People that say rude comments that don't even notice it...
GemstoneofHeart
Posts: 865 Member
Sorry I have to rant here because twice today people have said things that really erk me. I know they don't mean to be rude, it was more of a lack of compassion. We all do it, but it's super hard when you are fighting the fat battle...
1. Two friends, very thin, we're discussing pregnancy weight with me. One says "omg guys, I was so fat, I actually reached 200 pounds before I had her." Other friend replies, " WHAT? 200 pounds????? That's insane". Right next to the girl who weighed 227 just months ago and still weighs over 200 pounds...not pregnant
2. I ate a very healthy lunch. Salad, vinaigrette, grapes, tomato, and carrots. I finish it off with a dark chocolate covered rice cake. A guy walks in my office (door was closed) and says "oh I see you are hiding because you are stuffing your face with cookies!" All I could think to say is "actually this is a rice cake, they are fairly healthy". He retorts "some healthy rice cake covered in chocolate"
WHY?!?!?! And literally no one notices that I've lost almost 20 pounds. Not a single word about that...
I'm sorry, I'm just really frustrated. I'm not doing this for anyone but me, but it sure would be nice to receive some positive motivation from those around me.
1. Two friends, very thin, we're discussing pregnancy weight with me. One says "omg guys, I was so fat, I actually reached 200 pounds before I had her." Other friend replies, " WHAT? 200 pounds????? That's insane". Right next to the girl who weighed 227 just months ago and still weighs over 200 pounds...not pregnant
2. I ate a very healthy lunch. Salad, vinaigrette, grapes, tomato, and carrots. I finish it off with a dark chocolate covered rice cake. A guy walks in my office (door was closed) and says "oh I see you are hiding because you are stuffing your face with cookies!" All I could think to say is "actually this is a rice cake, they are fairly healthy". He retorts "some healthy rice cake covered in chocolate"
WHY?!?!?! And literally no one notices that I've lost almost 20 pounds. Not a single word about that...
I'm sorry, I'm just really frustrated. I'm not doing this for anyone but me, but it sure would be nice to receive some positive motivation from those around me.
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Replies
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People can be careless and thoughtless at times.
I found a meme this weekend that I love. It says: "Let whoever think whatever....just keep getting better!"
Take care of you. You can lose more weight and start feeling wonderful a lot quicker than some people can learn to be tactful and intelligent. Some never will.
I'm rooting for you!
Kim
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I hear you.
In case 1, they probably weren't really thinking about anything more than their pregnancy weight. But, someone accidentally ramming their shopping cart into you hurts as much as someone deliberately doing it.
Case 2, though? Out of line, over the top, uncalled for, and dare I say, one more reason to take up strength training? (j/k!)
People will start noticing soon, if they haven't already. Usually, once you take off about 10% of your starting weight (from what you've posted, it looks like you're almost at that point), it becomes noticeable. I know that was when I got some positive feedback from someone I hadn't actually TOLD I was losing weight.
And you don't need me, or anyone else to say this, but I'll say it anyway: A treat is not a cheat. And you can eat what you want and, so long as it fits your daily calories, you will lose weight. I'm sorry that some people can be so hurtful.4 -
1st scenario: they probably did not mean any harm by it, 200lbs was extreme for her personal self and she expressed her feeling regarding pregnancy weight gain, which can be a lot. Some women hardly add weight while others blow up. I would not take it personal.
2nd scenario: that guy is a damn fool. He barges into your office then starts grilling you for eating. Sounds like he was hungry and being a jerk.7 -
Thanks for your replies, I can't even tell you how much they helped (and made me giggle)!2
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I've ran into situations where people make derogatory comments about someone weighing over 200 pounds, which I still am...it is hurtful. It's beyond me how people can be so callus sometimes. Says a lot about character, I think. The guy at work making comments about what you were eating was way over the line. Who is he anyway the food police??2
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1) I think she was just trying to say that as a reaction to her friends weight gain in a short amount of time rather than shaming the weight itself. I wouldn't take offense in that. I mean tonations are very important too I suppose, thats just what it sounds like from here though.
2) It doesn't matter what you were eating at that moment, or how healthy it is. What he said was uncalled for, and bitter. This is why most companies spend so much money on the HR department, because of the guys like that.7 -
Subcounter that's great perspective on number one. Thanks! I hadn't thought of it that way and like these two girls enough to give them the benefit of the doubt.
