Has anyone said you were big or fat when overweight?

meerkat70 wrote: »

I don't see the problem with someone telling me I'm big when I am.
Fat isn't a bad word. It's just a description. And until I accept my size, I can't do anything about it.

And yes, I've been told it both kindly, and as an insult. I'll accept it when it's done kindly.

My daughter doesn't say bad things either, but she is perpetually grounded. I tell her it's not what she says but how she says it. Between friends, "b**ch" isn't an insult, it's a good laugh. Between enemies, it's a fight. So yes, fat can be a bad word when used in poor judgment.

I have been called fat, ugly, stupid, worthless and many more things by family and teachers. 90% of it was during childhood. My brother and dad are now the only ones in my life who remind me often that I am fat and lazy, and not in a casual descriptive manner. They aim to throw punches and I make a point NOT to remind them that both moved in with ME and I pay most of the bills. I clench my jaw and walk away.

You worry about yourself and not what others think. If you need their approval to do something for you, then stop working on your weight and concentrate on your self-esteem. I suggest apathy.

pcdoctor01 wrote: »

Has anyone said you were big or fat when overweight?

A couple of years ago I was preparing for my high school reunion and as a result, I wanted to look good and lose weight. I did the slimfast thing (I would never do slimfast or something similar now), a ton of cardio using the treadmill and lost 40lbs. A former, female supervisor said, "You look good. You were big". That pissed me off. I should have told her, you look wrinkly and need botox. A younger male co-worker said, "You were big." The reunion didn't happen, I stopped working out and gained the weight back. Fast forward a few years, I'm bigger than what I was before the reunion now. I'm a few years older also. I'm now eating the healthy way, (no slimfast or similar type foods) and working out. There is another female co-worker who happens to be a personal trainer outside of work. I caught her staring at my stomach disgustingly. She got a few co-workers to go with her one morning to a bootcamp. During a meeting these co-workers were talking about how hard the bootcamp was. She said to the other co-workers but was referring to me, "I tried to get so and so to go with a nasty tone.". I'm thinking she was probably trying to recruit folks so she could be their personal trainer. Basically, instead of going to the bootcamp and paying some other folks, she could do the same thing. Why are folks so rude because some folks might be a little or a lot out of shape? I only have lunch with a few select co-workers and prefer it that way. I don't have time for drama.

This is just my opinion.

People are going to always say stupid, hurtful, immature things everywhere you go. And it sucks. It really does. But the fact is, it's something we cannot escape. I think turning our focus and attention to our own minds is the way to approach it. We cannot change the world, we can only change ourselves! Change how we react and take in the words people say to, or around us. For example if someone calls me fat, even though that's not necessarily something they should be saying, not necessarily the nicest thing they could say, I can either choose to take I personally and be offended, and gain a negative opinion on them and wonder why they are like that and wonder what I can do to change what they think of me. It's all negative. Or, I can choose to not take it personally, and understand that them saying something like that about me just stems from some form of insecurity or negativity inside themselves. It literally has nothing to do with me, it has to do with them.

It's a difficult concept to apply to your life, and I am far from perfect myself, but I do believe that learning to not give a rats *kitten* about what the next person thinks or says about you, is our key to happiness. It is not a change that will occur within yourself overnight, but with persistence you were see yourself caring less and less about the opinions of others, and with that, you will start to become more aware of everything you love about yourself, and start to focus on everything you ARE, not everything you ARE NOT.

And, I am not in any way meaning to undermine your feelings, it sucks. I have been there too many times to remember. And truthfully I do still get offended when people say certain things, or sometimes take things personally, or get upset over things. The only difference now is that I am aware that their opinions are not my problem and I can continue to remind myself of that every single day, slowly, but surly, changing the negative belief systems I hold within my subconscious!

Cheers
~M

"Look_Its_Kriss wrote: »

Excuse you? Shouldn't of ALLOWED themselves to be fat? Do you know how completely ridiculous that is. There are so many factors that play into a persons obesity the fact that you think everyone just allowed it to happen is completely short sighted and shallow.

Obesity is achieved by behavior and it's a choice -- a choice that individuals make one day at a time, one hour at a time and one meal at a time. There’s nothing “short sighted and shallow” about recognizing it for what it is.

If I knew they did it to hurt me, I would have simply smiled and said " and now you're the big one" let's see if they act childish or not.

Yes I've heard it both in the present and past tense and it doesn't bother me either way. In a few occasions I did the "no *kitten*, Sherlock" kind of response, but usually I don't even bother. People don't need to say it to me in the present tense, I'm not blind or delusional, but I don't think it's a big deal either. These is usually a reason for making such comments so I try to look for that. In most cases it's either benign (bad filters, genuine concern, foot in mouth..etc) or they're trying to sell me something.

When people say it in the past tense I usually understand where they are coming from, they are basically trying to tell me that my hard work is showing and that they notice the difference. People may not choose the best words when conveying this idea, and may try to paint my past self in a negative light for dramatic effect and contrast, but I generally understand what they are trying to say and don't fixate on how they chose to say it.

It took years of work, but trust me, once you learn the skill of listening for what's underneath the words, not the words themselves, social interactions (even the weird ones) become much more pleasant and your skin grows thicker than you ever thought possible.

teicu1 wrote: »

Obesity is achieved by behavior and it's a choice

#meh. so is rudeness. so why the double standard then.