Unemployment/living with parents

sarahbums
sarahbums Posts: 1,061 Member
in Chit-Chat
Anybody else in their 20s-30s not working right now and/or living with their parents? How do you feel about it? Or, if you're not in that situation, do you judge people who are? just curious.


I'm 23 and I finished college in May 2015, then had to move back home as I couldn't afford to live in my college city (Austin). I haven't been working because of mental health issues. I also spent a couple of months in rehab and had major brain surgery about a year ago. Now that I'm finally healed up, I just can't help but feel so guilty about having to live here. I feel like a leech. I do plan to go back to school to get my Nursing Aide certification this summer, so hopefully I can start working full time and go from there.
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Replies

  • Hamsibian
    Hamsibian Posts: 1,388 Member
    I am turning 30 next month, and I still live with my parents. It's normal In my culture, but I was looking for a place last year when I got sick and lost my job. I understand the feeling of guilt, and I try to tell myself everyday that the most important thing to my parents is that I get better and am happy. It's a really slow recovery, but I'm getting there. It sounds like you are too.I am not going to jump back into my field (social services) right away, but I do want to volunteer and perhaps work at a cooperative or bookstore. I am so glad to read that you are healed and are going back to school. Keep taking care of yourself and enjoy your time with your family while you still can - college will keep you very busy :smile:
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,492 Member
    sarahbums wrote: »
    Anybody else in their 20s-30s not working right now and/or living with their parents? How do you feel about it? Or, if you're not in that situation, do you judge people who are? just curious.


    I'm 23 and I finished college in May 2015, then had to move back home as I couldn't afford to live in my college city (Austin). I haven't been working because of mental health issues. I also spent a couple of months in rehab and had major brain surgery about a year ago. Now that I'm finally healed up, I just can't help but feel so guilty about having to live here. I feel like a leech. I do plan to go back to school to get my Nursing Aide certification this summer, so hopefully I can start working full time and go from there.

    I was going to type something entirely different, then I read your recent circumstances. You have reasons, not excuses.
    I'm sure that your parents understand and love you. Feeling guilty won't help, especially because there is no real reason to harbor that emotion.

    I wish you well.
  • rdl81
    rdl81 Posts: 220 Member
    I wouldn't judge people like that as long as they know where they Are heading and not just wasting life people need to have some sort of plan of what they want to achieve even if it's a vague one
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    edited February 2017
    Being 23 is not uncommon to move back home or even still be living at home.

    I have paid every single living expense for my daughters (tuition, living expenses, cars, insurance, all of it, and I am still paying for one's tuition right now and the other one took back hers to pay when she graduated). I am a proud parent and would not change one thing.

    If we chose for them to work to help pay their way, college would have been a struggle to get through. We chose for them to have their college experience, study hard and graduate over expenses or money woes.

    So no guilt, no shame in what you are doing. You have circumstances that have put you where you are, you are loved by your parents and they want you to do well. It looks like you have some plans in the works, your circumstances make many exceptions but none the less, you are doing well.

    I wish you luck and make sure you make your health a number one priority always!
  • ClubSilencio
    ClubSilencio Posts: 2,983 Member
    edited February 2017
    If your parents like having you, stay there. You can let people judge all the money you're saving. Brrrap brap. B)

    Also, you've been through a lot. Focus on restoring your physical and emotional health before you start worrying about western social expectations.
  • lisciousg24
    lisciousg24 Posts: 189 Member
    As a parent, I will say that we prefer having our kids living with us than out struggling to stay afloat.
    I've always told my kids when they're 18 they're out. However, they know we're here to help in any way possible if necessary.
  • Fitnessqt27
    Fitnessqt27 Posts: 12 Member
    I'm 28 and I recently moved back in with my parents. Right now it benefits all of us, they help me by charging me lesser rent than what I would be paying out on my own and I help them by supplementing their income. Also I am the youngest of their children and my older brothers and sisters are not really involved in my parents lives so I feel like they're super lonely and I am happy that I can liven up the place for them and keep them company and cook meals etc. I will absolutely miss them when they're gone someday and I cherish this time together. I will be moving out again in the future of course but right now I am not in a hurry because I am not worried about what other people think. I am not really a big ego driven person I am pretty logical and if the living arrangements make sense for all of us at this time then there is nothing to be ashamed of. It sounds like you've had it pretty rough lately and I am sure your parents are happy to be there for you. I feel like it's really important for them to feel like you living with them is benefiting them as well, maybe you don't pay any rent but you could help with the cleaning, cooking, and just making it a positive experience for them as well. It's also great that you're trying to better yourself during this time as well, that definitely makes a parent happy! :)
  • blackcomaro
    blackcomaro Posts: 796 Member
    Mmmmm.... home cooked meals with the secret ingredient love
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,841 Member
    It is interesting in out recent past we always had multi-generational homes. There social expectation put in place over the years though has been that success as a parent to the kids, or success as a young person, is the ability to confidently move out and start a life 'on their own'. Works great for economy and business, but realistically for most people, family homes would be the smartest move. And that trend to push young adults out in the world early is reversing and we are seeing the multi-generational homes come back. Lots of pundits like to say it is because 'kids' are being sheltered and coddled, but that ridiculous mindset will change again.