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I would have went to HR for that guy in scenario 2. I am at work I don't need your unwanted commentary especially if my office door is closed.2
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The guy in the second story sounds so over the line!!! Crazy that someone would think that was an appropriate thing to say to a co-worker! The best revenge is keep improving your own life though, and it sounds like you're on your way to doing that. Keep it up!0
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In the first scenario, they weren't talking about you. You shouldn't take what someone says about themselves personally when it has nothing to do with you.0
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It may be discouraging, but rude? Did they intentionally go over to you to say it? Or were you within earshot? Is it embarrassing? Sure, but unfortunately in the real world, you can't filter out everything you hear.GemstoneofHeart wrote: »Sorry I have to rant here because twice today people have said things that really erk me. I know they don't mean to be rude, it was more of a lack of compassion. We all do it, but it's super hard when you are fighting the fat battle...
1. Two friends, very thin, we're discussing pregnancy weight with me. One says "omg guys, I was so fat, I actually reached 200 pounds before I had her." Other friend replies, " WHAT? 200 pounds????? That's insane". Right next to the girl who weighed 227 just months ago and still weighs over 200 pounds...not pregnant.
Healthy is subjective depending on whom you talk to. Many "clean" eaters (what ever that means) would deem it as processed crap.2. I ate a very healthy lunch. Salad, vinaigrette, grapes, tomato, and carrots. I finish it off with a dark chocolate covered rice cake. A guy walks in my office (door was closed) and says "oh I see you are hiding because you are stuffing your face with cookies!" All I could think to say is "actually this is a rice cake, they are fairly healthy". He retorts "some healthy rice cake covered in chocolate"
WHY?!?!?! And literally no one notices that I've lost almost 20 pounds. Not a single word about that...
I'm sorry, I'm just really frustrated. I'm not doing this for anyone but me, but it sure would be nice to receive some positive motivation from those around me.
Here's the deal: Hardly anyone cares about your journey and hardly anyone wants you to succeed. How do I know this? Being in the business for over 30 years, I don't think I've have had a client yet not complain about family, friends, relatives, co workers, acquaintances, etc. who are trying to upsurp their attempt at weight loss. So realize, you aren't alone and this isn't a unique situation.
So how do you deal with it? Don't take it personally. Have thick skin and be strong enough to not remark about it. Yes sometimes they are trying to get a retaliation from you, but if you let them, then they got what they intended. Don't afford them the luxury.
It's about you. Don't let them jinx it.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I think the best response to the co-worker is to invite him up to a roof top party and push him over the side. But then... I work alone.5
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Oh also... those girls are totally passive aggressive meanies. They knew exactly what they were saying. You seem like a super gal. Find better friends!2
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Soo sorry never mind them.I have 2 close ftiends who still say they think obese people are lazy people eho can't stop eating..well am overweigth but it hurts to know even close friends don't understand that some people really do struggle with their weigth,
Honestly don't be bothered and keep doing what you have to do.goodluck
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Situation #1 is so common and is not meant to be hurtful at all. We need to have a bit of a thicker skin sometimes. See, a thin person feeling bad for reaching 200 pounds is normal, because that's a huge change for them. If you were 227 and reached 300 you would feel bad too, but by no means is that a jab at someone who weighs 400. We often dissociate ourselves from others and look at ourselves as the center of the issue with such comments, and any people around us are pretty cool just the way they are. It's the self-judgement magnifying glass in its full glory.
Situation #2 either mean spirited or foot-in-mouth syndrome. I've seen many people trying to mindlessly joke around with subjects that may be sensitive to someone, either because they don't understand it can be a hurtful issue, or as a way to cope with that issue themselves.
Personally, I always assume good intentions. Both because I believe most people are too self-centered to be intentionally rude and because assuming the worst doesn't feel good and is very often just catastrophizing a simple situation.3 -
ummm tell that guy that next time he comments on you stuffing your face you'll stuff that rice cake in his *kitten*. what a jerk!1
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I wouldn't take to much offense to the 1st conversation either - I'm sure there was no harm meant by it.
However, #2 - that guy ... I would have said "Unless you want me to throat punch you, I suggest you close my door and go about your business". Smiled and waved bye. What a d-bag.3 -
Haha well I don't think I've ever seen a forum post where everyone is in total agreeance on something. Unfortunately I can't punch the building property manager although I may want to...but I can get better at snide remarks!2
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Wow. People really suck sometimes, don't they? I have a really thin friend who--perhaps, subconsciously--jumps at every opportunity to emphasize the difference in our sizes. Here's an example. Me:"Brrr...it's cold in here!" Her: "Do you want to borrow a sweater? Oh, wait. I don't know if I have anything that would fit you." She knew darn well that her sweater would be too small! Lol. One of my things on my list of reasons to lose weight is to avoid being an ego boost for insecure skinny girls. It's sometimes what I think about when I'm really needing a little extra motivation to get on the treadmill.
