Tools to deal with an unsupportive spouse.
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I was struggling with similar. My husband went to Wendy's around bedtime and brought home all that delicious smelling food, sat on the foot of the bed I was trying to sleep in and ate. LOUDLY. The smells and the sound of him stuffing his face really made me want to smack him with a rolling pin. He didn't care then. He doesn't care now. He never will care in the future. I have had to make peace with that. I don't try to dictate his choices, but he could at least take his food to the living room or dining room to eat it. Not sit on the foot of the bed rubbing it in my face. Talking to my husband has never worked. He is inconsiderate. I think it's genetic because his mother is a wretch also.
What have I done? Accepted it all, I can't change him but I can change me. If he is going to put a pizza in the over, get away from the kitchen. Go find something else to do in another part of the house. Don't look at the pizza and wish you were eating it. Look at it and be thankful you aren't eating it. Mind over matter will be your best friend. You must establish a stick-to-itiveness and a resolve that no frozen pizza can break. He doesn't get to ruin you unless you allow it. Yes it can be extremely difficult. But if you have to go hide in the closet and cry or pray or cuss or post here then do THAT instead of standing around trying not to eat that pizza or whatever else it may be.1 -
Is your husband the father of your child? I ask because why does looking after the child put him in a bad mood?!
And the pizza thing - he doesn't have to not eat pizza just because you're not letting yourself eat pizza, it's a bit unfair to try and make him change just because you want to.2 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »I'm divorced but if my ex asked me not to make pizza at 9pm in order to help her through something I would not make pizza at 9pm to help her through something. For fux sake
Lots of people aren't that naturally considerate, though. The point is that your ex wouldn't have had the right to demand you not to make the pizza.
Demanding and asking are NOT the same thing. Did she really make a direct order for him to not make this pizza or did she ask him if he would please not make this pizza? BIG DIFFERENCE!0 -
I fall somewhere in the middle of most of these responses. Having lived too long with a spouse who could never take my wants and needs into consideration in any reasonable way, I feel your pain. BUT, ultimately, it is your diet, not his. Asking him to make some specific compromises that meet your needs as well as his is entirely reasonable (turn on the kitchen exhaust fan while cooking the pizza?). Expecting him to eliminate foods he loves from his diet because they tempt you is too much.
Assuming you have communicated appropriately, his unwillingness to help on weekends is a red flag. That is something worth addressing independent of the food issue.
I totally agree with this. OP should be able to have workout time for herself while the hubby steps up and helps out with their son without being bent out of shape about it.0 -
competecompetecompete wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »You're annoying
It's about being nice and helping people
And at these big family picnics you speak of maybe her family doesn't keep saying "here try this" or "why won't you try it? Just eat"
She needs to tell her husband and family she needs a little boost getting started
You're still annoying
Is that what you say to everyone that disagree with you
In life you will be thrown into all sorts of situations and you somehow learn to deal with most of them.
No usually I just ignore them. Thanks for the life lesson. You must be a wise old owl.
If someone's annoying, I tell them or just ignore them.
And no *kitten* you gotta deal with stuff in life. Not making a pizza at night for a few weeks to help your wife is one of them.
Lol. So you really can't have a conversation without insulting
In life you will be thrown into all sorts of situations and you somehow learn to deal with most of them.
Yes a wise old owl said it. It's so true
Well played. But you called yourself old.
What's wrong with being old?
Idk, you tell me
You are the one who seems to be using it as an insult for some reason. I know that I, for one, hope to get the opportunity to get good and old.5 -
competecompetecompete wrote: »So those who think it's too much to ask for her hubby not to make pizza at 9pm...do you ever pick up something that dropped for someone else? Ever hold a door someone else? How bout let someone out in traffic when you might be in a rush yourself? How bout hold in a fart as you sit next to someone?
No? Oh.
Yes, I do and in all fairness, if my husband asked me to do something to help him I would BUT, I would also ask myself if it is reasonable to ask and ask if there is something else going on that is causing him to behave this way
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competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »You're annoying
It's about being nice and helping people
And at these big family picnics you speak of maybe her family doesn't keep saying "here try this" or "why won't you try it? Just eat"
She needs to tell her husband and family she needs a little boost getting started
You're still annoying
Is that what you say to everyone that disagree with you
In life you will be thrown into all sorts of situations and you somehow learn to deal with most of them.
