18 Posts: 1 Member
    If my SO didn't believe in me I'd dump them, I have no room in my life for people who aren't going to be positive.
  • elisa123gal
    elisa123gal Posts: 4,324 Member
    Come here for support and inspiration.. keep your health changes to yourself if your partner is not supportive. They will just sabatoge you..and you don' t have the time or energy to deal with that. You need to focus on yourself.

    Your problem is not unheard of.. it happens to many of us, and there are many reasons perfectly otherwise good people do this unsupportive thing.

    So, Focus on you.. .come here for advice and support..and quietly lose your weight and regain your health.
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