Getting married in September - it's time to get serious

leo10021 · February 2017

Hi everyone - I have been a long-time lurker and appreciate all of the wisdom you've secretly shared with me over the past few months.

However, it is time to come out of the shadows because I need some serious accountability. I am 29F and getting married at the end of September. I have always been athletic (done a marathon, triathlon but never anything approaching elite) and somewhat of a gym rat (spinner, tabata, yoga) and semi-conscious of what I eat (more vegetables, less garbage), but never taken things too terribly seriously because I haven't really had to until now.

A few things:

-I am 5'8 and hovering right around 150. My scale says my body fat % has hovered around 23-24 for the past few months.

-In college and my early twenties, I weighed 130-135 lbs. I strongly feel this is the level I look my best at, and would do ANYTHING (just about) to get back to this for my wedding. I know this is relatively small. I have the utmost respect and awe for those here who face a more difficult battle and am not looking for compliments or flattery of any sort.

-As you all know, life and work and late 20s metabolism get in the way to make this difficult, if not impossible.

-I have a serious sweet tooth, like actual addiction to sugar. I can't make it more than 24 hours without going into a shop to buy some candy or sweets, even after eating a nice kale salad or clean piece of chicken or having a great workout. This is disgusting and I am so ashamed of myself and I have to hide this from my fiance. This is what I imagine it must be like to be addicted to drugs. I thankfully haven't descended into binge territory yet (just the equivalent of 4-5 hershey kisses a day), but I know sugar is total poison and the sooner I can quit, the better.

-I have toyed in the past with intermittent fasting last year for about 4 months and got back down to 140, until it messed up cycles (too early some months, too late some months) and read too many things online about harmful effects on fertility in women of childbearing age if you keep this up.

-I have lately been sticking to 1500 calories a day for the past month (as opposed to around 2000) and the weight is slowly creeping back down to 148 on average. BUT I AM SO FREAKING HUNGRY ALL THE TIME!!

So my fellow MFPers, all I am asking for are any special thought tricks to help keep myself on track! Keep the ideas and positive vibes coming!

AllOutof_Bubblegum · February 2017

Sugar is not poison. If you feel the need to have a small treat every day, fit it into you macro and calorie goals and go ahead and have it. You can still lose weight and be healthy eating treats. Too much of anything is bad, it's about moderation. 4-5 Hershey kisses a day is totally reasonable and ok.

You are not addicted to sugar, and frankly statements like that are doing a great disservice and nose-thumbing at the people who are actually battling with real drug addictions. Don't go there.

cerise_noir · February 2017

First of all, congratulations!

Now, lets get to the rest of your post.

1. Get a food scale and weigh everything that you eat. Cup and spoons for liquids only.

2. If your candy fits you calories, then that's okay. Feeling guilty over a mere 4-5 Hershey's kisses needs to stop. Sugar is NOT poison. Sugar will NOT cause weight gain. Sugar will NOT kill you or your family.. Stop that negative thinking. Stick around long enough and you'll see many of us have treats daily. Treats will not derail your progress....your guilt may, though.

There are no unhealthy foods, just unhealthy relationships with food.

3. Log, log log! Stick to your calories and do your normal exercise. You don't want to pass out or look sick on your special day. Take it easy.

4. If you're hungry, look at your fiber, protein and fats. What are you macros like now? Personally, I feel sated with an equal amount of protein, fats and carbs. I also watch my fibre and drink adequate water.

All you need for weight loss is a calorie deficit. Thankfully myfitnesspal has done all the work for you.

1234newman · February 2017

leo10021,

He IS marrying you. So you must offer a far better package than you believe.
However you are right to want to be fitter, healthier and capable of living life to the fullest.

Many must more knowledgeable than I will be along shortly to offer advice and help.

However, I would like to suggest that mindful meditation is scientifically proven and could contribute to other areas of your life. It may be something that you could try together and keep up for your own good.

There are free programs about and some here may know options available to you. For practical benefits will require you to practise 2x10 (ten) mins a day. How tough is that? It could be the anchor and complement the change in preferred foods (veggies provide quantity, which is good).

I have a lot of kgs to lose and am early in my journey too. It is a lifestyle change.

alid8333 · February 2017

You can have your sweets (in moderation) everyday as long as it fits within your calorie allowance for the day. Weigh all solids with a food scale and measure all liquids, and log everything that enters your mouth lol. There is no bad food, just to much food.

1234newman · February 2017

That should be, 'Many much more knowledgeable..."

Which also gives me the opportunity to make very plain that I am suggesting Mindful Meditation as an adjunct to MFP and not as a replacement.

samantaggart · February 2017

I also have to lose just about 20-25 pounds! It's surprisingly difficult to lose these last pounds..want to be friends on here?