No usually I just ignore them. Thanks for the life lesson. You must be a wise old owl.
If someone's annoying, I tell them or just ignore them.
And no *kitten* you gotta deal with stuff in life. Not making a pizza at night for a few weeks to help your wife is one of them.
Lol. So you really can't have a conversation without insulting
In life you will be thrown into all sorts of situations and you somehow learn to deal with most of them.
Yes a wise old owl said it. It's so true
Well played. But you called yourself old.
yes i am old, fit and healthy.
i wasnt one of those who cried when they turned 402 -
competecompetecompete wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »You're annoying
It's about being nice and helping people
And at these big family picnics you speak of maybe her family doesn't keep saying "here try this" or "why won't you try it? Just eat"
She needs to tell her husband and family she needs a little boost getting started
You're still annoying
Is that what you say to everyone that disagree with you
In life you will be thrown into all sorts of situations and you somehow learn to deal with most of them.
No usually I just ignore them. Thanks for the life lesson. You must be a wise old owl.
If someone's annoying, I tell them or just ignore them.
And no *kitten* you gotta deal with stuff in life. Not making a pizza at night for a few weeks to help your wife is one of them.
Lol. So you really can't have a conversation without insulting
In life you will be thrown into all sorts of situations and you somehow learn to deal with most of them.
Yes a wise old owl said it. It's so true
Well played. But you called yourself old.
What's wrong with being old?
Idk, you tell me
You are the one who seems to be using it as an insult for some reason. I know that I, for one, hope to get the opportunity to get good and old.
Breath. I'm older than you.
Breathe. I'm 63.
OP: Is your husband generally unhelpful/inconsiderate when it comes to all things, or just regarding this pizza stuff and giving you the opportunity to go to the gym?
If it's just this, I'd bet he seriously doesn't want you losing weight. He may be insecure because you'll look better than him, might leave him, or that he thinks you'll develop one of those holier-than-thou 'attitudes.'
If his behavior extends beyond those that are weight management related, you might have bigger fish to fry than just pizza.2 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »You're annoying
It's about being nice and helping people
And at these big family picnics you speak of maybe her family doesn't keep saying "here try this" or "why won't you try it? Just eat"
She needs to tell her husband and family she needs a little boost getting started
You're still annoying
Is that what you say to everyone that disagree with you
In life you will be thrown into all sorts of situations and you somehow learn to deal with most of them.
No usually I just ignore them. Thanks for the life lesson. You must be a wise old owl.
If someone's annoying, I tell them or just ignore them.
And no *kitten* you gotta deal with stuff in life. Not making a pizza at night for a few weeks to help your wife is one of them.
Lol. So you really can't have a conversation without insulting
In life you will be thrown into all sorts of situations and you somehow learn to deal with most of them.
Yes a wise old owl said it. It's so true
Well played. But you called yourself old.
What's wrong with being old?
Idk, you tell me
You are the one who seems to be using it as an insult for some reason. I know that I, for one, hope to get the opportunity to get good and old.
Breath. I'm older than you.
Breathe. I'm 63.
Sounds like you're both lucky to be breathing at all. 4 -
ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »You're annoying
It's about being nice and helping people
And at these big family picnics you speak of maybe her family doesn't keep saying "here try this" or "why won't you try it? Just eat"
She needs to tell her husband and family she needs a little boost getting started
You're still annoying
Is that what you say to everyone that disagree with you
In life you will be thrown into all sorts of situations and you somehow learn to deal with most of them.
No usually I just ignore them. Thanks for the life lesson. You must be a wise old owl.
If someone's annoying, I tell them or just ignore them.
And no *kitten* you gotta deal with stuff in life. Not making a pizza at night for a few weeks to help your wife is one of them.
Lol. So you really can't have a conversation without insulting
In life you will be thrown into all sorts of situations and you somehow learn to deal with most of them.
Yes a wise old owl said it. It's so true
Well played. But you called yourself old.
What's wrong with being old?
