Upset and need some kind words to offset horrible morning

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elphie754
elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've had a horrible morning/early afternoon. My entire body feels like I just got hit by a train, seeing as I'm 34 weeks pregnant. I've been coping with that, but this morning my mother made me want to smack her (of course I would never actually hit her but it is a nice image).

About two years ago I went from 305lbs down to 190lbs. I slowly started to gain it back because of laziness. Now I'm back to 275 , with a majority of that coming on in the last 4 weeks with the pregnancy. OB thinks I will likely leave hospital weighing less than I did before I got pregnant(245ish). I good portion of the weight gain we know is water because my calves are huge and my feet don't look like feetany more.

Anyways, my mother thought it was appropriate this morning to comment about how big I'm getting, that she hopes it goes away after I give birth and how she hopes I don't get any bigger. She then though it was appropriate to lecture me about what I've been eating lately (rice and Sprite Zero since it is the only thing I can keep down) and that is why I am getting so fat. She just can't help but to make comments about my size every time she sees me (and she lives next door so I see her all the time). She hereself is not a small woman and sometimes I just want to scream "yeah, I'm growing a baby, what's your excuse?"

Sorry for the rant, just irritates me that she feels like it is her place to say anything especially when OB does not have an issue with it, and truly believes it is mostly water.
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Replies

  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,644 Member
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    *hugs*
  • rugratz2015
    rugratz2015 Posts: 593 Member
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    (((Hugs))) it's not easy being pregnant, and my mum thinks she's being helpful when she makes comments about my weight. , so I do know how you feel x
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
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    Chef_Barbell wrote: »
    *hugs*

    Thank you
    rugratz2015 wrote: »
    (((Hugs))) it's not easy being pregnant, and my mum thinks she's being helpful when she makes comments about my weight. , so I do know how you feel x

    She used to do it when I was losing weight too. I finally told her that as long as I was losing I would eat what I want and she can buzz off. Took a while for the message to sink in though.
  • nrsratchett
    nrsratchett Posts: 3 Member
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    I'm sorry you're having a rough day and dealing with criticism. Some people just don't know how to politely state that they are concerned about you. Or maybe criticizing you makes her feel better about herself. Whatever the case, I hope you can turn your day around. Get some rest, pamper yourself, you are growing a tiny human. I'm here cheering you on!
  • janejellyroll
    janejellyroll Posts: 25,763 Member
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    That sucks. I'm sorry you have to deal with that right now.

    It's sad that sometimes the people we want to trust for support and love can't always be in the right mindset to give it to us when we need it most.

    At the end of the day, you know you and your OB are on top of the situation. It doesn't make your mom nicer to deal with, but at least you know you and your pregnancy are under control.
  • HippySkoppy
    HippySkoppy Posts: 725 Member
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    I offer you sympathy and empathy (my Mum was an incredibly critical and bitter woman).

    Keep repeating the reassurance that your Dr. has given you, hopefully it will drown out the stuff your Mum said. It would be easier if she wasn't so close by, at least then there could be a bit of breathing space between the two of you.

    It sounds as though she is a repeat offender at giving her unsolicited opinion though Elphie, and it's particularly hard to hear this kind of *kitten* when you need support and nurturing. I learnt that my Mother was just incapable of being there for me and did take steps to limit contact....it just wasn't worth the grief it caused me. Maybe talk to your So's and ask them to help keep her at bay.

    Wishing you all the best. Hang in there Lovely, not too much longer now. <3
  • laceyslabaugh
    laceyslabaugh Posts: 113 Member
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    I am so sorry you have to deal with that on top of being emotional and probably 'done' being pregnant! I say use your 'hormonal imbalance' to your advantage and say what you want to say. Lol! I have had 3 beautiful daughters. My 1st (I was 19) I gained 56 lbs.!!!! Then 4 years later (I was 23) the 2nd was born - I gained 23 lbs. (I learned my lesson quickly on how hard it was to lose it). My 3rd (a HUGE time span) was born 2 1/2 years ago (I was 38) and gained 16 lbs. All that and then some came off after her. I have 24 lbs. to go to be at the weight I was when I graduate high school (almost 24 years ago) I am only 5'2" and have a petite frame. You can do this!! you lost the weight before, and you will do it again! Get out w/ that baby this spring and summer and walk. We are here if you need us :)
  • kgirlhart
    kgirlhart Posts: 4,989 Member
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    I have been thinking about you lately Elphie and wondering how you were. I'm sorry to hear that your mom is being so insensitive. Sometimes I really wonder what is wrong with people. When my kids were young were tried to teach them that you don't always have to say aloud every thing you think. I wish more people learned that. Just because your mom might have these concerns, she should never voice them to you. Plus, you are pregnant AND under a doctor's care. It isn't like you don't know you have gained some weight. And if your doctor thinks that it is water retention I would believe that it is. Just try to take some deep breath and not take it personally. (I know, that is easier said than done). Your mom sounds a lot like my grandmother. She was always a big lady and her way of being concerned that we didn't turn out like her was to say snippy things about our weight or about what we chose to eat. It never helped, and just made us not like to be around her. I'm so glad you have made it to 34 weeks. I know this has been a long hard pregnancy for you and the last part of pregnancy seems to stretch out forever, but you really are almost there!
  • ogtmama
    ogtmama Posts: 1,403 Member
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    Aww...why are people so hard on pregnant women? You're growing a whole new human, congratulations!