    It takes strong families to make it work. As long as young adults living at home are working towards something I am all for it. My boys will have the opportunity to live with us through college and any time needed.
  • skinnyfatty1983
    skinnyfatty1983 Posts: 41 Member
    I am in similar situations before. I had mental illness at 17. Recover in 5 to 10 years without medicine or operations. I lived with my parents and I am 34 now. I did not have jobs for some periods of my life. I accept people for who they are and do not judge them. we all had problems but to every problem that we had, there is always a solution.
  • RachelElser
    RachelElser Posts: 1,049 Member
    I lived at home until I was 27, I worked full time at a local hospital and was paying my student loans. Neither me nor my parents saw the point of paying half my monthly check on rent when I still had my student loans. I did feel kinda odd about it, but it worked for me and my parents. I did the laundry, dishes, took care of the lawn and garden. We all acted like adults and were respectful of each other.
    I loathe people who are just like 'o, you live at home? What a loser' or some other similar situation. As long as you are doing your best to reach whatever goal- get healthy (I am glad you are healed!!), find a job, pay off your student loans in X amount of time- then the situation works for you.
    It's not like you're hanging in the basement smoking weed and watching porn all day. You were sick, but now are healed (yay again!) you have a plan to get your education (nursing! again yay!) and work. There is nothing wrong or leech like about your situation.
    Feel free to add me to your friends if you want!
  • Just_J_Now
    Just_J_Now Posts: 9,551 Member
    I have a 24 year old that still lives at home with me. I would never kick him out however I'm secretly wondering how long is he planning on staying. He seems really comfortable. Grant it, he works and goes to school so I'm a little patient. Good to know it's common. Sometimes I feel like people will judge me as a parent for having a grown son at home. Not that I really give a ratsass because no one pays my bills or lives my life but the thought still crosses my mind. B)
  • kwph
    kwph Posts: 7,375 Member
    "Hey Ma,can we get some meatloaf?" ...."What is she doing?I never know what she's doing back there ....Ma!Meatloaf now!*kitten*!" .........Ur not doing anything wrong ...Take care of urself
  • chocolate_owl
    chocolate_owl Posts: 1,695 Member
    I feel like "recovering from brain surgery and mental health issues" is an extremely valid reason to live at home. I feel like even if you had the means to afford your own place, living with your parents is still the better option in that scenario. You needed care, and there's nothing leech-like about coming together as a family to make sure you got healthy again.

    I'll also say I think the Western culture that expects you to be an independent adult immediately after graduation is fairly unique and not the most sensible. Even if you don't have student debt, living at home gives you a chance to amass savings for a house, for a car, for a wedding, and for other major expenses you're going to incur in the next decade or so. I lived in Singapore, and the locals would move back in with their parents well into their thirties, until they could afford to move out and provide for their families without generating massive amounts of debt. They'd have a couple of decades with their spouse and kids before their parents would move in with them again because they needed some level of care. Some families never expected their children to move out. Everyone would share the family home - lower expenses, more people around to help with kids and chores. I expect that given the current economic climate, this will become more normal in Western societies.
  • angelxsss
    angelxsss Posts: 2,402 Member
    I'm 24 (I graduated from Austin too woot!) and I still live at home. Honestly, on dating sites and things I do feel a little shameful about telling that to people. I was living at home so I could pay back loans sooner and save up more for when I actually do move out.

    Due to my grandma living with us (she feels more like a horrible MIL than a grandma), I'm looking at places to move out. Not because I feel pressured to be out, but because being there just does awful things to my mental health. I'm always moping around, I don't feel like I have any room to grow, and I don't feel welcome in my own home. If it were just my parents, my brother and I, I know this would be different, and I would stay at home until I felt comfortable moving out.

    I think the things you're going through give you even more of a pass to live at home. You need to take care of yourself, first and foremost, and I would take all the support I could get if I were you. It's not mooching off your parents or being lazy. It's hard out there, especially for people our age, and I don't think you should feel any shame about it.
  • PowerMan40
    PowerMan40 Posts: 766 Member
    Dont sweat it, be thankful your parents did not just kick you out at 17 and tell you have a good life. They dont mind having you, you have had obstacles to over come, now you have a plan, move forward, and then when your ready leave the nest on good terms. Consider yourself lucky your folks are letting you stay there.
  • PhedraJD
    PhedraJD Posts: 1,392 Member
    My mom and one of my younger sister and her youngest son (graduates High School this year) live together. They both work, both pay bills, both help around the house. It has worked out great for them both. I am a little envious. My youngest sister, her son, live with my dad. They also both work, pay bills, and help around the house.
    It works for them, there is nothing to be ashamed of. Nor should you.

    I live with my BF, his mom (She needs to be cared for) and have 3 kids. My oldest is 17 and has some minor disabilities. I have a feeling she will be living with me for a long time. I am okay with this and love having her with me. My younger kids will be welcome to stay as long as they are not sponging off of me.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,793 Member
    edited February 2017
    I guess it all depends on your relationship with your family. Personally, I have had all three of my daughters move back in with us for a short time for one reason or another. I was glad to be there and be able to help them in their time of need. My door is always open to them.

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