PS @AllOutof_Bubblegum people can be and ARE addicted to food and sugar so I don't think we should tell someone else what is or isn't true about them.

TimothyFish · February 2017

Late 20's metabolism?

Orphia · February 2017

AllOutof_Bubblegum wrote: »

Sugar is not poison. If you feel the need to have a small treat every day, fit it into you macro and calorie goals and go ahead and have it. You can still lose weight and be healthy eating treats. Too much of anything is bad, it's about moderation. 4-5 Hershey kisses a day is totally reasonable and ok.

You are not addicted to sugar, and frankly statements like that are doing a great disservice and nose-thumbing at the people who are actually battling with real drug addictions. Don't go there.

Totally agree.

Don't believe the hype about sugar being "evil".

It's food. Don't be afraid of food.

Read the My Fitness Pal Helpful Posts (announcement thread in this forum):

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10300319/most-helpful-posts-general-diet-and-weight-loss-help-must-reads

And stop eating kale salad! You're making me sad.

misskarne · February 2017

Sugar is not poison.

If you eat the equivalent of 4-5 Hershey's kisses a day, then why not make room for them in your calorie budget and just keep them on hand in the house?

TavistockToad · February 2017

Set your calorie goal to lose 0.5lb per week, make sure you're eating enough fat and protein to keep you full.

And remember, you'll need to maintain your weight after your last fitting, so you've got till August to get where you want to be, not September.

CattOfTheGarage · February 2017

leo10021 wrote: »

-As you all know, life and work and late 20s metabolism get in the way to make this difficult, if not impossible.

Tell that to all the people in their 40s and 50s who have lost twice or three times what you are trying to lose. Sure it's a challenge, but it's completely doable.

I'm going to take a liberty and tell you that this business about "life and work and late 20s metabolism" is a bunch of excuses, and the stuff about "sugar addiction" is also an excuse.

You say in the title that it's time to get serious. So lose the excuses and knuckle down. You're trying to lose 20lb in 20 weeks - that'll be hard at your weight but you can certainly lose 10.

Get tracking - accurately. Every time you eat a sweet or a treat, forget the drama about being disgusted with yourself - just log it and move on. Start reading the threads about hunger management and try increasing whole grains and protein while cutting back on sugar. Cutting back, not out. Sure there's a chance that you might be one of those people who finds they need to cut down on it more drastically, but there's a bigger chance that you just need to cut down a little, exercise moderation and stop putting things on a "bad food" pedestal (it just makes them more attractive). So try moderation first and see how it goes for you. Sugar is not evil - but it does tend to increase hunger.

And go and read the Success Stories subforum. If those people can do it, so can you.

sijomial · February 2017

First step is to lose the excuses!

Late 20's metabolism - really? Apart from being a little hilarious right now to an old fart like me that thought is going to set you up for failure with every passing decade.

You aren't addicted to sugar - you just lack self control around certain foods. You aren't gripped by an addiction and a few Hershey kisses isn't a binge. Please have a little empathy to people who really are addicted to drugs.

Sugar isn't a poison, all carbs are broken down to glucose. People get fat because they eat too many calories - it's no more complex than that (unless you have a book or diet plan to sell of course.....)

Thoughts and tips:
Gain a healthier relationship with food, it doesn't control you and it's not out to kill you.

Work on establishing long term healthy habits - that takes time. If you have a sweet tooth avoid too much sweet tasting foods, your taste will change. Experiment with a wide variety of food and tastes - learn to cook well.

Don't swing from one extreme to the other or you may well fall into binge/restrict cycles.

Log your food consistently, use a kitchen scale.

Set a sensible calorie deficit and do exercise you enjoy.

Don't beat yourself up if you have a "bad day" or "bad meal". Keep a sense of perspective.

leoniemcdee · February 2017

I can assure you (from experience) that needing something sweet everyday and being addicted to drugs are not remotely similar. You come across, at best, woefully naive comparing the two.

On a weightloss note. I'm the same age, currently have about the same left to lose and the same (as does pretty much everyone, ever) busy lifestyle.

I've lost 20lbs and want to lose about 20 more before the end of summer. So we're even on the same timescale.

My advice: cut the excuses. Build a healthier relationship with food. Don't hide things from your fiance. Unless you're worried he'll eat it before you have a chance, then I'm a very strong proponent of the secret chocolate drawer.

As for always being hungry, work out what particular macros keep you full. I personally need lots of carbs, then protein, then fats. But then, I'm also OK with being hungry between meals. It's not going to kill me.

leo10021 · February 2017

Thanks everyone for all of your thoughtful replies. I did not mean to imply that a drug addiction is equivalent to a sugar addiction as far as harmful effects on the body, but rather was making an comparison to the overpowering compulsion and stop-at-nothing craving for my next fix every day. Sometimes its more than a few candies here or there. I should have chosen my words better.