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People are probably envious of you or jealous. Keep going. It's only going to get worse and the people will probably even be toxic and vicious about it too so you have to really learn to recognize it and stand up for yourself and shut it down, make them take a look in the mirror. Do you use reddit? Try following /r/fatlogic for awhile2
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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »I find the first case more sub-consciously aggressive. Your friends have no problem deeming something over 200 pounds fat. While it's medically correct, the word carries connotations. Now you know what your friends think of you on the inside. You don't need friends like that.
As to random folks barging in, they're just morons and socially handicapped. I have gained a little weight, after my marriage. I'm no longer the dashing young man I once was who had plenty of time to work out because I had to date and look good. I had plenty of time to stay fit. But my job has gotten really tough and my wife and I have our own issues and I have lost my shape and my belly has come out a little. I was taking out Indian food and the guys working there told me I have gotten fat and I need to work out in front of other diners who were all shocked for a moment.... didn't bother me at all. I laughed it off but then I told my wife and she went ballistic.
I don't know. I don't think it's a big deal. Stepping outside of the receiving end is helpful to evaluate the situation. When I see someone who is big in the street, my line of thought goes like "this person is big". It ends there. Total time spent thinking about that? 2 seconds. The magnitude of judgement and "aggressiveness" is similar to that of seeing a person with messy hair or a stained shirt, insignificant. Judging by my own judgements, I don't think people think about me that often or consciously sit there thinking up all kinds of meaningfully aggressive ideas about me in their free time. If someone's social filters accidentally let something slip that isn't totally politically correct, I don't take it to heart.0 -
1- In all honesty, your friends probably have NO clue what you weigh. When I mentioned being under 200 lbs and what a big deal it was to finally be there (after being MUCH closer to 400 than 350), my Mother balked and basically said that she thought I was there ages ago. People quite frequently have zero concept of the weight or struggles of another. I am pretty sensitive and honestly don't think comment #1 was a dig on you but a personal reference to what that person felt was an excessive weight for herself. I cannot count the number of times back in 2013 when I first started MFP where I saw people saying how disgusting and huge they were and how disappointed in themselves at a weight that was 100+ below where I was after working to lose. Comparison really is the thief of joy.
As for #2, the guy's an *kitten*. I'm sure that's going to be censored to kitten, but I am saying he is an *kitten*. Nobody has the right to comment on your choices, particularly like that in the workplace. You could have a lot of fun taking that to the HR department if you have one.4 -
I can totally sympathize with you on both counts
In the first situation, all I can say is that those women probably felt huge and to them 200 is huge, but they obviously don't think you are huge. Did that make any sense? Yes, it hurts. I know. I probably would have joined in going OMG, not 200!!!
The second guy needs his *kitten* kicked.0 -
The friends? Yes girls notice EVERYTHING and they knew what they were saying. I have had this issue since re-gaining about 35lbs in the past months.
The co-worker? This is why I think violence in the work place should allowed! I would have thrown a stapler at his head!
Keep doing your thing, and don't worry if they don't notice yet. Cause honestly?? You are doing this for you OP and not for the "kittens" of the world. One day you will go shopping for that new pair of pants and top cause your old ones aint gonna stay up and work anymore, and they will all see that first big change and jaws will drop and you will feel amazing!0 -
GemstoneofHeart wrote: »Sorry I have to rant here because twice today people have said things that really erk me. I know they don't mean to be rude, it was more of a lack of compassion. We all do it, but it's super hard when you are fighting the fat battle...
1. Two friends, very thin, we're discussing pregnancy weight with me. One says "omg guys, I was so fat, I actually reached 200 pounds before I had her." Other friend replies, " WHAT? 200 pounds????? That's insane". Right next to the girl who weighed 227 just months ago and still weighs over 200 pounds...not pregnant
2. I ate a very healthy lunch. Salad, vinaigrette, grapes, tomato, and carrots. I finish it off with a dark chocolate covered rice cake. A guy walks in my office (door was closed) and says "oh I see you are hiding because you are stuffing your face with cookies!" All I could think to say is "actually this is a rice cake, they are fairly healthy". He retorts "some healthy rice cake covered in chocolate"
WHY?!?!?! And literally no one notices that I've lost almost 20 pounds. Not a single word about that...