Idk, you tell me
You are the one who seems to be using it as an insult for some reason. I know that I, for one, hope to get the opportunity to get good and old.
Breath. I'm older than you.
Breathe. I'm 63.
Sounds like you're both lucky to be breathing at all.
Yeah, I'm grateful just to wake up every morning. LOL.1 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »You're annoying
It's about being nice and helping people
And at these big family picnics you speak of maybe her family doesn't keep saying "here try this" or "why won't you try it? Just eat"
She needs to tell her husband and family she needs a little boost getting started
You're still annoying
Is that what you say to everyone that disagree with you
In life you will be thrown into all sorts of situations and you somehow learn to deal with most of them.
No usually I just ignore them. Thanks for the life lesson. You must be a wise old owl.
If someone's annoying, I tell them or just ignore them.
And no *kitten* you gotta deal with stuff in life. Not making a pizza at night for a few weeks to help your wife is one of them.
Lol. So you really can't have a conversation without insulting
In life you will be thrown into all sorts of situations and you somehow learn to deal with most of them.
Yes a wise old owl said it. It's so true
Well played. But you called yourself old.
What's wrong with being old?
Idk, you tell me
You are the one who seems to be using it as an insult for some reason. I know that I, for one, hope to get the opportunity to get good and old.
Breath. I'm older than you.
Breathe. I'm 63.
Sounds like you're both lucky to be breathing at all.
Yeah, I'm grateful just to wake up every morning. LOL.
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snickerscharlie wrote: »ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »snickerscharlie wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »Therealobi1 wrote: »competecompetecompete wrote: »You're annoying
It's about being nice and helping people
And at these big family picnics you speak of maybe her family doesn't keep saying "here try this" or "why won't you try it? Just eat"
She needs to tell her husband and family she needs a little boost getting started
You're still annoying
Is that what you say to everyone that disagree with you
In life you will be thrown into all sorts of situations and you somehow learn to deal with most of them.
No usually I just ignore them. Thanks for the life lesson. You must be a wise old owl.
If someone's annoying, I tell them or just ignore them.
And no *kitten* you gotta deal with stuff in life. Not making a pizza at night for a few weeks to help your wife is one of them.
Lol. So you really can't have a conversation without insulting
In life you will be thrown into all sorts of situations and you somehow learn to deal with most of them.
Yes a wise old owl said it. It's so true
Well played. But you called yourself old.
What's wrong with being old?
Idk, you tell me
You are the one who seems to be using it as an insult for some reason. I know that I, for one, hope to get the opportunity to get good and old.
Breath. I'm older than you.
Breathe. I'm 63.
Sounds like you're both lucky to be breathing at all.
Yeah, I'm grateful just to wake up every morning. LOL.
You guys are killing me...63 must be the magic age where we start getting younger. I, for one, am feeling it.0 -
Hi. I have been here too. My husband loves M&Ms and ice cream. Its so hard dont listen to the comments that say deal with it. They are insensitive. Its like being an alcoholic u cant have liquor around. Doing MFP is a good start. You can eat what they eat but in super moderation. Make a huge spinach salad to have w a tiny slice of pizza. When they have junk make popcorn. Teach your son to eat healthier. My daughter never brings bread to lunch i put the meat on a toothpick. My husband didnt understand either. It took years. Maybe put their food on one side of the pantry or in a drawer. You can message me if u need to for a friend. Ive been there. Sharpls2
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If hubby is hungry, hubby is hungry. I'm kind of with the people who say hubby shouldn't be forced to not eat because of your diet, but at the same time I can empathise with how frustrating it must be for you. Maybe talk to hubby and ask if he would mind having something that isn't hot if he needs a late night snack, so that you don't have to smell it. I don't think that's an unreasonable request to make.
My SO is really great, but I haven't asked him to make major changes to the way we eat. I eat less during the day and do more exercise so we can eat similar foods to what we used to eat before. I eat smaller portions, and e.g. don't have naan *and* rice with my curry even if he does. That way, we eat the same things, I don't deprive myself of the foods I like, I don't deprive him of the foods he likes, but I manage my weight to within 2/3 lbs of my target.