I am here precisely because I want to cut the excuses and am looking for a supportive and positive community of people that I can hold myself accountable to and share victories with (both scale and non-scale). I do not feel sorry for myself or mean to make light of anyone else's struggles, and thought some of the snark here was unwarranted and not helpful.

@samantaggart and @1234newman I would be happy to be "friends" with you on here. And think the advice on incorporating meditation into the day around mealtimes is excellent! Do you have any recommended apps I can download?

booksandchocolate12 · February 2017

TimothyFish wrote: »

Late 20's metabolism?

Right? It's hard to take her post seriously with that tidbit in there.

leo10021 · February 2017

@TimothyFish @booksandchocolate12

This is really uncalled for. Just because things certainly don't get any easier as the years add on and my comment might sound naive to you, doesn't make the changes from early 20s to late 20s any less real.

It might not be so much as a true physical metabolic change, but all of the lifestyle changes associated with transitioning into a full-time desk-job working adult certainly do have an impact on weight maintenance and loss.

I'm disappointed with all of the negativity and snark I've received on my first post ever here. Success is not a zero sum game. We should all be rooting for each other. If that isn't this kind of community then I'll seek camaraderie elsewhere.

To those of you who were helpful, thank you.

LivingtheLeanDream · February 2017

You don't have a lot to lose and you should have the motivation with your wedding in just over 6 months (congrats btw

)...time to stop making excuses and get down to losing - focus on how good you'll feel when you do lose some - there's nothing like fitting into smaller size clothes to motivate imo.

Ps metabolism does slow down with each decade but if we move more we can sort that (I'm in my late 40s and always blamed my weight on my metabolism, turned out that I was just eating more than I was burning)

All the best

TimothyFish · February 2017

leo10021 wrote: »

@TimothyFish @booksandchocolate12

This is really uncalled for. Just because things certainly don't get any easier as the years add on and my comment might sound naive to you, doesn't make the changes from early 20s to late 20s any less real.

It might not be so much as a true physical metabolic change, but all of the lifestyle changes associated with transitioning into a full-time desk-job working adult certainly do have an impact on weight maintenance and loss.

I'm disappointed with all of the negativity I've received. Success is not a zero sum game. We should all be rooting for each other.

To those of you who were helpful, thank you.

I didn't use the word "naïve", but here's the thing: I'm 41 but I remember being in my 20s quite well. I was burning more calories in my late twenties than I did in my early twenties. I had a bit of a hiccup in my 30s, but right now I'm more active and burning more calories than I did in my late 20s. I don't know if it's the way you intended it, but your comment about Late 20's metabolism makes it sound like you think that with you in your late 20's that you are destined for the rocking chair brigade. Some of us "old folks" are quite ready to give up so quickly.

CattOfTheGarage · February 2017

I'm sorry if you found any of the comments discouraging. This can be a very supportive community - but excuses get called out. We do this because we have been where you are, and we know that we made no progress until we dumped the excuses and took responsibility for our habits. Encouraging you to take refuge in this or that reason why weight loss is impossible for you would not be a kindness.

You can do this. You can absolutely do it.

sijomial · February 2017

CattOfTheGarage wrote: »

I'm sorry if you found any of the comments discouraging. This can be a very supportive community - but excuses get called out. We do this because we have been where you are, and we know that we made no progress until we dumped the excuses and took responsibility for our habits. Encouraging you to take refuge in this or that reason why weight loss is impossible for you would not be a kindness.

You can do this. You can absolutely do it.

This is spot on.

I certainly hid behind excuses - mine was even sillier than blaming slowing metabolism - it wasn't my fault I stayed fat, it was the fault of the car driver who mangled my knee. As though he force fed me for 20 years...... Dumb and frankly embarrassing isn't it?
When I took responsibility for how much I ate I also lost the excess weight. Despite my 50's metabolism, two jobs, an interesting collection of injuries..... None of those things actually prevented me from eating a little less.

Another tip is to read your post through a stranger's eyes, what you are stating as really big issues and in a very dramatic style really aren't that big a deal. Sadly you will inevitably face much greater hurdles in life than avoiding eating too much candy. You have a great incentive and a SMART objective - it really is down to you.

Support isn't just the hearts and flowers stuff, sometimes challenging beliefs makes someone reassess how much of an issue they are really facing, their thought processes and how much you really want the objective.
Have a great wedding. Post some pictures when you look stunning walking down the aisle.

Packerjohn · February 2017

leo10021 wrote: »

@TimothyFish @booksandchocolate12

This is really uncalled for. Just because things certainly don't get any easier as the years add on and my comment might sound naive to you, doesn't make the changes from early 20s to late 20s any less real.

It might not be so much as a true physical metabolic change, but all of the lifestyle changes associated with transitioning into a full-time desk-job working adult certainly do have an impact on weight maintenance and loss.