I'm sorry, I'm just really frustrated. I'm not doing this for anyone but me, but it sure would be nice to receive some positive motivation from those around me.
1. it' a perspective thing, they might not realize or see you as 227lbs
2. Guys a dick
I get this all the time, people at work are by far the worst! I lose weight, get comments about how I might go to far, when I do a bulk cycle I get "oh did you quit the gym? looking like you've put some weight on" then when I cut again I get 'You have to be on steroids" it's all super rude, you just kind of don't give a *kitten*.
I always tell this, I walked into the kitchen one day to get my lunch and go back to my office, a girl goes, "I earned these Brad" I was head in the fridge and said "huh? what was that?" she said "I earned these, it's time for a treat don't judge me" I was dumbfounded... I said "I didn't even see you there.... and I don't care what you do, I'm just getting my lunch"1 -
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Tedebearduff wrote: »GemstoneofHeart wrote: »Sorry I have to rant here because twice today people have said things that really erk me. I know they don't mean to be rude, it was more of a lack of compassion. We all do it, but it's super hard when you are fighting the fat battle...
1. Two friends, very thin, we're discussing pregnancy weight with me. One says "omg guys, I was so fat, I actually reached 200 pounds before I had her." Other friend replies, " WHAT? 200 pounds????? That's insane". Right next to the girl who weighed 227 just months ago and still weighs over 200 pounds...not pregnant
2. I ate a very healthy lunch. Salad, vinaigrette, grapes, tomato, and carrots. I finish it off with a dark chocolate covered rice cake. A guy walks in my office (door was closed) and says "oh I see you are hiding because you are stuffing your face with cookies!" All I could think to say is "actually this is a rice cake, they are fairly healthy". He retorts "some healthy rice cake covered in chocolate"
WHY?!?!?! And literally no one notices that I've lost almost 20 pounds. Not a single word about that...
I'm sorry, I'm just really frustrated. I'm not doing this for anyone but me, but it sure would be nice to receive some positive motivation from those around me.
1. it' a perspective thing, they might not realize or see you as 227lbs
2. Guys a dick
I get this all the time, people at work are by far the worst! I lose weight, get comments about how I might go to far, when I do a bulk cycle I get "oh did you quit the gym? looking like you've put some weight on" then when I cut again I get 'You have to be on steroids" it's all super rude, you just kind of don't give a *kitten*.
I always tell this, I walked into the kitchen one day to get my lunch and go back to my office, a girl goes, "I earned these Brad" I was head in the fridge and said "huh? what was that?" she said "I earned these, it's time for a treat don't judge me" I was dumbfounded... I said "I didn't even see you there.... and I don't care what you do, I'm just getting my lunch"
lol
I wonder if she went and blogged about it on tumblr.
"OMG MR FITNESS NAZI TOTALLY WALKED INTO THE BREAK ROOM, SLAPPED MY CHOCOLATE CAKE OUT OF MY HAND AND SAID "LOSE SOME WEIGHT FATTY MCFATFAT"2 -
Not defending scenario 1 in any way, but there are several people in my life that were absolutely shocked when I told them what I actually weigh. Either these people would not do very well judging the weight of the fat man at the carnival or we carry our weight very well. I would take it as an inadvertent compliment
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bigislandgrrl wrote: »Not defending scenario 1 in any way, but there are several people in my life that were absolutely shocked when I told them what I actually weigh. Either these people would not do very well judging the weight of the fat man at the carnival or we carry our weight very well. I would take it as an inadvertent compliment
This is very true. Whenever mom asks me how much I weigh she is in disbelief, one of the smartest people I know and still she can't judge weight. Her friend's mother in law weighs 140 something kg (my last known heaviest weight was 137 but probably more when I started), no way I was even remotely as fat as that woman at my heaviest. Mom, that woman is barely 5 feet tall and has 10 BMI points on me at my heaviest.
I weigh 90 kg now and my body fat is higher than average. She still wouldn't believe me. "Well, you don't look it". Yes mom, I do very much look it, you just have a certain image in your head of what "fat" looks like. I have a different shape than the one in your head, but I'm still pretty much obese.0 -
Tell him to "mind ya business". I don't know why some people think they have permission to talk to people like that.0
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