I would strongly recommend not fasting though. I don't think it's sustainable as a dieting method, unless it's something like skipping breakfast because you're just not hungry. You shouldn't force yourself to be in pain.1 -
ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »I was struggling with similar. My husband went to Wendy's around bedtime and brought home all that delicious smelling food, sat on the foot of the bed I was trying to sleep in and ate. LOUDLY. The smells and the sound of him stuffing his face really made me want to smack him with a rolling pin. He didn't care then. He doesn't care now. He never will care in the future. I have had to make peace with that. I don't try to dictate his choices, but he could at least take his food to the living room or dining room to eat it. Not sit on the foot of the bed rubbing it in my face. Talking to my husband has never worked. He is inconsiderate. I think it's genetic because his mother is a wretch also.
What have I done? Accepted it all, I can't change him but I can change me. If he is going to put a pizza in the over, get away from the kitchen. Go find something else to do in another part of the house. Don't look at the pizza and wish you were eating it. Look at it and be thankful you aren't eating it. Mind over matter will be your best friend. You must establish a stick-to-itiveness and a resolve that no frozen pizza can break. He doesn't get to ruin you unless you allow it. Yes it can be extremely difficult. But if you have to go hide in the closet and cry or pray or cuss or post here then do THAT instead of standing around trying not to eat that pizza or whatever else it may be.
What you just described is on a whole different level. That's just cruel. Why would you stay with a wretch?2 -
That your husband gets irritated about watching the baby on the weekend is a big red flag. Is he overweight or does he have some fears about you losing weight?
I suggest you two go to a counselor so you can work through those issues. As for the pizza, it's reasonable to ask him not to do that every night. It's one of those minor accommodations we make for someone we care about even if we think they're a little crazy. It's not reasonable to blame his pizza eating for any of your failures and in the long run you'll be better off if you just learn to cope with the pizza. If the fasting makes you cranky like that then I would stop fasting or eat more satiating foods during the day.
As for the poster whose husband sat and ate Wendy's at the foot of the bed - damn! That's disgusting behavior. Eating in bed and eating loudly would drive me nuts.1 -
The sex idea would def work. You get extra exercise and he gets worn out to the point of not wanting pizza. If he isnt worn out yet, more exercise! He SHOULD be more considerate with the whole pizza thing, but telling an adult that he or she cant make adult decisions is a real relationship killer. I wouldnt put up with it. Its one thing if they ask me nicely with an explanation and tell me its still up to me but if I am willing would I consider a compromise (I am so willing to work with others who dont make demands on my life), its another to just tell me to stop a behavior I see no reason too stop and if it becomes an ultimatum or demand.. forget it. You lost any chance at negotiation you may have had. Even if he says no now, he may change his tune when he sees you buttering up to him. Guys cant resist batting lashes for long. They dig in their heels with nagging.0
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ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken wrote: »I was struggling with similar. My husband went to Wendy's around bedtime and brought home all that delicious smelling food, sat on the foot of the bed I was trying to sleep in and ate. LOUDLY. The smells and the sound of him stuffing his face really made me want to smack him with a rolling pin. He didn't care then. He doesn't care now. He never will care in the future. I have had to make peace with that. I don't try to dictate his choices, but he could at least take his food to the living room or dining room to eat it. Not sit on the foot of the bed rubbing it in my face. Talking to my husband has never worked. He is inconsiderate. I think it's genetic because his mother is a wretch also.
What have I done? Accepted it all, I can't change him but I can change me. If he is going to put a pizza in the over, get away from the kitchen. Go find something else to do in another part of the house. Don't look at the pizza and wish you were eating it. Look at it and be thankful you aren't eating it. Mind over matter will be your best friend. You must establish a stick-to-itiveness and a resolve that no frozen pizza can break. He doesn't get to ruin you unless you allow it. Yes it can be extremely difficult. But if you have to go hide in the closet and cry or pray or cuss or post here then do THAT instead of standing around trying not to eat that pizza or whatever else it may be.
What you just described is on a whole different level. That's just cruel. Why would you stay with a wretch?
People carry on in less than pleasant marriages for many reasons. I do not intend to hijack the thread with "my story". I was just offering a little of my personal experience to relate to the OP.2
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