I'm disappointed with all of the negativity and snark I've received on my first post ever here. Success is not a zero sum game. We should all be rooting for each other. If that isn't this kind of community then I'll seek camaraderie elsewhere.

To those of you who were helpful, thank you.

Just to set the expectations. From the Dietary Guidelines for Americans the average sedentary female needs 2000 calories a day from ages 19-25. From 26-50 the number is 1800 (this assumes same level of activity). So you can see there is not a significant decline in caloric needs over time. I would assume this is what the earlier posters were referring to. "Slowing metabolism" does tend to be an excuse.

You don't mention how many hours you work, how long your commute is or if you have children/parents to care for, etc. If you are working a typical 40-50 hour week, most people without these commitments should be able to find the time to eat properly and move a bit if they want to improve their health and lose/maintain weight. Many people with these responsibilities make the time to be successful. Just depends what is important to the individual.

Best of luck.

1234newman · February 2017

leo10021 wrote: »

Thanks everyone for all of your thoughtful replies. I did not mean to imply that a drug addiction is equivalent to a sugar addiction as far as harmful effects on the body, but rather was making an comparison to the overpowering compulsion and stop-at-nothing craving for my next fix every day. Sometimes its more than a few candies here or there. I should have chosen my words better.

I am here precisely because I want to cut the excuses and am looking for a supportive and positive community of people that I can hold myself accountable to and share victories with (both scale and non-scale). I do not feel sorry for myself or mean to make light of anyone else's struggles, and thought some of the snark here was unwarranted and not helpful.

@samantaggart and @1234newman I would be happy to be "friends" with you on here. And think the advice on incorporating meditation into the day around mealtimes is excellent! Do you have any recommended apps I can download?

Maybe start with this TED talk. It is short.

http://www.ted.com/talks/judson_brewer_a_simple_way_to_break_a_bad_habit#t-126998

Again, I am a lay person too. I am learning a lot from the good people here (you too) who take from their own time to pen support and views.

Along with Mindfulness, which I now believe is a worthwhile life goal, I reckon that MFP may be with me for many years, or at last until I can change those dairy and other habits that were instilled in me by loving parents.
-Parents and caring others, who on the best advice back then and from their own tough life experience, taught me to eat what was on my plate, and so on. Mind you, they never encouraged snacking and those regular tours of the fridge.

TimothyFish · February 2017

Packerjohn wrote: »

leo10021 wrote: »

@TimothyFish @booksandchocolate12

This is really uncalled for. Just because things certainly don't get any easier as the years add on and my comment might sound naive to you, doesn't make the changes from early 20s to late 20s any less real.

It might not be so much as a true physical metabolic change, but all of the lifestyle changes associated with transitioning into a full-time desk-job working adult certainly do have an impact on weight maintenance and loss.

I'm disappointed with all of the negativity and snark I've received on my first post ever here. Success is not a zero sum game. We should all be rooting for each other. If that isn't this kind of community then I'll seek camaraderie elsewhere.

To those of you who were helpful, thank you.

Just to set the expectations. From the Dietary Guidelines for Americans the average sedentary female needs 2000 calories a day from ages 19-25. From 26-50 the number is 1800 (this assumes same level of activity). So you can see there is not a significant decline in caloric needs over time. I would assume this is what the earlier posters were referring to. "Slowing metabolism" does tend to be an excuse.

You don't mention how many hours you work, how long your commute is or if you have children/parents to care for, etc. If you are working a typical 40-50 hour week, most people without these commitments should be able to find the time to eat properly and move a bit if they want to improve their health and lose/maintain weight. Many people with these responsibilities make the time to be successful. Just depends what is important to the individual.

Best of luck.

I just looked at the Dietary Guidelines and the table that shows the calories per age group shows a couple of things you might want to consider. First, for age 19-30 is it 1,800-2000 and for 31-50 it is 1,800. Second, it includes the statement, "the estimates are rounded to the nearest 200 calories." Think about that. If the estimate for the younger age group came to 1,901 and the estimate for the older came to 1,899, the table would show the 200 calorie difference. Given that 1,800 is included in the range for the younger group, this would indicate that the difference is less than 100 calories from one age group to the next. This is bananas (literally). The difference between one age group and the next is the number of calories in a banana. This is easily overcome with exercise.

cnbbnc · February 2017

As far as the metabolism issue, I came here when I was 43 and needing to lose roughly 45lbs. I was having a hard time and swore it was me getting older and my body just slowing down/resisting the weight loss. Nope. Bottom line was I was just eating a bit too much.

I too have a fairly sedentary full time job. I commute and I'm a single (gasp! middle aged!) mom without a lot of time to spare. I also love my sweets way too much.... I lost the weight though. You can too.

Congrats on the upcoming wedding.

Getting married in September - it's time to get serious

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