    My mom is similar, I did finally blow up at her one day and although I felt horrible...she hasn't done it since. Just saying ;)
  • Afura
    Afura Posts: 2,054 Member
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    That's not nice. I thought everyone knew better than to mess with pregnant people. :frowning: If you get in a better frame of mind (or maybe not....) maybe tell her you don't appreciate the comments (or worse, I don't know your situation, but I'm mouthy :grin: ) and until the baby is born, you're doing your best for you.
    I hope you are able to keep down something besides sprite and rice soon! :smiley:
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,874 Member
    edited February 2017
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    As one who gained 50 pounds and lost my ankles (and couldn't wear my wedding ring after 20 weeks) during pregnancy, I can sympathize. I was sooo swollen! Bright side is, all that water weight goes away quickly after birth :smile: Tell Mom thanks for being concerned, but your health and your baby's health is between you and your doctor right now.

    Be sure you're keeping your feet up as much as possible and keeping an eye on blood pressure (I'm sure you're doctor is already doing this). Hang in there!
  • ladyreva78
    ladyreva78 Posts: 4,080 Member
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    *snort* What do you need enemies for when you have family? Mine's the queen of clueless, thankfully I'm not pregnant or I think I might murder her. I can only sympathize!

    *Hugs*

    Take care of yourself and Mini-Elphie!
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
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    I would tell her to *expletive* off, but she has been trying to be helpful lately and has bought a lot of stuff for us and baby, so I feel like that would be bad. If it continues though, for my own sanity, I may have to anyway.
  • MagneticGanymede
    MagneticGanymede Posts: 180 Member
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    She can help it. People can change their behavior. It would be helpful if she would. My mother also used to make comments to me about my weight and what I'm eating (even while I was eating) and when I was pregnant. She also struggles with her weight and I think a lot of her comments come from her frustration with herself.
    I had a good experience with her recently though. She knows I'm working on losing weight and I wondered out loud how many calories a certain dessert was and she said- too many calories for you! My first response was- how do you know how many calories I can have? But I felt bothered by the comment like she was policing my food and it made me feel restricted and like I wanted to binge. So a few minutes later I calmly said- please don't make comments about my food. It triggers me emotionally. She was very apologetic and hasn't made any comments since. And if it does happen again I plan to gently remind her.
    It's great to have boundaries with the people that care about us. If we communicate boundaries well many people will respect them.
    Congrats on your pregnancy! Just a few more weeks!
  • GottaBurnEmAll
    GottaBurnEmAll Posts: 7,722 Member
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    Oh Elphie, you sure don't need this! Big (((((Hugs))))) to you. My mother and my aunt (who lived with us) were so toxic about weight. I can relate to just how awful it feels when someone you hope to be a source of support turns out to be so critical.

    As HippySkoppy said, just keep reassuring yourself that you have the only opinion that really counts (your OB's) backing you up, as hard as it is to quiet that inner child that wants your Mom's approval.

    Be gentle with yourself, and take care of you and that little one you're growing.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    Your value as a human being is not your size.
    You will lose weight when it is time to do that for you.
    Right now you are doing what you can to treat yourself and your baby right.
    Your mother is being an *kitten*.
  • MagneticGanymede
    MagneticGanymede Posts: 180 Member
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    Oops I didn't read all the comments first and see that you've already had a talk with her. When people won't respect boundaries they need stricter boundaries! So sorry you have negative talk coming from someone who could give you so much positive support!
  • everher
    everher Posts: 909 Member
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    elphie754 wrote: »
    I would tell her to *expletive* off, but she has been trying to be helpful lately and has bought a lot of stuff for us and baby, so I feel like that would be bad. If it continues though, for my own sanity, I may have to anyway.

    She doesn't sound like a bad person and she may be saying some of this out of concern. I would firmly, but gently tell her once that her commenting on my weight was upsetting me, tell her what the doctor said, and ask her not to comment on my weight anymore.

    Then, if she did it again I would tell her off.

    In my experience, mother/daughter relationships are complex. My mother was a lovely woman, but could nit pick me like no one's business.

    Hang in there. *hugs*

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