Equal or out of line?

Ben_there_done_that
Ben_there_done_that Posts: 732 Member
edited November 15 in Chit-Chat
Broad stroke: Person A makes Person B feel insecure about their body. Person B does the same back to A.

Detailed: A long-time friend of mine (not on MFP) told me I'm skinny AF but would be hot once I weighed 210 lbs. I told her that's a lot of weight, and I'll gain 40 when she loses 40.

Fair game or did I go too far? I kind of feel bad either way.

Replies

  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    'Friend'? Yeah right :laugh:
  • Just_J_Now
    Just_J_Now Posts: 9,551 Member
    edited February 2017
    If you think you offended her then apologize. If you're truly friends, nonsense like that doesn't matter in the great scheme of things.

    Edit: btw, I just caught myself and I apologize for calling it "nonsense". If it's important to you, it's not nonsense and obviously it matters to you.
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    Only a person in this so called 'friendship' knows how far you can take things.. if you feel bad about what you said, then surely this was taken too far.
  • Ben_there_done_that
    Ben_there_done_that Posts: 732 Member
    Lol. Yeah, you guys are right and I think I knew it. Thanks for the feedback.

    Especially you, @Motorsheen. Very insightful and helpful. Thanks for contributing.
  • ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken
    ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken Posts: 1,530 Member
    Fair, but childish. Perhaps you should have just invited this friend to the gym instead. If people get an invite to change when they criticize they stop criticizing.
  • LiftingRiot
    LiftingRiot Posts: 6,946 Member
    Depends on the people. Some friends are cool enough to have that conversation. I think most people are cry babies though and can't handle hearing that. I think you were fine. Why does everyone have to pu$$yfoot around?
  • ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken
    ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken Posts: 1,530 Member
    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    Here's the thing. You are a really handsome guy. And thinking like a man... such comments only bother men a little. But I don't know how you processed it.

    However, women who need to lose 40 are in constant anxiety about it. So your comment probably punched her more.

    Best thing is to apologize to each other and move on.

    I disagree you are skinny, cap. You have one of the best physiques on the site.

    Says who? I was never in constant anxiety about my weight and I needed to lose about 60. Don't try to pigeon hole all of us please.
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  • Badger_Girl99
    Badger_Girl99 Posts: 2,220 Member
    I agree with @LiftingRiot ...nothing wrong with being blunt. Sometimes these conversations fuel the fire to get on the right track. But maybe both of you are just comfortable as you are.
  • Gimsteinn
    Gimsteinn Posts: 7,678 Member
    Well if she can say you're skinny and need to gain 40 lbs then surely she can handle being told she needs to drop 40. And if this came from a place of jealousy then she really needed the burn back just to learn that you can not go around talking to people like that... I don't care if you're skinny or fat, body shaming just aint right.
  • Xvapor
    Xvapor Posts: 1,643 Member
    I think it was a dumb conversation. She brought it on herself but sometimes u need to hold back in that situation. I'd apologize. She should apologize to u as well
  • Theo166
    Theo166 Posts: 2,564 Member
    She probably just wants you to look like "a regular civilian" so she fits in with you.

    Unless you know her feelings are really hurt, I'd let it slide and move on. Since you meant what you said, it's kinda a faux apology.
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  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    captbklee wrote: »
    Broad stroke: Person A makes Person B feel insecure about their body. Person B does the same back to A.

    Detailed: A long-time friend of mine (not on MFP) told me I'm skinny AF but would be hot once I weighed 210 lbs. I told her that's a lot of weight, and I'll gain 40 when she loses 40.

    Fair game or did I go too far? I kind of feel bad either way.

    Do you usually talk to each other this way? It would be too far with me and my friends but not some other people.
    If you think you went to far and feel bad then yes you should apologize.
  • Asemahle
    Asemahle Posts: 1 Member
    captbklee wrote: »
    Broad stroke: Person A makes Person B feel insecure about their body. Person B does the same back to A.

    Detailed: A long-time friend of mine (not on MFP) told me I'm skinny AF but would be hot once I weighed 210 lbs. I told her that's a lot of weight, and I'll gain 40 when she loses 40.

    Fair game or did I go too far? I kind of feel bad either way.

    Lmao, perfect reply man.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    Seems fair to me. I'd bring it up next time and tell her you're sorry if you offended her if it bothers you that much though.

  • toned_thugs_n_harmony
    toned_thugs_n_harmony Posts: 1,001 Member
    pssh maybe i'm not as sensitive as a lot of these people, but i don't think you said anything wrong, especially when she opened herself up to it. my
    buddies told me i was fat all the time and i told them their dicks were microscopic. no one cried over it.

    how did she take it when you said it tho? that's the real question.
  • blackcomaro
    blackcomaro Posts: 796 Member
    toned_thugs_n_harmony wrote: »
    pssh maybe i'm not as sensitive as a lot of these people, but i don't think you said anything wrong, especially when she opened herself up to it. my
    buddies told me i was fat all the time and i told them their dicks were microscopic. no one cried over it.

    how did she take it when you said it tho? that's the real question.

    Feisty! ;) The threads are short of giffs with some of the big hitters being banned!

  • MsAmandaNJ
    MsAmandaNJ Posts: 1,248 Member
    If you feel bad about what you said, then you crossed a line, regardless of how she took it. You know that two wrongs don't make a right, but amongst friends, those things can be worked out. Hard to say how I'd feel in this situation as I would not have said anything about your body in the first place. But since you brought it up...you look good, very fit.
  • ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken
    ThatUserNameIsAllReadyTaken Posts: 1,530 Member
    toned_thugs_n_harmony wrote: »
    pssh maybe i'm not as sensitive as a lot of these people, but i don't think you said anything wrong, especially when she opened herself up to it. my
    buddies told me i was fat all the time and i told them their dicks were microscopic. no one cried over it.

    how did she take it when you said it tho? that's the real question.

    Yep. While I never had that specific exchange my friends and I were always brutal and no one took it personal. That's just the kind of friends we were. It shocked anyone who wasn't used to it, but if they hung around long enough they learned how to swim with the sharks.
  • LiftingRiot
    LiftingRiot Posts: 6,946 Member
    toned_thugs_n_harmony wrote: »
    pssh maybe i'm not as sensitive as a lot of these people, but i don't think you said anything wrong, especially when she opened herself up to it. my
    buddies told me i was fat all the time and i told them their dicks were microscopic. no one cried over it.

    how did she take it when you said it tho? that's the real question.

    Right??? I maintain it was fair between friends.

    I am curious though. Why are you asking everyone on here? Do you feel bad or did she get upset?
  • JeromeBarry1
    JeromeBarry1 Posts: 10,179 Member
    That's how friends without benefits talk, I imagine. Since I have none.
  • beagletracks
    beagletracks Posts: 6,034 Member
    Not exactly equal good-natured (or mean-spirited) barbs as there's much more stigma attached to being overweight than thin.
  • SR1986
    SR1986 Posts: 92 Member
    Friends wouldn't say that to you to begin with. Constructive criticism. "You're looking good keep up the good gains you're hotter with every pound!" I would have fired back too, myself. It's not ok to make anyone feel bad about themselves, ESPECIALLY when you're doing something to make yourself feel better about you.
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